"for we walk by faith, not by sight"
This scripture stands out to me this month because of my weakness to follow it this month. It was a difficult month on all accounts this month. As I have been writing, jobs for me seem to be about ready to open only to have the door slammed shut as quickly as it has opened, so yes, we have been low on money. And, then to bring a clincher into our bandwagon (and I won't give details) my husband gets sick with insomnia, dizziness, and just ickiness. And, my dear little almost 7 month old kitten had his balls wacked this month which brought him home with some kind of respiratory illness. So, the stress of taking care of my ailing husband, my sick cat, providing medicine and food for both, while paying bills, gas, and praying for jobs put a strain on my usually *ahem* not quite strong faith. Everyday would I pray that God would increase my faith, strengthen me to face the day, and lead me with his light upon my path. And, might I add that not only did I have the stress of finding a job, but my husband had his credit card comprised and we had to wait on a new one to use his bank account, which left me as the primary source of "income?", plus with the continual heart I had to give this Christmas, and rehearsing for the play....yes, it was a difficult month on all parts. And, might I add, caused a wee bit of tension between the newlyweds.
But, through it all, the town that I have loved since I visited here Spring break 1995 as a 15 year old sophomore in high school came through in a big way. So, many resources to provide food, clothing, bills paid, and presents for family members, ways for my husband and I to not only replace household items but pay for Christmas gifts for ourselves, that I remembered the true magic and beauty of this town, coming together in times of distress for those struggling, regardless of legislation from the top, because of the great spiritual hunger to give and care and reach out. Even, Medford, that dratted town, got into the Christmas season and provided the giving.
Then, when I ran out of gas on my way home from Medford, God provided the friends and loved ones to get me safely to my home in time to care for my ailing husband and get the rest I needed.
So, everyday the prayers went up, for my marriage, my healing, my humility, and most of all, the increasing of my faith. And yet, God once again came through. Yes, this week, on the very same day, I lost my job and our car broke down, but really the job was mostly the cause of stress and the car, well, it seems like that is an answer to prayer as well, in some small way. And, this stress brought on the peace of God, not only for me, but for my husband as well, and the love and passion of our hearts became one and united again. An answer to prayer for my increased faith. Yay, God.
But, one thing I kept thinking as Christmas nears and people were wondering what I wanted this year, and I really can't think of anything. Whatever one chooses to bless me with, will be gratefully appreciated and taken, but truly I couldn't find anything in my heart; this year my true love, the only man I have ever given my heart and soul to freeily, my one true soul mate, came back into my life and became my life long partner and husband, I have an adorable little kitten who makes me smile everyday, and my husband and I have found a home that seems to have become a part of us as a couple, a true home for us to begin our lives together. So, what could I ask for?
Well, reading this morning in my daily devos, I implored of the Lord to do a work in my heart, not a promise as I have been asking him for in the brokenness and stress of life, but for the Lord to do a real work of surgery, to cut away the dross, the sin, and all of that that keeps me from truly seeking and worshipping him for who he is...and what it was, is found in this scripture:
"Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord.
Truly, my heart now realizes that this is not my home, that this skin suit that covers me is only a temporary residing spot, that everything I hold dear in this very dwelling place can be taken away, because what is eternal is more important, my true home. And, I think what the Lord wanted to show me today, was that that is what I should be wanting for Christmas; in one word, heaven. Yes, with the risk of leaving my husband, kitty, church, and friends, heaven is beyond comprehension in majesty and greatness and that should be the true desire of our hearts; to be ever present with the Lord.
So, I pray this Christmas and this year to come, that despite the earthly gifts and blessings this world offers, that my heart would be centered and focused and hungering for my true eternal resting place; at home with the Father and with Christ.
May you go with God today, and rest in his promise of eternal life with him, you sons and daughters, princes, and princesses.
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