Journaling Through The Years, Ep. 99: Every Age I Am #relivemychildhood ...

A nice short episode where I read a prose reflecting upon my younger selves, which leads into the idea that within every year I reach, I hold all the past ages within me. I share my love of walking in the dirt, which we all should do more of & get 'off line' more! Check out merch & websites they are supporting: National Suicide Prevention Hotline (24 hours): 18002738255 Text Home to: 741741 If you are struggling with your mental health, you and your life matter. Contact NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) at: nami.org nami-so.org The Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/ Merchandise: https://www.bonfire.com/jesus-lt3-queer/ https://www.bonfire.com/timekeys-band... https://www.bonfire.com/timekeys-fan-... https://www.bonfire.com/recovery-sexy Listen to the FanGirlHour: https://anchor.fm/fangirling

Journaling Through The Years, Ep. 98: He Said He Loves Me...#jouraling #...

In this episode, I share a prose re-telling the heartbreaks of myself & several of my high school female friends, which bleeds over to a male counterpart's heartbreak, because he was better than one of my female friends after all. I share the difference between my feeling lonely in the previous episode to the connection I have in this one, making me realize I wasn't all that lonely. Check out merch & websites they are supporting: National Suicide Prevention Hotline (24 hours): 18002738255 Text Home to: 741741 If you are struggling with your mental health, you and your life matter. Contact NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) at: nami.org nami-so.org The Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/ Merchandise: https://www.bonfire.com/jesus-lt3-queer/ https://www.bonfire.com/timekeys-band... https://www.bonfire.com/timekeys-fan-... https://www.bonfire.com/recovery-sexy Listen to the FanGirlHour: https://anchor.fm/fangirling

Excerpt from the upcoming episode of Journaling Through The Years, Ep. 98

Excerpt from the upcoming episode of Journaling Through The Years, Ep. 98

Watch all episodes on youtube @cafegirlthrivers

Life Model 101: Agnes Sorel #agnessorel #agnessorelismyhero

Agnes Sorel was born in 1422 in Fromenteau, France. She was the daughter of a minor nobleman, but Agnes was destined for greatness. At the young age of 22, she found her way into the court of King Charles VII, becoming the first "official mistress" --Madame De Pompadour has her to thank-- She came to the royal court as she was an attendant to King Charles sister, the queen of Sicily, Isabel of Lorraine. It is said that Agnes studied the ways of the court in order to know the best way to behave and incorporate herself amongst the nobles and royalty. Her beauty captivated the King who threatened to leave his pregnant wife for Agnes. This role of first "official mistress" or "favourite" scandalized the country, as this had never been heard of or spoken of openly. He gave her wealth, castles, land, secured her a position meant for a queen, in turn she was able to give him wise council, helped persuade dignitaries to fund the war efforts, as well as four children. The freedom given to her by the king allowed Agnes to make bold choices with her style, from form-fitting busty dresses, and lots of diamond jewelry, which the King had previously had outlawed others to wear, only himself. Agnes defied that rule, causing an uproar and making him love her more. The most famous of Agnes Sorel style is captured in a painting by Jean Fouquet where Agnes is pictured as the virgin Mary showcasing her fashion choice of revealing one breast alongside a low cut form fitting dress. In addition to clothing, Agnes was a foodie, loved fine dining, and loved to cook. Her special taste has inspired many a chef, cook, and food enthusiast. Agnes Sorel's death at the age of 28, after the premature birth of her fourth child, was under shadowy circumstances. It was suspected that she was poisoned and in 2004, led by french historian, Philip Charlier, Agnes body was exhumed and studied, finding high amounts of mercury, commonly a cure for parasites which she had experienced, yet this was an unseemly amount, including in her hair. Thus, it was finally conceded that Agnes Sorel death was murder, most likely, guided by King Charles V11's son, Louis, jealous of her position and worried about his future, however, this is still conjecture. With the advancement of modern technology, Charlier and his team were able to reconstruct Agnes' face with the use of her skull, gaze upon her likeness. For more about Agnes Sorel, to learn about other life models in history, and to know what it is to be a Life Model, check out my course "Life Model 101" at cafegirlproductionsinc.com Filmed by Michael Meyer #agnèssorel #agnessorelismyhero

Journaling Through The Years, Ep. 97: Save Yourself, Pink Power Ranger!

Journaling Through The Years, Ep. 97: Save Yourself, Pink Power Ranger!

In this episode, I dawn my pink power ranger episode, ala Kimberly, aka Amy Jo Johnson the best pink ranger ever, and share a prose showing my early struggles with asking for help, feeling okay with not being okay, and the need to be rescued.

Check out merch & websites they are supporting:

National Suicide Prevention Hotline (24 hours):

18002738255

Text Home to: 741741

If you are struggling with your mental health, you and your life matter.

Contact NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) at: nami.org nami-so.org

The Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/

Merchandise:

https://www.bonfire.com/jesus-lt3-queer/

https://www.bonfire.com/timekeys-band...

https://www.bonfire.com/timekeys-fan-...

https://www.bonfire.com/recovery-sexy

Listen to the FanGirlHour: https://anchor.fm/fangirling

Journal Through The Years, Ep. 97 Excerpt: Save YourSelf, Pink Power Ran...

Autonomy: I Can Have Nice Things #womensrights #reproductiverights

 Like many women, female presenting, trans-sisters, and male allies, I have watched over the last several years as women's' reproductive rights have been challenged and slowly, but surely, systematically stripped away.  As a woman still bleeding yet quickly heading toward "The M Bomb", I haven't yet grasped the fullness of what having these rights taken away means absolutely.  Added to that, I am a woman living in a purple-ish state, in a particular city that is very liberal, is known as the "hippie artsy-fartsy" city in the western hemisphere of the States United, thus these challenges to my rights as a member of a particular sex and gender have yet to be at risk.  

But, then as a person saddled with the weight of trauma who only recently have been able to label, whether it be family, religious, or intimate partner, the impact is of an intense overwhelm that extends itself into every area of my daily life and inner psyche.  With these memories of others' chronic abuse and overpowering, gasping as I swayed away as my husband threw an expensive wedding gift by my ear or a fist against the wall near my head, a religious leader's manipulation convincing my femininity was the fault of his failings, to name a mere few, lends itself to this inner core belief that I am unworthy, of such things as success, prosperity, wealth, even true happiness, of having nice things. Yes, the fundamentalist Christian teachings helped enhance the already broken self worth from years of abuse previous with their insistence that nothing within myself is good or can ever be good, in fact, I am truly unworthy of good.

It definitely leaves a mark.

Thus, this history of personal misogyny enforced and insisted equals that of the collective feminine.  The insistence of taking away the freedom to choose, to have power over one's body. emphasizes the deeper need of one gender to control, subdue, subjugate the other.  In fact, labeling the latter as 'weaker' collectively increases the likelihood of increasing the import of such dominance.  Yet, strength is not something that can be quantified equally based on physical, mental, emotional, all have different ways of showing strength regardless of sex or gender, based on one's own life experience and personal history.  In my view, the insistence of one sex to take away the bodily autonomy of another in the attempt to subjugate shows true lack of strength.  

Recently, I had a phone conversation with a dear female friend, a few years above me in wisdom, and we discussed her recent experiences coaching woman through tarot reading that were senior to her.  They were asking her for advice, guidance, which seemed strange to her, shouldn't they be imparting towards me?  With that, I realized how the fullness of impact of decades, nay centuries, long subjugated of the lack of choice, bodily autonomy has impacted the emotional, mental abilities generationally.  

It has only been as recent as the 70's, some 40 years-ish ago, that women have been granted bodily autonomy in some fashion.  The physical effects the emotional and the mental, for both sexes and all genders.  If one is told they have power over the other, they will feel empowered to embody that control in all arenas, at times abusive and other times indirectly.  Those that have been systemically informed they are less than, unable to impact society as a whole, a voice not deserving of reckoning or even being heard, affects the overall worthiness of standing up, speaking out, even self actualization and understanding.

For me, then, this societal and personal life-long impact was fully recognized when I visited a mid-wife with request for assistance with extreme menstrual pain, to the point of inability to function.  As I sat in the room, discussing openly the possible issues, such as possible STI, endometriosis, cancer, and treatment options, the light dawned on me the importance of speaking openly about one's health, without fear or shame, and thus receiving that care with safety for all involved, that of myself and the  midwives in service to me.  This revelation brought into light the depth of my lifelong belief of my unworthiness and helped me recognize that I truly am capable of success, prosperity, wealth, that true happiness is attainable and rightfully mine, that truly, truly "I can have nice things."