Sunday, March 29, 2015

And, I'm "Born-Again?"

The meaning implied in the phrase "born-again" connotes "Rebirth."  Yet, does that meaning truly apply to our contemporary usage of the term "born-again?"

When, I was walking the fundamental path, I clung to the identity of "born-again Christian" or even "born-again virgin," but while I professed a sense of freedom and outward acceptance of the rules supposed to help me find peace, I found myself more and more having the joy sucked of out of me  in the increasingly restrictive lifestyle enforced upon me.

And then a few years back, I was truly re-born.

It was when I kicked my ex out, symbolizing that of the showing all those who perpetuated abuse upon me the exit door.  I found at last my true self, my real identity, and sense of purpose.  And, then I embraced it.  I embraced that freedom and found true happiness.

Today, I stand with eyes wide open, fully awake, as I see that of my truest desires and hopes coming into place, naturally and with minimal effort before me.  I stand upright and fully experience with joy the life and beauty revealing itself before me.

I do not mean for this to put down those in the fundamental, right -wing Christian life-style.  I am no longer bitter or angry towards any who choose that path.  On the contrary, when I listen to their stories and programmed speeches, as it were, I find myself looking passed the propaganda and seeing the true heart of the speaker, the good intentions beneath.  It is no longer the path I choose for myself; but I can respect, regardless, that that is the path they have chosen.


So, at last, I have truly been 'born-again.'

Jacqueline Pollock                                                                                      Katy

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Drawn to Dragons!

I've never paid much attention to dragons and all that goes with that.  I mean, I always thought they were pretty cool but I was never too obsessive about them.  Until recently...

Recently, I've been watching "Game of Thrones" and feeling myself more and more drawn to Emilia Clarke's character, Daenryus Targaren.  Why? Well, not merely because she's the Mother of Dragons, but of what that represents in her overall character.



Recently, I wrote on facebook, "If Daenryus Targaren doesn't become queen of Westeros, I quit."

Why? Because her desire for the throne is vastly differs from the reasons others' are seeking it.  And, her overall means of attaining it appear to come from a different place.  Daeny, as they call her, appears to be seeking to rule based on a feeling of her own birthright, or rather, her destiny not out of a hunger for power.

Okay, isn't this the same reason others are giving for reaching for the throne?  Somewhat, but their way of going about it appears different than that of the lovely Daenryus.

She's maintaining a sense of fairness and justice as she pursues her dream, as well as, being a champion for the underdog.  She goes so far as to free those in captivity and then taking them under her protection as part of her rising kingdom.  From this view of power, she is able to withstand any fear as she takes her power and pursues her dream.



I've never been one to fall into the 'politics' of any sort of work environment, choosing rather to maintain open and loving friendships with all people, believing as Anne Frank once said that 'people are truly good at heart,' but lately I've seen that this path is inevitable as I continue to pursue my dream.

For this reason, I find mirroring that of Miss Targaren the most appropriate way in maintaining my sense of fairness and love for all people.  By doing this, I choose to accept the 'political' striving of those around me while still opting to follow my dreams, remain true to my calling, and help those downtrodden.

So then, when I look at an image of a dragon, it represents a symbol of all of this, of how I want to be in this world of sometimes unethical striving and how I choose to pursue my destiny.
(FYI: If wanting to get me any sort of gifts, make it a dragon!)



Indeed, as the lovely Daenryus stated:

"I'm going to do what a queen does, I'm going to rule."

Sunday, March 22, 2015

My Coming Out!



I cannot truly remember a time when I was not spiritual.  A fact I have come to fully realize and embrace after years of time spent worrying over my eternal soul's destination and salvation through rigorous spiritual and somewhat meaningless activities in the cul--I mean, church.

The church and those associated with it had me believe that if I wasn't reading my Bible every morning and attending church 7 days a week, practically always there, I was somehow going to fall into everlasting sin and eternal damnation and peril.  They would have me to believe that if I didn't do these aforementioned activities, I would lose all focus and desire for any spiritual connections.  Maybe this is true for them, but not so for me.

I have ultimately found this to not be the truth and in fact have discovered quite the contrary.  Without spending countless hours logging in my church attendance, I have found a more heightened diligence in pursuing my own spiritual desires.  My day doesn't seem complete without some form of spiritual motivating factor and study.

Which leads me to the conclusion, based on this and the reflections of my past, that I am basically a very spiritual person.  I do not say this to shame others spiritual journeys in anyway but just as an honest admittance of my own self.  I cannot help but seek out that which is spiritual and beyond our limited understanding.  For my entire life, since before the rambling years of Christianeze, I have sought different pathways of spirituality, with much satisfaction therein.  (And, yes, the time spent within the walls of the church brought some satisfaction as well!)  Perhaps, its my identity as an empath that has strengthened this desire, with the giving out of so much of my energy for others' wellbeing, I need to draw on the wellspring of the Divine for refreshment.  Most likely that's what it is.

I do believe that all people have an innate ability towards the spiritual and I believe wholeheartedly that it is my mission to help others find that.  (No, I don't plan on running out and studying theology or anything.)  I just want to live my life and give out love and healing energy to those brought along my path, in so doing,  help them to discover their own sense of spirituality and divinity.  Yeah, that's my mission.


How will I accomplish this? No other way than with my creativity, my art, my life as an actress, writer, singer, dancer, and whatever else comes my way.  It is for that reason I have been called to that profession.

http://www.gofundme.com/katys-medical-bills                        http://www.gofundme.com/kipxhs


Monday, March 16, 2015

It'll all end in tears, I know it.

Well, it doesn't have to.  Read ahead.

Last night, I had a rather interesting dream and since I've been focusing more on my spiritual psychic senses I've been taking this whole dream world a lot more seriously.

So, the dream entailed the whole end of the world scenario that practically every world culture, society, and religion predicts happening at some future date.  In the dream, I was hopefully predicting that the fall of our great planet wouldn't come until the year 3000 when all those I know and love have passed on---kind of selfish really, I know.

I pictured all that I've ever been told about the end of times, the collapse of societies in general, the burning planet, melting ice-caps, and the explosion of the sun.

However, I couldn't help thinking that, when all is said and done, there is hope, hope for us all, for our planet.  Like, maybe when our sun goes supernova, the great Universal Divine Consciousness will instantaneously produce a new brilliant sunlight and the world will be created fresh and anew.  Truly, a new beginning, at last.

But, what I realized in the dream was what I have been feeling in my waking moments over the last few weeks, months, years.  Saving the world begins with saving ourselves, healing ourselves, transforming ourselves.  What we visualize becomes reality.



Healing from within empties us of all pain, fears, insecurities that we have gathered into our hearts and beings throughout our life's journeys.  Through that internal process, light and love enters and transforms us.  Negativity, hate, anger is deflected with the giving out of our love, peace, and light.  No matter if we see not the change, it makes a difference.  As we change and find this inner healing, those around us begin to be affected.  As we seek to change our own little world both in and out, others are influenced and it begins in their own lives and in their own worlds.

Through the interconnectedness of all creation in the world, we begin the process of truly saving and healing the world.  It begins within.

And, the title lies, it doesn't have to end in tears.


Friday, March 13, 2015

A New Day Dawns, A New Beginning



The Vagina Monologues has come and gone, as of last weekend the curtain (metaphorically as there was none on the stage) descended with the last line of the last 'monologue' and so to closes a chapter of my life, but oh from it a new beginning in an awakened discovery of myself, the importance and power of my Vagina in every facet of itself, Divine being that it is, that I am.

And, sorry for the delay in new entries as I was struck down with the blight of what I affectionately call "the sick", as I know you have all been anxiously waiting by your computers for the delicious chime that no doubt you have set up to signify the incoming of my blog.  What, you haven't? Oh well, then.

Well, here it is anyway.  The next chapter begins.

In the final days of the Vagina Diaries, I was contemplating what I was going to write next, what subject would capture my interest enough to daily blog.  My thoughts fell on the next character for this funny little play I'm in next called "Death Trap," my character being that of a Dutch psychic.

So, you're going to write about your sudden psychic powers? Not really, just that.  More in the lines of my ever-growing understanding of spirituality in all its manifestations.

As I mentioned before, I spent some years of my past life in a lovely little fundamental cul---church called Calvary Chapel,  a time of my life I no longer hold any regrets.  But, in recent days, I have started looking outward as well as inward at other aspects of the Divine and am finding something vastly more personal and unique to my own self and in that strengthening my beliefs and spiritual sense.

It is that that I will discuss and explore in the months to follow.

As you no doubt may have noticed, the title of this blog, "The Starving Artist" has changed.  Why the name change?  If you have been following for some time, this blog has taken on numerous incarnations throughout its tenure on the world wide web,  so why again do I change?

For the very reason that I no longer want to perceive myself as the 'Starving Artist' or to give any view in any possible readers mind, that artists have to suffer for their art, starve, be on the brink of poverty, etc etc etc.

This does not have to be so.

What I have come to discover and find true as I look back on all the years of my life is, what you visualize becomes reality.

So, my vision for 2015 and beyond is that of one of a 'thriving' and abundant artist, in every facet of my life be it spiritually, financially, emotionally, and on and on.

So, a new day dawns, a new beginning...are you ready to explore with me?  More importantly, am i ready?



My answer, a resounding yes!


Thursday, March 5, 2015

Hair: What Is It There For?

Vagina Diaries Day Twenty-Nine

So, its me, Tiffany Kimberly Ryan.  I went back to my maiden name after divorcing the fabulous Timothy Armonds.  Sarcasm implied.

At present, I am 31 years old, single with two cats, living and working in San Francisco for an advertising company as the head receptionist to the big man on top, who leers sexually at me.  I've done my best since I started working there two years previous to distract his come-ons.

A year before moving to San Francisco, I divorced my husband, the what turned out to be the not so fabulous Timothy Armonds.  I moved here to find myself, or rather to get away from my past, you decide.  I guess I've been sort of drifting, filling a space in the void of my own existence, going through the motions as it were.  I guess I've pretty much given up on life and love.

I studied marketing and business in college but dropped out just shy of a year to graduate when the not so fabulous Timothy came into my life and we quickly married.  I should have known better, but live in learn, I guess.

See, one of my husband's pleasures was the "shaved pussy" look; the porn star or stripper appeal, at best.  At first, I tried to please him by shaving it myself and then allowing him to, if I didn't, he cheated.  Can you imagine the types of girls he "stepped out" with? Yes, the aforementioned stripper types!  After awhile, the high discomfort of the hairless exposed vagina became less of a desire for me than trying to please my husband and I learned a valuable lesson.

Hair is there for a reason but more so, the importance of myself and my choices for my body.  But, I'm still alone.

I've been seeing a therapist these last few years.  Due to her encouragement, I finally enrolled in a community college class to "begin again" as it were.  It is there that I met Steve, a recent divorcee himself.

After four dates, I can tell he's hungry for something more.  I have to admit I am attracted to him but will he turn out to be another fabulous Timothy? (Sarcasm implied!)  I feel as if men are really out for one thing and one thing alone; themselves.

To find out the answer to this and more fun facts about Vaginas, come to Women's Resource Center's presentation of the "Vagina Monologues" tonight and tomorrow night at 7 pm in the Rogue River Room on the Southern Oregon University campus.  Doors open at 7:30.



Monday, March 2, 2015

Might As Well Call Me Just Jackie

Vagina Diaries Day Twenty-Eight



In the last entry, I discussed the issue of gender and the labels we use to describe such a concept, focusing mostly on the usage of male pronouns and wordage to lump both male and female into the same category.  No wonder we girls have self-esteem and body images, right?

Also, for the last few weeks, I've been including a link in the end of my entries asking you to support my beloved sister, Jackie's, desire to become her whole self.  As promised, I now submit my very first guest blogger, the wonderful Godly woman that is, Miss Jackie Pollock, to share a little about her heart, her reasons behind her "gofundme", and desire to become her true self, whole and complete.



I  now present to you, the article:

Might As Well Call Me Just Jackie

Many people ask me “Why do you want to be a woman?” My typical response is I don’t want to
be a woman I already am a woman after all it’s not my fault that I was born in the wrong body. “Being a woman sucks; don’t do it” Um sure yeah okay whatever. You know it’s not my fault I wasn’t born this pretty and that I have to correct nature’s mistake. “Mother Nature doesn’t make mistakes” Oh??? Really Mother Nature doesn’t make mistakes??? First of all I am a Christian Secondly I am a Woman while Third I am transgender. Genesis 1:27 tells us that “God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.”1 gift from God that I call the Gender Gift. He wanted me to go through this so he created me to be Transsexual but most of all God wants me to be one of his beautiful daughters period and to do this I have to undergo Gender Reassignment from Male to Female. Do I regret having to do this? Oh no I don’t regret it at all but it takes money that because of the Glass Ceiling and Fear of the Unknown plus the ignorant responses I have yet to earn the necessary money to accomplish this. John 14:6 tells us that “Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through

 I repeat that you ask why do I want to be a woman; I don’t want to be a woman because I am already a woman; the only difference between myself and a woman born a woman is that I was born in the wrong body hence Transgender is the term that I unfortunately must use as a label. “Trans is a prefix
and female, “gender” replaced “sex” in the 20th century.”4

I have many women I call sisters a majority are male to female transgender; they are pseudo or non-related women I consider the sisters I never had, but they are sisters none the less. Lia is one of those
women who is one of my cisgender sisters (cisgender meaning that the individual identifies with the
gender which they were born) most of the cisgender people are allies. Why is Lia so supportive of a lady like me? I don’t know you’d have to ask her all I know is that my soul, mind, and heart are all feminine; the only part of me that isn’t feminine is my body and that is something that I’ll have to correct through surgery; is there any chance you can help me raise the funds to do this? You’ll be helping a wonderful lady finally become the woman she should’ve always been and that lady is me.