Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Thoughts on the New Year & the Old Year passing.


It is not what will 2015 bring, but moreover what will I bring forth, in a sense, birth through my own thoughtful intentions and focus.  This is what I have seen happen throughout my journey through 2014, and even the many many years previous, putting forth the focused energy and intentions of one's own desires brings forth the fruition of those desires, call it prayer or mindfulness what have you, it works.

Recently, I have been feeling as if the year slowly fading away was not as fruitful as I had wanted it to be, but upon careful reflection I realized my focus was too much on financial prosperity and not on what is most important, namely all the spiritual, emotional, and creative growth that transpired.  In all truth, I have developed in ways I could not imagine, as a person and as an artist, spiritually developed a broader mind and a more open heart full of compassion for all people and have been able to offer forgiveness to my past self and those who have wronged me--and that sense of self doubt I felt was focusing upon too much my need for financial wealth (not that financial stability and independence are in themselves wrong) but that which is more important is my own self worth as a woman and an artist.

Truly, I think the most profound gift I have gained from 2014 is 'freedom', in so many facets, such as the freedom to explore myself, to make choices based on my likes and dislikes, my ever-growing spirituality, my creativity in all its forms, and finally the opportunity and the space to heal from past hurts and abuse.  It is that that has been the best of 2014, for me, and has made the most resounding impact.  That alone, then, is the most important goal going forward for 2015.

Of course, there are the other goals, or rather resolutions, that we all make as the year comes to the close with another around the bend, one of which for me is, in fact, financial independence, stability, and prosperity.  Most notably to finally at last be 'debt-free by 2016 and to finally at last be off disability with my own career and self-generated income (without having to ever work again the dreaded 9-5, the very thought of which leads me screaming hysterically into the night, a horror film in my own mind).

Then there is the basic lists of resolutions, the ones that we all want and not just that in the New Year.

First, I want to read more, say a book a week, well maybe.  With an eye focused more on the classics, you know, finish the Lord of the Rings series, finally slog my way through Paradise Lost (I wrote a script where the main character reads that in hopes of a return to her own Paradise Lost), to read the Hugo's Les Miserables in its entirety to truly find out if that story is not just merely about a guy who chased another guy for 40 some years because he stole a loaf of bread (obsess much?), and of course to become a full-fledged Shakespeare Snob (like my friend, Raven, who I mention with all due respect) by reading through all of his works.

Secondly, I want to sing more and not just privately, but I want to be known as a performer in this way.  I want people to seek me out at parties begging me on bended knee to please, please sing for them.  Well, maybe not that far, but the point is, I want to sing more.

Thirdly, I want to dance more for art and for fitness because simply put its fun.  Well, also I really want people to seek me out at parties begging me to....okay, I won't start that again.

Next, I want to do the play, The Glass Menagerie, somewhere somehow.  If I could choose just one play to do this year, well, that would be the one.  (Hear that, Richard?)

Next, of course, more films, more modeling gigs.  You know, honestly I want to do something where someone really big and famous says "Hey, whose that girl?"  A girl can dream, can't she?

Then, I want to travel more for work and play, as much as possible.

Lastly, I want to be able to shower my loved ones, family, friends, Michael with an abundance of love and affection.  More importantly, I want the freedom and the privilege to do this for myself without judgment from self or others.  In this, I hope to continue to grow and deepen an appreciation for myself, thankful for who I was and where I came from but moving forward always not looking back.


This year, I will find myself more and more as I truly am, come what may, highs and lows (as what has come) and I will continue to thrive as, The Rose.

The Rose

Have a great 2015! Happy New Year!

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Meet Carla Gehry

I am a single mother raising my biological son, Kevin, who is 5 and my niece, Dareen, who is also 5.  My sister gave up full custody of her daughter to me, as she was unable to care for her, well, she chose a really bad boyfriend over her baby girl.

Taking in Dareen has been more of a challenge that I would have though, not just in additional time and financial constraints but in the emotional memories and reflexes that are brought up from this new life change, that have begun to burden me with reminders of my own past abuse.

With this new found stress of raising a second child on my own, I found myself reverting to instincts of anger passed onto me by my dad, who would react with rage to every minor irritant he assumed we had caused.  Knowing that, like me, Dareen was wounded and damaged from previous years of abuse, I decided to seek help through outside sources to help raise her.

However, throughout the experience in both parenting classes and seeing my very own shrink, Doc Wilson,  I started discovering more about my own self than I would have imagined.  As the layers of pain were peeled off like the skin of an onion, I found healing and wholeness.


Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Trying to Make My Way...

Hi! I'm Carol Woolery and I am a 19 year old student at NYU.  I am originally from Climax, Michigan, a very small town, and this is my first experience on my own in a big city!  It's exciting but scary at the same time.  I am also the first of my family to go to college.  There are four kids in my family and I am the oldest.  We aren't a rich family, in no way possible, so basically its up to me to follow my dreams and foot the bill along the way.

So, not only do I take out a lot of loans to pay for college, but I also work nearly full-time to cover the rest, including rent, utilities, food, and other necessities.  Due to this constant schedule of busyness between school and work (and maybe at times some form of social life, okay, not at all), I am very tired during class and very lonely at home.  This makes it very hard for me to focus and understand all the material in class.  So, fearing that I will fail, I take the effort to go to each of my profs, who are very helpful, in fact.  When I get to the last appointment of the day with Professor John (as he likes us to call him), something quite unusual happens.

After that appointment, I find myself sitting in the student union, having a small bite to eat, and soon find myself lapsing into a conversation with some other students.  I tell them about what just happened in Professor John's class and they, horrified, convince me of this wrongfulness and urge me (with much manipulation) to press charges.  I finally feel a sense of power, belonging, and confidence, in short, I no longer feel lonely...I have friends, but at what cost?

Really, I just want understanding...

Carol Woolery is designed from the character, Carol, from the play, Oleanna, by David Mamet, of which I am doing a scene for my acting class.  Ira Rubin, my scene partner, plays the part of John.
The acting class is held at Camelot Theatre in Talent, OR on Monday nights and is taught by Steven Dominguez.