When I was 12 years old, I came down with polio which left me with a slight limp and other deformities. Despite these infirmities, I was quite well and socially adjusted, or just buried the psychological trauma and guilt from my father's mental and physical abuse, however, when I was 16 my brother, Andrew, became sicker due to a complication with diabetes. Due to my guilt for taking away his treatment from him when I was sick, I became his caretaker. Through this, I learned how to nurse "terminal" patients by his nursing staff. I graduated high school but did not immediately go into university until my brother passed when I was 20.
At that age, I went back to school, assuming that I would study to be a nurse, as according to my father that's all I could do and what was acceptable for me. However, I was never very good in my science classes or my pre-reqs because my heart was never in this.
When I was 21, my father set me up with Gary, a son of one of his associate partners at his law firm. This was seen as an appropriate marriage arrangement for both families. Gary had a slight learning disability which made him socially awkward but in the time we spent together he began to bloom. I dropped out of college at 22 to plan for our wedding, however, two weeks before our wedding I found him in bed with another woman. I assumed that his unfaithfulness was due to the fact that I wasn't pretty enough, due to my deformity.
After that time, I buried into myself, my church, and my familial obligations. Several family members got sick and I became sole caretaker until their deaths. I felt as if I had let my family down in so many ways and became more and more downtrodden as I believed the garbage my father threw at me. However, deep within, there is still a spark of strength and hope....
Choosing to get involved with the "Lighthouse" is my last ditch effort to prove my own self worth and go beyond what others think of me.
My inner desire is to be the object of one's own affection and that of others. I seek to be truly seen and accepted for who I am, not what I am supposed to be my others' standards. The goal for all of us in this story is to escape the suffering and madness that is our own reality and strive to be believe in love and hope.
I learn through my time with Tom that I am a bringer of hope and healing as I have found my own strength to heal and persevere with the eternal hope. Through my own healing, I am able to pass that hope onto others and to allow them to find their own hope and healing.
I am the Wounded Healer.
Theatre Convivio's "Light Sensitive" opens December 5th at 8:00 pm and runs through December 22nd.
https://www.facebook.com/events/236732986488050/?ref_dashboard_filter=calendar
