I'm back!!! And, it's Halloween 2022 and....1993. I start out by sharing my experience on Halloween 1993, then time travel to December 1993, and share stories of heart-break, yes, Root Of All Evil Boy is a part of that.
Plus, special Halloween make-up!
Cemetery Sisters:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqJYe5a8a8k
Samhain: The Origins of Halloween
https://artistthriving.blogspot.com/2022/10/samhain-origins-of-halloween.html
Demi/Grey/Sapio--ACE! #asexualpride #asexualcomingout
https://artistthriving.blogspot.com/2022/10/demigreysapio-ace-asexualpride.html
Monday, October 31, 2022
Cemetery Sisters: An In Your Own BackYard Episode #local history #sourth...
Cemetery Sisters is an episode from the Youtube series, In Your Own Backyard, which explores local historical sites around Southern Oregon. This episode stars Madeleine Fichera, Erin Jennifer Rose, Annie Fichera, Sarah Perle, and Izzy Fichera, who will tell the story of the Hill Family's journey across the Oregon trail from Tennessee to Southern Oregon, settling the small town, Klamath Junction (now Emigrant Lake), and their little cemetery.
Sunday, October 30, 2022
Samhain: The Origins Of Halloween
The Veil between the worlds is thin
Our hearts reach cross the sea of time
To bring our loved ones in
Samhain, Samhain we honor all our kin
We honor those who've gone before
As the Great Wheel turns again .
The origins of what we know as Halloween began with the ancient Celtic festival, Samhain (pronounced "sow-in"). For the Celtic, whose origin reach back as far as 2000 years ago and who lived in the regions known as Ireland, Northern France, and the United Kingdom, celebrated this festival on November first. Seeing it as the commencement of their New Year, for they saw this day as the dying of summer and harvest and the beginning of the cold, hard winter. Winter, to the Celts, represented a time of year associated with human death. Thus, Samhain was the celebration the night prior to the new year, October 31st, they believed that the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead was weakened, the dead returned and roamed the earth on that night. While the dead ran amok, the Celts believed this was the beginning of the havoc and destruction of the crops.
For this reason, they turned to their priests, the Druids, to communicate with the dead searching for guidance and predictions for the cold months to follow. During those long, dark months, these messages from the spirits of the great beyond were a source of great comfort and helped with perseverance. The evening would commence with the Druids lighting large, sacred bonfires wherein the people would gather, burning the crops and offering animal sacrifices to their gods. They would wear costumes, mostly animal heads and skins, and try their hand at telling each other's fortunes. At the close of the celebration, the people would take some of the flame from the bonfire and relight their own hearth fires, symbolizing the warmth and protection for the dire months to come.
But the Roman Empire took over the Celtic lands by A.D. 43, engulfing the practices of those native to the land with their own practices. On a day in late October, known as Feralia, the Romans honored the passing of their dead, followed by the second day, Pomona, honoring the goddess of that name who ruled over the fruit and trees. Most commonly used symbol for Pomona is the apple, which is the origination for the bobbing for apples game played during Halloween celebrations today.
Later on, when the Roman Catholics held the power throughout the land, these days eventually became known as All-Martyrs Day (now All Saints' Day) on November 1st and All Souls' Day on November 2nd. All Saints' Day was originally known as All Hallows or All Hallowsmas, the day prior October 31st (once Samhain) thus became known as All Hallow's Eve, then Halloween. All Souls' Day was celebrated similarly to Samhain with its large bonfires and dressing up as saints, angels, and devils.
Coming to America, Halloween had a slow start due to the Puritanical influence of the early settlers. However, eventually as the beliefs and practices of the settlers and natives began to emerge, the holiday became distinctly an Americanized version. Early celebrations included 'play parties' where celebrants would come together sharing stories of the dead, singing, dancing, and telling each other's fortunes. Scary stories were also told and mischief was made. A strengthening of the holiday's popularity began when the Irish immigrants, fleeing the potatoe famine, came to America and bringing their traditions. These included dressing up, traveling from house to house, asking for food or money, the origins of the popular 'trick or treating' modern ritual. Similar to the fortune telling ritual, young woman came to believe that they could discover the names of their future betrothed using tricks with yarn, apple parings, and mirrors. In the end of the 1800s, a push was made to move Halloween away from its darker themes to a more family friendly event.
For me, this year I will celebrate the festival of Samhain by honoring the community of which I live and of those whose bodies may have passed but whose presences are very much still active and a part of my every day. Similar to that of December 31st New Year's Eve, will I spend the 31st of October in merriment in celebration of that which is passing away yet throughout that mirth and festivity I will turn my focus upon the beauty of the changing season within nature and let the dieties and spirits from beyond share their messages to uplift during the cold to come. On the day of November 1st, I will lay out an altar with photographs and artifacts symbolizing loved ones who remain with me only in spirit, seeking guidance through the goddess and them from the tarot card. In all of this, although I believe and practice now as a wiccan, I will hold space for all of the history of these dates and how differing peoples and religions have honored.
Articles used for research:
How to Celebrate SamhainMac Finds Love #lovelink #gaming #nightcourt
It's Mac's turn to play the dating game...Mac Robinson that is, from Night Court! The series where I pretend I'm a character from the 1980s show, Night Court, and make them try the 'dating app', Lovelink. Will Mac succeed in finding love? Will it be everything he's been dreaming of? A lesson is learned when Mac finds love in an unexpected place.
Saturday, October 29, 2022
Demi/Grey/Sapio--ACE! #asexualpride #asexualcomingout
Along my journey of recovery, I am continously in awe of the personal soul growth and realizations of inner self. As I begin to embrace the feeling of wholeness and true health, I recognize how that which I discover that defines not just who I am becoming, but who I always was. Thus, in these discoveries, I find healing for the pain carried with me from every phase of my life.
As I unravel the history of traumatic abuse, I face the truth of my toxic past relations and through examination begin to learn how healthy interaction looks and feels. This path guides me to the realization of my forever relational inclinations, mentioned before, such as always being polyamorous even though trying to hide and conform. (Coming out. #truecolors)
Deepening that, I come to realize the inner workings of my heart and how it engages without. The various labels of today, mere words on paper, however, when one discovers that one that signfies an answer to the longheld inner confusion, a light dawns upon the darkness and a feeling of acceptance warms within. That is what happened when I discovered the terms 'demi-sexual/romantic', 'grey-sexual/romantic', and 'sapio-sexual/romantic'.
All of my life in this modern age of romance, I thought I was a strange duck, hever quite seeming to fit in or now how to interact appropriately. I have never logged onto the variety of dating sites nor connected with someone through those, in fact, I have never desired or needed such interaction. The majority of my goings-on in life I am in no need of any sort of physical sexual encounter, unless in the throes of new relationship energy, whether it be limerence or infatuation. Recognizing this helps me understand why the required abstinence of the purity culture in my fundie years worked just fine with me (however, I reject the basic premise of purity culture and now see that as blatant control, shame, and abuse.) Without making any effort or outward proclamation, I can happily live a life of abstinence, as I find myself so energized by the sensual act of creativity in my various projects. I must add here, that romantic or platonic relation is distinct here from the physical, as for much of my life, I craved the addictive high of new relationship as a means of escape from myself and the drudgery, however, that mindset is dysfunctional and has no connection to healthy interaction, whether physical or emotional.
For these reasons, I never fully resonated with the term 'asexual' for in my limited understanding of such term, I felt quite sure I was, in fact, a sexual being. Even during the fundie years, when made to feel shame for my past sexual encounters, I felt sure I was flawed because of my illicit (but not really) sexual cravings. In recent years, with the dawn of the openness of body and sex positivity and recovery found in deconstruction, I've been able to explore the true defintions of a variety of terms and have learned that there is a spectrum of asexuality.
asexual: not involving sexual activity, feelings, or associations; non-sexual. (of a person) having no sexual feelings or desires, or not sexually attracted to anyone. (of reproduction) not involving the fusion of gametes. without sex or sexual organs.
The spectrum of asexual identity was an awe-inspiring, eye-opening revelation which led me feeling more self aware and comfortable within. For my personal self understanding, I add 'romantic' to the above terminology because for me, a proud demi-sexual first and foremost, romance and the physical are interlinked and never separated.
That said, the foremost term that defines all of me is that of the demisexual, the first on this list followed very closely by greysexual, then lastly, up comes a newer term, sapiosexual. For me, this reveals itself to me in not desiring or seeming to need a romantic engagement unless under specific circumstance and once a tight bond has formed.
The majority of this bond is formed through emotional connection, as my soul leads itself overall towards emotional intelligence first. In the quest for knowledge, I do find myself hungering for all, both intellectual and emotional, but personally always fall back on the latter. In any encounter, I detest the mere pitter patter of small talk and crave the deep interactions of truly knowing another on the soul level.
At last, I find myself wrapped up within all of these. Labels alone can only go so far and one will find themselves within the context of a variety. Thus, the use of labels is not to rigidly define, but to find truth in the fluidity of self with the intention to remain open to the evolution of the soul's journey towards healing and wholeness. Find what rings truest to oneself and let the rest dissappiate, for knowing one's self is the true path to empowerment.
Here I am in younger days star gazing
Painting picture perfect maps
Of how my life and love would be
Not counting the unmarked paths of misdirection
My compass: faith in love's perfection
I missed ten million miles of road I should've seen
Thursday, October 27, 2022
Can't Catch A Break, Episode One: Thanks, Ashley! #prequel #spinoffs #ex...
With Ashley's blessing, Barista Nate takes a bold step in creating his life long dream, hopefully, with soaring success!
Music from this episode: Cinematic (middle verse) by soundside
Broc Wallis as Barista Nate
Created by Lia Elizabeth Rose Dugal
Monday, October 24, 2022
Diwali: Festival of Lights; Reclaiming your health during the dark #divali #deepavali
A renowned holiday in India, Diwali is celebrated by many throughout the land, including those non-religious. In many ways, the celebrations have come to be similar to that of Christmas, a secular holiday. Diwali, also known as Divali or Deepavil, is a five day festival signifying the triumphant victory of light over darkness, hence, the reference as 'festival of lights'.
Dhanteras
This is the first day of the celebration and is in honor Lakshmi, the Hindu goddess of wealth and prosperity. This day is celebrated by accumulation, purchasing items such as jewelry, clothing, utensils, and lighting lamps to welcome the Goddess.
The second day highlights the story of the Hindu God, Krishna, who overcame his battle over the demon, Narakasura. Twinkling lights are set up to celebrate his victory, recognizing that that battle has been won today as it was then.
Diwali, Deepawali, or Lakshmi Puja
This day, the third in the five day festival, is the height of the celebration. On this day, family and friends travel to be with one another, exchanging sweets and gifts with one another. Lights and candles are lit as well to emphasize the meaning that light has overcome and to welcome light and prosperity given by the goddess Lakshmi. In this year (2022), the third day falls on October 24, 2022.
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On the fourth day, Krishna's defeat of the king of the Hindu Gods, Indra, by lifting up a mountain is commerating by the building of cow dung into small piles.
Bhai Dooj or Yama Dwitiva
The fifth and final day of the festival is the day for unity and coming together of brothers and sisters. On this day, siblings honor and pray for one another. Traditionally,as it's the final day of celebration, fireworks were set off, but in 2017, these were banned in India due to air quality and pollution.
Finally, I found the video linked below during my research for this entry. I connected with Sadhguru Darshan's teaching on Diwalias life affirming. Specifically, I found significance in the focus of the festival not being on wealth, but on health; the most important part of prosperity. Detailing how this festival comes at the dawn of the darker, winter months (in the northern hemisphere), he taught that what is important first is to care for oneself so as not to slow down, sink below, and to find ways to continue to be lifted up onwards towards soul evolution.
Saturday, October 22, 2022
I am a born-again...wiccan!
May the Circle be open,
But unbroken.
May the love of the Goddess
be ever in your heart.
Merry Meet,
And Merry Part,
And Merry Meet again.
To be born again, mostly reserved for fundamentalist Christianity, simply means "to experience the new birth, "spiritual rebirth", or a regeneration of the human spirit". In reality, the term "born again" did not originate from the translated words of Jesus, but from the Latin Vulgate, most likely coined by St. Jerome, then passed down to the writers' of the early biblical texts.
From my personal spiritual journey, I have come to believe that all seekers, whether religious, spiritual, or not, are continuously on the path of rebirth and regeneration, which be the ultimate purpose for all, no matter the belief.
Born into an agnostic, non-religious family, I have always been a seeker, endlessly searching for something more than what is visible. Whether it be for a personal security lacking within or an endless curiousity, the truth of my seeking heart never wavered.
At a young age, playing with my friends, I believed in a God, similar to what I saw on the cartoon screens, long white beard, white frock, living amongst the clouds. No matter the simplicity of that, I believed, innately, within myself in something beyond. No one had to share this or impel this upon me, I simply just knew it. Fear not, this is not going to be a Fundie-Christian testimonial of why you should believe and 'praise Jesus', but a recounting of the twists and turns imparted upon my spiritual journey.
As I grew older, into my teens, I found myself sharing dialogues with my friends' about what lay beyond, what was unseen, focusing more on the ways of occult, such as astrology and wiccan practices, dabbled with a hint of Buddhism, sprinkled within the context of our creative pursuits, which be writing, acting, singing, and the like.
Leaving left me more broken, empty then before, afraid I was a lost lamb caught in the throes of sin, I struggled to find my security and healing from the toxic effects of fundamentalism. I spent those first few years out in a confining and abusive marriage, romantic love being another quest for security of which never finding fulfillment.
Upon ending the marriage, I finally had the freedom to heal from the myriad of abuse from oh so many a source. Breaking up with religion was a painful process as I struggled to define myself without that context. Am I a Christian, I would implore, or do I even want to use that name to describe myself? The answer coming forth was resoundingly negative.
It was upon reading the Hindu text, Srimad Bhagatavan, wherein I found my freedom and forgiveness for the nine years of organized religion. For I saw the similar language within this Hindu text as the Christian Bible, thereby realizing that all spirituality is alike, all humanity, regardless of race or origin, is on a quest to understand life's purpose, and that, truthfully, all paths do, in fact, lead to the great beyond (enlightenment/heaven/nirvana,etc).
After the ten years deconstructed fully out of the church, I find myself returning to my first youthful spiritual position, wiccan, yet now a fuller appreciation for the practice and life-style. "An it harm none, do what ye will" be the wiccan code and such I strive to live by within and without. I find in myself truthfully born again.
Therefore, from my personal spiritual journey, I have come to believe that all seekers, whether religious, spiritual, or not, are continuously on the path of rebirth and regeneration, which be the ultimate purpose for all, no matter belief or none. For my part, I find myself reborn once again to my original spiritual beliefs, yet whole and healthy, fully understanding the truth of to do no harm and wanting to impart beauty and wellbeing upon all, including myself. Understanding finally that I need not be an expert in wiccan beliefs, nor any, but the true path of believers of any sort is to enjoy the quest, gathering, exploring, understanding more upon the soul's journey. Constantly I am arriving more fully into myself, realizing that spirituality is simple yet profound, unique within, no need for conversion or display outward.
For this, I am grateful for the choices I made that led me to where I am. No longer do I feel hatred toward those that wronged, whatever the confines, for I am grateful for the lessons learned with all. For without such, I would never have come to a place of truly becoming 'born-again' within.
Hush now dear children, it must be this way
Too weary of life and deceptions
Rest now my children
For soon we'll away
Into the calm and the quiet
Articles used as reference:
Tuesday, October 18, 2022
Shemini Atzeret, Simchat Torah, & The Festival of Booths #sukkot
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Yom Kippur is the day of prayer and fasting, beseeching God for forgiveness (Day Of Atonement. #yomkippur), then five days afterwards, Sukkot, is a day for realizing that that forgiveness has been given and the unity in relationship between God and self is fulfilled. In that, the faithful come together to rejoice this union and discover the true meaning of unity with each other.
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In 2022, Shemini Atzeret fell on October 17th, the final day of the Sukkot, bringing to conclusion the celebration of the secure knowledge of unity and friendship with God. Falling on the "eighth" day of Sukkot, it is separate (God created the world in seven days) yet connected. It is a time of gathering together, the meaning of Atzeret being "assembly" rejoicing for the unity with God and self.
In most parts of the world, Simchat Torah follows after Shemini Atzeret, but for Israel and Reformed Jews, the holidays are combined. Whether combined or separate, both of these holidays follow the weeklong festival of Sukkot, the festival of Booths.
Every year the Jewish faithful read through the Torah: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy. As Everyday Jewish Mom explains in the video above, each week of the year has a designated section of the Torah to read, thus all Jewish people throughout the world are reading the Torah and finishing together on Simchat Torah, which starts the sundown of October 17th (in 2022) and flows into sunset October 18th. This holiday is one of much joy as the celebrants rejoice over the completion and that of which they learned during their faithful yearly study. The beginning of the new year's Torah study will commence on the first upcoming Sabbath.
Israelis Jews in Tel-Aviv celebrate 'Simchat Torah' (Joy of Torah) by dancing with the Torah scrolls
Sunday, October 16, 2022
A New Day Dawns: "Can't Catch A Break!" The Trailer #spinoff
A New Day Dawns: "Can't Catch A Break!" The Trailer #spinoff #cookingshow
Starring
Broc Wallis as Barista Nate
Noah Fitterer as Nate Fisher
West Christy as Bodhi Bliss
Sarah Perle as Natasha
&
A Surprise Return
Thursday, October 13, 2022
Reverse "Love the Sinner, Hate The Sin" (Trigger Warning)
Take me to church
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife
As one who professes to be an ex-fundie, I strive to express that those fundamentalist Christians seen loudly proclaiming their message on the street corner, on your social media feed, or IRL, are not innately bad at their core. I wish to do this not to excuse their bad behavior and actions, nor nullify how their verbage wounds those they shriek at, but to try to showcase the nuance within us all hoping that that may bridge the aching gap of hatred.
The core message of Jesus's message is one of grace, forgiveness, and, overall, love. The Golden Rule, he professes, "Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You" is shared by all world religions (Golden Rule).
Why then, does it appear as if the Fundamentalist Christians seemingly do not abide by this fundamental tenet of their faith? The answer lies within the transformations of their psyches caused by the messages from the pulpit. First, they are taught that the Holy Bible is literal and not to be disputed. (Side note: conservative churches all have a different view of what 'literal' means when it comes to the Bible, which begs the very question of that validity. Discussion to be had at another time.)
In this literal sense, every word of the Bible is to be taken as truth and infallible. So, yes, it is taught that the scriptures in both the Old and New Testament translations referencing 'homosexuality as sin' are correct. The war over one's soul who professes to be gay must be diligently fought through prayer and scripture. Therefore, the commonly spoken expression "love the sinner, hate the sin" becomes the popular nomenclature for this battle for salvation. For ultimately, the core desire of the fundamentalist Christian is to be like Jesus, striving always to love like him, even though His core message has been diluted by the preaching of which they regularly ingest.
For you see, there is something even more insidious happening within the walls of the church that causes such emotional violence on the street. These conservative Christians are taught that the world outside the confines of the safety of the church's walls and Christ's abiding love is evil, that none seek for "righteous, no not one" (Romans 3:10) and that Satan roams the earth seeking whom he may devour from being saved for heaven. Some churches, even, as the parishners exit the building have a sign above the door that reads, "You are now entering the battle field". If that message is not there specifically, the message is still professed regularly. In Ephesisans 6:10-18, they are taught to 'put on the full armor of God' so that they may be able to stand against the evil intentions of the Devil.
Furthermore, the deprecation of the Christian continues as regularly they are taught that 'the world hates Jesus, the world hates Jesus in you', resulting with the inner conclusion, that the 'world hates them'. They are encouraged not to seek self-esteem, but rather God esteem, and to always put themselves last. True Joy, they are taught, comes when you embody the acronym, "J-esus, O-thers, Y-ourself", meaning first serve Jesus, then others, and after that is all done, yourself. Ultimately, with all the insisted duties from the church, such as bible studies, serving in the church, etc, little time is left for themselves.
Next, increasingly the restriction of outside information and news occurs, with pastors, church leaders, and teachers strongly influencing their flock to read only the Bible, or church approved texts, and injest only Christian media and news approved by the leadership. Any kind of education, especially secular, is downplayed at best and at worst highly discouraged.
All of this together, out comes this Fundamentalist, with their encouraged ignorance, lacking self esteem, full of self hatred, believing they must fight continually against a world that hates them, what now can be expected of their social interactions with others? It's crucial to understand that they expect an argument, even delight in the potential of being persecuted, even though what they are experiencing is far from such. Therefore, trying to engage will only lead to louder arguments on both sides,with none being transformed or saved, either the fundie trying to give salvation or the non-fundie trying to save the one from being saved.
What needs to happen is found in the title, "reverse love the sinner, hate the sin". The sin here refers to the homophobia, the bigotry, the racism, the ignorance, the hatred. Please first, do whatever regular self-care one needs to do to protect and heal from these emotional bullets, so that you too, non-fundie can put on your own armour. Once done, when a fundie Christian is met, realize the above is true for them, that you are face to face with someone who believes themselve hated by you, by all, hates themselves, lacks self esteem, and is mind-controlled into ignorance. If then that can be realized, perhaps it will be just a little bit easier to love, sympathize, have compassion for that sinner and so doing, disarmor, helping them along to release, healing, and freedom.
Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed (I would pray)
I could break away
Sunday, October 9, 2022
Indigenous People's Day #octobertenth
US recognizes Indigenous Peoples' Day
Tomorrow, October 11, 2022, will honor Indigenous Peoples. Although the second Monday of October has long been a holiday, this is only the second year it is officially celebrated and known as Indigenous Peoples' Day. Last October 2021, President Biden signed the first official presidential proclamation of Indigenous People's Day, turning the commeration into an official government holiday. This day highlights and lifts up the Native American history and culture.
The origins of Indigenous Peoples' Day began in 1977 at a United Nations' international conference on discrimination. Later on in 1989, South Dakota was the first state to recognize the second Monday of October as such rather than what it was known as "Columbus Day". Later on, the cities of Berkeley and Santa Cruz, California recognized the day.
"Columbus Day" has long been a stain for Native Americans, a painful reminder of the 500 years of Colonial torture and oppression by European conquerors such as Christopher Columbus and others. The Native American people were all self sufficient and thriving communities before having their land taken from them.
Only thirty two years ago, in 1990, the United Nations began to discuss changing Columbus Day to Indigenous Peoples' Day. The arrival of the official holiday status as well as the name itself, Indigenous Peoples' Day, signifies the resilience of past cultures to overcome much injustices, even more than honoring the heritage. For this day not only commerates the heritage and culture of Native American peoples, but the cultures and traditions of indigenous peoples' throughout the world.
This is a day to reflect upon how these long standing cultures provide deep wisdom for living more sustainably.
Articles used as reference in this entry:
HISTORY OF INDIGENOUS PEOPLES' DAYThursday, October 6, 2022
Dead Exes: The Ones I Loved...& Lost For Good
Busy people walking by
Can't help but worry some
With so many things to do
So little love gets done
But those are two out of ten that I abstain any connection from, leaving, at least 8, that I would happily reconnect in a new season of life with the label of friend or perhaps only to clear the air of past pains caused by our breakup. Success of being able to be friends with my exes comes into being with the five formers that I have maintained an warm, open camaraderie with since our romantic relationships ended. In so many ways, these friendships have made a more lasting significance in my life deeper than even the days of our long ago romance. Moreover, a friendship reunited with them seems natural when thinking that once upon a time they were MY everything, rather, what I hoped would be my truest love. (This was before I realized I am polyamorous.) Because of the memory of our romantic highs, the lows of the heart-break, the time apart, the coming together as friends is one that has deeply enriched our lives in ways numerous. For that, I am grateful.
But, as time passes, it is natural for a friend or former connection to slip away into their own universe, as with the busyness of our lives, our connections shift and change, seemingly to forget those we once shared the path of life alongside.
For me, though, deep within, I never forget.
If ever I said "I love you" in whatever capacity, friend or lover, I meant it. And, even though the relationship dynamic has shifted, the love remains, the gratitude for the lessons and experiences alongside deepens, making me better and wiser even today. Because of this, I find myself at times looking back, wanting to reach out, or just peek to see how the ones I loved and lost are doing.
“He should have died hereafter: There would have been a time for such a word."
The heartbreak all over again when I learned that one I once loved, specifically held hands with as we walked the path of romance, has slipped off this mortal coil. Within the context of former romantic connections, whether they are known to you in some present form or not, they remain forever the age when once you were in the throes of infatuated young love. Hearing of their passing, whatever the cause, taints the memory and rekindles the crushing blow of heart-ache even more than before. Was this the fate they were meant for, even back when we were united?
In early 2017, I learned of the passing in May 2016 of the first boy who took my hand and walked me through the valley of romance, he the giver of my first kiss and a little bit more. He and I had re-connected as friends via Facebook, but had not chatted that much through the years. I had tagged him in a photo in June of 2016, of which he made no comment (below is the link to that photo). Finding out the reason in 2017 was a gut-wrenching sadness. I couldn't focus that week on President Obama's exit, so much was the heart-ache of losing a part of my youth.
Now, as I walk the journey of recovery, I feel led to reach out to those I have wounded and make amends, not to rekindle any friendship, but to relieve myself of the burden of regret. My utter shock when I discovered that yet another former flame had left this earth behind,ironically in the same month and year as the other. This former boyfriend I had dated in my late twenties when as a fundie Christian I had led him back to the Lord and then subsequently had my first ever break down leading to my first diagnosis. Because of this and the abuse I had experienced in my life from a myriad of places and of which I was still suffering, I couldn't see beyond the curtain of my own pain, lost in my own inner darkness, I could not understand how my actions were wounding those around me. So,this last week, in a better place than I was then, I reached out to this dear man, hoping to alleviate and heal to apologize and to show him that I am better than I ever imagined possible, only to receive the resounding gong of loss of life and opportunity.
In the wake of this, as I experience the sadness of grief, is it possible for me to make amends with him? A writing ritual cleansing shouting out to the universe? A Hamlet-esque experience where I avenge untimely death? Or, is it more important than to make amends within myself? I find myself knowing he would appreciate the latter, not the former.
In all of this, I do not mean to make the loss of such young men, one at 40 and the other at 35, about me. I feel for their families, their children, and those others closer to them than I have been in recent years. But, even though apart, though the journey of life re-constructed the dynamic of our connection and our lives, my love for them remained and thus I must grieve those young loves whose memories will ever be cherished and forever am I grateful for their position in my life during our moment, our time.
And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye
Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
Monday, October 3, 2022
Day Of Atonement. #yomkippur
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Yom Kippur (pronounced yaam kuh·poor) is the finality of the Jewish High Holy Days in Autumn. Beginning at Rosh Hashanah (head of the year), these ten days of awe are a time of repentance for the sins of the year passing, a chance to be redeemed by God, and to heal the wounds caused. On Yom Kippur, the day of atonement, Jews seek reconciliation and forgiveness between God and self by repenting, praying, and fasting. In Judiasm, the drawing near to God for one's own trespasses is sufficient to repent to God alone. However, if one has sinned against another person, forgiveness must be done by asking forgiveness of the soul wronged.
This time of fasting and remembrance on Yom Kippur commences at sundown the day before. Traditionally, Jewish people refrain from all work at sundown the day previous through the evening of Yom Kippur, choosing also to wear white as a reminder of their need to seek purity. The fasting itself is a physical act meant to remind the Jewish people of the frailties of human kind as well to help understand the sufferings of the less fortunate. It is also symbolic of the cleansing of the body and soul.
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The day before Yom Kippur begins (in 2022, October 3rd) a big feast is held with candle lighting at the conclusion of the meal, signifying a time to recall those lives lost. Many Jewish people visit cemeteries on this day. Others spend their time leading up to Yom Kippur as a time to give back, donate time and money to those less fortunate and under served.
During the time of ancient when the great temple stood, the High Priests would mark Yom Kippur with the ritual surrounding the two goats. The commandments direct the High Priest to select two goats, identical in appearance, size, and value like twins, then one would be consecrated and the other banished out of town as a scapegoat. Although the goats looked similar on the outside, their fates were different.
The significance of the two identical goats is like that of the two biblical twins, Jacob and Esau. One twin, Jacob, was most beloved by God and became the father of His people while Esau the most hated archenemy of God. This identical appearance without yet differences within signifies how only God knows the heart and there is nothing hidden from Him. Thus, during this holy time, it is a time to truly repent in pure honesty of all the trespasses and failings of the year ending.
Early in the morning after the fasting (in 2022, October 6th), Yom Kippur is brought to a close with the blasting of a trumpet made from a ram's horn called 'shofar'. After this, there is a celebration with music and dancing at the 'break-the-fast' feast which includes bagels and spreads, kugel, blintzes, and egg dishes.
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Articles used as reference in this entry:
ROSH HASHANAH AND YOM KIPPUR
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