Substitute this!

Substitution is the power of making my acting and character development and expansion more truthful in the given circumstances and ultimately more believable.

A few years ago, when I was just starting out in the venture of life as an actress, a friend, another working actress, mentioned to her friend on Facebook that she was using him as a 'substitute' for a monologue.

As I began taking my craft more seriously and investing in classes, I kept this concept vivid in the back of my mind.  Indeed the idea is prominent amongst many actors, performers, and teachers of the craft but not always spoken with the same terminology.  Thus, with every substantial character I have been given I seek to decipher which of the characters can represent real-life relationships.  In this, it helps to have an already keen idea of which relationships, experiences, and memories are the most meaningful and powerful to evoke the strongest feelings from myself as an artist.

In the last play I did, I played a character in an eccentric family, to put it mildly.  Because of these built in structures of relationships in the context of the story, I began the task of delegating these characters to be substituted in my mind to certain significant individuals in my life.  Looking back, the most heart-wrenching and the most believable, at least to me, was the character of Monica, my little sister in the play, who was envisioned in my mind as my soul-sister, Chloe.  Through this, I realized and began to understand on a deeper level the friendship I have with her, that of a big sisterly protective affection.  So, when one of the other characters badmouth Monica, I felt the internal urge to defend her as if someone was spewing out venom on or about Chloe.  Thus, also in the second act, when Monica screams offstage as if in terrible danger, I react with the primal emotion of fear for Chloe's safety,with the underlying subtext, "Chloe, Chloe, I'm coming!"  In the third act, the Monica character speaks of our dead older sister (who I substituted for a former "friend" I struggle with liking plus a former "lover" of sorts of Chloe's) with venom and I defend that person based on the real-life relationship.  When Monica says, "It probably saved the country from a famine", my back story is Chloe saying, "It probably saved the stoner community from a marijuana famine" with my response being (of sorts) "He was your lover."

Similarly, I used the concept of substitution last Saturday for an audition.  For the last few years, I have worked on the song (among others), "Til There Was You" from the musical, "The Music Man".  Once I got the lines down with the appropriate accompanying music, I sought to find the correct focus of emotional representation.  Honestly, I attempted to use the Doctor (See: Doctor Who/Whovian love) as a substitute but even though I adore him in all his regenerations this connection was not powerful enough to evoke any emotional tug on my heartstrings.  In the back of my mind was always the idea to use the cast of "Working"as a mental and emotional snapshot for the song.  The show, "Working" is significant to me because it was my first show, my first attempt at an actual play, testing the waters of my talent, and thus led me to find my true calling.  (In a sense, you never forget your first time...).  In practice, I noticed how each line rang true as a token of gratitude fueled by my memory of the time I had with this assortment of actors and other crazy people.  As I walked into the theatre for the audition, I was fortunate enough to see my sister in the passion of theatre, Ella, and also a Working stiff.  So, I captured her face in my heart (not hard to do) and walked into the Lions' den with renewed determination and sang that song as if to her, representing the entire Working Cast and Crew, singing a song of thankfulness for each one of their existences in my life to help fuel my driver to further my endeavors into my calling...."There was love all around but I never heard it singing....til there was you."

And now, I am at work on a new character for a new play with a full load of dialogue and monologues and thus am searching for the appropriate intentions for my character as well as substitutes of real-life relationships for the other characters.  Fortunately, my male counterpart and lead is my partner in amorous affections and that mirrors the relationship in the show so there is not too much need for differentiation.

But the other character, Lou, is the main antagonist of my journey in his attempts to ruin my relationship with the lead.  He, then, falls into an appropriate substitute for a friend, who I deeply love yet upon witnessing her overall conduct have developed a strong distrust and dislike.  Interesting to note what a strange and complex vessel is the human heart  with its capacity to love and hate in the same instance!  Even though I infinitely trust my boyfriend and also, more importantly, my own strength of character and individuality, I still find a weakness and fear of my heart that she, in her insecurities and jealousies, may attempt to undermine our relationship and thus take him away from me.  Thus, this is my primary motivation and driving force in my relationship with Lou.  Something that I can't healthily express in real-life situations but I can use in an powerful  way for Edna and help to find healing in my own heart on this matter.  There is also a juxtaposition in that I can speak to Lou (substitute my real-life friend) as a mutual friend of the lead in a real matter of fact way about the positive effect I have had on the main character yet to continue to hold the distrust to fight to keep his affections...in a sense different tactics to accomplish the main goal at heart.

In closing, as a dear friend, mentor, fellow actor of the boards, and artistic director of a local theatre spoke into me in our first meeting about acting and life:

"Build up a thick skin but always, always keep an open heart!"

Finding A Place to "Just Stay...."

I am Kira Jones, (my maiden name).  I am 27 and a young mother of two, with another on the way.  Some have called me strong and spirited, but for my part, I just do what I have to do based on what life throws my way.

I was born in the Midwest in the state of Kansas, in a small conservatively minded town with one school for all grades, one firehouse but no police station except the sheriff who came in from the county.  An unincorporated town too small for a mayor but too big for its britches, the locals say.  

I was born into a fundamentally Christian family with strict rules that restrict even the ability to breathe freely.  I am the oldest of the four younger brothers which I pretty much raised.

I left right after high school (I thought that was my only way out of there).  Spontaneously, the night of graduation, got my diploma, walked off stage, threw my cap, and rode off on the back of a harley owned by a guy named Biff, with nothing but a backpack full of clothes, a toothbrush, a wad of cash, and my favorite book, "Walden", and a sleeping bag.  

We went to Napa, California where Biff abandoned me after impregnating me.  I aborted that child...because I had to...but it left an aching need in my heart for a family--

I worked as a migrant worker and a cashier in a local deli and occasionally took some classes at a local Junior college but dropped out because the classes were too dull, not to mention, too easy.  I experimented with anything offered to me from pot, mushrooms, LSD, or different sexual partners of both genders.

I met my ex-husband at a coffee shop on a break from work.  He was with all his friends.  We started hanging out and he gave me a place to stay when I got kicked out of my place.  He was studying to be a cop, which was a strange occurrence in my circle of friends.  We married in under a year and when he had finished his schooling we moved to Oregon.  He began his career and shortly after we had our first child.

...In that first year of marriage, there was a lot of screaming and throwing of things, I didn't leave at first because of the pregnancy and then the baby and besides I didn't know where I could go, thought it would somehow work itself out...but when the child was two, I could no longer take it and I found a way out...

I am searching for a place to land, a place where I can "just stay"...

If you want to learn more about me, look for me in the upcoming local film written and directed by Dru Haskin, "The Last Tipi Village."  (Filmed by Ross Williams & Kristopher Ballard)