Gender-Bender!

Vagina Diaries Day Twenty-Seven

Hey, you guys!

No, wait, let me correct my thinking...

When I was a student teacher working towards getting my teaching credential, my mentor teacher informed me that referring to a class of both boys and girls as "you guys" was derogatory and discriminatory towards females.  I made a note to change that wording in her classroom, but have been relatively lax when it comes to that phrase in later years, partly because its a phrase used by many a folk in today's society.  But, I do often find myself second guessing the usage of it in mixed groups or even more so in single sex group with a bunch of other women and girls.

Most women don't mind, so used to that phrase as they are and let it slide.  But, does that make it right?  Why can't I refer to a bunch of guys and girls as "Hey chics?"  Wouldn't that be just as acceptable? Does this male reference so widely used and accepted signify the male dominance in today's culture?

I think my answer to this is to honor my sisters of all ages by making the attempt to use the term, "Ladies and Gentlemen" or in a classroom setting, "Boys and Girls" or even "Girls and Boys".  Although I most likely will slip up and find myself using the "Hey guys" usage again, making the effort in my mind is the first step towards promoting gender equality.

What do you think? Does changing a simple phrase make a difference in promoting female strength and equality?

Vagina Monologues 2015

Help Jackie Become Her True Self!

Caroline couldn't say it!!!!

Vagina Diaries Day Twenty-Six!

It is the fact of my existence that I came of age in the grand ol' decade that is the 90's.  Thus, I like to think of that era as a time of immense progressive thinking mingled with a wide variety of choices in the culture at large.

That is, until I watched this episode of "Caroline In The City":

Caroline & the Cereal

Now, I am definitely a major fan of this show and spent the majority of my teen years on Thursday night, obsessively watching, lusting over the fabulous "Malcolm Gets" (who unfortunately is not into girls) and dreaming with hopeful expectations that my life could someday be as idyllic as Caroline's.

So, if you haven't watched the link by now, I can briefly give you a synopsis of the show.  Caroline, the comic-strip artist, gets offered to have her character on a cereal box.  Upon accepting the contract and receiving the cereal, Caroline and her "sincere amor", Richard discover that the cereal itself is in the shape of, well none other than, a 'Vagina'.

What is shocking now is that no one on the show could say that very word!  I would let it slide if Caroline was unable to say it, seeing as how she grew up in the Midwest and this could be a character choice, but none of the characters, mind you not even Annie, could bring themselves to let that word out of their lips.  Weird, huh?

Okay, I'll give them that the whole way it was played out was comedic, for sure.

And, also this was probably normal back then, back then being the far far reaches in time of the mid-nineties, which isn't really that long ago, really!

Therefore, my conclusion is this: we've come along way in our openness as women and girls of all ages to proclaim loudly the value of our vaginas and the freedom to be who we are, what we want to and can be.

Maybe, if it weren't for shows like Caroline In the City, Eve Ensler and the like wouldn't have set out to be reclaim the word and set us free.

So, thank you, Caroline, well played, indeed.

Vagina Monologues 2015

Help Jackie!

Lia Power!

Vagina Diaries Day Twenty-Five!

Its my personal 2nd Anniversary, the day I kicked my abuser of an ex-husband out the door of our apartment and thus out of my life, making the choice to allow positive and uplifting energy into my life from that point on.  Above all, making the choice to love and honor myself first and foremost, throwing off the lies of all past abuse and believing in the truth of my divine being, soaring to the heights of my destiny, come what may.

I Knew You Were Trouble

The day fell on Oscars Day 2013 and for that every time the Academy Awards day makes its yearly contribution to our television screens, I honor myself and my "freedom."  Truth be told, I should be given an award for that performance, not only for it being the finest moment of my life, but also that of the actual performance of the moment.  "Go!" I screamed sobbing, as he stood on my door way, abusing me, daring me to hit him (Why would I do that?)...Go! Go! Just Go!

Brave!

Then, fleeing to my neighbor and best friend's house, Randy, to sob uncontrollably as snot and spit poured forth out of me, releasing the inbuilt tension in my stomach and tightened insides from the two years of struggle.  With Randy nearby, holding me, massaging my shoulders, and laughing with me over Jerry Seinfeld's "I'm telling you for the last time", I began my new life, freedom, and the finding of my true self.

Not just Vagina Power or Girl Power but, really in fact, Lia Power!  In fact, on that day I said Farewell to the Cafe-Girl title and bid welcome my own feminine power, strength of purpose, and found my truest and highest self.

So, today not only do I honor my Vagina's freedom on that day and the personal healing that came from it, but the outcome of finally and truly finding my self, my true self, who I always was inside.

And, living it loud and proud!

Happy Anniversary to me!

Begin Again!

Vagina Monologues 2015

Help Jackie Begin Again!

Girlhood Crush!

A little about me:  My name is Jill Summerfield, I'm 29 years old, newly married, and has just achieved my dream of running my own law firm.  Its small but its just beginning, who knows what the future will bring?

My husband, David, is my childhood sweetheart (well, one of them) and the man who got me started thinking seriously about law as a career.  I remain still fairly close with my best friend from high school, Debbie, or as she likes to be called these days, Wind-Passer or no, wait, Wind-Dancer.  (I think that's right.)  We are as close as can be expected with the fact that she lives across the Pacific in Hawaii and I live and work in the beautiful San Francisco.  She works for money in a restaurant and paints, smokes, and who knows what else by night.  I believe she is very talented and just wish she would do more with her life...this is a source of major contention and disagreement between both of us as to what "more in life" really means, and basically, has been since we were teenagers!

When all is said and done, I feel as if Debbie is more a sister than a friend and her involvement in my life is without question.

Debbie and I bonded when we were girls together over our mutual love of music, especially The Beatles.  She patiently stood by while I gushed over the amazing John Lennon and, for that matter, still have the same adoring affections for the man to this day.  Although my obsession has tamed a bit since my youth, I still find myself pulling out my old records and listening to such favorites as "All You Need is Love", "Yesterday", and "Because" especially during moments of stress.

All You Need Is Love

Although the divorce and subsequent marriage of John Lennon to Yoko Ono was shocking, to say the least, I really admire and believe in their message of "Give Peace a Chance" and "Make Love, Not War".  I see these truths as vital to the change we need to make in the world, starting with ourselves first and then allowing that to move outwards.

And, then the shocking news came....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwPI_aalZ8Q

Jill Summerfield is a character from the play, "Loving John Lennon" written by Darlene Ensor which will be read at Paschal Winery on February 28th and March 1st at 7 pm.  The play is directed by Michael Meyer and stars Brittany Bosworth, McKenzie Baratta, Lia Dugal, Kristen Lorange, Diane Nichols, and Becky Durango.  The show includes musical guest, Chiron O'Keefe.  Ten Dollars admission fee at the door.

Loving John Lennon Event Invite

http://www.paschalwinery.com/

Vaginas Unite!

Vagina Diaries Day Twenty-Four

For years, I've had an in-built mistrust and strong dislike bordering on hatred for other women.  This stemming from the young age of 15 when my trusted supposed best friend "stole" my boyfriend right out from under me, well, rather less than an hour after he broke it off with me, she swooped in (right after I called her sobbing.)  So, you see how the mistrust and, well, okay, hatred came about.

I am fairly certain many women and young girls have this over-riding issue, a fact of femininity I find the most disturbing.  The idea of the tribal warrior-women binding together for the greater good of the unit became replaced with the onset of the patriarchal community which dictated a girl's need to compete with her kind.  Sad, indeed.

To be quite fair, I have had a few close female friends that have remained faithful and true along the path of my life, most notably M1, M2, and S, friends from the high school and college days.  And, for them I am most grateful.

However, lately I've been reflecting upon the presence of six amazing ladies whose appearance into my life, although mostly tumultuous and confusing to them, brought about an amazing amount of healing during the Crazy California years, or rather the Bipolar Breakdown Diagnosis years.  I see now that each of these girls were brought into my life as part of the Divine Will to bring about healing and freedom in my heart, from the past best friend abuse.  Despite this, the overwhelming similarity in each of these friendships is my efforts to push them away.

It all started with Amber, the closest of the room-mates I had while at Sonoma State and a hot little lesbian to boot.  Together, we laughed a lot and supported each other through scholastic and life's journey the way room-mates do best.  After the year ended and we moved out, we stayed close the year after but then separated when I, buying into the Conservative Christian views on homosexuality, pushed her away.  Although I have searched, I have yet to find her, apologize, and hopefully reconcile the spark of love and friendship we once had.  I do hope she is well, thriving, and am eternally grateful for her divine presence in my life during that time.

Next and running concurrent to my life with Amber was my 'sister in Christ", Karissa, my fellow student-teacher friend who wore a cross the first day we met.  She happens to be possibly the one who got the closest to a true friendship and thus one of the worse examples of my attempts to "flee the scene" due to fear.  Years spent I trying to understand why and to effectively apologize to Karissa for the abuse she suffered at my hands, finally finding freedom in releasing that, knowing that I am not that person anymore and thankfully that time is past.

Thirdly, and also present during the Karissa years, was Suzanne, a dear friend that try as I might did not "flee" but rather stayed diligently by my side through the darkest of moments.  Why? I can only see that she could truly understand, being one with a diagnosis of depression herself.  She stayed by my side offering love, support, and constructive criticism whether I wanted it or not, in turn standing up for herself, until she moved away to study nursing in Santa Barbara.  Before she moved, she met me for coffee and handed me a silver ring with the inscription, "Hope", because as she said, clutching the ring to her face with a smile, "There is always hope."  A valid message and one I am glad she reflected to me purely.  (I re-sized and wore the ring faithfully until I married.)

Then, along came Jessica, the hair-dresser turned park ranger, the one who read "Purpose Driven Life" and gave her life to God and away from drugs.  She came into my life and played the part of "unbiological little sister" for a season until meeting a guy in her school program and running off with him, after I told her she "wasn't walking with God."  I thought I was doing my part to "save her", as the church I was going to would do, but alas it was just my attempt to once again "push away".
(I did call her a few years back and apologize for this.)

Along into my life came Fay, my Iranian friend I met at church.  (I remember most fondly about Fay is her large welcoming smile and laughter.)  I have always had many friends from different parts of the world, starting way back from childhood when I met a girl at camp from Germany with my same name, and when I met Fay I found an instant kinship.  I was fascinated to learn about Iran (pronounced by her "Ee--Rahn", the correct way) from her point of view, and not that of the contemporary American viewpoint of Iran as enemy.  I attempted to "flee" from our relationship by psycho-analyzing her and thus scaring her off.  I did apologize, she ran off with her now ex-husband and we became friends again.

Lastly, into my life came sweet Monica, a friend also of the Bipolar persuasion.  We met through a NAMI class and quickly became coffee shop pals, sharing in a mutual love of the caffeinated buzz.  We remain close comrades to this day, although went through a brief spell when first married and quickly becoming an abuse victim, I turned that against her in an attempt to once again psycho-analyze.  (Of course, we did eventually make-up and have been closer friends since.)  It was her that played the part of "maid of honor" at my wedding and she was the one who I re-gifted the "hope ring" (given to me previously by Suzanne) with the same promise of forever hope.  She wears it to this day.

Each of these girls, despite my best futile attempts to flee, remained steadfast and true bringing healing into the heart of that 15 year old betrayed by her best friend young girl.  It is because of each of them that I now have many loving relationships with women and girls, an amazing blessing in itself.  (And, a great addition to this story is each of these women's roles in my lives, but for the sake of you, the reader, I will abstain...for now.)

So, today in this entry of the Vagina Diaries, I honor the above six women and thus all friendships the female kind.  It is a necessary truth that all Vaginas must set aside their differences, past slights and betrayals, forgive, and come together....

Vaginas Unite!

Vagina Monologues 2015

Help Jackie!

Embraceable Vagina!

Vagina Diaries Day Twenty-Three

That's right, go ahead and give yourself a big bear hug.  You deserve it, why? Because you are alive and breathing and a divine being of the Universe.  No other explanation needed!

I've been thinking of late that these entries are focusing too much on the physical aspect of the Vagina and not the emotional aspect of knowing and loving thyself, that which is indefinitely more important than its physical counterpart.

I just did it, wrapped my arms tightly around my chest and squeezed, and found myself not only enjoying the process but unable to let go, my heart swelling to degrees of warmth and love never before felt by myself directed towards myself.

This activity is a new discovery and one of which I hope to partake it at least once, if not more, daily.

I think another aspect of this and one that I feel strongly impressed on me is that of trusting the Divine's work in me to guide me where I need to go, prayerfully asking for strength to not doubt or waver in my determination and faith.

The key thing here is to believe that I am, every part of me, Vagina included, an aspect of the Divine, a Divine creation.  And, in that, I am love and deserving of that love.

So, embrace it, Lia!  And, embrace yourself!

Vagina Monologues 2015

Give Jackie a Virtual Hug!

Would You Whack It?

Vagina Diaries Day Twenty-Two

My boyfriend and I were flipping through RoKu and an advertisement popped up for a TV show called "Bush-Whacked".  I immediately made a joke in reference to President Bush and, well, hopefully you get the gist of it, in case there are secret Government agencies watching my Internet activity.  My boyfriend, however, made a pun referencing to whacking "the bush" as in the pubic region, asking me if I would.  I reminded him not only of the monologue I am working on but my ever-increasing belief that hair is there for a reason.  Whereas I don't see hair in the "down-there" part of the body as cluttered and dirty, I do think grooming and keeping it neatly trimmed is necessary.  For example, I do not desire the 1970's bush but nor do I want the modern day 'porn-star' look.  Ouch!

But, to each is own and every woman has the right to choose how she'd like her vagina to look.  See: Designer Vaginas, the New York Runway look of Fall 2015.  So, my question is to you readers,
How do you want your pussy? Trimmed? Bushy? Hairless?

I hope the above picture, plus my entries over the last few months, do not sway your opinion.  So, please answer honestly in the space below, whether or not you want to say "why" is up to you.  I'm just curious, plus am hopeful this entry, as well as the ones previous, have got you thinking more about how to love yourself and your beloved 'V'.  

Southern Oregon University's production of "Vagina Monologues" opens March 5th

Help Jackie Design Her Vagina!

Just As You Are!

Vagina Diaries Day Twenty-One

So, sorry that its been like more than a week since the last entry but still count this as Day Twenty-One, forgiving the time lapse.  (I was out of town on vacation through most of that time.)

The day before Valentine's Day, which ironically being the Friday the 13th as to the nature of its detrimental subject, I discovered this article on my facebook feed:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/20000-tons-of-pubic-hair-trimmed-in-preparation-fo,2909/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:NA:InFocus

With my recent studies and being the focus of one of my monologues, the topic horrified me true to the factor of the date it appeared.  Not only because the idea of committing the "act between the sheets hairless" brings up memories of painful chafing, but the idea that one has to alter themselves from their naturally ordained self to please others sexually flies in the face of what I am coming to see as true.  

Our vaginas are ourselves, furthermore, our pubic regions, hair and all, are vital to our self-appreciation and worth as human beings.  Choosing to remove this for the supposed benefit of another conflicts with your ordained Divine right and true self, in so doing, becoming a great limitation from loving yourself completely.  

In addition to this, a dear friend and Vagina Rock-Star shared this article on the backlash of pubic shaving:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/06/pubic-hair-grooming-injuries_n_2632907.html

Thanks Katy!  Pay special attention to what Dr. Emily Gibson says: 

Pubic hair does have a purpose, providing cushion against friction that can cause skin abrasion and injury, protection from bacteria and other unwanted pathogens, and is the visible result of long awaited adolescent hormones, certainly nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about.

Furthermore, the first article's last quote by a Donna Spaulding is the one of most importance:

"We all want to look good and feel desirable, but it's important to keep things in perspective," Spaulding said. "In the end, you want people to love your pubic region for what's inside, not just for how it looks."
Truth, Ms. Spaulding! So, all you ladies out there, be proud of your hair, be proud of all of you, for you are wonderful and complete and perfect 'just as you are!'

Southern Oregon University's "Vagina Monologues" opens March 5th in the Rogue River Room and runs through March 6th.  

https://www.facebook.com/events/1563122447294253/?ref_dashboard_filter=upcoming

Please help Jackie find her true self!

Shhh, Acceptance is a Dirty Word!!!

Vagina Diaries Day Twenty

In today's devotional of "One Day My Soul Just Opened Up," the focus was on acceptance, a word I felt that I have some degree of mastery over, until on second thought I realized differently.

I realized that I need to accept the way life is, the way some people treat others as bullies, or what have you, and that it is not my place, regardless of what I would like to do, to try to bring vengeance on these individuals.  However, this seems easy to accept when compared to something of deeper significance.

That of my own personal past with abuse and bullies.

Whenever anyone refers to me as my "former name", my insides cringe with the memory of that girl, something that these friends do not truly understand because they did not live inside of me.  They do not know that "girl" they knew was the child-like creature who was perpetually seen as helpless and unable to understand herself and make decisions for herself and who because of this was verbally and emotionally, sometimes physically, abused her entire life.  It is for that reason I cringe inside when I hear that name.  But, it is for the girl they saw, the real me, that I need to heal from those wounds completely.  So, I must accept that part of my life, that part of my self.

For that girl that I used to know, who never really got to live, was and is me.  I could not have become who I am today, strong, independent, determined, self-loving and self nurturing of my whole being, vagina and all, if not for my past, both good and bad.  For in all actuality, there was good if these dear old friends of mine can be found truthful.

For when it comes down to it, the "Julia" they knew is not the "Julia" I knew, but they really saw the "Lia" before I allowed her to be set free.  In that way, I honor their presence in my life and my journey towards self-discovery, their love is helping heal the old scars of abuse and their support and acknowledgment of who I am today is the realization that "Lia" was always real to them, even before I allowed her to be.

So, "Acceptance" is a very dirty word, when it comes down to it, when you really allow it to sink into your entire being and readily admit you have to accept all parts of yourself and humanity, in all its beauty and ugliness.

But, once completed, oh how much more peaceful and joyful is life discovered!

Click here!