Might As Well Call Me Just Jackie

Vagina Diaries Day Twenty-Eight

In the last entry, I discussed the issue of gender and the labels we use to describe such a concept, focusing mostly on the usage of male pronouns and wordage to lump both male and female into the same category.  No wonder we girls have self-esteem and body images, right?

Also, for the last few weeks, I've been including a link in the end of my entries asking you to support my beloved sister, Jackie's, desire to become her whole self.  As promised, I now submit my very first guest blogger, the wonderful Godly woman that is, Miss Jackie Pollock, to share a little about her heart, her reasons behind her "gofundme", and desire to become her true self, whole and complete.

I  now present to you, the article:

Might As Well Call Me Just Jackie

Many people ask me “Why do you want to be a woman?” My typical response is I don’t want to
be a woman I already am a woman after all it’s not my fault that I was born in the wrong body. “Being a woman sucks; don’t do it” Um sure yeah okay whatever. You know it’s not my fault I wasn’t born this pretty and that I have to correct nature’s mistake. “Mother Nature doesn’t make mistakes” Oh??? Really Mother Nature doesn’t make mistakes??? First of all I am a Christian Secondly I am a Woman while Third I am transgender. Genesis 1:27 tells us that “God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.”1 gift from God that I call the Gender Gift. He wanted me to go through this so he created me to be Transsexual but most of all God wants me to be one of his beautiful daughters period and to do this I have to undergo Gender Reassignment from Male to Female. Do I regret having to do this? Oh no I don’t regret it at all but it takes money that because of the Glass Ceiling and Fear of the Unknown plus the ignorant responses I have yet to earn the necessary money to accomplish this. John 14:6 tells us that “Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through

 I repeat that you ask why do I want to be a woman; I don’t want to be a woman because I am already a woman; the only difference between myself and a woman born a woman is that I was born in the wrong body hence Transgender is the term that I unfortunately must use as a label. “Trans is a prefix
and female, “gender” replaced “sex” in the 20th century.”4

I have many women I call sisters a majority are male to female transgender; they are pseudo or non-related women I consider the sisters I never had, but they are sisters none the less. Lia is one of those
women who is one of my cisgender sisters (cisgender meaning that the individual identifies with the
gender which they were born) most of the cisgender people are allies. Why is Lia so supportive of a lady like me? I don’t know you’d have to ask her all I know is that my soul, mind, and heart are all feminine; the only part of me that isn’t feminine is my body and that is something that I’ll have to correct through surgery; is there any chance you can help me raise the funds to do this? You’ll be helping a wonderful lady finally become the woman she should’ve always been and that lady is me.

Help Jackie!

Vagina Monologues 2015

"When I was 11 years old, I said I wanted to be a famous actress when I grew up and I also said that I wanted to be called 'Lia'."

"Your name shall no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you strove with God and with men, and prevailed."--Genesis 32:28-29

I recently watched a video on facebook of a young man transitioned from a woman speak about his transformation and noting that the girl he was would never have the life she had thought was hers to have.  It made me think of my own transformation over this past year.

When people that knew me before the change ask me why I changed my name, as if it was merely a few letters that changed and not a whole sense of self, I tell them this:

"When I was 11 years old, I said I wanted to be a famous actress when I grew up and I also said that I wanted to be called 'Lia'."

That seems to appease a few, others that have known me for years still truly can't comprehend, its those I give a pass.  Even when I explain to them that the Julia they knew was different than the Julia I felt inside, the former one more positive and the latter one more negative, still they can't truly understand and I am beginning to realize that is okay.  Because, ultimately the positive aspect they saw of me then was merely a small part of who I really am and allowing myself to fully become.  They saw that gem inside then and, in a very real sense, helped me to become who I was meant to be, even then, without my knowing it or wanting to admit it, to myself mostly.

Truly, I feel very akin to the transgender community, the idea of changing one's identity,  reinvention of self, based on who you really are on the inside, releasing yourself from the bondage of your past.  For me the girl, Julia, trapped in a world of oppression, of shoulds and should nots, the life of people-pleasing, codependencies, jealousies, competition, all that is released.

As Leah of the Bible, Jacob's first wife, gave birth to three male children with the dearest of hopes with each that at last her husband would love her before she finally surrendered to the realization that he would not and with Judah concluded that it was not man's love to endlessly seek out, and be ultimately denied, but the love of the divine, where true satisfaction and peace are found, so to, myself becoming Lia, I can rest in the knowledge in that love as well.

I need not fear the fact that I will pick up the mantle of jealousy, for example, nor do I have shame in that, as I realize I am still 'human' after all, and, in that, I find forgiveness of self for my weaknesses, in the past, present, and future.  Furthermore, in that forgiveness, I cannot allow those momentary afflictions of conscience to overpower me but can trust in the healing process, the life-long journey of recovery to truly become 'Lia'.

Truly, I am the 'Lia', or Leah, that realizes there is no need to endlessly secure the love of man, or the acceptance of people, or hope for that alone, but trust and be thankful for the blessings already given and will be given from the divine.

Ultimately, I am thankful for the love that is faithful, pure, and true always offering acceptance for who I really am, with open arms.

So, the Julia that was and that still is apart of me (and always will be) shall never have the life that she thought was hers to have, but through the sacrifice of what could have been, Lia will achieve all that is meant for her, her destiny, her dreams, of being the 'famous actress'.

"When I was 11 years old, I said I wanted to be a famous actress when I grew up and I also said that I wanted to be called 'Lia'."