Transparen-Me.

 

In a few short months, I will launch upon the world my business's newest service, the life coach and thriving artists workshops.  This coaching and workshops will utilize a variety of artistic means with the intention to birth healing and freedom into the client's or participant's life.  For the last year, I have been busy writing lesson plans and creating a business plan with these new services in mind, updating my social media, website, and business registration with the new name, logo, and means of operation.  Now, with the launch upon me, there is a marked degree of trepidation.  

For the last couple years, even during the pandemic, I have finally found my thrive as a gigworker, establishing myself as a dogwalker/sitter, fine art model, and paid, working actor, resulting in finally feeling stability increasing within myself as well as without.  The act of finally stepping out into a sustainable entrepreneurial life, with past mistakes and setbacks still looming over my head, leaves me with a twinge of anxiety causing me to hold back from taking that risk.

But, risk I shall, because one aspect of all the craziness of the last several years, is that I have become more comfortable in my own skin, with a security in my life and relation priorities, leading to the belief that "you don't have to be an expert, you just have to begin."  Because of this, I have become able to and am continuing to fight off the "imposter syndrome".  (Imposter-Shmoster)

With this newly minted security, I have been able to step back from the toxic and revel in the positive relations and love abounding, finally discovering what true friendship is through the faces of those who have remained or have come into my life bringing with them authenticity and true support.  From those dear friends of mine, I have become to realize that I do have a skill level in helping others to thrive in a very organic and fluid ease of manner.  The core of this natural ability comes forth increasingly from my no longer withholding all of me.

Because of my past history of trauma throughout all of my life, added to that the diagnosis of Bipolar Type 2, I have had a life fraught with a myriad of toxic relations (from familial to romantic and so much in between) causing a life full of despair and drama.  Only in recent years, when with inner strength and resolve I know not how I acquired, I have stood up for myself, said no, turning myself away from all things toxic. 

Furthermore, through this time of the pause in daily life, I have been able to stand in witness to all of my life, recognizing the fullness of the wrongs and harms I caused.  With some marked degree of fear, I have begun the process of revealing all of the harmful and near psychotic ways I have behaved throughout all of my life, with the purpose not of bragging or minimizing, but of truly revealing all of me, showcasing, hopefully, the journey from who I was, whence I came, to where I stand today, more and more self actualized.

So, as I head into this new phase of Cafe-Girl Thriving Artists, LLC, the launch of myself as life coach and workshop facilitator, I know I must voyage in with an increasing desire to be fully authentic, truthful, and transparent in all of what I do.  Knowing fully that some may flee, as I have done such horrific things admittedly, or run out of their own insecurity to not reveal and be transparent, but others will stay, those ready to receive and begin their healing journeys. 

And, with that and my new life motto, "You don't have to be an expert or perfect, you just have to begin," I continue the steps forward in my launch, with gratitude for both the highs and the lows, the victories and failures, of all of me that brought me here today, ready to claim my true thrive and bring that forth for others.  

"For such a time as this" has always been the purpose of my soul's evolution.

My Life

What I choose to do

Is of no concern to you and your friends

Where I lay my hat may not be my home

But I will last on my own

'Cause it's me, and my life

It's my life, it's my life

My Self Employed Life & How I Thrive

 

My life may not be conventional but that means not that it is not busy.  Increasingly, I am finding satisfaction and fulfillment working the gigworker full-time, having an intense workload with all my various paid for hire activities that it all adds up to the full-time affair.  Furthermore, my bank accounts remain faithfully in the black and living within my means begins to increase higher as I decrease my overall debt.

That said, it isn't necessary a path for all.  Some may thrive within the framework of the traditional 9-5, as it were, or rather working for an established business wherein an an employer defines the schedule for the employee.  I am one that did not thrive in this societally approved established way of living, in fact, I lost my mind and was given the diagnosis of bipolar, unable to work the norm due to not being able to handle the stress of it all.

Disability does not cover all my expenses, both the monthly bills and the debt to be paid off, not to mention, you know, good ol' fashion fun, nor do merely pursuing the creative pursuits.  For a year, I attempted to make my way following the path merely of creativity and found that the strain and constant anxiety of not having the regular income to care for my day to day needs over-weighed my ability to create.  Thus, I had to return to the paid gig life and what I then discovered was the balance of producing the content through my creativity and scheduling the time for the many 'money-making' jobs helped secure my overall sense of self worth and peace of mind.  

And, a balance it is,with two planners, one large and one small, and a wall calendar, each filled with markings of dates of employment and other necessary appointments, a myriad of spreadsheets managing my in-flow and out-flow of expenses as well as one for all my debts.  In addition to my 'money-making' and personal expenses, I have a multitude of spreadsheet related to my self-employed pursuits as a film producer and entrepreneur extraordinaire.  

As I increasingly find peace in this destined, long sought after, and finally attained path, I have discovered the art of clearly defining my personal daily and weekly schedule.  EX: I wake up with a clear focus on what I need to accomplish for the day, the week, and the month, a regular list on a 3X4 card on my desk that I check off as I finish a task, filled with the dogwalks, modeling appointments, as well as the entrepeneurial tasks such as monthly newsletters, scheduling rehearsals and film shoots, and content creation for both short-term and long-term projects.  Through all of this, I have discovered what fits for me personally, starting my work day with the variety of tasks around 8:00 am and ending around 6:00 pm; Yes, that's right, coming to a clear time when my brain decides it can do no more of this computer type busyness and must allow itself to freely fall into the evening activity without a care or concern related to the business mind present.

All that success mentioned, I still have moments of anxiety when the income seems to be trickling in slower yet with that there is increasingly less of a worry with the reality that I now always have a means of making the buck, bringing home the bacon, etc, etc etc.  With that, the breath of fresh air is achieved and back I dive into the day's focus.  

In truth, I could not think of a more happier time spent, a life that I was meant for, not the normal daily grind of the rest of American society, due to my health conditions physical and mental that cause some delay in my productivity at times.  I do at times feel the backlash and judgment of the outside world, who see my work as little value because it nor I fit in with the assigned normalcy of career and employment.  This is increasingly becoming less of an occurrence due to this post-Covid-19 reality of which we find ourselves within, wherein many are having to hustle into the gig-worker life to continue to survive, or more hopefully, to thrive. 

However, I do still feel a bit of a pushback when a person employed by the established environ of normalcy has a day off and wants to 'go do something' or the times when I get a message or phone call requesting 'to come and play', a sense of frustration comes across when said individual hears me say, "Sorry, I'm busy," with the underlying 'what do you have going on, your schedule is flexible' theme.  

Yes, my schedule is flexible, but it is, as mentioned above, clearly structurally defined by myself for optimal successful thriving.  Furthermore, I have set aside the days of Saturday and Sunday as non-computer and other work time, in which I attend to the house chores, read, relax, and find time to play.  

I will allow the reality that I have a tendency towards rigidity in my life, a means from the past in order to give some sense of false security and thus something I am continuously striving to lessen the hold.  In addition, with one partner whose days off are currently Tuesday and Wednesday, I must allow sometime for us to truly connect and have scheduled date time for the health of our relationship.  The other partner's days' off are equal to mine.  Thus, living the polyamorous life as a gig-worker is even harder finding ways to balance time for work duty, relationship health commitments, as well as time to love the hell out of friends.

So, at last, what it comes down to, is that life is what one makes of it, one's path is one's to follow towards the highest fullfillment of wholeness of healing and evolution.

. 

What I choose to do
Is of no concern to you
And your friends

                                                                            My Life

Gratitude 11/1

 Thank You

1.) I am grateful that love has returned to my life, has arrived at last in all its purity of purpose, in full blossom and in a variety of abundance.

2.) My home, its beautiful serenity and sense of grounding I have felt absent from my heart and soul and physicality until now.

3.) My friends, the right ones, that have remained and are not fair weather, self-seeking, wolves in lamb's clothing---that are in every essence of the word, true family

4.) The frenemies and enemies, for the lesson they taught, strength they allowed me to develop, to let go of that which destroys or weighs me down, to choose true love, not that of conditions

5.) My health, my body and how good it feels to take care of it

6.) My life-long quest of the spiritual and gratitude for the myriad of ways I have sought along the journey.

7.) For Don & Pamela Dehart, with the precarious reality of rental costs and agreements, I feel grateful that I rent a beautiful, secure, stable property from such honorable, ethnical people

8.) Tansy, for she is the love of my life

9.) Bipolar, my PTSD, for the creativity it provides, inspires, the depth of emotion which affords me the ability to understand and truly empathize with others

10.) My ability to persevere and accomplish, to create and reach my goals, with integrity and intentionality

11.) For Will: past, present, for always. 

Always do it on my own
So I gotta get through it
And the only thing I know
Is to love what I'm doing
Never give up, never slow
'Til I finally prove it
Never listen to the no's
I just wanna keep moving
Yeah, I put out all this art
It's my only medicine, yeah

Grateful

So, what are you grateful for? List below!

The Thriving Artist is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, a film and media company with the sole purpose of helping artists discover their thrive.  Support us at: www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions

My Life, My Choice

 

My Life--Dido

What I choose to do is of no concern to you and your friends

Where I lay my hat may not be my home, but I will last on my own

'Cause it's me, and my life, it's my life, it's my life

Oh the world has sat in the palm of my hand not that you'd see

And I'm tired and bored of waiting for you and all those things you never do

'Cause it's me, and my life, it's my life, it's my life.

I fully recognize how this year 2020 has been one of the most trying for all of us, not just in the United States but throughout the whole world.  I get it, but I also believe that it can inspire a mindshift that is possible to bring about a reality change, both personally and globally.  

That said, in the very early hours of 2020, I set an intention for the year, a goal as it were, that this would be a year of health and clarity, vision.  Setting that intention allowed me the freedom to be flexible as the changing tides of the crazy set in last March and I remained in that place of stability and security despite the upheaval that continued in its enormity this year.  

Being forced to slow down and step back from the daily grind and rat race that I was prone to in the years prior to 2020 gave me the ability to prioritize and set clear intentions for my life personally, my mental wellness, as well as my career and business ventures.  Taking this time to slow down allowed me to find balance which enabled me to find security, stability, and my sense of self worth and validation increasingly within and not without. This afforded me to not only find healing and freedom from past toxic relationships but openly and continually evaluate what I want and value in an interpersonal connection.

That said, there is a tendency in today's society to view relationship as a means to increase our value personally without realizing the importance another person has for themselves.  We, as a whole, tend to look outward from a variety of purposes, for acceptance and a sense of self worth.  Connecting with another becomes less about truly finding union and more about what can I gain from another in order to feel secure within and without.  Yes, relationships are transactional, a give and take, as it were, but too many times I feel we focus on the take and give in order to take more.  This year I have been focusing my energy on giving where it is indeed received freely and not necessarily for my own gain if only for the benefit of maintaining a true and definite soul connection with that other person, seeing their face light up with the fullness of being treasured in their heart by another is truly a gift worthy.

Too many times in recent years, I have witnessed this degree of anxiety in myself that I am not doing enough to win the approval of another.  This year I have realized that the connections that enforce this sense of duty upon me are not truly friends, not deserving of my energy or time for there will never be any real reciprocation of true soul connection, and, in the true fullness of the word, are, in fact, toxic. 

Without pointing fingers, I have realized this in an element of my personal community, that of my local theatre scene.  There is a high propensity in recent years in the theatre community that goes beyond the competitive and political, and is venturing increasingly into the arena of toxic manipulation and abuse.  Too much of the connection is based on what another can gain from me and not an enduring soul connection.  A quid pro pro, I give so I can take, not truly from a lasting place of wanting to freely give and connect.  I realize that this may stem from all of our inner feelings of lack of self worth and needing to find that validation outward to increase our inner calm and reduce the sense of dis-ease.  Regardless, it is a toxic way of life that is no longer beneficial. 

In years prior to 2020, before the slowing down and stepping back of quarantine, I have felt increasing anxiety of never feeling 'good enough' or 'worthy' based on this heightened abusive transactional relationship.  It has increased in me the fears of relationship, abandonment and avoidance issues, and brought further into my consciousness that of my past trauma issues.  This time of stepping back has allowed me to realize the nature of the outward connection, how it relates to my inner tranquility or lack thereof, and what a true soul connection truly means.

That said, I have decided hereto that I will no longer engage either directly or indirectly with those connections which are toxic and know wholeheartedly this will not affect me on a negative level, whether personally or in a career fashion, but know that it will and has brought about a peace of mind, enabled me to strengthen my sense of self worth, and infused me with a new degree of wanting to freely give where I know it will be received without judgment.  

For those that I step back from, please know this is not an attack on you personally and know that I do care deeply for you, your inner self.  This is an attack on a practice, that of toxicity and abuse, that are no longer service to myself, to you, or to the community and world.  I hope for all of us that this year has been more than just outwardly yelling the "Fuck You 2020" but a time of change and re-evaluation of what is indeed important and finding the healing to increase our sense of worth without looking outward.

I don't need you to worry for me 'cause I'm alright

I don't want you to tell me it's time to come home

I don't care what you say anymore this is my life

Go ahead with your own life leave me alone

I never said you had to offer me a second chance

I never said I was a victim of circumstance

I still belong

Don't get me wrong

And you can speak your mind

But not on my time

My Life--Billy Joel

If you have thoughts on what you read above, I welcome your response.  Please comment below. THe Thriving Artist is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc.  Support us at: www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions

So, like, thanks!

 Thanksgiving is my favorite of all the holidays.

Now, don't get your panties in a bunch, you hear me? I am not talking about the historical aspect of the day.  I, too, was spoon-fed the heroic story of the pilgrims settling in the land who were rescued by the helpful natives and the union of the two that 'first thanksgiving'.  I, too, dressed up like a pilgrim and made paper head-dresses in my early childhood school years.  Later, I also learned the truth of what happened moving forward in our country's sordid past, the trail of tears, and all of that.

But, I am not talking about the historical thanksgiving as I have stated above, but the spiritual or metaphorical one.  Yes, I love this holiday because most everyone across the country takes a pause to gather with family (or our chosen family) and reflect upon the gifts given to them.  Some may take this from a religious manner and others from a mere place of humanistic gratitude.  Whatever the root, the act of meditating on thankfulness is the true reason for the season and the motivation for my love of the holiday.

That said, I'd like to take some time to reflect on what I have to be grateful for over this past year, before the hubbub busyness of shopping, cooking, and out of town guests takes over my world.

First, on the gratitude list, the basics.  I am grateful for my sexy red Sonic.  When I was looking for a new car after the PT Cruiser was thankfully taken from me, I kept visualizing myself driving in a red car.  Through my searching, I was led to TC Chevy and there it was.  It wasn't my first choice, but it was the right selection.  The salesman at TC Chevy, not working on commission, walked me through the purchasing process to best fit my needs and I am grateful for him and for the fact that every month the payments are made and the outstanding debt towards that is slowly, gradually reduced to what is not seemingly insurmountable.  

And, for the first time in years of many, I have full coverage health insurance.  That in itself is worthy of much jubilation.  

I am thankful for my new little, ramshackle, home.  The wind blows wildly on our hill, but the view and the acreage, the fact of still in Ashland, just 5 minutes by car outside of town, in the country is a dream I never thought could ever be and yet here I am.  

My kitties, Tansy and Leo, who provide hours of enjoyment and affection through their sweetness, sense of humor, and cuteness.  And, of course, my boyfriend, Michael, who is truly my biggest supporter and best friend, who understands me truly like no other.  Together with our two hilarious kitty cats, we make up a strange and adorable little family.  I am truly proud of him in all he does and honored to live and work alongside of him these last 5ish years.

Moving onwards into the second phase of my gratitude list:

I am thankful that now I can work independently, carving out my own schedule and using the resources of financial, relational, spiritual, and others, to make my life be my life and pursue my dreams without looking back.  In a very real sense, I am grateful for those crazy years of my early diagnosis, the darkness of the despair, that led me to the choice of disability so that I am the position of working for myself and in that allowing my health to be a driving force in pursuing my art, ambitions, and dreams.

In that, I am thankful that by working for myself and using my resources wisely, money is no longer an enemy working against me but a tool under my say and control.  In that, not only are the bills paid in full, mostly, but I see a gradual reduction in debt and an overall sense of peace in my financial circumstances.  It is truly a momentary struggle that through diligence and thoughtful perseverance I will overcome and in that there is joy.

It may seem strange to be thankful for a mental health condition and I do not want it to seem like I am boasting that I do not have to work the normal job.  I believe I paid my dues in life, first by having the struggles that come from having bipolar disorder, and then by placing myself in multiple different abusive relationships, from romantic to spiritual, sometimes simultaneously, and back again.  Through going into the depths of my emotion, both highs and lows, I have been provided with the gift of deep soul searching and self analysis, coming up with a depth of understanding of myself and human nature, as well as compassion.  

And, thus we enter the final phase of my gratitude list, at least for now:

I am thankful that in moving towards working for myself, carving out my own schedule, I have had the freedom and the time to focus on myself, who I am spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, as well as career-wise.  I've spent time reading through book after book, whether it be the myriad forms of spirituality, career focused books either on how to improve my craft as an actress, how to be the best producer and/or business-woman ever, and, of course, the random 'fun book', a novel and yes, a non-fiction book about the Ketogenic lifestyle.  (So, sue me, that's fun for me!)  All of these books read a little each morning has given me a sense of renewed focus and calm throughout each day.  Through the course of these studies, I have begun to choose my own path when it comes to spirituality, realizing that I do not need to identify or conform to any form of organized religion and that I truly can draw from each to find the quiet within.  Focusing in on the aspects of my career has given me a renewed drive to continue forward in my goals and ambitions, to see the fruits of my labor come true one way or another.  Lastly, the studies into the Ketogenic lifestyle diet have not only brought health to my physical but has provided such a reduction of my anxiety, mood instability, and reactivity that I never thought possible.  (It is primarily that reason alone that I am such a devout activist for the Keto Way!)

And, of course, I am always thankful for each of my loved ones, the ones far away and those close by.  Those who have come into my life recently and those who have recently left, whether through life changes or death. (That includes you, Papa Harry!)  Each of you have colored my life with such intensity and beauty that enhances every aspect of my life.  You help me to enjoy life to the fullest, help me to take myself less seriously, help me to see alternate angles of my otherwise narrow viewpoint, and then help fuel my creativity.  Because of your positive influence and love in my life, I have grown stronger, am increasingly becoming more and more free from the effects of the abuse, have been able to choose love and allow it in as well as continuously noticing, then eliminating toxic elements from my life.  

So, like, thanks

Cafe Girl: A Story of Coffee, Sex, Cigarettes, & True Love

Thank You By Dido

Act Two, Scene Three


Lights show the end of the day, early evening as the rise on cafe. Matthew is busy closing up shop, putting chairs up on tables, vacuuming (miming with real vacuum but silent, the audience will get the idea, one beat and Deborah enters, knocking on the door. Matthew doesn't hear for a moment, so she knocks louder, yelling his name over the din. Then finally she enters, crosses to him, touches him on the shoulder. He turns, startled.

Deborah:

Hi.

Matthew:

Good to see you!

Deborah:

(entering, looking around)

Closing for the day?

Matthew:

Doesn't it look like it?

Deborah:

Need any help?

Matthew:

No. But thank you. I just need to put this away.

(gestures towards vacuum)

And, then how about a walk?

Deborah:

It looks like snow?

Matthew:

First snows are the best times for walks.

(He smiles, she returns the smile)

Let me just--

(He moves to vacuum, placed where ever the director wants him, makes a show of rolling up cord, and dragging vacuum cleaner up stage to kitchen, exits, Deborah looks around, then Matthew re-enters).

All ready?

Deborah:

Yeah. Its so cozy here.

Matthew:

Yeah, I like it too. Its just a shame that--

Deborah:

What?

Matthew:

Business is slow, is all.

(She nods understandingly)

Ready? I know a great place.

Deborah:

Okay.

(They exit through door, Matthew locks it, lights fade on coffee shop as they slowly cross left across stage.)

Just beginning to snow. Its so beautiful.

(Does a ballet-type spin, stops, embarrassed.)

Sorry.

Matthew:

Why?

Deborah:

I just...

Matthew:

It was beautiful.

(She pulls coat closer to her, sticks hands in pockets, no gloves, pulls up hood.)

Hands cold?

(takes gloves out of his pocket.)

Hear, have mine.

Deborah:

But you need them....

(he pushes them towards her)....

Matthew:

Please, I insist. I'm used to it anyway.

Deborah:

Wait, I have a better idea.

(She hands him one, they put gloves on free hands and hold the bare hands, begin walk.)

Matthew:

Wow. Good plan.

Deborah:

You were telling me, on the phone, about your last girl-friend?

Matthew:

Yeah. Not much more to say. She cheated on me, with the whole town, you know. Girls and guys. So, its just messed up. I had the engagement ring ready and everything.

(He takes a few steps in front of her then turns)

You?

Deborah:

Me?

Matthew:

Your ex?

Deborah:

Oh, he was a real slob, drank too much, smoked too much, never completed anything. Lived with me without paying rent or anything...a big mooch. Lame.

Matthew:

Yeah. Looks like we've both been through the ringer!

(They walk a little.)

Deborah:

Yeah.

(They walk in silence. She pulls out hand, turns away.)

Kind of makes you wonder why you do it.

Matthew:

(He takes her hand in his, looks at her.)

It'll be all right. This time.

Deborah:

How do you know?

Matthew:

( He studies her, shakes his head.)

Because, you're all right, yourself, Debi.

Deborah:

Eh, don't call me that. I like Deborah, or even, Deb.

Matthew:

Well, then you're all right, yourself, Deborah.

(thinks)

What about Rah?

Deborah:

What about what?

Matthew:

DeboRAH!

Deborah:

(laughs)

What should I call you then, Hew? Or?

Matthew:

Just Matt. My mom calls me Matthew when she's mad at me.

(mimics mom)

Matthew William Downey!

(They both laugh.)

Deborah:

Sounds familiar!

(mimics mom)

Deborah Ruth Seller!

(silence.)

Where are we going?

Matthew:

You'll see. But, first a little detour, okay?

Deborah:

Do I have a choice?

(laughs)

Matthew:

Sure, you always have a choice, Deborah.

(Matthew crosses downstage center, where stands statue of a donkey.)

Few years ago, my friends and I randomly discovered this. Don't know who made it or even why its here? But, anyways, we started "feeding" it.

Deborah:

What?

Matthew:

It likes this, five nickels. Only five nickels.

Deborah:

Why "five nickels"?

Matthew:

See, they fit perfectly in his mouth. Look.

(He inserts nickels and gestures to them.)

Deborah:

Yeah, I see. So, five nickels?

Matthew:

Yep, five nickels!

Deborah:

Not quarters, pennies, dimes?

Matthew:

No, five nickels, only five nickels. Mr. Donkey here knows what he likes.

(They both laugh, grab hands, continue walking.)

Matthew:

So, you mentioned you finished school? Congratulations!

Deborah:

Thank you.

Matthew:

So, what's next?

Deborah:

Not sure yet. I mean, maybe more school to get a real degree. Seems like nowadays a bachelors doesn't mean much. A professor told me a bachelors is like a high school diploma these days...so what did I just do with four, no, five years of my life? I don't know. I don't want to live my life doing the 9-5, you know, going to work, coming home, paying the bills, feeding the kids, the house, the car. It all seems so pointless. There must be something more, you know?

Matthew:

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Deborah:

What do you want to do?

Matthew:

I don't know yet.

Deborah:

Work in the coffee shop?

Matthew:

Probably not.

(after a moment)

My parents want me to go into the family business, but I don't know. Thought about being a pilot once.

Deborah:

Really?

Matthew:

Yeah, took some lessons just had to finish the final before I got my initial license.

Deborah:

Can you fly?

Matthew:

Sort of. I'll take you up sometime, anywhere you want to go.

Deborah:

Anywhere? I've always wanted to go to Mexico.

Matthew:

Then, we'll go.

Deborah:

Right on! But seriously, you should just do what you love. That's what everyone says, do what you love.

Matthew:

Yeah, what do you love?

(She looks at him, smiles.)

Deborah:

Dancing, yeah. I love it. Unfortunately, according to my parents, you can't make money at that. But, I don't know, I just...when I dance, I feel free. Guess that's why I love it.

(Silence.)

So, where are we going?

Matthew:

Almost there, just a little climb.

(They walk hand in hand down stage left, there can be a small boulder big enough for them to stand on together to show overlook.)

Matthew:

This is what I wanted to show you.

Deborah:

(staring, transfixed.)

Its so beautiful.

Matthew:

Right?

(They stare together in silence, song plays softly.)

Deborah:

Thank you, for bringing me here.

(She turns to him and he to her. They look into each others eyes for a moment, then slowly, awkwardly lean in, and kiss.)

I think this is the start of a very special relationship.

(They kiss again, lights fade.)

Deborah:

(in blackout)

Once upon a time we all walked on the golden road. It was a fair highway, through the Land of Lost Delight; shadow and sunshine were blessedly mingled, and every turn and dip revealed a fresh charm and a new loveliness to eager hearts and unspoiled eyes.

Act Two, Scene Three

The bar scene, down stage right, Deborah and Matthew enter hand in hand, crossing up to table and chairs where James, Shaggy, Ray, Thomas sit with drinks. They are enthralled in a game of Go. As the two approach, they look up and all yell: Matthew.)

Matthew:

Hey, guys. This is Deborah. Deborah, this is

(gesturing to each)

Shaggy, Ray, Thomas, and James.

(All nod, Deborah looks at James. One beat.)

Deborah:

Hi.

James:

Hello.

(Matthew sits in chair down stage left, next to Shaggy. He takes Deborah onto his lap. Jame sits directly across from them, Thomas and Ray are next to each other, facing audience.)

Matthew:

(to Deborah)

So, Thomas, you know. And, he and this girl, Maggie, they used to be together, but not now. And, Thomas just converted to mormonism, so that's even weirder because we think he and Ray...He tried to get Maggie to convert, then Ray before...I mean, so yeah, just weird all around.  You know? And, that's Shaggy.

Deborah:

Shaggy? Strange name.

Shaggy:

(overhearing)

That's not my real name.

Matthew:

After the Scooby Doo character, looks like him.

Deborah:

What's your real name?

Shaggy:

Not Shaggy.

Deborah:

Mysterious. So, what are you guys playing?

James:

Go.

Deborah:

What? I just got here--

Matthew:

No, its the name of the game, Go.

Deborah:

  How do you play?

Shaggy:

Not really hard.  Kind of like checkers, try to get your pieces to the other side of the board, capturing your opponents.  Wanna play next game?

Deborah:

Okay.

Thomas:

Seen you at the coffee shop, sometimes, Deborah.

Matthew:

Thomas works there too, sometimes.

Deborah:

I see. So, what's with the name, 'End of The Universe' Cafe? I like it but where'd that come from?

Ray:

42!

Matthew:

Sounds esoteric, right? But, ever heard of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series?

Deborah:

Just reading it, right now.

Matthew:

Yeah well, you'll see, based on that.

Shaggy:

You know, there is documented evidence that says Adams reasoning for Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and further books were proof of the Illumati's power and influence in earth's impending destruction.

Ray:

Yeah, like 42?

Matthew:

(whispering to Deborah)

He's kind of crazy, that one.

(to the group)

Hey, Deborah, what does Ray remind you of?

Deborah:

(looking at him, they all stop and watch her amusedly)

I...don't...know.

(Ray has on a snowcap, pointed upwards, red nose, long face)

Matthew:

Give you a hint, lawn gnome?

Deborah:

Oh my god, yeah.

(They all laugh.)

Ray:

King of the lawn gnomes, they call me!

James:

That true, Shaggy? About Hitchhiker's?

Shaggy:

Oh yeah, man. There is tons of documented evidence on the internet about the Illumati's hunger for power and how they infiltrate all sorts of different media, art, what have you to influence and exercise their control. I'll show you sometime.

(finishing drink and getting up)

Matthew, you guys want something?

Matthew:

(bringing out wallet and handing some money)

Two guinesses? That all right?

Deborah:

Yeah sure, thanks.

Thomas:

I'll come too.

(Thomas and Shaggy exit upstage right, Deborah and Matthew kiss.)

Matthew:

(takes off fedora and places it on her head.)

Here. Looks good, why does everyone look better in my hat than I do?

(They kiss, James studies them.)

James:

Are you guys being cute?

Deborah:

(looks at James, unafraid)

Do you think we are being cute?

(James blushes, and nods, their eyes meet, Deborah looks at Matthew, then back at James, one beat.)

So, who are you, James?

James:

I am me.

Deborah:

What do you do?

James:

This and that.

Deborah:

Oh, I see, another mystery man.

James:

Computer programmer, sometimes. You?

Deborah:

Trying to figure that out, I guess. Just finished college, joining the ranks of the real world. Guess this is it?

(gestures all around, Thomas and Shaggy return with drinks.)

Thomas:

Real world? You could try...church?

Matthew:

Church?

(smirks)

Deborah:

Eh, no thanks, Thomas, I'm okay.

Thomas:

Well, if you change your mind--

Ray:

Cut it out, Ray.

Thomas:

Well,I...Don't worry, I'm not one of those Christians, I think, anyways.  Sorry, Deborah, I didn't mean--

Deborah:

Its okay, really.  We're all just trying to figure things out, the meaning of life--

Ray:

42.  The answer to life, the universe, and everything.

Deborah:

Something like that, yeah.

James:

I used to go to church, when I was a kid.

Deborah:

Yeah? What happened?

James:

Hypocricy, that's what happened. So, if Thomas can't convert you, then maybe, we will?

Deborah:

Excuse me?

(looks at James, then Matthew)

Maybe. Just maybe.

(thinks, looks at drink)

You know, never actually had guiness.

Shaggy:

Where have you been?

James:

Well, then I guess your indoctrination starts with this?

Deborah:

Huh, what? It's not like I'm a stranger to alcohol..

Matthew:

Not guiness. Come on, drink.

All chant:

Drink, drink, drink.

(Deborah takes a drink)

One of us, one of us, one of us.

Thomas:

(after a moment)

Crap, Maggie's here.

Ray:

Shit!

(drains drink.)

We got to get out of here!

(Thomas and Ray get up.)

Shaggy:

I'm with you.  I don't want to deal with her.

(He drains drink, James gets up too.)

James:

You comin with, Matt?

(Matt looks from James to Deborah.)

Matthew:

Um, no.  I think it'll be fine.  I'll catch up with you guys later.  Where you going to be?

Shaggy:

I don't know, the usual.  Out haunting! See ya.

(Thomas, Ray, James, and Shaggy exit.)

Deborah:

So, what's wrong with Maggie?

Matthew: Eh, she's...all right.  Just awkward because she and Thomas...you know, like I said.


(Maggie enters and crosses to Matthew and Deborah.)

Maggie:

You seen Thomas around?

Deborah:

Um?

Matthew:

You know, he left awhile ago.

Maggie:

Know where he went?

Matthew:

Couldn't tell you that!

Maggie:

Oh, okay.

(She collapses into chair.)

Matthew:

Think we need another drink?

Deborah:

Sure.

Matthew:

You want anything, Maggie?

(Maggie shakes her head no. Matthew gets up and exits.)

Maggie:

So, you guys are?

Deborah:

Yeah, I guess we are.  We just met, really.

Maggie:

Oh, I see.

Deborah:

You okay?

Maggie:

Not really, actually.

Deborah:

Sorry.

Maggie:

Not your fault. Just confused is all.  But, that's life, I guess.

Deborah:

You love him?

Maggie:

Not sure, really.  What is love, after all? Two people coming together...my mother always tells me, "Maggie, sometimes you fall in love at first sight, sometimes it takes awhile."

Deborah:

Smart lady.

Maggie:

So, what do you do?

Deborah:

Teach, sort of.  Well, day care.

Maggie:

But, what do you really want to do?

Deborah:

Um, dance, I guess.  You?

Maggie:

I love dancing. We should go out sometime.

Deborah:

Maybe I could teach you a few things!

(Lights fade. The boys are seen drunkenly by the donkey,mime laughter, mirth while "feeding donkey", when they finish, lights fade and in darkness we hear Deborah.)

Deborah:

On that road we heard the song of morning stars; we drank in fragrances aerial and sweet as a May mist; we were rich in gossamer fancies and iris hopes; our hearts sought and found the boon of dreams; the years waited beyond and they were very fair; life was a rose-lipped comrade with purple flowers dripping from her fingers.