What is Imposter Syndrome?
Here's a definition according to google:
Imposter syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success. 'Imposters' suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence.
As I was launching into the world of 'film producer', I suffered with this syndrome, without really knowing it. I just felt like I wasn't taken seriously or respected for my efforts. Part of it, could be that I was surrounded by the type of folks that were trying to weigh me down, narcissists in some fashion, manipulative takers, who were only with me for their own gain kinda sorta person. Without being able to see the healthy folk around me, being overwhelmed with the toxic, I constantly felt a struggle to see my own worth and value. Due to this, I was constantly pouring outward, helping others, loving others, until at the end of the day, nothing was left to give, thus I neglected myself. Pushing myself to attend all the right parties and events, a smile on my face that felt hollow, left me feeling even more invalid.
In late 2019, bowled over with a massive load of post-production editing past due to release, I sat down at my computer with one line traveling through my mind, a small form of encouragement, "you don't have to be perfect, you just have to begin." Rather, experience comes from pursuing that which you are calling.
Furthermore, in late 2019, faced with a huge financial crisis, I started reaching out and receiving more paid work, those beloved special folk who found value in me merely because I existed and wanted to help lift me. Receiving financial compensation, helped drag me out of the dehilibating hole of debt, both outwardly and inwardly. My self worth expanded as I began to regularly pay my bills, watched the debt decrease, and my confidence began to expand . Added to that, in 2019, I made the empowering decision to step back from relationships toxic, as painful as it was, to give out continuously and when standing up for myself feel the loathing of those I thought loved me, the heartbreak of the break-up even in friendships was devastating, yet in that good-bye a learning lesson leading to my further developing my strength of character. Yes, some friends left me, choosing to wallow in their anger and tell their stories of me, I stood and continued forward, realizing that many more than those few stayed with me and even more healthy relations began to come in, and slowly, slowly, I am learning to trust.
All of these factors, from developing my editing skills to releasing the toxic, helped lessen the feelings of fraud and imposter. I stopped thinking outwardly about how to impress and focus more on how I was being led. Started realizing that self worth and inner strength comes when you discover your calling, that of your passion and purpose; experience, then, develops as you take the first, perhaps, small steps towards that such calling. Rather I started worrying less about how to impress, about who was viewing, but more of creating what I felt led to, whatever that may be, enjoying the process of creating and finding joy in the release of such.
With that soul development, as well as focusing on my mental health through self help book galore and private therapy, the feeling of fraud, that of having the imposter syndrome, began to release itself. In fact, it wasn't until a few months ago, when a friend expressed that she hadn't felt the imposter syndrome for some days that I even started to learn that that was a thing and was something I had experienced.
Labels are not the end all be-all. My having bipolar, PTSD, and Celiac Disease are not the catch-all, like, "you got the answer now, you are saved" kinda thing. Rather, labels help bring clarity that help lead one to begin the steps needed for recovery. And, dear ones, recovery is the most wonderful thing ever!
In the case of "Imposter Syndrome", several factors had to begin before even discovering that label, not being easily swayed by the external and the toxic, but grounding myself within.
If you find yourself, dear reader, struggling with this syndrome, trust in your calling, your passion, and your purpose. Know that experience in that is not given, but will come as you take that first step.
It doesn't have to be perfect, you just have to begin.
But I wonder what would happen if you
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
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