Gratitude 11/1

 Thank You

1.) I am grateful that love has returned to my life, has arrived at last in all its purity of purpose, in full blossom and in a variety of abundance.

2.) My home, its beautiful serenity and sense of grounding I have felt absent from my heart and soul and physicality until now.

3.) My friends, the right ones, that have remained and are not fair weather, self-seeking, wolves in lamb's clothing---that are in every essence of the word, true family

4.) The frenemies and enemies, for the lesson they taught, strength they allowed me to develop, to let go of that which destroys or weighs me down, to choose true love, not that of conditions

5.) My health, my body and how good it feels to take care of it

6.) My life-long quest of the spiritual and gratitude for the myriad of ways I have sought along the journey.

7.) For Don & Pamela Dehart, with the precarious reality of rental costs and agreements, I feel grateful that I rent a beautiful, secure, stable property from such honorable, ethnical people

8.) Tansy, for she is the love of my life

9.) Bipolar, my PTSD, for the creativity it provides, inspires, the depth of emotion which affords me the ability to understand and truly empathize with others

10.) My ability to persevere and accomplish, to create and reach my goals, with integrity and intentionality

11.) For Will: past, present, for always. 

Always do it on my own
So I gotta get through it
And the only thing I know
Is to love what I'm doing
Never give up, never slow
'Til I finally prove it
Never listen to the no's
I just wanna keep moving
Yeah, I put out all this art
It's my only medicine, yeah

Grateful

So, what are you grateful for? List below!

The Thriving Artist is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, a film and media company with the sole purpose of helping artists discover their thrive.  Support us at: www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions

A Thanksgiving Blog

Its that holiday again, the first of the season that enters us officially into the holiday season and to winter.  Mixed feelings fill the Facebook walls about this day, those remembering the historical origins of today's event and those giving their dutiful thankful posts.

It all seems a bit mandatory, an act of compulsion that one has to list "What am I thankful", the answers range from the uber-religious to the new age spiritual to the secular.  And, I have to admit I find my heart dwelling a bit on my attitude of gratitude for this season, making a mental note to find that appreciation daily throughout the year.

So, just what am I thankful for, you ask? The answer may surprise you, as it did me.

As I was helping to prepare the Thanksgiving meal with my "family" (or rather those I'm dining with today and yes, I'm thankful for each of them), what struck me is the emotion that has been turning itself over and over again in my heart was that of confusion.  I realized then I could embrace it, I could, in a sense, be thankful for that confusion.  To go one further, I could be thankful for life's disappointments, times of despair and heartbreak, and moments of indecision when one desperately tries to figure out their next step, just wishing there was some way to foresee the future.

How can I be thankful for that?

Well, for starters, I think we all need to come to a place of complete peace with where we are at, gratitude for the present moment, in whatever mental, emotional, even physical state in which we find ourselves.

Secondly, for me personally, this state of emotional confusion tells me something vastly important about the capacity for my heart.  It can forgive; it can remember the love I once gave has always permanently found its home within me, no matter what transpired in that relationship or how time has passed.  It is that focus, the idea that love never dies when once I give it in my heart, where I find my ultimate gratitude.  Moreover, that I have a heart capable of loving many, simultaneously and in many different ways.

So, as I face the decisions of my future and my heart, I can find gratitude in where I am and in knowing that no matter what I have and will always have the one thing this world needs, every human being on this earth deserves; love.

Bridge Over Troubled Waters

7 Days of Gratitude, Day 7--Final Day!

7 Days of Gratitude, Day 7--Final Day!

1.) finding my character for the first time for God Of Carnage, it was such a thrilling feeling & awesome discovery

2.) getting to know my new cast & director, new friends, through this process

3.) the restlessness I feel for change

4.) financial stability, of sorts

5.) watching parts of my family, (cousins, Aunt, sister) challenge each other on facebook with the ALS ice bucket challenge

6.) the fact that I have yet to be challenged

7.) that where I was is not where I am & that things keep getting better & better

8.) the adorable way Tansy looked at me just now

9.) our personal collection of sock monkeys, including sock monkey hats, & people who made them for us

10.) for August because 7 years after the fact its been a really good one, amazing, in fact

11.) for good books that stick with you long after you have finished them

12.) for the 12th doctor because his time officially begins

7 Days of Gratitude, Day Five

7 Days of Gratitude, Day Five

1.) for my home, its comfortable & safe, both of which are vastly important to me & for my well-being

2.) for the new show & the challenge it brings

3.) for Rogue Community College, it holds a good energy & a warm place in my heart

4.) for the breakdowns I've had, because I've gotten up again & been stronger for it

5.) for lies that were told to me because of them I found my truth

6.) for Robin Downward, for some reason, either way, its kind of funny

7.) for Chloe', Vanessa, & the new friends who rallied around me with love & so much laughter during this last year

8.) for Doniella, well, obviously

9.) for the fact that I don't have children (& won't ever), its so much easier to have a cat

10.) for people like my boyfriend, Michael, Chloe', & Koiwu, who make me laugh harder than anyone else

11.) for Paxil, because even though its causing some disturbances emotionally I am starting to feel better

12.) for Royce because he taught me to be "so happy its thursday"  & for the Doctor in all his regenerations

7 Days of Gratitude, Day Three

7 Days of Gratitude, Day Three

1.) for hunger & the ability to fill my belly with good food & the availability of choices that I have

2.) for my financial process & steps towards independence & wealth

3.) for finding people, randomly & otherwise, who believe in me & tell me in so many ways to keep trying & following my dreams

4.) for divine appointments

5.) for Tansy, who is sometimes sweet because she wants my food & is sometimes sweet because she just is

6.) for classic movie stars, like Lauren Bacall, who defined Hollywood as a place of true acting as an art & as a place of ethics (not true anymore) who, in a sense, did it because they love it & we all seem to hold onto, pine for that era today

7.) for the slight randomness of meeting a Hollywood producer & LA actor on a street corner in Ashland at 11:00 at night, sitting on the sidewalk, doing cement yoga, talking about black Virgin Marys, the pope, Italian food which caused my mouth to water & my tummy to rumble, & a crazy cult leader from the 1970s who lived in Oregon

8.) for old memories that are good even when later on those relationships went sour & for a new life with new memories shared & made

9.) for inside jokes

10.) for the donkey who got fed yesterday

11.) for all the old crushes & lovers who "got away"

12.) for Eckhart Tolle & more importantly for the new ways I am starting to understand the divine (which isn't really new) & for the healing its bringing to my soul & heart

7 Days of Gratitude, Day Two

7 Days of Gratitude, Day Two

1.) the sunlight streaming through the stairway window with the bugs illuminated by the the light.  I always have liked that.  Its kind of beautiful, in a way.  Nature in one of its finest forms, simply glory revealed.

2.) morning coffee

3.) being woken up by Leo wanting breakfast & receiving snuggles

4.) Michael's sense of humor, having a lover & partner that I can infinitely trust, waking up next to him, & especially morning snuggles

5.) getting stuff done, productivity, in general, which includes all aspects of my creativity, including but not limited to my singing, my writing, my acting, even my garden

6.) Michael at his computer, he looks so cute & it is an image I have become accustomed to

7.) the curiosity of Tansy, its refreshing & not in the least bit entertaining but also is a visible lesson of my need to be awakened each moment to the divine consciousness within and without; to be curious, alive, & fully present

8.) for techies

9.) for my friends & the gifts they offer to the world & universe at large

10.) for finally discovering my true calling, my inner purpose & thus myself, finding true peace & happiness & finally being comfortable with myself

11.) for this day & the expectations it may bring, both good & bad, just the thought of that reality of what may be will be a sign of being fully alive

12.) for Robin Williams & his "spectaculour life" he led, what he taught us about sharing that with the world but not succumbing to our own darkness

7 Days of Gratitude

Of recent days, I've been feeling a little bit of a slump, depression is the clinical word.  Whether this has to be with being overly tired from a busy week of "movie-making" or the passing of Robin Williams or even both, doesn't matter.  What came to mind as a possible solution (one of many) was to start writing a daily gratitude list in my journal, which then brought about the thought that maybe I should share this thankfulness for the next seven days on this 'here' blog.  Instead of or in addition to posting about my ideas on acting, character bios, my times in the "cult", or other aspects of past abuse, or occasionally a plug on "gluten-free eats" (which this blog is somewhat about but not entirely), I decided to put the focus on the gratitude aspect, using the #12 as a limit because, well, as of next Saturday there will be officially twelve doctors so, well, that makes sense to me.  

So, without further ado, here goes:

1.) the purple pen I use is epic to write with and indeed makes everything more colorful.

2.) the word "epic"

3.) my ability to write on different levels, ie sexual exploration, Doctor Who fan fiction, spiritual seekings of all varieties, and, of course, my labor of love

4.) the fact that my current partner gives me the time & space I need to create is an act of love from him and I let him have the time to play his cheesy games is an act of love from me

5.) the fact that I don't "have" to clean the kitchen, that I am not a "house-wife" but get to clean the kitchen and make things look nice or rather clean and organized

6.) the thought that I am going to make zucchini bread this week & that I almost referred to it as "bikini bread"

7.) my friends, all of them.  the real ones.  When they are happy & healthy, especially.

8.) for days off

9.) the fact that I am becoming financially independent & secure

10.) My nieces, especially.  Always.  

11.) My cats, Leo & Tansy.  And good books

12.) For the Doctor, of course.