My Self Employed Life & How I Thrive

 

My life may not be conventional but that means not that it is not busy.  Increasingly, I am finding satisfaction and fulfillment working the gigworker full-time, having an intense workload with all my various paid for hire activities that it all adds up to the full-time affair.  Furthermore, my bank accounts remain faithfully in the black and living within my means begins to increase higher as I decrease my overall debt.

That said, it isn't necessary a path for all.  Some may thrive within the framework of the traditional 9-5, as it were, or rather working for an established business wherein an an employer defines the schedule for the employee.  I am one that did not thrive in this societally approved established way of living, in fact, I lost my mind and was given the diagnosis of bipolar, unable to work the norm due to not being able to handle the stress of it all.

Disability does not cover all my expenses, both the monthly bills and the debt to be paid off, not to mention, you know, good ol' fashion fun, nor do merely pursuing the creative pursuits.  For a year, I attempted to make my way following the path merely of creativity and found that the strain and constant anxiety of not having the regular income to care for my day to day needs over-weighed my ability to create.  Thus, I had to return to the paid gig life and what I then discovered was the balance of producing the content through my creativity and scheduling the time for the many 'money-making' jobs helped secure my overall sense of self worth and peace of mind.  

And, a balance it is,with two planners, one large and one small, and a wall calendar, each filled with markings of dates of employment and other necessary appointments, a myriad of spreadsheets managing my in-flow and out-flow of expenses as well as one for all my debts.  In addition to my 'money-making' and personal expenses, I have a multitude of spreadsheet related to my self-employed pursuits as a film producer and entrepreneur extraordinaire.  

As I increasingly find peace in this destined, long sought after, and finally attained path, I have discovered the art of clearly defining my personal daily and weekly schedule.  EX: I wake up with a clear focus on what I need to accomplish for the day, the week, and the month, a regular list on a 3X4 card on my desk that I check off as I finish a task, filled with the dogwalks, modeling appointments, as well as the entrepeneurial tasks such as monthly newsletters, scheduling rehearsals and film shoots, and content creation for both short-term and long-term projects.  Through all of this, I have discovered what fits for me personally, starting my work day with the variety of tasks around 8:00 am and ending around 6:00 pm; Yes, that's right, coming to a clear time when my brain decides it can do no more of this computer type busyness and must allow itself to freely fall into the evening activity without a care or concern related to the business mind present.

All that success mentioned, I still have moments of anxiety when the income seems to be trickling in slower yet with that there is increasingly less of a worry with the reality that I now always have a means of making the buck, bringing home the bacon, etc, etc etc.  With that, the breath of fresh air is achieved and back I dive into the day's focus.  

In truth, I could not think of a more happier time spent, a life that I was meant for, not the normal daily grind of the rest of American society, due to my health conditions physical and mental that cause some delay in my productivity at times.  I do at times feel the backlash and judgment of the outside world, who see my work as little value because it nor I fit in with the assigned normalcy of career and employment.  This is increasingly becoming less of an occurrence due to this post-Covid-19 reality of which we find ourselves within, wherein many are having to hustle into the gig-worker life to continue to survive, or more hopefully, to thrive. 

However, I do still feel a bit of a pushback when a person employed by the established environ of normalcy has a day off and wants to 'go do something' or the times when I get a message or phone call requesting 'to come and play', a sense of frustration comes across when said individual hears me say, "Sorry, I'm busy," with the underlying 'what do you have going on, your schedule is flexible' theme.  

Yes, my schedule is flexible, but it is, as mentioned above, clearly structurally defined by myself for optimal successful thriving.  Furthermore, I have set aside the days of Saturday and Sunday as non-computer and other work time, in which I attend to the house chores, read, relax, and find time to play.  

I will allow the reality that I have a tendency towards rigidity in my life, a means from the past in order to give some sense of false security and thus something I am continuously striving to lessen the hold.  In addition, with one partner whose days off are currently Tuesday and Wednesday, I must allow sometime for us to truly connect and have scheduled date time for the health of our relationship.  The other partner's days' off are equal to mine.  Thus, living the polyamorous life as a gig-worker is even harder finding ways to balance time for work duty, relationship health commitments, as well as time to love the hell out of friends.

So, at last, what it comes down to, is that life is what one makes of it, one's path is one's to follow towards the highest fullfillment of wholeness of healing and evolution.

. 

What I choose to do
Is of no concern to you
And your friends

                                                                            My Life

Gig Worker Full Time

 Gig-worker: a person who works temporary jobs typically in the service sector as an independent contractor or freelancer : a worker in the gig economy. Gig workers have freedoms that most full-timers only dream of: setting their own hours, working from home, being their own bosses.

As I write this, I am sitting in the living room of what I deem a real live "Hobbit House", where I am currently dog-sitting for two adorable pups named Chester and Puck.  The gig is pretty laid-back.  I've been able to work out while simultaneously logging onto another one of my gigs (winks), see: playing double duty at the gig life, as well as shoot out some emails, work on a script, and create this blog all while working the 'normie' pay the bills job.

In my now way distant past, I held the normal 9-5 jobs, from being a full-fledged elementary teacher to working retail, while deep down the desire for flexibility and freedom in earning a living was a burning desire I yet felt comfortable expressing.  Furthermore, the regular life of the 40 hour a week cycle proved to be a detriment to my mental health, resulting in the discovery of my bipolar diagnosis which put me on the journey towards recovery, finally proving ultimately that I am not made for the normal society approved employment. 

The life of a gig-worker may look somewhat glamourous and desirable; in some ways it is quite enjoyable and I am beyond grateful that my life has, at last, led me to this means of thriving.  But it was not easy and it did not come with several uphill journeys of struggle and suffering.  Indeed, there can be a marked degree of sacrifice in the gig worker's world that may not be that of one who works the full time 9-5 shift at an established company.  

Yes, we may have the flexibility of defining our own schedule, but what we have in freedom, we lack in definition; being our own bosses means that there is no one else is motivating us to work or telling us we have to, but ourselves.  Then again, there is the flip side to this, being our own bosses means there is no one telling us to stop working, no alarm going off informing us the day is done, no punch card to hit time-out, no PTO to allow us the freedom to vacation or staycation; being our own bosses means that there is no one motivating us to rest, but ourselves.

In the very early days of my gig-worker's life, pre-Covid19 (you recall the Before Times?), the clients were scarce, gigs were few and far between, work was unstable and hard to obtain, life seemed more of an uphill battle than any thing mirroring enjoyment.  So many times I asked myself why I had chosen this life, wondering if I should just throw in the towel and go for that 9-5, but something stopped me from accepting any position in the normal sphere of reality, some strength and abiding belief in myself, perhaps buried and unseen to myself, that fueled me forward in the pursuit of creating my own universe.  This even when times were so very tough and I, not knowing, how the bills would be paid and always wondering when the next source of income would come down the pike.  

Not so anymore.  I find myself with a plethora of steady, increasing clients within the framework of the myriad of gigs I partake, whether it be modeling, to nannying, to pet-care, or whatever it may be, so that my income status has increased from below poverty to low income, a small step, yes,  but significant in the boost of one's confidence.  Also, I find myself in the black every month, seeing the slow increase of the savings as well as the slow decrease of the debt, followed by the rising of the credit score.  

Yes, I know I'm a ways off from financial freedom but finally I feel comfortable within the confines of adult career life in that I feel responsible, an increasing sense of self sufficiency, and an end in sight when it comes to the debtor's prison I have found myself within for some time, but now feel as if I have discovered the key to my release.

Truth be told, my career path mirrors that of my emotional and mental health paths, in that, I have had to forage my way, throughout a myriad of conflicts (mostly that in my own mind), battling my way through to truly understanding what it means to be fully human, authentic and free.  In the aptly called "Before Times", I felt shame for not living the normal life, having the 9-5, the 2.5 kids, the mortgaged house and garage, the retirement account, you know, the American Dream, as it were.  Honestly, as much as I felt the shame from not submitting to the status quo, or the pity as seem as destitute in the eyes of family, friends, and society, I also felt the constant desire to break from the confining structures of social norms and choose the path less traveled.

Now, as we begin life in this post-covid reality, I recognize a shift in the understanding of 'gigworker' as acceptable and, even, admirable, perhaps even a certain type of normal.  After experiencing a world wide pandemic, what is normal anyway?

The hustle of a gig worker's life may not be for all, but for me I live my employment as a sense of adventure, viewing it through the lens of the child-like wonder within my being, dutifully recording my work done in my TWO paper planners and inputting my income and outcome on my spreadsheet, which shows my monthly as well as yearly earnings and expenses.  Thus, I have proven to myself capable of that which I always felt insufficient.  That then might be the real value of the gig-worker's life, is the growth of one's own soul development and self love.

Making a living in this economy moving forward will not be what it once was, in our parents and grandparents lives, nor should it be. We as citizens of humanity should never cease to evolve past the confines of social dictates, recognize the dichotomy within us all, and, in that, never fail to seek out, find, and love our thrive.