My Life, My Choice

 

My Life--Dido

What I choose to do is of no concern to you and your friends

Where I lay my hat may not be my home, but I will last on my own

'Cause it's me, and my life, it's my life, it's my life

Oh the world has sat in the palm of my hand not that you'd see

And I'm tired and bored of waiting for you and all those things you never do

'Cause it's me, and my life, it's my life, it's my life.

I fully recognize how this year 2020 has been one of the most trying for all of us, not just in the United States but throughout the whole world.  I get it, but I also believe that it can inspire a mindshift that is possible to bring about a reality change, both personally and globally.  

That said, in the very early hours of 2020, I set an intention for the year, a goal as it were, that this would be a year of health and clarity, vision.  Setting that intention allowed me the freedom to be flexible as the changing tides of the crazy set in last March and I remained in that place of stability and security despite the upheaval that continued in its enormity this year.  

Being forced to slow down and step back from the daily grind and rat race that I was prone to in the years prior to 2020 gave me the ability to prioritize and set clear intentions for my life personally, my mental wellness, as well as my career and business ventures.  Taking this time to slow down allowed me to find balance which enabled me to find security, stability, and my sense of self worth and validation increasingly within and not without. This afforded me to not only find healing and freedom from past toxic relationships but openly and continually evaluate what I want and value in an interpersonal connection.

That said, there is a tendency in today's society to view relationship as a means to increase our value personally without realizing the importance another person has for themselves.  We, as a whole, tend to look outward from a variety of purposes, for acceptance and a sense of self worth.  Connecting with another becomes less about truly finding union and more about what can I gain from another in order to feel secure within and without.  Yes, relationships are transactional, a give and take, as it were, but too many times I feel we focus on the take and give in order to take more.  This year I have been focusing my energy on giving where it is indeed received freely and not necessarily for my own gain if only for the benefit of maintaining a true and definite soul connection with that other person, seeing their face light up with the fullness of being treasured in their heart by another is truly a gift worthy.

Too many times in recent years, I have witnessed this degree of anxiety in myself that I am not doing enough to win the approval of another.  This year I have realized that the connections that enforce this sense of duty upon me are not truly friends, not deserving of my energy or time for there will never be any real reciprocation of true soul connection, and, in the true fullness of the word, are, in fact, toxic. 

Without pointing fingers, I have realized this in an element of my personal community, that of my local theatre scene.  There is a high propensity in recent years in the theatre community that goes beyond the competitive and political, and is venturing increasingly into the arena of toxic manipulation and abuse.  Too much of the connection is based on what another can gain from me and not an enduring soul connection.  A quid pro pro, I give so I can take, not truly from a lasting place of wanting to freely give and connect.  I realize that this may stem from all of our inner feelings of lack of self worth and needing to find that validation outward to increase our inner calm and reduce the sense of dis-ease.  Regardless, it is a toxic way of life that is no longer beneficial. 

In years prior to 2020, before the slowing down and stepping back of quarantine, I have felt increasing anxiety of never feeling 'good enough' or 'worthy' based on this heightened abusive transactional relationship.  It has increased in me the fears of relationship, abandonment and avoidance issues, and brought further into my consciousness that of my past trauma issues.  This time of stepping back has allowed me to realize the nature of the outward connection, how it relates to my inner tranquility or lack thereof, and what a true soul connection truly means.

That said, I have decided hereto that I will no longer engage either directly or indirectly with those connections which are toxic and know wholeheartedly this will not affect me on a negative level, whether personally or in a career fashion, but know that it will and has brought about a peace of mind, enabled me to strengthen my sense of self worth, and infused me with a new degree of wanting to freely give where I know it will be received without judgment.  

For those that I step back from, please know this is not an attack on you personally and know that I do care deeply for you, your inner self.  This is an attack on a practice, that of toxicity and abuse, that are no longer service to myself, to you, or to the community and world.  I hope for all of us that this year has been more than just outwardly yelling the "Fuck You 2020" but a time of change and re-evaluation of what is indeed important and finding the healing to increase our sense of worth without looking outward.

I don't need you to worry for me 'cause I'm alright

I don't want you to tell me it's time to come home

I don't care what you say anymore this is my life

Go ahead with your own life leave me alone

I never said you had to offer me a second chance

I never said I was a victim of circumstance

I still belong

Don't get me wrong

And you can speak your mind

But not on my time

My Life--Billy Joel

If you have thoughts on what you read above, I welcome your response.  Please comment below. THe Thriving Artist is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc.  Support us at: www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions

Do You Validate?

 

Try

The advent of social media and the internet has its positives and negatives.  The idea of using it as a valuable resource and tool goes far beyond any previous information gathering available in the past.  Furthermore, the usage of the internet and social media sites makes it a possibility to advance your career in ways unheard of before, such as this blog, per example.  However, there are some negative side effects that perhaps have caused a major setback to human nature.

The need to seek approval, acceptance, and validation from another is not a new thing, but I believe has become increasingly more rampant in today's society due to the immediacy of response available to be found on all social media sites.  With the ability to post your feelings or thoughts and receive instantaneously responses in favor of your need, the ability to self-regulate and care for oneself has come up lacking.  

It appears as if social media sites, such as Facebook and Twitter (to name a few), have become a beacon of connectivity that reduces the amount of inward reflection needed to maintain a soul's optimal health.  

"It's not official if it isn't on Facebook," my friend and I would quip about dating relationships.  And, it seems this is an all too frequent a reality for today's social norm beyond that of romantic partnering.  

All to often, I see posts seeking congratulations on celebrated events, or asking for condolences when in a tragic mood, to be met with a plethora of response required by the one who posted.  In addition, I have often seen posts championing for causes, pro or against, that are currently viral, yet when they are not mainstream events, the posts on such causes are unseen.  I'm not saying that such posts are inherently bad, because I see the value in the new "community" found within the framework of social media.  But, I do believe that one's inner necessity for what I have coined "social media validation" has gone too far, in that, partakers of these sites are losing their abilities to go inward, to seek alternate ways of healing and validation, and are finding the quick fix for their mental and emotional ailments, yet not truly healed. 

I do not mean to offend or slander by posting this.  I admit that I have been an offender of such "social media validation" listed above.  But, I do want to wake all up to the reality that it is not the duty of an outside source to build up our confidence, nor is it possible to do just that.  In the end, reaching out without first looking within and/or seeking professional mental health help will prove insufficient for living one's best life.  Social media validation, I believe, is becoming just as much of an addiction or escape as an alcoholic or drug addict escaping into the bottle or crack pipe.

I know that it does not have to be this way and like I mentioned above, there is some inherent positive to the usage of social media sites if addressed from both the standpoint of a tool in itself, a connecting point but not the final connection between family and friends, so long as the individual partaking in social media comes at this resource with their own healthy mindset in place and the ability to seek validation on their own.  

I don't mean to brag, but this has been a focus of my life this past year.  All too often, I have witnessed my propensity to post a celebration request, a complaint, a sorrow, the nitty gritty details of my "poor me" life, or even asking for a reference for some item or product I am seeking, and instead have chosen daily to actively deter myself from such choice.  In addition to twice monthly therapy, I have begun the process of eliminating my time on social media sites, choosing to spend time in self-help books and journal writing, nature walks, gardening, and so much more.  Because of this, my inner confidence has enabled me to find the validation of which I lacked when I merely looked for it in the external. 

Confident 

I used to hold my freak back

Now I'm letting go

I make my own choice

Bitch, I run this show

So leave the lights on

No, you can't make me behave

So you say I'm complicated

That I must be outta my mind

But you had me underrated

Rated, rated

What's wrong with being, what's wrong with being

What's wrong with being confident?

What's wrong with being, what's wrong with being

What's wrong with being confident?

It's time to get the chains out

Don't take my word for it!  I would love to hear your thoughts on the above.  Comment below and I will respond.  

The Thriving Artist is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, an independent film and media company with other services as well.  Support us at: www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions