Remembering David #inlovingmemory #intheshapeofyou

Jewel - The Shape Of You (with lyrics)

I recall, last time you were here Your laughter a melody that lingers still

Nearly a month ago, on May 5th, 2023, I lost one of my best friends, David, surprisingly, unexpectedly, gone.  The last several weeks have been a blur of work and helping his mother with the life shift of which she now finds herself.  The mourning from his absence has not fully set itself upon me, mostly during this time, I have felt a sense of numb shock of disbelief.  I keep finding myself expecting to hear from him over social media, a private message about some creative project he just dreamed up and of which he wishes me to collaborate, a remark or comment on something I have newly posted, a word of encouragement, an inside joke.

Only to then be hit with the truth of it not ever being a reality again.  No longer will I see his broad smile as he approaches, his fancy hat atop his head adorned with matching coat, coming to hang out or help with a project, waving me in excitedly at his studio for a photography session, or his boisterous giggle cheering others along at the local public access TV studio he loved so much.  

David's heart was large enough to include all he met as chosen family in an instant of knowing, a patient sense of non-judgment for all he met, seeing them as they are and not what he wanted from them.  His enjoyment was simple, in being with those he loved, exploring their creativity alongside his, a forever champion for those he held dear.  His heart was bruised by betrayal yet it remained soft enough to continue to love, in times of good and times of hardship, he was a loyal soul always ready for whatever was needed.

I have had the privilege and honor of meeting up with many of those he held especially dear, sifting through his wide variety of creative projects he birthed.  David's influence upon the world, the mark he left behind, was diverse upon the hearts of many.  He will not be forgotten, his presence lingers still within those who loved and love him still.  

I have yet to truly cry, but I feel a sense of peace, as if my friend's strong presence and reassurance is still abiding within, encouraging me to persevere, excited for the projects swirling in my mind, an ever present and enthusiastic cheerleader upon my soul.  

In high school, I attended a YMCA summer camp called "Ravencliff" in the hills of Humboldt County, where I heard the story of Yellow.  Yellow was a princess surrounded and protected by only that of Yellow, shielded by her parents warning her about the foreboding outside world.  But, as is necessary, she eventually finds her way into the great beyond, discovering to her horror, at first, that every time she meets, then departs from someone, she is different from whom she was.  But, she finally discovers these differences have only made her better, for she carries the lessons learned and memories shared from each person experienced and after all is said and done, she is now "Rainbow", no longer merely Yellow.

David brightened my life with hope and real love, turning me into "Rainbow Lia".  The mark he left upon me will burn forever bright with the intention to do likewise for those I know and have yet to meet. 

This hole in my heart 

and so I'll carry it wherever I go 

Like a treasure that travels with me down every road

There's this longing lonesome ending

kind of bitter, kind of sweet 

There's a hole in my heart 

There's a hole in my heart 

There's a hole in my heart in the shape of you

An excerpt from Broken by Jenny Lawson