Grief Is Grief #parasocialrelationship #suzannesomers #richardmoll #matthewperry

 

In the last two weeks, American pop-culture has lost three individuals from different decades of TV fame.  Yes, there were others and I wish not to discredit the effect of their loss, but for the purpose of this article, I wish to focus on the TV celebrities who graced the small screen of 70's, 80's, & 90's top TV shows.  These actors include, Suzanne Somers, Three's Company in the 70's, then later so much more, Richard Moll, Night Court in the 80's but also so much more, and, finally, Matthew Perry, Friends in the 90's, and so much more.  The loss of these three has profoundly left a mark of heart-break across the wide culture of America.  Yet, for those outside Hollywood, scarcely honestly knew each of these, perhaps a mere chance encounter, however, mostly through the medium of TV on their various shows and characters, perhaps an interview or social media presence.  The relationship of those non-Hollywood related, non personal friends or colleagues of Somers, Moll, and Perry would fall into the category of "Parasocial Relationship".

Abstaining from crossing over to a level of psychosis in parasocial relationship, such as a stalker, most do have a certain celebrity or celebrities that have touched them in such a way that has profoundly impacted, such being the reasoning behind my podcast the "FanGirlHour, wherein the guest shares the reasons behind their fave fandom.  (See: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/fangirling)  Yet, even with the lesser level of parasocial connectivity, a fan can still maintain the logical distance in understanding the separation of relationship, meaning, "It's not real, man".  Generally speaking, this understanding of the relationship is acceptable, to 'fangirl' as such is not only socially acceptable, a norm within society, but also emotionally fulfilling for the fan.  Yet, what happens to the human heart when the celebrity passes away from this plane of existence to whatever lies beyond?

I'll Be There For You

Unlike most, celebrities of TV and film, leave behind a plethora of content to mine through and thus can be healing for those left behind, whether close friend or fan, especially with the three mentioned.  Suzanne Somers was less relevant in current times yet her body of work expanded decades as well the mark of fighting for equality of pay for female actors to male actors far outreaching. 

Richard Moll, similar to Suzanne Somers in relevance, aside from a select group of loyal fans mostly to that of Night Court.  Night Court, a quirky court-room, comedy was obscure as it was relevant.  Within the context of the often silly humor, a deeper meaning of society is reflected upon the viewer, if they catch or not not always necessary.  Therefore, the quirky complexity of Night Court was oft overshadowed by the television show, Cheers, which location and characters were more accessible to every day life.  The current age of fandom for Night Court is found in those individuals aging from their late 30's through early 50s, those that were smallish children at the time the show was airing.  Growing up, these young fans, most likely, did not fully grasp the depth of the story yet enjoyed the silly comedy.  Therefore, these viewers followed the story through the Richard Moll's "Nostradamus "Bull" Shannon", whose simple yet wise fool, viewed the goings-on with the child-like wonder and sometimes confusion that the younger audience could relate.  Therein lies the intense heart-break of his death. 

However, the most accessible and heartbreaking loss of many is that of 54 year old Matthew Perry, most famous for Chandler Bing, on the 90's show, Friends.  Even more widely accessible and understood than even Cheers, Friends was a show with the simple concept of several friendships over a ten year span living, working, falling in and out of love in New York City.  Each of the six characters, vividly depicted, were different from one another yet continued to love and cherish the connection.  Perry's "Chandler" was known as the sarcastic yet socially climber enthusiast of the group, yet within a heart of gold and intense loyalty to his 'family of friends'.  Therefore, Perry's still higher relevance upon society, his show still widely viewed in popularity, has left an even deeper mark upon the hearts of many.  Friendship is a universal desire among all, thus the loss of Matthew Perry leaves the feeling of truly 'losing a friend'. 

As said above, the loss of a celebrity to one who held only a parasocial connection is fraught.  At once, the logical sense states that the grief is irrelevant and yet not as important as those we lost we actually knew.  However, the heart, the emotional part, only truly knows that what once was here is now gone.  Thus, grief, no matter the closeness of the relationship, is simply that, grief.  The stages therein of grief, no matter the context, must be experienced as any other.  The loss is significant, if not, for the individual but also for the collective.  

In the wake of the sudden absence of a celebrity, the process of healing is best when allowed freely without judgment, reflecting upon the lessons learned from what they gave to one and to all, cherishing the happy moments, and experiencing freely the heart-break of farewell.

I'll See You Again