Eye For Film #myjourney #indiefilmmaker #contentcreator

 I realized recently that I have always had an eye for film, no matter how others sought to devalue, deconstruct, discourage my artistic pursuits. 

As a child, I was an avid photographer, saving up to purchase my own camera at the tender age of 9 to taking summer classes on the art of shooting black & white and learning the stages of home development.  My father set up a dark-room in the cool backroom of my childhood home's basement and I spent many an hour practicing, watching the images I had shot bleed into life in the tray below.  Then, examining the highs and lows of each photograph, deciding upon what I liked, what I did right, and which areas to improve upon.  Most of these early childhood images were my pets, such as, this one below of my beloved kitty, Escher, of which I didn't find the photograph that well taken or produced at the time but now I find a precious piece of my personal history.

So, what does this have to do with being a filmmaker? The early origins of my life creating photography enhanced my ability to view all the world behind a 'lens', even when not holding a camera.  It is true as I grew my early childhood passions were devalued in a sense and I was made to feel as if my focus should be upon more serious endeavors.  Thus, I became an enthusiastic cheerleader of my artist friends, inwardly envious at the path they were creating for themselves.  Having to relinquish all of my creative pursuits, seen only as hobbies at best and childhood whims at worst, was another nail in the cross of crucifying myself leading to a shaky instability and sadness at my core.  The past meltdowns and anger outbursts were the result not of 'original sin from ol' Adam and Eve, but from the sin of feeling less than and unworthy from continuous outward entanglements of which I thought were trustworthy.  All this to say, the inner desire to create, to thrive as an artist, always revealed itself, sometimes in outbursts of wrath proclaiming an inner misery, and other times through my endless journaling and play-writing.  The starving artist is, in fact, not the reality of the glorification of the struggle to make ends meet, but a person whose inner desire to make art is sacrificed for the acceptance of the status quo, the effects therein of personal hatred lead to the starving, not thriving.

Film-making was another aspect disrespected by those I was raised, seen as commercial at best and lacking any artistic value at worst.  The plethora of film and media, TV sitcoms and reality based shows, coupled with the toxicity of the Hollywood culture abounding, gave a good case for such degradation.  Yet, stemming from my early childhood autodidactic teaching in photography coupled with my incessant desire for the perfect script, my eye acted as a lens as I viewed the outside world.  Throughout my early days of the mental health breakdown, this view of the world helped make sense of my crumbling world.  

In 2016, when I started gathering actors and a ramshackle crew alike together to create my corny little scripts, I still maintained the inner devaluing of my work in indie film.  I did not see that what I was birthing upon the world mattered in anyway.  Now, I recognize that those early, timid days creating what we could with poor quality equipment were not so much about the quality of the output but rather the inner strengthening of self esteem and worth for all involved.  Not too mention, the closeness of family from the experience of such project with promises of life-long love and commitment.  Those first steps of self-creation were the balm of healing I needed to relinquish the wounds of external disempowerment leading to my true calling that of a 'thriving artist' following, creating her own path from her own inner desire.

Featured Artist: Corinne Theile #thrivingartist

"I'm not OshKosh. I'm Corinne!"

That’s what Corinne declared, at four years old, while demanding that her mother cut the OshKosh labels off her clothing. 

In hindsight, that was a pivotal moment. Her mother explained that Oshkosh was a brand (not a name), and that was when Corinne became fascinated with the world of branding + marketing. 

 

As the daughter of small business owners, Corinne discovered her aptitude for sales when she was tall enough to see over the counter at her parent's lamp shop. Her love of photography also started early. The daughter of a film major, she spent time behind and in front of the camera. 

During her teenage years, when most girls hung posters of teen heartthrobs on their walls, Corinne instead decorated her walls with torn-out advertisements from magazines and product packaging she found especially clever and fascinating.

Corinne is known for doing things her way. She loves exploration and discovery, whether through travel or when sampling the latest offering from a local restaurant. Her colleagues have called her "a visionary whose creativity is not limited by the usual constraints known to others."

So, how does Corinne herself view being an artist? "We are constantly surrounded by and interacting with art and design. There has been no other time in history when creating and sharing art has been easier. From how we decorate our homes to the clothes we wear, the words we put onto paper - and the photos we take and share on social media. We can be and are all artists!”

How We Thrive Episode Two: Marcus Hardesty

In this episode, we learn how barber & actor, Marcus Hardesty, has found his thrive & continues to grow!

Thank you, Corky! #patron #cookingwithcorky

My Product Is My Service...

 

...My service is to share my journey towards wellness.

For the first few years of this entrepreneurial journey I have found myself upon, I struggled to find the reason and purpose, the brand and theme, for Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, to be more than just a little indie film company, but sustainable enough to allow me to leave the trappings of the varied normie jobs behind.  It was during the great quarantine of 2020 that I was allowed the opportunity to slow down, focus inward, prioritize, and discover that that which was the brand, the theme, and the purpose was always with me all along the way.

That is, the true reality of what it means to be a thriving artist and to go one further, to help others find and love their thrive.  

That saying, I have also discovered that part of doing that is by my transparency in my soul's evolution towards wholeness and healing, which will inspire others to pursue not only their art or soul's creative purposes but to seek inner healing so that they too may truly thrive.

So, with that, I would like to share some insights from my doctor's visit this morning, which left me a bit fatigued emotionally and spiritually.

Ten years ago, when I walked down the aisle towards not so wedded bliss, of which I had no such idea at the time, the idea was forced upon me to choose for birth control the lovely IUD, to be specific, Intrauterine Device, of the Paraguard variety.  I say, thrust upon me, because the idea was brought up and decided upon by someone outside my body and I, at the time, did not feel the strength to rebel against.

Truth be told, the IUD is one of the best forms of birth control out there and thus it wasn't all together a bad thing.  I heartily agree that having a child with that aforementioned husband would have been a disaster all in itself.

But, as I continue down this path, examining the traumatic effects of my life, I realize how not having authority over making my body's decisions throughout life has effected my ability to trust in myself, develop my personality, and believe in myself worth.

So, as the time was approaching the ten year mark, that which was the time to remove and, possibly, replace the IUD, I opted to remove, deciding then that I would make the decision for birth control aligning with what's right for my body based on my needs and desires.  At this point, in fact, I am purposely abstaining for the benefit of recovery from relationship addiction and thus to find value in the souls I am romantically partnered apart from and yet along with sexually (don't worry, I'm not returning to my fundie 'born again virgin' life), to see them thus not as objects to fulfill my emptiness (get your head out of the gutter!) but rather as souls to be seen and to see me.

I shared all of this history of My IUD story with my doctor and she was aghast at the reality of how and why it was thrust upon and inside of me.  

"You need this out," she proclaimed and as we went through the process of the stirrups, the cold, metal clamp, pulling at the string, we joked about how much women experience such agony, papsmears, menstruations, child birth, and still get paid less than men.  Thus, when she was finally able to remove, she pronounced, "And it's out."

She held it up to me, "Here it is, just here doing it's thing, you are free."

Thus, in that she is correct.  A sense of freedom washed over me and my vagina felt finally able to breathe and to experience the love it has so long deserved but has never been able to achieve, to be valued for all that it is, and be seen as the beautiful life giving self it truly is.

Fare the well, little IUD, you did the job you were required, not just of keeping out the sperm to 

impregnate, but to lead me towards the journey of overcoming society's mysogyny and truly finding freedom within.

Hallelujah

She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Tune into the next week, in the continuing saga of Lia's recovery and healthy journey, when she begins the process of whitening teeth and thus abstains from coffee and wine for the duration. 

Thriving Isn't Always Pretty

 

Human Race

The human race

I'm sick of running

Sick of running

Sick of running

The human race

The human race

I don't belong here

Not in this atmosphere

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

I don't belong here

Not in this atmosphere

I don't belong here

Not in this atmosphere

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

One of the arenas of being an entrepreneur has been trying to find the focus, theme, and brand of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, not just in our media projects, both online and off, but in the overall business as a viable and active part of the community, both locally and globally.  
Little did I know, that the brand of Cafe-Girl had been and is a part of me and has been active via social media and my blog for more than when Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc was established.  
I think perhaps since about 2014, I have had an online Facebook group entitled "Artist Thriving Network".  (Feel free to join: https://www.facebook.com/groups/artthrivestogether/)

In addition, I actively have a blog that is entitled "The Thriving Artist".  The idea behind that despite our circumstance, even if we do not have overwhelming material success and fame, we can still be thriving artists.  I decided then to marry the The Thriving Artist and Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, only to discover that they were already married.
Being a thriving artist means we actively pursue our artistic passions despite our circumstance, whether internal or external.  With the "new" brand focus of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, I will increasingly allow myself to be vulnerable, raw, and real.  I will be me, not just hold the business-woman mindset.  The following paragraphs detail my connection to my local theatre scene and the effects therein, my admitting why I have stepped back.  However, for those that are not local, I share this as well, with a hope to help those who read find their own healing and peace, as well as to bring openness and ability to share their stories.  
Together, we thrive beyond our circumstances.
Much Love,
Lia

For at least 3 plus years, I have stepped back from a considerable amount of activity in the Rogue Valley Theatre Scene. At the time, I referenced to a heavy workload both with my multiple normie jobs as well as Cafe-Girl. But, the truth of the matter is, I have PTSD and relationship trauma issues. An element of the theatre scene around here has become increasingly toxic to me, triggering to my emotional sense, and has led me feeling unsafe emotionally in certain theatres or around certain people. Honestly, it has led me to feel so emotionally despondent and upset that I am not "doing what is required of me" that I have contemplated suicide.
I have not felt the ability or freedom to express this, but with the change of 2020 that it is put upon us, it is now that I express myself.
I will no longer be made to feel bad if I don't attend a certain theatre event. If I do not feel emotionally safe in an environment or an event feels triggering to me, I need to take care of myself. I am in therapy now and have been working on this aspect of my life.
Relationships are give and take, but I feel too much of this element is giving with conditions. They give so they may receive, and if I don't give according to their desires, even if I give unconditionally in a different way, that isn't good enough. I will no longer support those that partake in this toxic practice. It is not good for me nor is it good for others, as well as those that are engaging in such activity. A way to change a behavior is to have a consequence. This is that consequence.
I am openly expressing myself, my pain, my trauma issues, not to shame anyone but to bring openness and understanding.
The truth of the matter is, I do support the local theatre and artistic community in a myriad of fashion. I attend events when I feel it is coming from a place of unconditional love on my part, as well as the receiver, that they will love me no matter if I attend or not, not "unfriend me" because I didn't attend. Yes, that has happened. Now, you all know why, not out of spite, but due to my PTSD. I share this, not to belittle, shame, or anger, but to open up the conversation and bring understanding.
I love you all and wish you healing, with hopes that you have and will take the enormity of the intensity of 2020 to reflect, process, prioritize, and make the changes necessary in you to become a healthy person and truly thriving artist.

Iris

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

Or the moment of truth in your lies

When everything feels like the movies

Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

If you care to support, http://www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions
You are under no obligation to support Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc financially by following this blog or any of our social media sites. 
Your support is felt beyond the financial. 

Thrive In Covid

 

Somedays

Now, I'll admit that the above image is very much a click bait tactic,because I wholeheartedly do not believe in flipping off a year.  Time and our means of constructing it is just that, a construct of our mind.  That said, what comes forth from our sense of time is simply just a fact of life, not a personal attack against us, individually or as a whole.  That said, I do not mean to lessen or shame any who are suffering or have experienced loss due to the extremities of this past year's sufferings.  But, in all of my life, I have been one that has experienced the depths of the lows and the joys of the highs, dealt with chronic depression, suicidal ideation, body dysmorphia and anorexia, suffered from the intensity of a myriad of abusers, found myself for many a year beneath the poverty level with mounting debt and wondering if I will ever rise above....so I get it, I feel your pain and struggle, and experience it thoroughly with you at this time.

However, the reality of Covid-19 and the results of having to effectively quarantine has shaped furthermore how I define and frame my life purpose and achievements.  The word of the year for me personally, the one that set me forth in the wee small hours of 2020, was 'health'.  How ironic if you look at where we are now globally, am I right?  But, this was, at the most, meant to be a personal grounding point, was and is still at this moment.  

With that overall intention of health spanned the whole dynamic of what it means to live and be fully healthy, not just the physical but mentally, emotionally, creatively, career-wise, financially, and, yes, spiritually.  Like spokes of a wheel, if one area sputters off balance, the rest of a soul will be off kilter.  So, with this theme, I began my 2020 and the words that arose to assist in this were:

Focus.  Simplify.  Heal.  

Like a mathematical equation, perhaps:  Focus + Simplify = Heal.

With that commenced my 2020 and it remained despite the overwhelming circumstances of negative that arose.  Armed with my ability to persevere and endure based on the plethora of painful experience of my past, I squared my shoulders and pushed forward, despite the scary reality of lock-down, pandemic, and a shaky economy.  From my past experiences with difficulty, trauma, and pain, I have realized that life is more than just the material and by making the active choice to continue and thrive, I can and I will, and I have in 2020.  The lockdown caused the most important turning point of my life, it forced me to slow down, to stop the running, striving, seeking to please, and evaluate my priorities which enabled me to move forward with true progress and mindfulness.

I did not, nor have in many a year, limited myself in the means of employment or making money.  I allowed myself to be flexible and creative in order to reach my goals.  With the stable income-base and hard work to achieve it, I found balance, peace, and stability in other aspects of my life.  Focus I was able to do as I moved forward with my business, Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, discovering at last my brand, (Thriving Artists), learning new aspects of the trade of both film-maker and producer, as well as continuing my love of creating art in all its aspects.  

This year I have purposely chosen to create monthly vision intention boards, not just for the year, and hung them on my front door so I actively view frequently throughout the day.  Because of this, I have reached many a goal, small and somewhat large, and am actively working at reaching more.  For the first time in a very long time, I have an ample money supply, enough to feel safe and secure within the constraints of the financial.  I have learned not only to budget, but have paid off debt,  not only helped raise my credit score but now understand just what a credit score is, pay the majority of my bills early, have not one but two savings accounts (okay, one is for the business), am actively raising money from my personal income for a short film trilogy, and have a special 'mad money' tin with wads of cash stored away.  In addition, for the first time in my life, I have full coverage insurance, have been able at last to see a therapist regularly and really start working on my trauma related issues, but also will start seeing a psychiatrist, a dentist, and will soon start the process of working towards a breast reduction.  Lastly, from all of this, I have finally and fully developed an appreciation for myself, realized my worth and the enormity of my ability, and am actively choosing to align myself with the positive both relationally with others externally and internally with my dialogue and inner true self.  This affords me the ability and space to examine all of me, without as much judgment as I can muster, both the negative and the positive, not to dwell but to realize that despite the bad choices I have made in my past, I am still, at heart, a good person.  Most heart-warming of all, I have been able to purchase and create gifts for many of my loved ones, without financial worry.

I could go on and on about this sense of abundance I have acquired this year, this sense of peace and inner joy I have, that is not based on external, but I don't mean to sound boastful or to make others angry or despise me.  This blog is not about that.  This is about the how I have found my way to thrive despite external circumstance and hopefully help others to do just that.

Many, many years ago, in the far away 90's, I attended a weekend Christian teen camp called "Feb Camp".  Why did I attend this? I was not nor would be a Christian for several years to come at that point.  No, I attended because my best friend from high school, known to all to you merely as "MLE" (as she is), attended the summer camp version.  (Side note: MLE was not a Christian per se but she enjoyed the camaraderie and friendship gained from that particular summer camp experience.)  I, being obsessed with camp in my high school youth (have I told you about my summer HS experience as a YMCA camp counselor?) eagerly agreed to attend.  MLE had already come to many a shindig at my house where I reunited with my camp friends and enjoyed the experience readily so it was more than fitting that I attend her experience.  I look back on it with fondness, not because of the Christian element, but of the time spent with MLE, the friends she had told me about, the jokes we all shared (I still cannot listen to Bob Marley's "No Woman No Cry" without giggling), but a lesson from the Bible, I had yet to read at that point, did stick.  No...don't know the words...

What was that lesson, you ask? Well, I will tell you.  The leaders of the church gathered us all together one late Saturday night in some small chapel room and as we sat around, he read to us from the book of Job.  Have you read that or heard that story? Job is a guy that God really digs but Satan says, yeah, well everything is going good for ol' Job, let me mess with him, and he will curse you.  So, God says, all right, let's do this, and Satan does, but Job never curses God despite all the hardship, loss of home, family, career, that befall him.  The lesson the teachers taught that weekend was "bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people".  

That has stuck with me all these years later, random I know, but entirely helpful for a person that has suffered to the extremity that I have, well, extremity accordingly afforded to being Cis-Gender, White, in the United States, sorta kinda, first world nation. 

But, it has helped me remain buoyant, to persevere, despite hardship and to recognize that no matter how dire things may seem, they will eventually work themselves out seemingly miraculously and better than I could ever ever imagine.  Is there this invisible force at work or is it all my doing? Who can say, and that really doesn't matter.  

Being able to thrive does not have any backbone in financial wealth alone, though there is no shame in material abundance.  It is found in the active choice to not be a victim of life circumstance.  It is so much much more than okay to feel anger and sadness over a trial and difficult situation, yes, but to point fingers, blame, feel put upon, will not help learn the lessons needed to persevere, rise, and move onwards.  

The take-away from this year 2020, as well as other hard times, is that life is built of the good and bad and that all are meant for our spiritual and/or emotional evolution, personally as well as corporately.  If we look at the natural world and its cycles, we can realize that all of life, ours as well, behaves in cycles.  We are meant to learn and evolve, achieve and grow, different things based on those cycles.  We are all on our individual paths and the external effects us all in different ways based on the lessons needed to be learned.  I challenge you, my dear friend, to not look at the craziness of this past year, the scariness that you and many feel, in the viewpoint of a victim, but ask what can be learned and acquired from this.  For I have found that its in choosing to not be a victim that we begin to truly thrive. 

Turn!Turn!Turn!

A time to be born, a time to die

A time to plant, a time to reap

A time to kill, a time to heal

A time to laugh, a time to weep

To everything (turn, turn, turn)

There is a season (turn, turn, turn)

And a time to every purpose, under heaven

A time to build up, a time to break down

A time to dance, a time to mourn

I would love to hear your feedback and thoughts about what you just read.  I welcome differing viewpoints.  Please comment below and I will respond!

The Thriving Artist is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions,Inc, a film and media company with the emphasis of helping the world to become a better place.  Support us at: www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions

DJ Michael: A Message

My friend, DJ Michael J. Hearne, is one of the most positive persons I know, despite hardships and circumstances of life I hardly hear him complain.  There are times when he does, as we all suffer annoyances of life, but a good deal of the time he is actively following his passionate purpose of mixing music and sound on his soundcloud account to better his life situation.  I truly have been inspired and honored to have met him this last year and have gotten to spend some sweet times.  
I share this rant he sent me about a daily part of his life that is an irritant and I share it here because I believe it needs to be shared, as it shows a part of humanity we do not always want to look at or have in our line of sight.  
Although I wish you to know Michael and his little dog, MeMe, as I do, so please head on over to his facebook page and give it a link.  There are links there to his soundcloud account where you can listen to his creations.

https://www.facebook.com/DJMichaelJHearne/

A Rant: I found this parked next to the gazebo this morning.....the bag was stuffed into the back of their little fridge. i found it walking meme along her daily walk alongside the espresso shop...so i pushed it across the street to the Windsor....the rosemary bush on corner of gazebo reeks like urine I'm pondering why nobody stands against this behaviour except downtown. the police "talk" to the homeless, but nothing is seeming to be really done. Dealing with constamt threats and name calling all day long from the homeless as well, not just to me but I see it directed at OTHER patrons and passer-bys! A blonde drunk sits ON AMPM property, drinking steele reserve flying a sign yells at everyone: "What? You can't spare a dollar? Fucking Nigger!" and yet nobody says a word because they "Know" him.

Yet I am the sober one, buying food, soda and cigarettes, polite, non alcoholic stoner is forbidden to sit and eat my purchased meal and told to "move along" Panhandling? Job? For some reason over the years I can't get help for shit whether applying for a job or services for help. With organizations, drug addiction IS in fact a pre-requisite to receive such services for home, job training ...sometimes even warming shelters. In Ashland, I do not qualify for the warming shelter based on a vulnerability status..Only god knows how "Vulnerability" is defined. Just like everything else, I only recieve a book of excuses. Those who DO and HAVE help are those who know me in which I can't thank enough...And all i wanted was a cup of coffee at the Hot Stuff Espresso so i can charge my laptop so I be turned down by more jobs and play wih music.

Leave a comment below.  Check out Michael's link and his music. 

The Thriving Artist is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, a film and media company that supports thriving artists of all variety.  Support us at: www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions