Know Your Body #health #wellness #recovery #healingjourney

 

Recently, I was given the new diagnosis of IBS, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, added to the three I already have.  First, acquiring the diagnosis of Bipolar in 2006, discarding depression and ADD mis-diagnosed in my teens, finally, in 2011, Celiac Disease, some years later, gratefully, CPTSD in 2019, and now, after years of still struggling with gut issues even after conquering the celia issue, IBS.  The journey of discovery when given these labels individually and then, collectively, has been one of a soul-searching struggle at times, then suddenly grateful relief.  

As I reflect upon the roads I have traveled until now, I find some ease as I commence a new path of understanding my body's needs to heal in this new beginning (IBS).  Yet, still at times, I tense within, feeling a sense of hopelessness, when faced with the all-consuming task of once again learning what's right, what's wrong for my body.  "What the hell can I eat? I have shrieked inwardly as I navigate the elimination diet in order to find the food sensitive triggers, while at times slogging through days of overwhelming fatigue as my body adjusts to the cleanse or lack of nutrients still not discovered. I must once again learn to rest and to be gentle with myself through the process, not judge or cry because I find myself once again at another 'step one'.  

Added to all of that, I'm aging, try as I might to freeze or build Tardises to control time, the sands in the hourglass are slipping by, marked by the changes upon my face, hair, body, and even within.  As the numbers attached to my years alive increase, my body and mind shift, altering what I once was capable, but with this, comes a new appreciation for the simplicity of life.  The desires I once sought for have faded, changed, and find renewal in the focus to thrive in peace within and without.

Thus, as I face these new journeys of recovery, the physical and emotional, I find comfort in the truth that life is an ever-unfolding discovery to knowing more fully myself, reaching ever towards an achievement once gained, only to reveal another layer to voyage in discovery.  Daunting as it may seem, it is inevitable, for the sole purpose of life is the journey towards finding one's soul.  

My Product Is My Service...

 

...My service is to share my journey towards wellness.

For the first few years of this entrepreneurial journey I have found myself upon, I struggled to find the reason and purpose, the brand and theme, for Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, to be more than just a little indie film company, but sustainable enough to allow me to leave the trappings of the varied normie jobs behind.  It was during the great quarantine of 2020 that I was allowed the opportunity to slow down, focus inward, prioritize, and discover that that which was the brand, the theme, and the purpose was always with me all along the way.

That is, the true reality of what it means to be a thriving artist and to go one further, to help others find and love their thrive.  

That saying, I have also discovered that part of doing that is by my transparency in my soul's evolution towards wholeness and healing, which will inspire others to pursue not only their art or soul's creative purposes but to seek inner healing so that they too may truly thrive.

So, with that, I would like to share some insights from my doctor's visit this morning, which left me a bit fatigued emotionally and spiritually.

Ten years ago, when I walked down the aisle towards not so wedded bliss, of which I had no such idea at the time, the idea was forced upon me to choose for birth control the lovely IUD, to be specific, Intrauterine Device, of the Paraguard variety.  I say, thrust upon me, because the idea was brought up and decided upon by someone outside my body and I, at the time, did not feel the strength to rebel against.

Truth be told, the IUD is one of the best forms of birth control out there and thus it wasn't all together a bad thing.  I heartily agree that having a child with that aforementioned husband would have been a disaster all in itself.

But, as I continue down this path, examining the traumatic effects of my life, I realize how not having authority over making my body's decisions throughout life has effected my ability to trust in myself, develop my personality, and believe in myself worth.

So, as the time was approaching the ten year mark, that which was the time to remove and, possibly, replace the IUD, I opted to remove, deciding then that I would make the decision for birth control aligning with what's right for my body based on my needs and desires.  At this point, in fact, I am purposely abstaining for the benefit of recovery from relationship addiction and thus to find value in the souls I am romantically partnered apart from and yet along with sexually (don't worry, I'm not returning to my fundie 'born again virgin' life), to see them thus not as objects to fulfill my emptiness (get your head out of the gutter!) but rather as souls to be seen and to see me.

I shared all of this history of My IUD story with my doctor and she was aghast at the reality of how and why it was thrust upon and inside of me.  

"You need this out," she proclaimed and as we went through the process of the stirrups, the cold, metal clamp, pulling at the string, we joked about how much women experience such agony, papsmears, menstruations, child birth, and still get paid less than men.  Thus, when she was finally able to remove, she pronounced, "And it's out."

She held it up to me, "Here it is, just here doing it's thing, you are free."

Thus, in that she is correct.  A sense of freedom washed over me and my vagina felt finally able to breathe and to experience the love it has so long deserved but has never been able to achieve, to be valued for all that it is, and be seen as the beautiful life giving self it truly is.

Fare the well, little IUD, you did the job you were required, not just of keeping out the sperm to 

impregnate, but to lead me towards the journey of overcoming society's mysogyny and truly finding freedom within.

Hallelujah

She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Tune into the next week, in the continuing saga of Lia's recovery and healthy journey, when she begins the process of whitening teeth and thus abstains from coffee and wine for the duration.