...My service is to share my journey towards wellness.
For the first few years of this entrepreneurial journey I have found myself upon, I struggled to find the reason and purpose, the brand and theme, for Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, to be more than just a little indie film company, but sustainable enough to allow me to leave the trappings of the varied normie jobs behind. It was during the great quarantine of 2020 that I was allowed the opportunity to slow down, focus inward, prioritize, and discover that that which was the brand, the theme, and the purpose was always with me all along the way.
That is, the true reality of what it means to be a thriving artist and to go one further, to help others find and love their thrive.
That saying, I have also discovered that part of doing that is by my transparency in my soul's evolution towards wholeness and healing, which will inspire others to pursue not only their art or soul's creative purposes but to seek inner healing so that they too may truly thrive.
So, with that, I would like to share some insights from my doctor's visit this morning, which left me a bit fatigued emotionally and spiritually.
Ten years ago, when I walked down the aisle towards not so wedded bliss, of which I had no such idea at the time, the idea was forced upon me to choose for birth control the lovely IUD, to be specific, Intrauterine Device, of the Paraguard variety. I say, thrust upon me, because the idea was brought up and decided upon by someone outside my body and I, at the time, did not feel the strength to rebel against.
Truth be told, the IUD is one of the best forms of birth control out there and thus it wasn't all together a bad thing. I heartily agree that having a child with that aforementioned husband would have been a disaster all in itself.
But, as I continue down this path, examining the traumatic effects of my life, I realize how not having authority over making my body's decisions throughout life has effected my ability to trust in myself, develop my personality, and believe in myself worth.
So, as the time was approaching the ten year mark, that which was the time to remove and, possibly, replace the IUD, I opted to remove, deciding then that I would make the decision for birth control aligning with what's right for my body based on my needs and desires. At this point, in fact, I am purposely abstaining for the benefit of recovery from relationship addiction and thus to find value in the souls I am romantically partnered apart from and yet along with sexually (don't worry, I'm not returning to my fundie 'born again virgin' life), to see them thus not as objects to fulfill my emptiness (get your head out of the gutter!) but rather as souls to be seen and to see me.
I shared all of this history of My IUD story with my doctor and she was aghast at the reality of how and why it was thrust upon and inside of me.
"You need this out," she proclaimed and as we went through the process of the stirrups, the cold, metal clamp, pulling at the string, we joked about how much women experience such agony, papsmears, menstruations, child birth, and still get paid less than men. Thus, when she was finally able to remove, she pronounced, "And it's out."
She held it up to me, "Here it is, just here doing it's thing, you are free."
Thus, in that she is correct. A sense of freedom washed over me and my vagina felt finally able to breathe and to experience the love it has so long deserved but has never been able to achieve, to be valued for all that it is, and be seen as the beautiful life giving self it truly is.
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
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