The Slap & Post-Pandemic Trauma = Recovery Now!

By now, everyone is aware of what is being deemed "the slap heard around the world" and the internet is all a-buzz with debates on whether Smith or Rock was right or wrong and what consequences should be dealt out for Will Smith.   For my part, and this is important to express, I am not specifically on either side as I have always admired both for the unique talents they bring in their chosen creative pursuits.  For one thing, I grew up with Will Smith, as it were, from the early days of his early rap pursuits into the iconic Fresh Prince of Bel Air, and watched with pride as he achieved greater success in a way that allowed him to fully express the breadth of his talents.  In addition, I have always found Chris Rock to be very original in his comedic talents and also find him to be authentically unique in how he expresses himself in admitting to both his weaknesses, struggles, rights, and wrongs.

Unlike many, I was unable to watch the Oscars live but, of course, have seen the playback of the "big event".  Thus, while watching, my heart was a wash with a great deal of empathy for the emotional flood that overwhelmed Will Smith in that particular moment, the pain, the shame, and remorse that, most likely, washed over him immediately afterwards.  For that reason alone, I stand with Will Smith, because I, myself, have reacted outwardly in moments of emotional stress, in like fashion to the offense he did upon Rock.  This doesn't mean I don't feel that there should be some form of consequence, for I had dealt to me much of consequence after my outbursts (such as loss of jobs, restraining order,etc), and can also assure you that before ever these legal and/or external ramifications were dealt, my conscience already was a-fire with remorse and shame, continuously beating myself up for how wretched I was.  (A side note: I was also a practicing fundamentalist Christian at the time that taught the human heart was completely wicked, no good was in us at all, Jesus was the answer, that we should  have self-confidence, but God confidence.) So, rest assured, I believe Will Smith is experiencing such storms of remorse and shame, such that the ramifications for his actions are already being dealt down, inwardly if not yet fully outwardly.  

Now, okay, let me clear, I'm not saying that Will Smith has Bipolar or anything in that degree. I am merely highlighting my history with Bipolar Rage to explain why I specifically empathize and feel a stab on my heart in regards to his situation.  Furthermore, when I was diagnosed with Bipolar, it was yet to be discovered the fullness of my dysfunction, such as having Celiac Disease and a long history with trauma resulting in complex post-traumatic stress disorder, and in addition, the term "Bipolar Rage" was not something that was fully understood at that time.  (So, you are welcome for those diagnosed and experiencing such now, I helped shape that part of the diagnosis, my abusive history did some form of good after all, Yay.)

Now, that I have established that I am not diagnosising the "Fresh Prince" with a mood disorder, I must also input a few other points of significance as well.  First, Chris Rock did not deserve to have his face slapped, violence is never a viable option when triggered or in disagreement of such, and our country's foundations decree that we are allowed freedom of speech.  Furthermore, as a woman, I have never felt triggered or wounded by Rock's comedy.  Comedians' role is to specifically hold a mirror up to society reflecting the absurdity and bringing light to a situation that may seem dire and dark.  In addition, the position of comic, especially one so closely tied to SNL, is that nothing is out of bounds or sacred when it comes to the art of true comedy.  Next, Jada Pinket Smith looks breath-taking with her shaved head, but, more importantly, she ain't no little woman that needs a big, strong man to stand up for her in anyway shape or fashion.  Her husband has expressed on a regular basis that he knows this to be true.

So, all of that out of the way, let's re-focus our attention on Mr. Smith.  Over the many years of his long career, he has had scant a controversy or been tabloid fodder.  In actuality, he has been praised for how nice he is, humble, and hard-working, continually dedicated to his work and growing as an artist.  However, in that long history, there is in the distant past a record of alleged violence, as mentioned here:

Shortly before he was cast, Smith was arrested in relation to an alleged assault on his record promoter, William Hendricks. He was charged with aggravated assault, criminal conspiracy, simple assault and recklessly endangering another person, but all charges were later dismissed.

Excerpt from the article, "To hide the coward’: how Will Smith’s personal history may explain his Oscars violence" from The Guardian. (https://www.theguardian.com/film/2022/mar/28/will-smith-abusive-childhood-chris-rock-oscars)

In addition, Smith details in his book his history with childhood trauma growing up watching his father abuse his wife.  In his acceptance speech, he made reference to his need to  defend his family.

“I know to do what we do you’ve got to be able to take abuse, and have people talk crazy about you and have people disrespecting you, and you’ve got to smile and pretend it’s OK. But love will make you do crazy things.”--Will Smith, Oscar Acceptance Speech, 2022

In his memoir, "To Hide The Coward", Smith details the guilt he feels over not stepping up and defending his mother from his father's rage.  This all ties into what has made Smith who he is, what shapes the decisions he makes, as an artist and a person.  As he further explains in his memoir,

“When I was nine years old, I watched my father punch my mother in the side of the head so hard that she collapsed,” he wrote. “I saw her spit blood. That moment in that bedroom, probably more than any other moment in my life, has defined who I am.”  Smith wrote that it wasn’t only the violence that traumatised him, but his own inaction in the face of it. “Within everything that I have done since then — the awards and accolades, the spotlights and attention, the characters and the laughs — there has been a subtle string of apologies to my mother for my inaction that day. For failing her in the moment. For failing to stand up to my father. For being a coward. “What you have come to understand as ‘Will Smith’, the alien-annihilating MC, the bigger-than-life movie star, is largely a construction – a carefully crafted and honed character designed to protect myself. To hide myself from the world. To hide the coward.”

Excerpt from the article, "To hide the coward’: how Will Smith’s personal history may explain his Oscars violence" from The Guardian. (https://www.theguardian.com/film/2022/mar/28/will-smith-abusive-childhood-chris-rock-oscars)

So, Smith admits to a long history of trauma and the effects of that on his personal development throughout life.  In addition to helping him develop as an artist, it's an excessive burden to shoulder throughout life, wounds that although seem to lessen through time and a variety of healing methods, but remain an inner reality nonetheless.  

Added to that, the excessive stresses of the last few years, the isolation of the pandemic, the polarization causing the greatest divide, economic instabilities, racial injustices, have placed a toll on all of us.  As we slowly emerge back out of seclusion, it is increasingly natural to feel a bit unsteady when it comes to re-starting social interactions whether it be minor or major, especially with one that has some form of mental struggles already inbuilt, as I can testify.  

If what I know about Will Smith is true from watching him all these years, he will take the ramifications of his actions dealt down to him and, most likely, has already inwardly.  As he has always been authentic in his word and deed, he will take what is handed down to him as he knows his position of role model for those looking upon him and thus will further himself to be a better, more authentic person as he progresses on his soul's journey as well in his artistic endeavors.  

But, his action last Sunday, deserves another pause of thought in regard to the long-lasting effects of the pandemic's social distancing.  As stated in Nami's "HOW TO MANAGE POST-PANDEMIC STRESS AND FONO (FEAR OF NORMAL)" article (https://namica.org/blog/how-to-manage-post-pandemic-stress/): 

"As we inch towards a new normal, a first good step is recognizing that the pandemic is a traumatic event we collectively experienced. Then, we can take extra care to address our needs."

All types of persons have been affected psychologically by the forced time in isolation from regular social events, such that the thought of returning brings a strain of nervousness.  In jest, we used to wonder what returning to social engagements would be like post-pandemic, but here we are.  In truth, for many, the happiness of beginning again is mixed with a marked degree of anxiety, not from a fear of physical illness, but from the years' long absense of day to day social connection.  

In this modern day world complete with being woke, cancel culture, and excessively calling out "trigger warnings", it is necessary to realize that what happened on Sunday night to Will Smith was the effect of truly being triggered, which does not make the action right, only explain the thinking that caused the action.  This does not at all mean that Chris Rock, comedian, or any person should change their act, only that society itself, in view of how recent events have changed us collectively, need to be more aware and conscience of how their words and actions affect others.  More importantly, this highlights  even more the important need for sufficient mental health care for all as we journey into this 'brave new world' post pandemic life. 

Articles used for reference and study for this entry:

Start Retraining For Social Interactions

How To Manage Post-Pandemic Stress

 

It's okay to be afraid.

 

A childhood friend of mine died last November, of Covid-19. The reality that she died is a concrete reality for all of our lives, for no one makes it out of here alive, as it were. The emotional impact of her death is real no matter the cause. However, Covid-19 is that cause of her death. The very fact of our present reality is that almost a million have died in the United States from Covid-19.

I say this because there are a myriad of folks who have varying beliefs about the nature of Covid-19, ranging from the far extreme craziness of the Q-Anons who believe its a manufactured illness brought about by the baby-blood drinking elite, to those that are a little less fringe but still don't believe its as bad as its detailed and to whom think the mainstream news is bias, to those that follow the status quo, and those somewhere on the other side, on and on it goes in the divisions spreading further apart in our current society.

It's sad, but true.

So, you may ask, what does this have to do with the loss of your friend? Does it seem as if I am using her for some gain of mine own? Well, when folks discuss this whole Covid-19 thing, it's something that hits extremely close to my heart. Furthermore, I WANT to talk about HER. I want her name and legacy to be known. She was such a gift throughout so many phases of my life as well as to many. In addition. I feel strongly that she would love that her life is not in vain, that someone she loved and that loved her, is helping to break others out of their need to hide their insecurities and their fears, to break down the walls of division brought about by anger, to truly bring healing and unity. Yeah, she'd dig that.

968K in the USA.

This is the face of one.

Laura Christine Lepe-Duarte

On Saturday night, I was at a friend's birthday party when another friend started spouting off her rhetoric about how it's about as common to catch and die from Covid-19 as having something fall on your head. That's when I piped up and said, "My friend died from Covid-19 last November."
This woman then went on to explain how Covid-19 deaths are, in fact, rare as well stem from pre-existing conditions. Jokingly, I quipped, "Almost a million deaths rare, right?"

There was mutual respect between us, I never felt a tension at least on my part. We both allowed each other to be heard and for that I am grateful to her for that.

I began to explain to her my belief that on either side there is no real knowing, so much uncertainty in all of this, and that of instability causes fear to rise up, resulting in this natural protective instinct showcasing as sarcastic passive aggression. (Not just for liberals, for conservatives for all, none are immune.)

I want to emphasize that fear is a natural human emotion and one of the most primal. It's a natural protective instinct from way back in the original days of humanity when you had to flee the oncoming saber tooth tiger. And, in this time, when there is so much chaos, new every day seemingly, it is oh so natural to be fearful. The reaction for many, when faced with their fears, is to flee into some form of certainty, scrambling to find normalize in a world where there is none. The very truth of this new reality is there is no going back to what was before, no matter how hard we try.

Our lives have been altered in ways drastic beyond what we ever could imagine in our lifetimes. And, thus, we must act accordingly. For many, all this time spent without the distractions caused a restless anxiety brought upon by being forced to be alone with themselves. So, with the increasing craziness outward, that which we had not looked at within came to the fore-front. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, we looked around for someone to blame, yet another means of stemming off the pain, our own inner darknesses.

What I am trying to emphasize is that the root cause of all this animosity and division is the fear within each. The long-set norm of society is to quell those anxieties within, not to look at or admit, and the outward reactivity reflects the tumult within.

But, all this upheaval has brought about the dawn of a brave new world, in which the best thing we CAN do is not to flee from that dark feelings within, but to acknowledge and admit, both to self and to others. The answer, do whatever self care is needed to be able to sit with yourself, quieting the voices within and forgiving oneself, release the need to control and embrace the uncertainty.

For when upon we dwell within, is the beginning of true healing and unity.

 

Now It’s Your Time
(It’s Your Right)
You Can Shine
(It’s Alright)
If You Do
I’ma Do Too

Freedom

Here's a way to make a difference:

Support for DJ Michael J. Hearne will help him secure regular housing so that he may focus on job security: https://www.gofundme.com/f/please-help-michael-and-meme-thrive

Elizabeth Suzanne suffered a devastating heart-break and tragedy.  She needs a little assistance getting back on her feet: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-return-elizabeth-to-her-thrive

Blessed Uncertainty

 

Embrace

For starters, I hope you aren't thinking that this is going to be some blog about religion and how finding certainty in the LORD is the antitode for all the craziness of life.  No, those days for me are long since passed, even though the process of deconstruction, which gets less and less difficult through the years, still is a process lifelong.

No, I wish to reflect on the nature of our union, national, world-wide, personal, and universal.  Here we find ourselves in these crazy 2020s, amidst an ongoing pandemic, political and social upheaval rampant with racism and a variety of other isms we wished were non-existant, too afraid and asleep we were to admit, financial situation precarious for all, and in these times we as a collective wish to cling to some form of certainty.

These days everyone, regardless of political or religious affiliation, has their factual information about the current state of affairs of which they believe wholeheartedly to be valid.  Often times, these beliefs can become so rigid that one fails to express compassion needed in these shaky times.  That alone is another coping strategy to find certainty in times where there is none.   It appears then that even if one does not promote themselves a Christian or Muslim Conservative, as it were, they still can attribute facets of fundamentalism in their rigid beliefs. 

What I believe wholeheartedly is that there is no certainty.   I believe in being informed and educated, yet with the bias of all news stations, networks, and informative devices, it is difficult to truly know what is accurate and what is commercialized.   Furthermore, some news reported can be both fact and conjecture, somewhere in the shades of grey of partial truth as it were.  

What, then, is the answer? Cling to some form of knowing, whether it be proven or not, as some means of regulating one's peace of mind, one way of seeking certainty and solid ground, especially if one has not a belief in a god or of a higher power (which is okay, recall I'm no longer a fundie christian).  

The answer, solely, lies in embracing the blessed uncertainty in life.  One valuable lesson I have gained from these last couple years is the full reality of that truth, life is ever changing, the future never known.   Finding the grace within myself to embrace that truth has allowed me the freedom to release clinging to some form of rigidity in my mental structure, allowing the personal discovery of enjoying life in child-like fashion, the wonderment of all unfolding becomes magical and with a purpose perhaps not yet known but more powerful than any I could conceive or control.

So, dear one, take a breathe, in and out, find stillness in the craziness, look within, and embrace that which is not known, embrace the blessed uncertainty, for then comes upon a sense of calm bringing back a stability within, able to face whatever the bends and turns of life brings. 

What in the world are we going to do?

Look at what everybody's going through

What kind of world do you want it to be?

Am I the future or the history?

'Cause everyone hurts

Everyone cries

Everyone tells each other all kinds of lies

Everyone falls

Everybody dreams and doubts

Got to keep dancing when the lights go out

Everyday Life

Hot Stuff: A Tribe of Awesome Coffee & Tea People

 Hot Stuff Espresso

Connie McGonagle has been a thriving business owner of Hot Stuff Espresso for nearly two decades, this April 20, 2021 will see their 19 year anniversary.  In a new series examining the local cafes and how they relate to Café-Girl Productions, Inc, I sat down with Connie to discuss her view of the café culture and community that she has seen and developed throughout the years.   

Bama relaxes in the sun

Connie began her career in the coffee shop world at a small Dutch Bros coffee shack, the first of its kind, in Shady Cove, Oregon in her sophomore year of high school.  Taught by her beloved friend, Steve, she was brought into the world of all things coffee and café, which led her to pursue this passion in the years that followed.  

Cafe-Girl Sophie helps Customer Bama

In addition to the taste of coffee and tea, Connie mostly loves the social dynamic of a café, which she believes brings much good just by being available.  In previous years, cafes were a place to plan and hold events and to make life long friendships.  In this time of Covid19, when the majority of us have found ourselves deprived from social connection and interaction, the value has increased by cafes providing a safe place to gather, to come back together after isolation, and to connect.

Bama enjoys the view

The cafe culture, in the viewpoint of Connie and Hot Stuff Espresso, is filled with a myriad of awesome coffee and tea people forming a close knit family of the "Coffee Tribe", who come alongside one another to support and uplift during the highs and lows of life.

Bama & Hot Stuff

Hot Stuff Espresso is located at 515 Clover Lane, Ashland, Oregon.  Hours of operation are 6:00 am to 5:00 pm.  In addition, to a wonderful array of coffee and tea drinks, Hot Stuff has wonderful baked goods for sale as well as a beautiful new gazebo for socialization and relaxation.  Find out more about Hot Stuff on Facebook and Instagram. 

Life In A Coffee Shop

Hot Stuff Espresso

No Going Back To Normal, None To Go Back To

 

As we face the reality of shifting out of quarantine life, often is expressed the belief that finally life can revert back to normal.  However, normal, a construct of our own minds, is ever shifting based on the reality of one of the only constants in life, change.  Yes, we will re-open to full capacity, Covid-19 itself won't be as threatening, but life as we knew it pre-covid will never return and should not.  For there were aspects of that way of life, both personally and collectively, specifically that of burying and hiding from the toxic ever-present that should never be nor can be returned.  As any recovering addict can attest, returning back to the dysfunction is not necessarily safe, as it is not healthy, even though in a sense it may feel comfortable.

Just as other major life catastrophes, such as 9-11, life as we know it will never return nor be the same.  For those of us alive prior and during 9-11 can attest, the way we existed prior has never returned.  Aw, the nostalgic simplicity of the 90's, am I right?  However, the 90's in all its glory as remembered was at best naïve and in other words, lacking in the full transparency that true awareness of the underbelly of darkness of such things as terrorism were apparent but not wanted to seen.  For it is a very true aspect of human nature, that we, as a collective, shy away from that which causes pain and anguish, fear and insecurity.  However, the truth of the matter is, as I have discovered, that experiencing pain is inevitable in life and in surrendering oneself to the journey, we find the power to transform beyond our limited conceptions, become stronger, wiser, and more capable than before.

Such is the case with the pandemic of which we are experiencing and slowly emerging out of, for this last year 2020 and part of 2021, at least for now, has been one where we have witnessed great depths of pain, struggle, suffering that which we have tried to hide from, but no longer could or ever should.  During our times of forced isolation, we have had no other option but to sit with ourselves, without distraction, witnessing parts of our realities, inner and outer, that are detrimental to our health within and without.

This has caused many to revolt in ways both outwardly aggressive or passive as well as privately.  We wish to stop the pain, to run from our fears, so we use coping strategies in hopes that will ease our discomfort, which only increases the duration of our suffering, not appeases.

Social media and public life in general is ripe with a aching void of divide as none other in history, racially, culturally, politically, spiritually.  However, I would reckon to believe this division was ever present and continuously building as these differences as well as dysfunctions within and without were not recognized and healed.  

In my own circle, I have close friends on a variety of spectrum, each responding to the uncertainties of today from the framing of their own fears.  Anger, in both subtle and violent means, is most often the reactive option to these feelings, but the answer is never discovered.  I have friends that seek to find peace within the confines of political rightness, mostly on the left, trying their best to choose the right words and terminology to be accepted.  Also, I have friends more aligned to the right side of the spectrum who feel unheard, disrespected, and lash out within that place.  Friends that believe wholeheartedly that if we all got the Covid19 vaccine this whole thing would go away, perhaps it shall, perhaps it won't.  Friends that have been infected with Covid19 that feel suddenly immune, perhaps they are, perhaps they aren't.  

Personally, I am choosing not to rush back to life as we know it, choosing to allow myself to continue "quarantine life", not in fear of the virus but in a need to continue to heal my mind, heart, and soul, to be a better, more whole person.  In that regard, truly I am not fully ready to return and I am becoming aware that I am not alone in this thinking.

As my good friend, Randy, used to tell me, "We are all living the human condition the best we can."

The point is, we are living in shaky times of uncertainty.  The normal we crave is a false construct of our own making with the hope to instill some form of comfort in a world we cannot ever control.  The only solution in my view, coming years of recovery stemming back to 2006, is to go within, examine all of ourselves both positive and negative, seek healing in all variety.  This affords us the ability to slow our mind, to heal, and to overcome the dysfunction internally and socially.  

It is only in healing our own illness that we may heal without. 

The Healing Of Sickness

 

The last few days of my life I've been down for the count with the crud of stomache flu.  Every time I find myself ill with an actual sickness, I am caught unawares, surprised as if wondering why my little body has betrayed me.  But as the days go by and I spend the hours sleeping, catching up on my binge watching mindless TV (admittedly, I fell down the deep, dark hole of the Duggar-Verse), reading (if I can focus), and eating the comfort foods my mom served up when I was a small child ill in bed, an occurrence of magic begins.

As the days progress and the fever of achiness rages through my body, I find myself re-connecting with my body in ways always unexpected, yet suddenly remembered from past occurrences.  For in those times, shut up from the world, quarantined away, distracted from the regular busyness of life, a change occurs as your body follows the natural course of healing.  

For coming back into the world after being sick is a strange feeling in of itself.  Possibly still a little weak physically, it is more a reality of the mind as you once again find yourself returning to normal day to day life.  The world, as it once was, has shifted based on the events of your life the last few days and it is better for it.  It's fresh and a deeper appreciation for the beauty of such has arrived in the cleansing of the physical from the fever and sickness that ravaged.  

In truth, right before the world itself went into lockdown, I found myself quarantined for a weekend locked down myself with strep throat and bronchitis.  Once again, I was afforded the ability to feel the effects prior to what the global consciousness would experience in a mere month to follow.  My view, then, of the moments of being spirited away from the daily grind and then to finally return was that of a greater love for those that peopled my existence and less a focus on the priorities and shoulds.  Furthermore, I suddenly found the duties of life not an endless chore but a discovery not unlike the wonderment of child-like naivete.  

In that time of my personal quarantine, pre-cursor to Covid19, I find myself confronting the major and minor abuses of those I loved who had, in fact, taken advantage.  This reality dawning on me led me to step back from the closeness of relationship in a way that was non-threatening to them yet also empowering to my soul, leading me to a deeper appreciation of true love and friendship which has thus filled me deeper and deeper hence.  This has afforded me such inner peace, a deeper understanding of myself worth, and further awareness of that which is toxic needing to be eliminated.  As I unfollowed and removed myself from a close, active relationship with these, I released them to find their own healing, without my needing to intrude, try to fix, and thus be used.   This led to a greater joy in my life, in my creative output, and a sense of not having to control or dictate.   In releasing my need to control and admitting my powerlessness, I find strength within. 

Sickness, then, comes about just when is needed, meant to stop us in our tracks, slow down, and turn inwards as we rest.  A shift in our daily life occurs and our priorities become less of a race and more of a joy. 

Beauty From Pain

Thank you for reading.  I would love to hear your thoughts.  Comment below!  

The Thriving Artist is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc.  For more information, follow the links provided below!

Love In The Time Of Covid

 

As we head into the weekend famously known as the weekend of love, for some excitement of sharing the special day with their beloved, for others sadness over feeling the loneliness, (even more so this year with the Covid19 restrictions in place), so thus in today's entry I want to examine how the influence of media, film, tv, and music, has shaped how we view love and hyped the commercialization of February 14th. 

First off, a brief run-down on the history of February 14th, or rather, the mid-point of February.  It stems back to 496, with the Roman holiday of "Lupercalia", as the start of spring and a day when young boys would pull the name of a young girl out of a box, signifying that they were boyfriend and girlfriend during the festival which would sometimes lead to their marriage. 

Later, Christianity co-opted the celebration, as per usual, by honoring St. Valentine.  It is said that Emperor Claudius 2 had marriage outlawed due to his belief that it made men bad soldiers.  The priest, Valentine, found this ban severely unjust (rightly so) and thus decided to secretly wed couples.  When the Emperor found out about this, he had Valentine condemned to death. During his time in captivity, Valentine fell in love with the jailer's daughter and before his death sentence on February 14th, he penned a note to her signing it, "From Your Valentine", thus it begun.

Years tumbled forward and we have Hollywood and American society once again culprits of co-opting the holiday, Love Itself, for commercial purposes.  And, yes, many may dive into the Hollywood love and romance stories, the chick flicks as they are famously referred to, and that is just fine.  (Full transparency, season two of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc romantic comedy, Nate & Laura & How They Met premieres this Sunday evening, so I guess I'm on that bandwagon as well.  A little bit.) However, there is nothing inherently wrong with watching those types of stories, if one can remember that it is just that, a story.  Furthermore, love is a universal need, perhaps more valuable to our soul well-being than food, water, and sleep.  So, it makes sense then that absorbing this content would help to fill that desire.

But, my friends, these movies, TV shows, songs, and such did a great disservice to our souls.  Because not only did they preach that love is the ultimate answer and solution to our despair, but kept it one-sided focusing on the aspect of love that is Eros-related, i.e. Romance.  This media filled our tender minds and hearts with the desire for a grand love story of epic proportions complete with the meet-cute meeting, the rivalry and/or mistaken confusion, the grand race down the street in the freezing rain, confession of undying 'happily ever after' forever.  We leave the movie theatres, turn off the TV, the radio, wipe our eyes, and wonder when...starry eyed hopes lead to anguish in disappointment, bitterness in anger.  Hollywood forcing us to remain as Eponines but all too often end up as Fantines, never the Cosettes we were born to be. 

For even though romantic love is important, it is not the only part of love that is needed for our wholeness and completion.  

During this time of Covid-19, I find myself relishing the minute details of each holiday, regardless of whether another will view my decorations and festivities or not.  And, this weekend is no different in that aspect.  For me, it's in fondly recalling the Valentine's Days of my past, the elementary school parties, like in first grade when we had the massive flood and had to go home early, my friend, Corinne, carting off my special V-Day treats, the first middle school dances, the first date and first kiss, and, you know, everything else.  But, it's more than just a celebration of the memory and romantic love, but a celebration of all aspects of love, as I joyfully dart about town flitting from friends' houses, dashing away as I leave their cutesy little cards on their doorsteps.  

Love is multi-layered, multi-faceted, but all too often we forget that when this weekend tumbles around, we forget the excitement we had in childhood over the holiday, of just giving little gifts and cards to our classmates.  Recall that, hold those special memories whatever they may be, grieve if you need to be, for even heart-break and good-bye is a facet of love, release expectations of the shoulds from society, Hollywood anything else, and, finally, just be with yourself, truly experiencing the fullness of love.

That is, Love In The Time Of Covid. 

The Rose

I would love to hear your thoughts, including your love story experiences, both positive and negative, in every aspect of love, romantic, platonic, career focused, parental.  Share how these relations transferred your heart, mind, and soul, despite whatever heartbreak came.  

The Thriving Artist is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc.  You can find the links beneath this entry if you want to know more about Cafe-Girl!

Glamour Dave: My 2020 Survival Story

When 2020 started I thought it was going to be a good year. I entered the year with high energy because of my success as a public access producer at RVTV in Ashland, Oregon. I ended 2019 having produced over 60 show productions between all my various shows. I felt really good about what I had done. I figured to keep being active in 2020 with my various shows. I figured to produce at least 50+ more new show episodes between all my shows. I would continue to submit show productions to different film festivals. Continue to get the occasional film festival selection. I was on track to just keep building on my success and trying to secure a sale of one of my show concepts that would take me to Hollywood. That was the plan at least.

But apparently the Universe had other plans. 2019 ended with a new virus coming out of China. And news media reported how serious the condition was in China. And the potential danger it represented if it got out of China to the rest of the world. And as the the world moved into 2020 I looked at the situation as something to be concerned about. But I also looked at it as the level of concern that I gave when other virus epidemics occurred around the world. There have been epidemics of Ebola, Dengue Fever, and Zika Virus that were very concerning. And could have gone into full blown Pandemic status. But those situations seemed to always have gotten under control and never really reached the United States to any serious level. So this new COVID-19 was mostly likely going to be the same situation, right?

A year later the answer to that question was NO! It wound up not being the same situation. For me the beginning of 2020 started normally as I got my selection of production dates at RVTV. I started off the year producing my first new episodes of Rogue Artisans and Crafters where I profiled local artists Erin Linton and Dan Elster. And I kept to my schedule til near the end of March. But in between my first new shows of 2020 to my last shows of 2020 the COVID-19 came across from China to the United States. And it just started to spread. In great part due to the complete failure of the political leadership of our country to treat the threat seriously. A review of past epidemics will show that our nation’s political leadership took those epidemics very seriously and were fully engaged in what would be necessary to contain those epidemics.

The leadership in Washington D.C. this time around showed no interest in treating the COVID-19 threat seriously. They chose to not take any serious responsibility to try and contain the virus. They chose to treat the threat as a joke. They claimed the threat was not real. It was a fake emergency. Let the record show that the COVID-19 threat was such a fake emergency that our nation is coming upon 400,000 Americans dead from COVID-19. That’s an amazingly big fake emergency. 400,000 dead Americans due to a President who has no empathy in his soul. And who only cared about trying to deny the pandemic as a means to try and win re-election and hold on to power. That’s what’s called worthless leadership.

Near the end of March 2020 COVID-19 hit Oregon and our area. As a result Southern Oregon University basically shut itself down to try and contain the spread of COVID-19. That resulted in the RVTV studio being shut down as the studio is part of the Digital Media Center which is on the SOU campus. The end result was the end of my show production schedule. And the end of all show production by all RVTV producers. And that still remains the case even now.

From the end of March 2020 to now the lives of my mother and I has been changed. From being active to having a life that is more quiet, more sedentary, a life of stillness. A life that has a greater sense of a suspension of time. I no longer made any trips over from Medford to Ashland to produce my shows, and spending time with a wonderful group of RVTV producers who in time became great friends. How I miss that contact and experience with my friends. Instead now my life is about going out once a day for an hour, maybe 2, to take care of errands for my mother and I. Mostly going out to pickup groceries and prescriptions. Maybe the occasional other supplies at Fred Meyer or Walmart. All while wearing a mask everywhere I go.

Then I’m back home. I fix meals for my mother and I. We watch the news to stay up to date about the pandemic and whatever the hell President Trump was choosing to do or not do in regards to COVID-19 in our country. If we were not watching the news we would find a movie to watch. Occasionally we would find a movie on demand to watch. I exposed my mother to the joy of watching Howard the Duck. Together we discovered just how badly the movie Cats really was with so many great actors and actresses making their contribution to bad movie making. Even the visual of Taylor Swift singing as a sexy feline was not enough to recommend that movie to anyone. That is how bad that movie is.

For my mother her work from her office changed to working at home. Our dining room table became her desk. And only on occasion would she have to make it into her office for a day. Both my mother and I have various underlying health issues. Those issues make it imperative that we do what we can to avoid getting COVID-19. And so for my mother she became home bound. With only limited times when she goes out my mother tells me how she has missed the seasons. She has not really seen the spring, summer and fall over these last 10 months. It also means 10 months of not really having much in the way of human contact other than with me, and co-worker when she has had to make it into her office in person. But she does on occasion have the occasional ZOOM meeting with other co-workers.

2 of the things that have helped my mother and I keep some level of our sanity has been the presence of our animal family members. We don’t really use the term pets because that is too generic of who they are and what they mean to us. We have our Yorkie, Alie. For the record she is a knot head. But she does a fine job of helping my mother with her work and protecting her. And secondarily protecting me. Mostly by barking non stop whenever anyone or anything happens outside our front door.

Family member Alie. Photograph provided by author.

We also have a cat. Her name is Penelope. She is sweet and a lug. Meaning she has some heft about her. Alie and Penelope conspire together to drive me crazy. I can’t prove it. Because they both keep a respectful distance from each other most of the time. And I have yet to catch them together in a conspiratorial meeting. But its the only reason to explain how well they together bug the hell out of me at times. And generally always when I am seriously focused on doing something at my laptop. Such as trying to write this story right now. Yeah, that’s the way it generally works.

Family member Penelope. Photograph provided by author.

That has been our life of 2020 for my mother and I. We both consider ourselves lucky to not have contracted COVID-19 during 2020. But my mother and I know many people that did contract it. And we know people who had family members of theirs die from COVID-19. The virus is real. Its very dangerous. And simply making the effort of social distancing and wearing a mask to protect yourself and the people around you should not be an issue. The fact that it became an issue shows how self-centered our society has become. That so many people can ignore the basic humanity of everyone else around them because they feel their freedom is endangered in some way I find disgusting. The act of protecting one’s self and the people around you by the most basic of measures during a pandemic to minimize exposure of disease, to minimize death of fellow citizens, fellow human beings, to me I think should be a basic action of respect. But so many citizens in this country seem unable to respect their fellow citizens at the most basic level. And I find that so incredibly disappointing. So much so that if I had the financial resources to do so, I would move my mother and I out of the country. If we could we would move to Great Britain, Canada, somewhere where we feel safe and more respected than we do now, here in our own country. Because its not possible to feel safe and respected here in the United States. Not right now. And that’s a sad state of affairs for our country.

Now we are in 2021. President Trump lost the election and then tried to execute an insurrection of our own government. All because he is a loser. He knows he is a loser, and he cannot handle being a loser. His actions were treasonous. That makes him a traitor to the nation. Soon our nation will be lead by a new President in Joe Biden, and new Vice-President Kamala Harris. Hopefully they will be able to tone down the rhetoric and calm the Trump followers that right now scare me with their levels of hate and desire to cause harm.

Hopefully, under the leadership of President Biden the distribution of the COVID-19 vaccines will get effectively out to our citizenry. My mother and I hope to get our vaccines as soon as they can be distributed in our area. But honestly we don’t expect to see normalcy at any level til the end of 2021. All we can do is continue to be careful about our interactions in the world. And pray for a return to safer and more sane world than what exists right now. Because right now the world is more scary than I have ever seen it in my 57 years of living.

And that is my 2020 survival story.

About David “Glamour Dave” Nienow: David is a photographer, public access television producer, host of numerous shows at RVTV in Ashland, Oregon that includes the shows Rogue Artisans and Crafters and The So NOT So Late Night Glamour Dave Show. He retired to care give for his father for over 7 years. Then became an active producer of public access television programming after his father’s passing. Now he is resuming his career in photography and exploring new subjects and techniques for the next phase of his life in photography. He has a B.S. in Political Science from Southern Oregon University.

The Thriving Artist is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, a film and media company.  Check us out at:

www.cafegirlproductionsinc.com

www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions

Corky Gardner: My 2020 Survival Story

My 2020 Survival

By Corky Gardner

I’ve been living the same day over and over. I wake up, talk to a parrot, walk home, do course in miracles and at 8 am I water my garden. In the evening, I go for a walk at the same time. There used to be a creepy guy on my walk and I would avoid him. The next day I walked a faster. The next day I crossed the street to get away from him and said “Get away from me!” The next day I realized he wasn’t that bad of a guy and now when I see him at the beach he says things like “You’re late.” and I can’t be mad. Everyday I see a woman with a white dog, every day there is a man with silver hair that’s gonna be on my left and there’s gonna be a woman on the lawn listening to conservative radio and once in a while there is a topless woman on her balcony with a phone to her ear. Once I looked up to find a man and a woman dressed in sailor suits doing a choreographed dance. Once I saw a middle aged woman on roller blades holding on to a golf cart full of kids. Lots of times there are mobs of children on bikes. 

My dad died in the course of the pandemic. The rules seemed to follow me; no visitors the day after I checked him in, then we weren’t allowed to exercise with anyone but a relative, then we were on lockdown, not aloud to see friends the day after he died. Then they changed the rules so planes couldn’t come and funerals were suspended. When I picked up the ashes they just handed them to me in a tote bag, no hug, no face that I could see. Someone handed me a bunch of flowers like I just won Miss America. I frantically batted them down as I tried to drive a convertible in the wind. Things were not going my way. I went to have lunch at the Panda Garden but they had banned indoor dining so I just sort a had a picnic in the grass and I realized I couldn’t leave my dads ashes in the car so I set them down besides me eating orange chicken in a white dress with a huge bouquet of flowers. The drive-thru cars looked astonished. But I didn’t give a #$%@f. That's one thing my dad taught me. 

Early on in the pandemic, when my dad’s sudden death sent me into a manic tailspin, I was so full of ideas I couldn’t write it all down. So many things I wanted to express but the main lesson I heard from my dad was that he wanted me to live a good life and enjoy myself. It was hard. But I am getting better. Talking to the parrot, going on my walks, creating comedy and music and sometimes essays like these. Connecting with friends and realizing that certain things are inevitable. It’s how you process them that makes the difference.

Corky Gardner is an SOU alumni, comedian and writer living in Lahaina, Maui. She has performed standup for 12 years and has opened for Tom Arnold , William Shatner and Cheech and Chong. For more about Corky, go to: https://www.facebook.com/corky.joan

So, what do you think of Corky's story?  Comment below.  To share your 2020 Survival Story, send it on over to cafegirlproductions@gmail.com.  Include a bio and photo of your choosing for your story.

The Thriving Artist is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions,Inc.  For more information, go to:

www.cafegirlproductionsinc.com

www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions