Eye For Film #myjourney #indiefilmmaker #contentcreator

 I realized recently that I have always had an eye for film, no matter how others sought to devalue, deconstruct, discourage my artistic pursuits. 

As a child, I was an avid photographer, saving up to purchase my own camera at the tender age of 9 to taking summer classes on the art of shooting black & white and learning the stages of home development.  My father set up a dark-room in the cool backroom of my childhood home's basement and I spent many an hour practicing, watching the images I had shot bleed into life in the tray below.  Then, examining the highs and lows of each photograph, deciding upon what I liked, what I did right, and which areas to improve upon.  Most of these early childhood images were my pets, such as, this one below of my beloved kitty, Escher, of which I didn't find the photograph that well taken or produced at the time but now I find a precious piece of my personal history.

So, what does this have to do with being a filmmaker? The early origins of my life creating photography enhanced my ability to view all the world behind a 'lens', even when not holding a camera.  It is true as I grew my early childhood passions were devalued in a sense and I was made to feel as if my focus should be upon more serious endeavors.  Thus, I became an enthusiastic cheerleader of my artist friends, inwardly envious at the path they were creating for themselves.  Having to relinquish all of my creative pursuits, seen only as hobbies at best and childhood whims at worst, was another nail in the cross of crucifying myself leading to a shaky instability and sadness at my core.  The past meltdowns and anger outbursts were the result not of 'original sin from ol' Adam and Eve, but from the sin of feeling less than and unworthy from continuous outward entanglements of which I thought were trustworthy.  All this to say, the inner desire to create, to thrive as an artist, always revealed itself, sometimes in outbursts of wrath proclaiming an inner misery, and other times through my endless journaling and play-writing.  The starving artist is, in fact, not the reality of the glorification of the struggle to make ends meet, but a person whose inner desire to make art is sacrificed for the acceptance of the status quo, the effects therein of personal hatred lead to the starving, not thriving.

Film-making was another aspect disrespected by those I was raised, seen as commercial at best and lacking any artistic value at worst.  The plethora of film and media, TV sitcoms and reality based shows, coupled with the toxicity of the Hollywood culture abounding, gave a good case for such degradation.  Yet, stemming from my early childhood autodidactic teaching in photography coupled with my incessant desire for the perfect script, my eye acted as a lens as I viewed the outside world.  Throughout my early days of the mental health breakdown, this view of the world helped make sense of my crumbling world.  

In 2016, when I started gathering actors and a ramshackle crew alike together to create my corny little scripts, I still maintained the inner devaluing of my work in indie film.  I did not see that what I was birthing upon the world mattered in anyway.  Now, I recognize that those early, timid days creating what we could with poor quality equipment were not so much about the quality of the output but rather the inner strengthening of self esteem and worth for all involved.  Not too mention, the closeness of family from the experience of such project with promises of life-long love and commitment.  Those first steps of self-creation were the balm of healing I needed to relinquish the wounds of external disempowerment leading to my true calling that of a 'thriving artist' following, creating her own path from her own inner desire.

Michael Meyer: Persevering & Pursuing Art No Matter What

As long as he can remember, Michael has pursued his calling as an actor and found the ultimate joy in making others' laugh.  From a very early age, he discovered he could get positive attention, rather than negative scolding, through his performance antics and sense of humor.  Then, in 1996, something occurred that changed his perspective on life even further.  He had a near death experience through coming down with Meningitis, which caused him to fall into a coma.  When he awoke, he suffered damage to his short term memory.  During that time of the illness, he was cast in a play called "Table Manners" and had a great deal of line memorization.  Through the process of learning the lines and performing in the play, he re-developed the confidence in himself and came to a deeper realization that he was meant to pursue the art of theatre and film as an actor and director.

He believes that his work as an actor and as a director (which he views as an extension of his acting craft) is to portray the experiences in life that give audiences' the ability to reflect and explore aspects of their own identities and existences.

Michael looks back with fondness at a wide plethora of acting and directing opportunities he has had in his life.  First, he is most proud of his time as an instructor and director traveling with the Missoula Children's Theatre Group, calling it "the best gig he ever had".  He recalls how rewarding it was working with a different set of children each week, coaching them with their acting abilities and in a limited amount of time helping them to fulfill the goal of performing in a real play, and he hopes that this experience caused them to have life-long memories, as it did for him.  Next, he looks back with utmost affection for several plays and films he participated in, such as his role as Major Arnold in the play,"Taking Sides", his role as Tom in the play, "Light Sensitive",  and his role as Billy in the film, "Besetment".  He will always feel grateful for the experience working on "Besetment", seeing Billy as his favorite film role to date, being able to see a part of Oregon he had never yet viewed, finally feeling truly respected as an actor and artist, and making good memories that created life-long friendships.

He believes himself to be still in "film school" as a film director and views every opportunity on set as a learning process.  He extends a warm shout-out and personal thank you to his good friend, Ray Nomoto Robison for his mentorship.  Because of this, he is truly excited about the process of starting up Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc and is thoroughly enjoying the process, saying that it is not something he would ever imagined he would do and he is infinitely proud of Lia for founding it and for all her hard work.  The strengths he brings to Cafe-Girl are his years of experience working as a professional actor and as an artistic director for a local community theatre.  He says this knowledge gained gives him the ability to coach the rest of the organization without over-stepping his bounds or causing them to feel less than capable in their artistic endeavors.

Michael looks forward to the continuing unfolding of all that Cafe-Girl will bring forth in the world, through the focus on community, creating meaningful productions that increase the value of individual and society, and helping each other and others to thrive as artists.  He especially looks forward to not only all of the future productions and services of Cafe-Girl but one day producing an original work that he wrote with his first mentor, Nancy Jones, his high school speech and debate coach, bringing it forth into the world in her beloved memory.

For more information on Michael, check out his facebook page at: 

Michael Meyer

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Awakening my Inner Bad-Girl: All About Babs

On the record of me at the local police station, it begins with:

Babs Babcock, 16, teenage runaway...

But that doesn't really explain much, does it? I mean, it really doesn't give any circumstantial details, like why I'm a 'runaway', or any of the other interesting facts about my life and why I am where I am today, the choices I have made.

To start with, my father was pretty much absent, basically took off from my mom's and my life when I was, like, 11.  My mother, well, she's a bag of tricks, is she ever.  An alcoholic, in her right, to beat out all other alcoholic, dead-beat parents ever.  Sometimes, if she's nice, she shares her drinks with me but that's only when the night is good, she's feeling fine, the gambling was successful, the guy forked over the money.  Because, you see, as we never have enough money, my mom finds other ways to keep the house and regular expenses afloat and even more so keep her expensive habits active.  Basically, her own brand of legal "prostitution" of herself.  No matter, I think she enjoys it, which is admirable and probably the one greatest lesson in life she has taught me.  Sex, no matter what the situation, can be enjoyable and, in the end, employable.  It can bring great gain, I tell you, she has shown me and I have seen from personal experience.

On a whim, because of this, I left home at 14, headed down to, what is affectionately called "Psycho Beach".  In order to survive, I have learned to hustle, myself and others, in an ongoing pursuit for survival and success, mainly using my body as a means of financial gain, as it were.  And, hey, I really do enjoy it.  Its 'nice work if you can get it', let me tell you.

I first met Roxy after I found myself homeless when a guy I shacked with randomly kicked me out, for reasons unknown to me.  The Steel Kahuna, they call him, and I was immediately enthralled and obsessed with him at first sight, so that power went to his head and he took me into his bed.  Our relationship had to be secret being that I was 14 and he was, well, older.  Perhaps, the fact that the police started snooping around our place had something to do with him just up and kicking me out.  No matter, I found Roxy.  Roxy taught me "the ways of the street".  For the first couple of years, I idolized and looked up to her, mimicked her in every way; clothes, hair, ways of talking.  But, recently I have been finding some form of confidence in my life-style choices and abilities and now I kind of sort of want to break away, branch off on my own.  Maybe, its because I found "Lips", my little minion, someone I can lord power over, at last, and boss around.  Lips isn't the smartest but she needs me, how else would she survive let alone have fun, so in that she is faithful.  In a sense, she is the sister I never had, and even, not sure I ever wanted.  But, there you have it.

I have known the rest of these Psycho Beach people since I was young, since middle school.  We all went to the same school, well until I dropped out.

Victoria is a girl I used to make do my home-work and copy off her in tests.  I think, at one point, she had a secret crush on me and in exchange for her helping me, I let her go down on me.  Once.  Only once.

Mary-lou is the popular girl in school and she and I used to be best friends in middle school.  We both had a mad crush on Ricky and even at one point Bip, wow, can't imagine why?  I started to have some trouble at home, hooked up with The Kahuna, and we just slipped apart.  I'm a little jealous of her because of Ricky, my dream-guy and well, actually, my biggest quest for life.  Also, he plays a huge part in my secret fantasies, you know, to dominate him and make him mine, all mine, ooh, yeah baby!

The Gerk is just this annoying local guy who thinks he's super hot and smart but isn't.  Awhile ago he tried to hook up with me, basically, he kissed me but it was all slobbery tongue so I never let him go any further.  I think he still wants me though, which has its benefits, I assure you.

So, that's my life, in a nutshell.  You'll have to stay-tuned for more details.  I do have a plan that when I die, I'm going to come back as a ghost, walk through walls, and basically scare the shit out of other people.

Babs Babcock is a character from an upcoming film written and directed by Dan McCloy, to be shot locally in Oregon.

https://www.facebook.com/beachblanketfrankenstein/info

Vision 2014

Every year, and in fact with every opening of a show, I draw an angel card.  You know the ones that have a particular spiritual based word that is supposed to show a little of your purpose for the upcoming day, month, year, etc.  This last year for 2013 I drew creativity and what a year of an abundance of creativity it was; four plays, three films (small parts but you got to start somewhere), a radio play (which we need to redo), acting lessons, personal and community voice lessons, a ton of play readings, and my debut as a vocal coach.  This past month, I drew vision, which was particularly poignant as the last show I did, Light Sensitive, was about a blind guy (played by that  Michael guy I'm in love with).  The word, vision, got me thinking of what my goals would be for 2014 and more or less what 2014 would be like, and hoping beyond hope that it would be more amazing than 2013 proved to be.

Now, I always take the idea of New Years' resolutions with a grain of salt, as I think the rest of us are prone to do, however, like all of us, I do find myself getting a little introspective about the year that has passed and thoughtful in pondering the year to come (without trying to make too many promises or overly ambitious goals for myself).  More so, I am more reflective on the intensity of 2013 for its great losses and great gains.  For what I have learned, with great loss comes even greater gain.  For starters, this year I have been blessed with finally coming into my true calling as an actress and even more reinvented myself with the new name.  A rose by any other name would smell as sweet is more true than ever imagined.

Furthermore, I think that the year 2013 can best be summed up with the song, "This is the stuff" by Carolyn Arends.  As Carolyn croons, several lines resonate within me, "love and heartache in between", "friends to keep you up all night laughing till you cry", and "dreams to dream, plans to make", those and more naturally reflect what that year became and how it will be remembered.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4q9PE8Qy8Ko

So, what is my "vision" for 2014?  Well, for starters, some are great, some are small.  Some seem more attainable than others but all at this point in the game all are dreams to be fulfilled, such as to continue in theatre & film, become a better singer, get one of my plays produced in some fashion at last, become debt free, save money, and travel more.  All attainable, hopefully yes.  Will they be? Who knows but the point is only to hope and to never give up dreaming, while still taking life one day at a time.  At the end of it all, I may not have achieved all that I set out to do but what I did will probably be even more than I can imagine, and really, isn't that how it always is?

At the most, I dream this new year will bless me with more love, more laughter, more light, a few tears, but many friends and loved ones with whom to share my days, dreams, and hopes.