My Product Is My Service...

 

...My service is to share my journey towards wellness.

For the first few years of this entrepreneurial journey I have found myself upon, I struggled to find the reason and purpose, the brand and theme, for Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, to be more than just a little indie film company, but sustainable enough to allow me to leave the trappings of the varied normie jobs behind.  It was during the great quarantine of 2020 that I was allowed the opportunity to slow down, focus inward, prioritize, and discover that that which was the brand, the theme, and the purpose was always with me all along the way.

That is, the true reality of what it means to be a thriving artist and to go one further, to help others find and love their thrive.  

That saying, I have also discovered that part of doing that is by my transparency in my soul's evolution towards wholeness and healing, which will inspire others to pursue not only their art or soul's creative purposes but to seek inner healing so that they too may truly thrive.

So, with that, I would like to share some insights from my doctor's visit this morning, which left me a bit fatigued emotionally and spiritually.

Ten years ago, when I walked down the aisle towards not so wedded bliss, of which I had no such idea at the time, the idea was forced upon me to choose for birth control the lovely IUD, to be specific, Intrauterine Device, of the Paraguard variety.  I say, thrust upon me, because the idea was brought up and decided upon by someone outside my body and I, at the time, did not feel the strength to rebel against.

Truth be told, the IUD is one of the best forms of birth control out there and thus it wasn't all together a bad thing.  I heartily agree that having a child with that aforementioned husband would have been a disaster all in itself.

But, as I continue down this path, examining the traumatic effects of my life, I realize how not having authority over making my body's decisions throughout life has effected my ability to trust in myself, develop my personality, and believe in myself worth.

So, as the time was approaching the ten year mark, that which was the time to remove and, possibly, replace the IUD, I opted to remove, deciding then that I would make the decision for birth control aligning with what's right for my body based on my needs and desires.  At this point, in fact, I am purposely abstaining for the benefit of recovery from relationship addiction and thus to find value in the souls I am romantically partnered apart from and yet along with sexually (don't worry, I'm not returning to my fundie 'born again virgin' life), to see them thus not as objects to fulfill my emptiness (get your head out of the gutter!) but rather as souls to be seen and to see me.

I shared all of this history of My IUD story with my doctor and she was aghast at the reality of how and why it was thrust upon and inside of me.  

"You need this out," she proclaimed and as we went through the process of the stirrups, the cold, metal clamp, pulling at the string, we joked about how much women experience such agony, papsmears, menstruations, child birth, and still get paid less than men.  Thus, when she was finally able to remove, she pronounced, "And it's out."

She held it up to me, "Here it is, just here doing it's thing, you are free."

Thus, in that she is correct.  A sense of freedom washed over me and my vagina felt finally able to breathe and to experience the love it has so long deserved but has never been able to achieve, to be valued for all that it is, and be seen as the beautiful life giving self it truly is.

Fare the well, little IUD, you did the job you were required, not just of keeping out the sperm to 

impregnate, but to lead me towards the journey of overcoming society's mysogyny and truly finding freedom within.

Hallelujah

She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Tune into the next week, in the continuing saga of Lia's recovery and healthy journey, when she begins the process of whitening teeth and thus abstains from coffee and wine for the duration. 

Once More, We Meet.

Last summer while on set filming, Mind-Sick, I asked the set photographer to snap a shot of the three of us, the two individuals in this photo that will be known only as "Theresa" and "Doctor", respectively.  Later, when the photographer sent it to me, as I took the image in, a realization dawned on  me.

The three of us had danced around each other for years, not truly knowing or spending much time with each other, having a loose connection yet deep within feeling drawn to one another.  Then, in 2016, we happily joined forces to birth our little Doctor Who fan fiction web-series. The years rolled forward and the little series grew into so much more, more faces joining alongside to continue the beautiful tapestry of our creativity into a reality. 

But, its these two that have remained an ever present closeness in the depths of my heart, a kinship and understanding that, despite not always seeing the whites of our eyeballs on the regular, has always been an ever present truth.  Ten years my junior, I watched as they battled against the late twenties struggles, their faces at times a turmoil of reflected inner emotional growth, confused, searching, grasping at some semblance of stability.  I stood present with open arms and an open heart, trying to be patient yet fighting the urge to race over, to rescue, to hold, to promise, "its gonna be okay, you'll survive, I promise, I'm here, little brother, little sister, I'm here."  I couldn't do that, I knew.  They did not want or need that.  I was there, to support, to uplift, to send waves of healing energy and strength as they persevered.  To stand firm in myself, reflecting my journey through the highs and lows of life,  honestly, purely, without fear of reprisal.  And, they persevered.  They made it!  The early thirties rolled around and the struggles on their faces diminished.  Imagine my pleasure as I saw the glow of light and love reflected from within them, finally at peace, safe in their own skin.  Joy, rapture, gratitude!

Studying the photo once again and the others that follow, the truth came flying up into my face, hitting my mind, reaching downwards into my heart.  This isn't our first go around.  Truly, truly, like the song says, its been A Thousand Years.  (Hint: that's a connection to our time-lord selves found in the TimeKeys story.  Watch it on Facebook or YouTube.  Ha, ha, yeah, Theresa, Doctor, I know I'm always marketing.  Didn't we say my gravestone would read, "Watch Timekeys?"  So there.)

Truth be told, I now realize that this is not the first time our souls have met, we three have traveled through this universe in many ages before, most likely centuries, in a variety of different forms and relationships.  (Yes, Theresa, most likely there was a romantic element, perhaps you with Doctor, then happily you and I, so get over it!  We were possibly siblings, maybe.  Lessons learned, connections made, relationships for all of time formed.  Get it?)

 Good.  Let's move on, shall we?

So, here three are, beautiful souls entwined for all eternity, learning together, helping one another heal, conquer the pains of our heart to overcome and be truly free.  Perhaps this is the final time and we'll ascend to the heights above, dancing amongst the stars.  Won't that be grand? Or perhaps we will come back, finding each other in the midst of the chaos of this world, bringing hope, light, healing not only to each other but to others.  Now, that's pretty grand indeed.  Are you down? I am.

Gentle reader, whatever the spiritual practice you profess, I do not mean to convert, condemn, or proselytize you to my way of thinking, to my own spiritual discoveries.  I've had enough of that in my past to suit just nicely.  This is not only to overwhelm my Doctor, my Theresa, with the necessary dosages of love that needs to be bestowed on them on the regular, but for the purpose of sharing my journey deeper within the confines of my own spiritual understandings.  

Since I left the confinement of conservative Christianity nine years ago, I've traveled a bumpy road of confusion of self, spirituality, and the divine as I break free from the manipulations of those abusing their religious power.  I've delved deep into a variety of spiritual texts and practises, gleaning truths from all.  I've come not only to the realization of this truth, the existence of past lives, but more importantly my spirituality is mine alone, mostly to bring my peace, well being, and evolution.  This journey has brought me to the revelation that I no longer need or value a structured organizational religious system to instruct my spiritual understandings, but can find connection through so many varieties, most assuredly my artistic endeavors, for in that I feel the world is brought to a higher vibration of love.  Moreover, I need not attempt to convince, control, condemn, but merely be a witness of the peace within, to share light, healing, love, and acceptance to those brought into my path.  Simply that.

These blessed souls I have introduced in this blog are two that have helped shape my new understandings, have helped bring healing and strength to my soul, sometimes weary itself.  By the very nature of their gentle, loving faithfulness, they have lifted me up and beyond all setbacks.  For that, I stand as a witness for them and with them.  Dear friends, truly I would walk 500 miles.  

And, well, I already did.  So, 500 more?  And, then 500 more? You Got It.  Its done.  

Onwards. 

So, we met.

After we got home, Justin found that we only had the audio from the recording.  So, included is the transcript of the date.

Please respond with your thoughts:

Mr. E:

Jane? Jane Smyth?

Jane:

Yes, um--

Mr. E:

Mr. E, will do. I contacted you.

Jane:

Yes, please sit. You want to get a coffee?

Mr. E:

No, thanks, I never partake.

Jane:

Right.

(sips her coffee)

Mr. E:

(sitting and setting briefcase onto table)

Well, then, let's get to business. You mentioned on your vids a name, a place rather---

Jane:

Gallifrey.

Mr. E:

Shh, shh. Don't want the wrong people to hear you, never know who might be listening.

Jane:

How do you mean?

Mr. E:

I have some information on this, subject.

(He brings out a folder.)

A friend of a friend once traveled with this 'man'.

Jane:

Really?

Mr. E:

Yes, he changes his face quite a bit, but all these different faces are the same man, the one they call "the Doctor".

Jane:

You mean, he is real?

Mr. E:

Allegedly.

Jane:

And, who are these girls?

Mr.E:

Different traveling "companions", as he refers to them. My friend's aunt was one of these. Mel, he called her.

Jane:

How did you come by?

Mr.E:

If you know where to look, you find what you are looking for.

(Jane begins looking through pictures, cautiously, and stops at one, studies it, then puts it down quickly.)

That's interesting.

Jane:

Why?

Mr. E:

Look, I know that you are recording this. Okay if you alter my voice and make sure I'm not being seen. Never know who is watching, never know what might happen. Strange things happen when tied to this "doctor."

Jane:

What things?

Mr. E:

Be on guard, is all I'm saying.

Jane:

May I keep some of these?

Mr. E:

Yes, I have copies, other files. I'll be in contact.

(She gathers files into folder.)

One more thing,

(rising)

This doctor, at times he uses the name John Smith. Seems a bit familiar, does it not? Who are you, Jane Smyth?

(He exits abruptly.)

That's what I am trying to find out.