Before moving forward, I want to state that I do not mean that one must stay connected with someone that is blatantly abusing or causing harm in anyway, physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. In fact, I have about 6 former friends on my blocked list that have done just that and I blocked after much time had past and not without the pain of grief as I closed that chapter of my life and released them onwards into their journey whatever it shall be.
I must be an odd duck, well, in truth, I know I am. Why, perchance, does my odd-duckness relate to the modern terminology of "unfriending"? I shall inform.
For the majority of my latter twenties, I spent in and out of a myriad of therapy formats, from private to group, to religious to secular, and maybe everything in between. What I learned from this journey was a truth that truly rocked my personal world view that of, no one lives in my head but me. I lived my life previous to those years believing the voices in my heads were, in fact, the very real truths of the external, the judgments placed upon me within were what was being thought by those around me. Through therapy, I began the amazing process of getting outside of my head and whenever I had this anxious moment of another's discomfort, I learned the value of seeking clarification.
Sometimes, when I do this, I find a person grateful for my coming to them, usually these are the woke, 'healthier' minded sort of folk, others are a bit put off, as this is not 'what is done', as if living a healthy, honest life is uncool, or rather a scary unattainable reality so better to stay in our own heads, in our own false security and comfort. Continuing further, my coming to a friend for clarification would often bring about a discussion that needed to occur, about my actions, or theirs, something in between, or something else entirely that would lead to a deepening of the friendship.
Other times, this would not happen. At times, an eruption from the so-called friend, which would lead to my belief that my intuition had been correct. This also could lead to their gaslighting me which caused me to doubt myself. Finally, causing the loss of someone I loved.
Not that this happens all the time, but throughout the years of practicing this upfront, radical honesty, I have learned increasingly to sit with my feelings, to grieve the loss, to ponder the reactions and decide upon which needs bears witness within, and, finally, to move forward transformed.
The point I'm trying to express is that current society has become to wrapped up in the world of social media as the One True Reality, that "if it's not on Facebook, it's not official", and react accordingly under that realm of thinking. All too often that leads to quickly striking the "unfriend" option whether the momentary slight. In all truth, this is a quick fix, the anger or other hurt feelings do not lessen, but only fester. For most of your Facebook friends (specifically Facebook, although you can "unfriend" of sorts on other platforms), are those you know in some format of social circle locally, which means sooner or later you are bound to run into them and face that discomfort, whether internally or externally through some sort of verbal combat or physical altercation (hopefully not the latter).
Our lives reflect the seasons of the year and into each season different relationships people, each to teach us whatever lessons need to be gained during that time period. Sometimes, they move on whether joyfully, with tears as we hug farewell, or with bitterness, with tears, yes, but silently and separately. In each of these occurrence, gratitude can be had for the season of life they shared with you, the joys, the sorrows, the lessons gained given to each.
The truth is, when you flippantly unfriend someone on any social media platform, you are truly only harming yourself for you are robbing yourself of the true power of self examination, the lessons to be learned from the experience, and the true growth that could come is held stagnate. Meanwhile, the person you unfriend, either will never know, will find out eventually, feel a momentary sting of heart-break, then albeit confused as to what they did, move forward with their lives. (If they are like me, they might reach out with a private message apologizing for any wrong they may have caused and asking for clarification, yes, I have done this with those friends I truly appreciate and usually there is no response back. Perhaps, our season has passed.)
All this to say, would you not rather alleviate all of this and reach out for clarification, knowing that that one moment of awkwardness will save you a whole mess of pain in the long run? Reflect on that today.
Share your "unfriend" experiences below. How did you feel when you were unfriended? What experiences led you to click the "unfriend" button?
