What Being A Fundie Taught Me

Often in this blog, I have discussed the journey I took deconstructing from being a fundamentalist Christian and have detailed the negative effects upon me while I was one and for years afterwards.  However, it occurs to me, that I have never stopped to openly reflect on the ways that that time of my life in that worldview positively influenced me.  Moreover, this has been a common thread floating through my brain waves in the past few months.  So, today I would like to take some time to reflect and share these positive attributes I learned and acquired by being a "Fundie".

1.) Every religion that is organized or not so organized, such as a spiritual walk of any sort, has similar ways of defining their path, similar structures to follow and guidelines to achieve spiritual peace.  However, this doesn't make me want to reject all belief in any sense of divinity but rather affirms the truthfulness in this quest that all humanity finds themselve seeking and thus I continue forward, in my own way now, although different from what it was as a fundamentalist Christian but still influenced by it.

2.) During my time as a "fundie", I actually read the Bible, indepth and cover to cover over and over again.  For a book nerd such as myself, that is pretty cool indeed.

3.) The Bible is A spiritual text, among many, and thus has had and continues to have intrinsic value for myself, regardless of how it has been weaponized.  It is not its fault, it's just a book after all.  Furthermore, the Bible having value for me personally does not mean it will have such for others, nor will I try to enforce others to accept it in this fashion.

4.) The importance of a morning quiet time, or rather a time to be still and attend to one's self each day, whatever time and whether it be reading a spiritual text, a self help book, a topic I find of interest, yoga, long walks, or meditation.  This time I take each day looks different from what it was then and is overall more open than it was but the same principle from my fundaze times remains.

5.) Understanding of the true meaning of Jesus' teaching, as well as other spiritual teachers, and find value in that alone while rejecting the ways their followers have intrepreted and practiced in ways toxic and harmful.

6.) The truth that spirituality of any variety is a powerful and dynamic tool for one's recovery.

7.) Eternal gratitude for the positive memories with and the lessons learned amongst those of my former fundie friends.   The love abides even though the relationships have shifted, which has given me the understanding in the truth that there are seasons of every relationships.  My frustration with fundamentalism was intensely personal from those who were never of that particular worldview.  It was born out of a deep pain and heartbreak of loss and stimulated by overwhelming desire to save those from being saved.  However, this has changed because of the words of a very dear sister friend who assured me with thus, "Their path is theirs alone, not yours to determine."  

8.) An unique understanding of why fundies behave they way they do towards outsiders which provides me the ability to see how they think their actions are informed by what they believe to be is love, however, false they do not realize.  Yet, I see the goodness deep within and extend grace, forgiveness, and act as a compassionate bridge amongst the divisiveness.  

9.) I understand the reasons behind why people find themselves in a cult world, like form of drug-like escape that provides some comfort and security, and the pain when realizing the harm this has caused, and the hard, hard journey of deconstruction. 

Breakaway

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed (I would pray)
I could breakaway
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

 Check out these amazing two ladie's Youtube channels.  Jen, an atheist, has only recently rocketed to Youtube fame, but it coudn't have happen to a more sweeter, non-judgmental, empathic human.  Become a "Jenonite" at: Fundie Fridays

With grace and humility, Elly of Ex-Fundie Diaries shares her journey from the traumatic religious upbringing and shows how true healing is possible. 

The Healing Of Sickness

 

The last few days of my life I've been down for the count with the crud of stomache flu.  Every time I find myself ill with an actual sickness, I am caught unawares, surprised as if wondering why my little body has betrayed me.  But as the days go by and I spend the hours sleeping, catching up on my binge watching mindless TV (admittedly, I fell down the deep, dark hole of the Duggar-Verse), reading (if I can focus), and eating the comfort foods my mom served up when I was a small child ill in bed, an occurrence of magic begins.

As the days progress and the fever of achiness rages through my body, I find myself re-connecting with my body in ways always unexpected, yet suddenly remembered from past occurrences.  For in those times, shut up from the world, quarantined away, distracted from the regular busyness of life, a change occurs as your body follows the natural course of healing.  

For coming back into the world after being sick is a strange feeling in of itself.  Possibly still a little weak physically, it is more a reality of the mind as you once again find yourself returning to normal day to day life.  The world, as it once was, has shifted based on the events of your life the last few days and it is better for it.  It's fresh and a deeper appreciation for the beauty of such has arrived in the cleansing of the physical from the fever and sickness that ravaged.  

In truth, right before the world itself went into lockdown, I found myself quarantined for a weekend locked down myself with strep throat and bronchitis.  Once again, I was afforded the ability to feel the effects prior to what the global consciousness would experience in a mere month to follow.  My view, then, of the moments of being spirited away from the daily grind and then to finally return was that of a greater love for those that peopled my existence and less a focus on the priorities and shoulds.  Furthermore, I suddenly found the duties of life not an endless chore but a discovery not unlike the wonderment of child-like naivete.  

In that time of my personal quarantine, pre-cursor to Covid19, I find myself confronting the major and minor abuses of those I loved who had, in fact, taken advantage.  This reality dawning on me led me to step back from the closeness of relationship in a way that was non-threatening to them yet also empowering to my soul, leading me to a deeper appreciation of true love and friendship which has thus filled me deeper and deeper hence.  This has afforded me such inner peace, a deeper understanding of myself worth, and further awareness of that which is toxic needing to be eliminated.  As I unfollowed and removed myself from a close, active relationship with these, I released them to find their own healing, without my needing to intrude, try to fix, and thus be used.   This led to a greater joy in my life, in my creative output, and a sense of not having to control or dictate.   In releasing my need to control and admitting my powerlessness, I find strength within. 

Sickness, then, comes about just when is needed, meant to stop us in our tracks, slow down, and turn inwards as we rest.  A shift in our daily life occurs and our priorities become less of a race and more of a joy. 

Beauty From Pain

Thank you for reading.  I would love to hear your thoughts.  Comment below!  

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