The last few days of my life I've been down for the count with the crud of stomache flu. Every time I find myself ill with an actual sickness, I am caught unawares, surprised as if wondering why my little body has betrayed me. But as the days go by and I spend the hours sleeping, catching up on my binge watching mindless TV (admittedly, I fell down the deep, dark hole of the Duggar-Verse), reading (if I can focus), and eating the comfort foods my mom served up when I was a small child ill in bed, an occurrence of magic begins.
As the days progress and the fever of achiness rages through my body, I find myself re-connecting with my body in ways always unexpected, yet suddenly remembered from past occurrences. For in those times, shut up from the world, quarantined away, distracted from the regular busyness of life, a change occurs as your body follows the natural course of healing.
For coming back into the world after being sick is a strange feeling in of itself. Possibly still a little weak physically, it is more a reality of the mind as you once again find yourself returning to normal day to day life. The world, as it once was, has shifted based on the events of your life the last few days and it is better for it. It's fresh and a deeper appreciation for the beauty of such has arrived in the cleansing of the physical from the fever and sickness that ravaged.
In truth, right before the world itself went into lockdown, I found myself quarantined for a weekend locked down myself with strep throat and bronchitis. Once again, I was afforded the ability to feel the effects prior to what the global consciousness would experience in a mere month to follow. My view, then, of the moments of being spirited away from the daily grind and then to finally return was that of a greater love for those that peopled my existence and less a focus on the priorities and shoulds. Furthermore, I suddenly found the duties of life not an endless chore but a discovery not unlike the wonderment of child-like naivete.
In that time of my personal quarantine, pre-cursor to Covid19, I find myself confronting the major and minor abuses of those I loved who had, in fact, taken advantage. This reality dawning on me led me to step back from the closeness of relationship in a way that was non-threatening to them yet also empowering to my soul, leading me to a deeper appreciation of true love and friendship which has thus filled me deeper and deeper hence. This has afforded me such inner peace, a deeper understanding of myself worth, and further awareness of that which is toxic needing to be eliminated. As I unfollowed and removed myself from a close, active relationship with these, I released them to find their own healing, without my needing to intrude, try to fix, and thus be used. This led to a greater joy in my life, in my creative output, and a sense of not having to control or dictate. In releasing my need to control and admitting my powerlessness, I find strength within.
Sickness, then, comes about just when is needed, meant to stop us in our tracks, slow down, and turn inwards as we rest. A shift in our daily life occurs and our priorities become less of a race and more of a joy.
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