An Ex-Fundie On Easter Weekend

Last weekend, April 15th-April 17th, it was Easter Weekend, you know, the Christian holiday wherein they celebrate the raising from the dead of their beloved Jesus.  In truth, I ain't got no beef with the J-Man, nor do I have any with his followers of any creed or following.

Because of this, last weekend went a lot more quiet and serene then years previous.  Years where I professed openly my adoration of Jesus The Christ and all his teachings, where I hungrily read the bible at coffee shops, and dutifully trotted off to church (Calvary Chapel) every chance I could, hoping for some shred of friendship from that which I referred to as 'eternal family', all being blind to the fact that this lifestyle which I professed, this church which I hoped would be the answer to my aching heart, was swiftly becoming a cult.  The years that tumbled after were fraught with the agony of deconstruction from such faith, as it can be called, shifting between that of anger, sadness, bargaining, betrayal, then, at last, a sense of acceptance for what was and what is, finally, appreciating the good memories and letting go of the bad, forgiving and venturing forth.

In that place, I ventured into the Easter Weekend 2022, choosing to focus on the child-like joys I enjoyed as a child, that of the fun of dying easter eggs, the wonderment of waking up on Easter Sunday to discover what treasures the Easter Bunny left behind, the delight of looking deep within my Easter basket for all the goodies, and the yummy scrumptiousness that is the Easter morning breakfast and Sunday night family dinner.  

I chose that and in the peacefulness that flowed out from that joy, messages from whatever the divine may be, made their way into my heart, not enforced by the external but from an internal and eternal knowing within.

I began the weekend on Friday, April 15th, celebrating the birth of my beloved furbaby, the fabulous Leo Meister Meyer:

Leo's 22nd Birthday

That weekend, I also spent some much needed time with my special friend, Ada, the american eskimo pup:

The connection I have to many a furry friend or baby is the most special of my life, their unconditional acceptance and love is a value that strengthens, upholds, and teaches me the value of giving and receiving love merely for my existence and nothing more.

On that Friday night as well, I spent a delightful time with my "Facebook Room Party" family, painting my nails, eating dinner and sipping wine, and enjoying the chatter of catching up and loving these dear souls of who I have grown closer to during the craziness of pandemic life.  Truly, throughout these last few years, I have found peace in finally choosing only to surround myself with and honor that which is uplifting and healthy in my personal connections.

The revelation of the true power of my intuition was the guiding light behind every choice made, from insisting on my worth of my right to raise my rates as an online model (okay, cam-model), from being led to the friend who would drive me to my surgery appointment, to watching a TV show I have yet to experience only to discover that the screenwriter was none other than Eva Anderson, the daughter to Harry Anderson, of whom I connect with as soul father. 

In truth, these days, and perhaps all of my life mostly un-recognized, he seems to find his way into every facet, every life lesson, every evolution.  In times of sadness for that which I never have or will ever, I feel him whispering, "Daddy's little girl" to strengthen and calm my broken heart.

Discovering thus about his daughter, Eva, this weekend was even more meaningful when I realized that Saturday, April 16th, was the fourth anniversary of his passing in 2018.  It was, as if, in a strange way this was his gift for me, his guidance or, perhaps, my intuition guiding towards this connecting point.

In the same vein of the name, I began to read a biography I had picked up many years ago, that of the life of Evita, or Eva Peron.  A woman I have always found of such interest, desiring to know the true reasoning behind her, why she was loved and adored, the nuance of her, both the good and the bad.  Finally, the meaning of names began an insightful lesson of the weekend itself.

The meaning of Eva, then, is truly that of 'life, living one, and mother of life', to put it more succintly:

Eva Peron orchestrated herself to be the mother of life and a very real 'refuge' for her beloved descamisados. Such then, the connection with Eva Anderson may be also a reminder of a refuge within.  It is an interest to note that on the weekend wherein the religious look toward an eternal father, I, too, meditated and found value in the true power of what a real, loving father could have been for me and what my life could have become if I had such.

This led me finally to ponder and share the meaning both literally and spiritually of the personal identity and moniker I have chosen for myself: Why Me

Reflecting first on the name I was given at birth, "Julia" meaning "youthful one", I recognized how that shaped my sense of self to remain trapped in a personality that was pleasing to those who wanted to control and subdue me.  Thus, Lia, who I always felt within, is that of a "bearer of good news, languid, relaxed, finally finding rest."  In a very real sense, this sense of repose and rest were the most real in this personal 'vacay' of my own selected spiritual Easter weekend. 

Then, the second part of my first name, Elizabeth, a long held deep connection that of is almost like an alternate universe identity (explained further in the above vlog), brings the meaning of 'abundance, royalty, promise, assurance, trust, comfort, and, at last, stability."  My chosen middle name, Rose, long since one I find a spiritual connection to, means that of the "miraculous love at work in the world"  My chosen surname, Dugal, is one of which I am still researching in many ways and will reveal when the time is right.  

Thus, my name, as of now, becomes fully:

Lia Elizabeth Rose:

 the bearer of good news, that of abundance, promise, and stability, which is the miraculous love at work in the world.

To myself and to those who read, those I love, those I shall reach, the world may seem dark and foreboding, the evil may appear to be rising and prevailing, but from what I have discovered in my journey, love abides, guides, heals, and, finally resolves to success.

Love is you, you and me

Love is knowing we can be

Love Is

  

 

Blessed Uncertainty

 

Embrace

For starters, I hope you aren't thinking that this is going to be some blog about religion and how finding certainty in the LORD is the antitode for all the craziness of life.  No, those days for me are long since passed, even though the process of deconstruction, which gets less and less difficult through the years, still is a process lifelong.

No, I wish to reflect on the nature of our union, national, world-wide, personal, and universal.  Here we find ourselves in these crazy 2020s, amidst an ongoing pandemic, political and social upheaval rampant with racism and a variety of other isms we wished were non-existant, too afraid and asleep we were to admit, financial situation precarious for all, and in these times we as a collective wish to cling to some form of certainty.

These days everyone, regardless of political or religious affiliation, has their factual information about the current state of affairs of which they believe wholeheartedly to be valid.  Often times, these beliefs can become so rigid that one fails to express compassion needed in these shaky times.  That alone is another coping strategy to find certainty in times where there is none.   It appears then that even if one does not promote themselves a Christian or Muslim Conservative, as it were, they still can attribute facets of fundamentalism in their rigid beliefs. 

What I believe wholeheartedly is that there is no certainty.   I believe in being informed and educated, yet with the bias of all news stations, networks, and informative devices, it is difficult to truly know what is accurate and what is commercialized.   Furthermore, some news reported can be both fact and conjecture, somewhere in the shades of grey of partial truth as it were.  

What, then, is the answer? Cling to some form of knowing, whether it be proven or not, as some means of regulating one's peace of mind, one way of seeking certainty and solid ground, especially if one has not a belief in a god or of a higher power (which is okay, recall I'm no longer a fundie christian).  

The answer, solely, lies in embracing the blessed uncertainty in life.  One valuable lesson I have gained from these last couple years is the full reality of that truth, life is ever changing, the future never known.   Finding the grace within myself to embrace that truth has allowed me the freedom to release clinging to some form of rigidity in my mental structure, allowing the personal discovery of enjoying life in child-like fashion, the wonderment of all unfolding becomes magical and with a purpose perhaps not yet known but more powerful than any I could conceive or control.

So, dear one, take a breathe, in and out, find stillness in the craziness, look within, and embrace that which is not known, embrace the blessed uncertainty, for then comes upon a sense of calm bringing back a stability within, able to face whatever the bends and turns of life brings. 

What in the world are we going to do?

Look at what everybody's going through

What kind of world do you want it to be?

Am I the future or the history?

'Cause everyone hurts

Everyone cries

Everyone tells each other all kinds of lies

Everyone falls

Everybody dreams and doubts

Got to keep dancing when the lights go out

Everyday Life

Glamour Dave: My 2020 Survival Story

When 2020 started I thought it was going to be a good year. I entered the year with high energy because of my success as a public access producer at RVTV in Ashland, Oregon. I ended 2019 having produced over 60 show productions between all my various shows. I felt really good about what I had done. I figured to keep being active in 2020 with my various shows. I figured to produce at least 50+ more new show episodes between all my shows. I would continue to submit show productions to different film festivals. Continue to get the occasional film festival selection. I was on track to just keep building on my success and trying to secure a sale of one of my show concepts that would take me to Hollywood. That was the plan at least.

But apparently the Universe had other plans. 2019 ended with a new virus coming out of China. And news media reported how serious the condition was in China. And the potential danger it represented if it got out of China to the rest of the world. And as the the world moved into 2020 I looked at the situation as something to be concerned about. But I also looked at it as the level of concern that I gave when other virus epidemics occurred around the world. There have been epidemics of Ebola, Dengue Fever, and Zika Virus that were very concerning. And could have gone into full blown Pandemic status. But those situations seemed to always have gotten under control and never really reached the United States to any serious level. So this new COVID-19 was mostly likely going to be the same situation, right?

A year later the answer to that question was NO! It wound up not being the same situation. For me the beginning of 2020 started normally as I got my selection of production dates at RVTV. I started off the year producing my first new episodes of Rogue Artisans and Crafters where I profiled local artists Erin Linton and Dan Elster. And I kept to my schedule til near the end of March. But in between my first new shows of 2020 to my last shows of 2020 the COVID-19 came across from China to the United States. And it just started to spread. In great part due to the complete failure of the political leadership of our country to treat the threat seriously. A review of past epidemics will show that our nation’s political leadership took those epidemics very seriously and were fully engaged in what would be necessary to contain those epidemics.

The leadership in Washington D.C. this time around showed no interest in treating the COVID-19 threat seriously. They chose to not take any serious responsibility to try and contain the virus. They chose to treat the threat as a joke. They claimed the threat was not real. It was a fake emergency. Let the record show that the COVID-19 threat was such a fake emergency that our nation is coming upon 400,000 Americans dead from COVID-19. That’s an amazingly big fake emergency. 400,000 dead Americans due to a President who has no empathy in his soul. And who only cared about trying to deny the pandemic as a means to try and win re-election and hold on to power. That’s what’s called worthless leadership.

Near the end of March 2020 COVID-19 hit Oregon and our area. As a result Southern Oregon University basically shut itself down to try and contain the spread of COVID-19. That resulted in the RVTV studio being shut down as the studio is part of the Digital Media Center which is on the SOU campus. The end result was the end of my show production schedule. And the end of all show production by all RVTV producers. And that still remains the case even now.

From the end of March 2020 to now the lives of my mother and I has been changed. From being active to having a life that is more quiet, more sedentary, a life of stillness. A life that has a greater sense of a suspension of time. I no longer made any trips over from Medford to Ashland to produce my shows, and spending time with a wonderful group of RVTV producers who in time became great friends. How I miss that contact and experience with my friends. Instead now my life is about going out once a day for an hour, maybe 2, to take care of errands for my mother and I. Mostly going out to pickup groceries and prescriptions. Maybe the occasional other supplies at Fred Meyer or Walmart. All while wearing a mask everywhere I go.

Then I’m back home. I fix meals for my mother and I. We watch the news to stay up to date about the pandemic and whatever the hell President Trump was choosing to do or not do in regards to COVID-19 in our country. If we were not watching the news we would find a movie to watch. Occasionally we would find a movie on demand to watch. I exposed my mother to the joy of watching Howard the Duck. Together we discovered just how badly the movie Cats really was with so many great actors and actresses making their contribution to bad movie making. Even the visual of Taylor Swift singing as a sexy feline was not enough to recommend that movie to anyone. That is how bad that movie is.

For my mother her work from her office changed to working at home. Our dining room table became her desk. And only on occasion would she have to make it into her office for a day. Both my mother and I have various underlying health issues. Those issues make it imperative that we do what we can to avoid getting COVID-19. And so for my mother she became home bound. With only limited times when she goes out my mother tells me how she has missed the seasons. She has not really seen the spring, summer and fall over these last 10 months. It also means 10 months of not really having much in the way of human contact other than with me, and co-worker when she has had to make it into her office in person. But she does on occasion have the occasional ZOOM meeting with other co-workers.

2 of the things that have helped my mother and I keep some level of our sanity has been the presence of our animal family members. We don’t really use the term pets because that is too generic of who they are and what they mean to us. We have our Yorkie, Alie. For the record she is a knot head. But she does a fine job of helping my mother with her work and protecting her. And secondarily protecting me. Mostly by barking non stop whenever anyone or anything happens outside our front door.

Family member Alie. Photograph provided by author.

We also have a cat. Her name is Penelope. She is sweet and a lug. Meaning she has some heft about her. Alie and Penelope conspire together to drive me crazy. I can’t prove it. Because they both keep a respectful distance from each other most of the time. And I have yet to catch them together in a conspiratorial meeting. But its the only reason to explain how well they together bug the hell out of me at times. And generally always when I am seriously focused on doing something at my laptop. Such as trying to write this story right now. Yeah, that’s the way it generally works.

Family member Penelope. Photograph provided by author.

That has been our life of 2020 for my mother and I. We both consider ourselves lucky to not have contracted COVID-19 during 2020. But my mother and I know many people that did contract it. And we know people who had family members of theirs die from COVID-19. The virus is real. Its very dangerous. And simply making the effort of social distancing and wearing a mask to protect yourself and the people around you should not be an issue. The fact that it became an issue shows how self-centered our society has become. That so many people can ignore the basic humanity of everyone else around them because they feel their freedom is endangered in some way I find disgusting. The act of protecting one’s self and the people around you by the most basic of measures during a pandemic to minimize exposure of disease, to minimize death of fellow citizens, fellow human beings, to me I think should be a basic action of respect. But so many citizens in this country seem unable to respect their fellow citizens at the most basic level. And I find that so incredibly disappointing. So much so that if I had the financial resources to do so, I would move my mother and I out of the country. If we could we would move to Great Britain, Canada, somewhere where we feel safe and more respected than we do now, here in our own country. Because its not possible to feel safe and respected here in the United States. Not right now. And that’s a sad state of affairs for our country.

Now we are in 2021. President Trump lost the election and then tried to execute an insurrection of our own government. All because he is a loser. He knows he is a loser, and he cannot handle being a loser. His actions were treasonous. That makes him a traitor to the nation. Soon our nation will be lead by a new President in Joe Biden, and new Vice-President Kamala Harris. Hopefully they will be able to tone down the rhetoric and calm the Trump followers that right now scare me with their levels of hate and desire to cause harm.

Hopefully, under the leadership of President Biden the distribution of the COVID-19 vaccines will get effectively out to our citizenry. My mother and I hope to get our vaccines as soon as they can be distributed in our area. But honestly we don’t expect to see normalcy at any level til the end of 2021. All we can do is continue to be careful about our interactions in the world. And pray for a return to safer and more sane world than what exists right now. Because right now the world is more scary than I have ever seen it in my 57 years of living.

And that is my 2020 survival story.

About David “Glamour Dave” Nienow: David is a photographer, public access television producer, host of numerous shows at RVTV in Ashland, Oregon that includes the shows Rogue Artisans and Crafters and The So NOT So Late Night Glamour Dave Show. He retired to care give for his father for over 7 years. Then became an active producer of public access television programming after his father’s passing. Now he is resuming his career in photography and exploring new subjects and techniques for the next phase of his life in photography. He has a B.S. in Political Science from Southern Oregon University.

The Thriving Artist is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, a film and media company.  Check us out at:

www.cafegirlproductionsinc.com

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The Christian Right Needs To Die!!

Wow!  Brave soul for clicking that link! I know, I know, it's quite the click bait anger making title.  But, first let me explain, I want no soul to perish in anyway.  I believe wholeheartedly that we all are brought to this plane of existence for the certain purpose of learning the lessons needed to elevate our souls to the next level in our evolution, make that mean to you what you desire.  In more non-spiritual terms, we are all on a journey towards healing and becoming better at being human, all at different levels or circumstances but basically where we need to be according to what's right for us as individuals.  

Furthermore, my purpose in this entry is not to solely call out and destroy the Christian Right. Fundamentalism, a strict adherence to the basic principles of any subject or discipline, is a disease not just for the religious, Christian or otherwise, but can infect a liberal mind as well.  Let that sink in, my liberal minded friends and family.

Most of you know by now, that at one point I considered myself part of the Christian Right, as it were, a believer of Jesus more specifically.  After the toil of my deconstruction, I hold no ill-will or anger towards my former friends still connected to that life-style.  Because of this, I have a particular understanding and compassion that I hope can not only shed some light on those on the outside, those of the more liberal persuasion, but also help awaken the right minded fundies to the ways they have gone astray.  

That's right.  I believe that a large part of the Christian right, perhaps those that would be indeed described as true "fundamentalists", the ones that appear the most vocally obstinate against progressive movements and current affairs, who seemingly take up arms against anything that doesn't fall into what they deem as 'right' and 'good', have fallen astray from the very teachings of Jesus Christ.  I do not say this with a light heart, indeed my heart is broken.  I have fond memories with people that fall into this realm, of which I once held dear and called more than friends, but family, of a sort.  In truth, I do still hold very close to my heart, which is the impetus for this blog. I also know that a good portion of those I used to walk with, who still believe in a more Evangelical Christianity, not so much fundamentalist, are more decent in their approach to sharing the gospel and in that way are more aligned with the teachings of Jesus.  

The former are those that complain wildly on social media and in the real world about the liberal agenda, who seemingly take everything as a personal affront on their beliefs, and who seem to not be able at all to see a larger worldview other than their own.  The latter are those who are active on social media and in the real world by simply choosing to love, bless, and serve.  I think this is an apparent distinction we can all agree upon.  In addition, I have heard of conservative churches that are doing their best to educate, be more open, and willing to adapt and listen to other world-views and ideas.  

But, it's the so-called fundamentalist viewpoint I wish to address, this way of being that needs to go by the wayside, perishing in a sea of its own ignorance once and for all.  As I said, it's not merely a disease for the Christian Fundamentalist alone, but I believe one that has infected the more liberal atheistic as well, for example. 

For the purpose of this entry, let's focus on the Christian Fundamentalist.  For those reading this that are not of this ilk and have never been part of that world view, let me start by explaining a little of the teaching that I believe has damaged the minds and hearts of these Christian souls.  If you are a beloved friend of mine that is still within the Christian right world view or are someone that I do not know but is a 'believer', as you read the below sentences, let your heart be softened so that you may have ears to hear.  In so doing, it is with the tenderness of my fullest compassion that you can grow closer to understanding the true Jesus Christ.

So, when I was attending Calvary Chapel, the common thread in most of the bible studies and services were that 'the world hates Jesus, the world hates Jesus in you'.  After hearing so much, can you imagine the end result of such, to be blunt, brainwashing? That's right, you begin to believe the world hates you.  You believe wholeheartedly that the world outside your church is evil, wicked, and that everyone that comes into your life is basically fueled by the enemy, or rather, an enemy themselves.  Does this help see why a Christian may seem so combative when addressed?  They don't feel they are being combative, they feel you are being combative.  

Furthermore, in my church days, we were encouraged not to consume anything, (ex: news, media, books, higher education), that was 'of the world', and were encouraged to consume only that which was approved by the church leadership.  This lack of being able to educate yourself made you vulnerable to the belief and control of another.  I do not mean to target or place blame on the church's leadership in anyway.  I know quite a few pastors who are good at heart and wish the best for the flock they believe they are called to serve and help guide to the teachings of Jesus.  I am merely trying to state my experience with hopes to enlighten those who have never been within a Christian fundamentalist setting as well as give a little insight to those within at present.  

So, can you imagine what my life was like when I left Calvary Chapel ten years ago? I cannot begin to explain the sense of shattered isolation and confusion I felt, the heart break, the betrayal, the sense of loss of identity, the anger of the loss of my youth, the lies I readily consumed that fell flat.  Yes, I was angry and scared, for myself, and for my friends who I believed were trapped inside what I, at the time, called a cult.  I still hold that fundamentalism in all its variety is cult-like.  Through the years of my healing after I left the church, I slowly discovered that these notions I were taught, were false.

With that, I address my Christian reader, those I know personally and those I do not.  First and foremost, dear one, the world does not hate Jesus, in fact, they think he is a pretty bang up guy, regardless of whether they see him as God, a prophet, or just a guy.  "I got no beef with Jesus," one friend said to me.  And another, "Jesus is the shit."  Please suspend your need to control the wording and belief of who Jesus is in your worldview and let that sink in.  The people 'of the world' are not out to get you and, most importantly, do not hate you!  

So, dear one, its up to you to how you take in this information and what you choose to do with it.  But, before I let you off so easily, I need you to understand one more thing.  I also believe, that according to what I learned from my bible studies back when I attended Calvary Chapels, that you have fallen astray from those teachings.  Not all of you, but a good portion, and I base this on your words and actions on social media and in real life based on the current affairs in our country, whether that be pandemic related or such issues pertaining to civil rights.  

First, the Bible teaches us to follow the law of the land, as well as the law of the Lord.  Jesus says to 'render to Caeser what is his, and to God what is his', which, yes, can be taken to be connected to taxes but I also see the value in focusing this on all aspects of national government concern.  I hear you spout off how we are called to obey the president as he was put their by God, but from what I can tell, this is only acceptable when he falls into the political category you approve of, that of, Republican.  This appears one-sided and not fully accurate to what you profess, as well as, it appears as if you are not fully surrendering yourself to God and His will.  The law of the land, in all its various forms of our government, has decreed, for your safety, to wear a mask for the protection of yourself and others, for example, but you refuse, why? 

Next, Jesus and the teachings in the Bible states to 'lay down your lives as he, Jesus, laid down his life for us', but sadly I do not see this.  It is "not about me", my friends and I would profess as young Christians.  "It's all about Jesus," we'd proclaim in worship songs and in our speech.  But, I do not see that line of thinking in your social media posts or every day life.  More and more, I see a selfish, combative person who wants to force their way, wants to play the victim while victimizing.  That, my dear friend, is in direct opposition of the teachings of Jesus Christ, whatever, the interpretations of him may be.  Can you see now why so many seem to reject to the church? Hint: it has nothing to do with Jesus!

All is not lost for you, dear Christian reader, nor for my friends on the liberal left that of themselves fall into the realm of fundamentalist thinking.  We are all on the path, as mentioned above, to healing and inner awakening.  Let us all start by looking inward, letting the light of awareness pierce our souls and hearts, bringing us to the humility that comes from truly knowing ourselves, warts and all.  With that humble honesty, we can come together, listening rather than reacting, holding space regardless of political stance and seeking the highest good for all.

Can you do that, dear Christian? Can you truly lay down your own self and release your preconceived notions for the highest good of another? Can you do that, dear liberal? Can you truly lay down your own self and release your preconceived notions good of another? No change will come if you cannot.  I speak for myself as well as for others, mind you, and its a daily, minutely, journey, one taken with humility and utmost self awareness.  

Join me in this journey, dear friends, the journey within for healing so that the world without may also be healed. 

Imagine

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people living life in peace

Got comments on what I wrote? I bet you do.  Whether you agree or disagree, feel free to post below.  I welcome your thoughts and opinions.  I just ask for all to be civil and thoughtful in their wordings.  I will do my best to respond.  Thank you.

The Thriving Artist is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc.  Support Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc at: www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions