Preparing For The Apocalypse: Or How To Fight The (Toxic) Patriarchy, Part Two

 

As I was preparing for the next entry in this series, I was meditating further on what else is needed to prepare for the coming apocalypse, so much is needed both internally and externally.  But, as I go about my day, the resounding theme that comes to the fore-front following the need for 'self-care' is the vastness of community.  

Merriam-Webster defines "Community" as: 
: a unified body of individuals: such as
a
: the people with common interests living in a particular area
broadly : the area itself
the problems of a large community
b
: a group of people with a common characteristic or interest living together within a larger society
a community of retired persons
a monastic community
c
: a body of persons of common and especially professional interests scattered through a larger society
the academic community
the scientific community
d
: a body of persons or nations having a common history or common social, economic, and political interests
the international community
e
: a group linked by a common policy
f
: an interacting population of various kinds of individuals (such as species) in a common location

Thus, the idea of community spans wide.  Personally, I have always thought of community as simply "common unity" and what a better unifier of commonality than the dreaded existential reality of doom we collectively face in our country and world upcoming. 

So, it's the coming together in that collective brokenness, of truly, authentically listening, being present, holding space, hearts, and each other.  In small quiet moments and sometimes large, seeking ways to give love and support, an ever present reminder that we are not alone, together in our suffering, we will overcome.

Rainbow Connection with lyrics By Sarah Mclachlan

What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing?
And what do we think we might see?

Hot Stuff: A Tribe of Awesome Coffee & Tea People

 Hot Stuff Espresso

Connie McGonagle has been a thriving business owner of Hot Stuff Espresso for nearly two decades, this April 20, 2021 will see their 19 year anniversary.  In a new series examining the local cafes and how they relate to Café-Girl Productions, Inc, I sat down with Connie to discuss her view of the café culture and community that she has seen and developed throughout the years.   

Bama relaxes in the sun

Connie began her career in the coffee shop world at a small Dutch Bros coffee shack, the first of its kind, in Shady Cove, Oregon in her sophomore year of high school.  Taught by her beloved friend, Steve, she was brought into the world of all things coffee and café, which led her to pursue this passion in the years that followed.  

Cafe-Girl Sophie helps Customer Bama

In addition to the taste of coffee and tea, Connie mostly loves the social dynamic of a café, which she believes brings much good just by being available.  In previous years, cafes were a place to plan and hold events and to make life long friendships.  In this time of Covid19, when the majority of us have found ourselves deprived from social connection and interaction, the value has increased by cafes providing a safe place to gather, to come back together after isolation, and to connect.

Bama enjoys the view

The cafe culture, in the viewpoint of Connie and Hot Stuff Espresso, is filled with a myriad of awesome coffee and tea people forming a close knit family of the "Coffee Tribe", who come alongside one another to support and uplift during the highs and lows of life.

Bama & Hot Stuff

Hot Stuff Espresso is located at 515 Clover Lane, Ashland, Oregon.  Hours of operation are 6:00 am to 5:00 pm.  In addition, to a wonderful array of coffee and tea drinks, Hot Stuff has wonderful baked goods for sale as well as a beautiful new gazebo for socialization and relaxation.  Find out more about Hot Stuff on Facebook and Instagram. 

Life In A Coffee Shop

Hot Stuff Espresso

Burlesque: A Community Of Women

I had the very distinct privilege of sitting down with actress, artist, and all-around warrior women herself, Darby McCue this week.  Together, we looked into her world of burlesque,  how she arrived at her love for it, and what insights she has gained on herself and women kind from this association.

For starters, Darby started out her dancing career as a professional belly dancer.  However, within what is thought to be a very spiritually enlightened community, she faced criticism for being too sexual, suggestive, and even vulgar in her dancing style. It was around this time that a good belly dancing friend of hers approached her, and with trepidation and fear of reprisal, Darby took her advice.  The friend suggested thoughtfully that Darby look into Burlesque dancing and that might be a more suitable fit for Darby's style.  The friend was well-meaning and truly cared for Darby. 

Until that time, Darby always imagined this type of dancing to be in the realm of the 1950's bombshell but she decided to give it a go and started her pursuit of all things Burlesque.  At 37 years old, a wife and mother, Darby quickly fell in love and became enchanted.  She says the most rewarding and empowering experience was the time she danced in front of her former belly dance 'hater' colleagues, which left her feeling proud of who she was and of her body.  It was that moment, she says, that she never looked back!

Darby looks back on her childhood and adolescence, remembering how she was taunted and made fun of for early development.  She had large breasts and bottom, was referred to maliciously as Tits McCue, was treated unfairly, taken advantage of, thought of less than and even slutty because of her body.  Through burlesque dancing, Darby has finally found the healing and freedom from these past wounds.

Burlesque, she explains, is not about the nudity, but about the tease of such.  She loves it for not taking itself too seriously, for the satire and humor in the doing, and that it is never about being perfect or sexual.  She says that there is a huge amount of mental work and effort that goes into the preparation, from finding the right song, choreographing the dance steps, and putting together the costumes.  In all of this, her self confidence has strengthened and deepened.  More than that, the wide and diverse community that she has joined has truly empowered her to love herself fully.  There are no limits to who can perform, no ageism, for all walks of life are welcome.  She has loved seeing how women, including herself, learn to love their bodies and become unashamed of who they truly are and how they look.  That in itself fills her with a sense of empowerment and confidence, continuing her love of and enjoyment of the dance.

Even so, she has experienced some backlash from an assortment of arenas.  For the most part, her family admires and respects this calling of hers.  But, even more than the former haters in the belly dance community, Darby has faced the societal misunderstandings of Burlesque by being referred to as a mere 'exotic dancer', not being invited into certain social women circles, looked down to as shameful, even going so far as being thought of as a 'lady of the night'.  She knows wholeheartedly that this is stemming from fear, from being afraid of what they do not know, and from being afraid to step out of the confines of social conformity.  She says at times younger male audience members attend shows with false expectations, cat-calling, saying abusive remarks about the dancers, and come with expectations of sexual compensation, all of which are inappropriate and not a part of burlesque.

However, from the network of other dancers, she has continued to learn to love herself and others involved.  During a time when, because of the process of aging, she gained a significant amount of weight and felt insecure about it, she reached out to other curvy women of elder age who helped her relearn to love herself in her new life situation and bodily form.

Ultimately, Darby explains burlesque is not merely about being sexual, but above all about the community, acceptance, and mutual acceptance of empowering others to find their freedom and love for selves.

What 2018 taught me

"Home is where the heart," my character, Romana, from my production company's Doctor Who fan fiction web-series quoted to the Doctor upon re-uniting with him.  Truth be told, this is a long-standing held belief of mine, and no wonder my character said it, I wrote the screenplay. 

However, this year the sentiment has become all the more vivid in the core of my being.  I started this year with the loss of not just a survival job but having a dear friend move away.  A friend whose dogs I had walked, whose house had become a second home dear to me, as I had house-sat there, filmed many a scene there for our modern day Macbeth, Daggers In Men's Smiles.  So, not only was I losing a source of income, but losing a place familiar to my heart and the constant connection of a dear friend. 

Another friend told me about the dog-walking site, Rover.com, and I joined.  Thus, my survival job as a dog-walker/dog sitter grew in leaps and bounds; I have house-sat in many places around the valley this year.   Because of this, I could take you all over the valley, from Ashland to Medford, pointing out various places where I have lived and for a time, a week or more, called home. 

On top of that, my boyfriend and I had to spend a week out of our apartment due to bathroom repairs, thus lived for a bit over a week in a local, lovely, motel called the Manor Inn.  (FYI: the staff was lovely, considerate, kind, and I strongly recommend the place!)  Thus, there is another place I can point to in my travels around town.  '

In April, we were given a no-cause termination notice on our apartment, but were very fortunate enough to move into a lovely three bedroom home outside of Ashland.  Its been a dream come true.

Added to that, there are the places I frequented, the places I once resided, worked at, from years of old that are still homes within my heart.  There have been the frequent travels north, back to Eugene and Portland, where I re-visited the familiar haunts in those places.  Thus, I can truly say that the notion of "home being of the heart", not a mere location, has become an even clearer reality. 

Which leads me to the next lesson of 2018:  Community.  Or as I like to think of it, Common Unity.  In today's world, there appears to be a lack of what is a vital need for our souls.  Thus, if we are not of the religious mindset, we lack a sense of community and without knowing any real place to discover it, to fulfill that need.  What I have discovered this year is that we need to empower ourselves to seek out and design that community for ourselves, looking back at the true meaning of the word, that is, as mentioned above, common unity.  For my part, I have found and reclaimed my own community, common unity, through various means, theatre, film, my own business being able to marry the ideas of work with relationships.  Because, in the end, all of life is just that: relationships.  In these relationships and common unity, I have been able to find the honesty to fully encounter my heart's home, finding peace, strength, and solace within which gives me the bold determination to do the like for my own created community, common unity, relationships.

Lastly, the connection of home within my heart, a state of being, and the true meaning of community has given me the strength to face myself, to stand up to the detrimental effects of hatred and bullying, to those that wish to hinder my way and those of my dearest kindred spirits, and through this empowered new life focus to find the healing release of the wounds of past emotional abuse. 

Through this healing, my own sense of community within the home in my heart has given me a peace that surpasses the external reality of my life, whatever it may be good or bad, with a renewed focus, clearly described and designed, leading me higher and higher into achieving my destiny.

In 2019, I do so hope that not only will I continue to thrive, to heal, to connect more deeply with my center, but I wish the same for you, gentle reader.  Go forth into the world and seek to know, to understand, to truly see and be seen, to connect, and to arrive home within your heart, finally, at peace.

My Heart Your Home