7 Days of Gratitude, Day Five
1.) for my home, its comfortable & safe, both of which are vastly important to me & for my well-being
2.) for the new show & the challenge it brings
3.) for Rogue Community College, it holds a good energy & a warm place in my heart
4.) for the breakdowns I've had, because I've gotten up again & been stronger for it
5.) for lies that were told to me because of them I found my truth
6.) for Robin Downward, for some reason, either way, its kind of funny
7.) for Chloe', Vanessa, & the new friends who rallied around me with love & so much laughter during this last year
8.) for Doniella, well, obviously
9.) for the fact that I don't have children (& won't ever), its so much easier to have a cat
10.) for people like my boyfriend, Michael, Chloe', & Koiwu, who make me laugh harder than anyone else
11.) for Paxil, because even though its causing some disturbances emotionally I am starting to feel better
12.) for Royce because he taught me to be "so happy its thursday" & for the Doctor in all his regenerations
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
7 Days of Gratitude, Day Four
7 Days of Gratitude, Day Four
1.) oddly enough for my sleep-deprived, foggy brain for its an exercise in focus & endurance & because it came about as an example of my knowledge of self-care
2.) for the roofers banging on my roof, distracting & frustrating to me, they deserve some love~for their efforts & for the very fact that they are a cause of such annoyance without really meaning to (they are just doing their job) & I am sure I will be very thankful for their work done later on, especially during the rainy season
3.) for my friend, Ruth Wire, because she's epic & because at her glorious advanced age she is still trying to better herself as a person and an actor/writer
4.) for my very talented, self-directed boyfriend, Michael & for watching him film his final scenes last night. It was epically beautiful.
5.) for the new friends I met through that experience the last few nights
6.) for black Virgin Marys & other inside jokes, with new friends, random people & old friends
7.) for Tinseltown because they show Doctor Who
8.) for how amazing it is that Doctor Who is a world-wide phenomenon & a cult-icon & for Stephen Moffat because I personally think he is amazing & he needs some love & doesn't get it
9.) for writers because if we didn't have them the world wouldn't exist
10.) for auditions, which are the equivalent of job interviews for normal people (See: Muggles), but an extremely more gut-wrenching & emotionally charged
11.) for genuine people who say what they mean, mean what they say
12.) for good healthy partners of my friends who treat them how they should be treated
1.) oddly enough for my sleep-deprived, foggy brain for its an exercise in focus & endurance & because it came about as an example of my knowledge of self-care
2.) for the roofers banging on my roof, distracting & frustrating to me, they deserve some love~for their efforts & for the very fact that they are a cause of such annoyance without really meaning to (they are just doing their job) & I am sure I will be very thankful for their work done later on, especially during the rainy season
3.) for my friend, Ruth Wire, because she's epic & because at her glorious advanced age she is still trying to better herself as a person and an actor/writer
4.) for my very talented, self-directed boyfriend, Michael & for watching him film his final scenes last night. It was epically beautiful.
5.) for the new friends I met through that experience the last few nights
6.) for black Virgin Marys & other inside jokes, with new friends, random people & old friends
7.) for Tinseltown because they show Doctor Who
8.) for how amazing it is that Doctor Who is a world-wide phenomenon & a cult-icon & for Stephen Moffat because I personally think he is amazing & he needs some love & doesn't get it
9.) for writers because if we didn't have them the world wouldn't exist
10.) for auditions, which are the equivalent of job interviews for normal people (See: Muggles), but an extremely more gut-wrenching & emotionally charged
11.) for genuine people who say what they mean, mean what they say
12.) for good healthy partners of my friends who treat them how they should be treated
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
7 Days of Gratitude, Day Three
7 Days of Gratitude, Day Three
1.) for hunger & the ability to fill my belly with good food & the availability of choices that I have
2.) for my financial process & steps towards independence & wealth
3.) for finding people, randomly & otherwise, who believe in me & tell me in so many ways to keep trying & following my dreams
4.) for divine appointments
5.) for Tansy, who is sometimes sweet because she wants my food & is sometimes sweet because she just is
6.) for classic movie stars, like Lauren Bacall, who defined Hollywood as a place of true acting as an art & as a place of ethics (not true anymore) who, in a sense, did it because they love it & we all seem to hold onto, pine for that era today
7.) for the slight randomness of meeting a Hollywood producer & LA actor on a street corner in Ashland at 11:00 at night, sitting on the sidewalk, doing cement yoga, talking about black Virgin Marys, the pope, Italian food which caused my mouth to water & my tummy to rumble, & a crazy cult leader from the 1970s who lived in Oregon
8.) for old memories that are good even when later on those relationships went sour & for a new life with new memories shared & made
9.) for inside jokes
10.) for the donkey who got fed yesterday
11.) for all the old crushes & lovers who "got away"
12.) for Eckhart Tolle & more importantly for the new ways I am starting to understand the divine (which isn't really new) & for the healing its bringing to my soul & heart
1.) for hunger & the ability to fill my belly with good food & the availability of choices that I have
2.) for my financial process & steps towards independence & wealth
3.) for finding people, randomly & otherwise, who believe in me & tell me in so many ways to keep trying & following my dreams
4.) for divine appointments
5.) for Tansy, who is sometimes sweet because she wants my food & is sometimes sweet because she just is
6.) for classic movie stars, like Lauren Bacall, who defined Hollywood as a place of true acting as an art & as a place of ethics (not true anymore) who, in a sense, did it because they love it & we all seem to hold onto, pine for that era today
7.) for the slight randomness of meeting a Hollywood producer & LA actor on a street corner in Ashland at 11:00 at night, sitting on the sidewalk, doing cement yoga, talking about black Virgin Marys, the pope, Italian food which caused my mouth to water & my tummy to rumble, & a crazy cult leader from the 1970s who lived in Oregon
8.) for old memories that are good even when later on those relationships went sour & for a new life with new memories shared & made
9.) for inside jokes
10.) for the donkey who got fed yesterday
11.) for all the old crushes & lovers who "got away"
12.) for Eckhart Tolle & more importantly for the new ways I am starting to understand the divine (which isn't really new) & for the healing its bringing to my soul & heart
Monday, August 18, 2014
7 Days of Gratitude, Day Two
7 Days of Gratitude, Day Two
1.) the sunlight streaming through the stairway window with the bugs illuminated by the the light. I always have liked that. Its kind of beautiful, in a way. Nature in one of its finest forms, simply glory revealed.
2.) morning coffee
3.) being woken up by Leo wanting breakfast & receiving snuggles
4.) Michael's sense of humor, having a lover & partner that I can infinitely trust, waking up next to him, & especially morning snuggles
5.) getting stuff done, productivity, in general, which includes all aspects of my creativity, including but not limited to my singing, my writing, my acting, even my garden
6.) Michael at his computer, he looks so cute & it is an image I have become accustomed to
7.) the curiosity of Tansy, its refreshing & not in the least bit entertaining but also is a visible lesson of my need to be awakened each moment to the divine consciousness within and without; to be curious, alive, & fully present
8.) for techies
9.) for my friends & the gifts they offer to the world & universe at large
10.) for finally discovering my true calling, my inner purpose & thus myself, finding true peace & happiness & finally being comfortable with myself
11.) for this day & the expectations it may bring, both good & bad, just the thought of that reality of what may be will be a sign of being fully alive
12.) for Robin Williams & his "spectaculour life" he led, what he taught us about sharing that with the world but not succumbing to our own darkness
1.) the sunlight streaming through the stairway window with the bugs illuminated by the the light. I always have liked that. Its kind of beautiful, in a way. Nature in one of its finest forms, simply glory revealed.
2.) morning coffee
3.) being woken up by Leo wanting breakfast & receiving snuggles
4.) Michael's sense of humor, having a lover & partner that I can infinitely trust, waking up next to him, & especially morning snuggles
5.) getting stuff done, productivity, in general, which includes all aspects of my creativity, including but not limited to my singing, my writing, my acting, even my garden
6.) Michael at his computer, he looks so cute & it is an image I have become accustomed to
7.) the curiosity of Tansy, its refreshing & not in the least bit entertaining but also is a visible lesson of my need to be awakened each moment to the divine consciousness within and without; to be curious, alive, & fully present
8.) for techies
9.) for my friends & the gifts they offer to the world & universe at large
10.) for finally discovering my true calling, my inner purpose & thus myself, finding true peace & happiness & finally being comfortable with myself
11.) for this day & the expectations it may bring, both good & bad, just the thought of that reality of what may be will be a sign of being fully alive
12.) for Robin Williams & his "spectaculour life" he led, what he taught us about sharing that with the world but not succumbing to our own darkness
Sunday, August 17, 2014
7 Days of Gratitude
Of recent days, I've been feeling a little bit of a slump, depression is the clinical word. Whether this has to be with being overly tired from a busy week of "movie-making" or the passing of Robin Williams or even both, doesn't matter. What came to mind as a possible solution (one of many) was to start writing a daily gratitude list in my journal, which then brought about the thought that maybe I should share this thankfulness for the next seven days on this 'here' blog. Instead of or in addition to posting about my ideas on acting, character bios, my times in the "cult", or other aspects of past abuse, or occasionally a plug on "gluten-free eats" (which this blog is somewhat about but not entirely), I decided to put the focus on the gratitude aspect, using the #12 as a limit because, well, as of next Saturday there will be officially twelve doctors so, well, that makes sense to me.
So, without further ado, here goes:
1.) the purple pen I use is epic to write with and indeed makes everything more colorful.
2.) the word "epic"
3.) my ability to write on different levels, ie sexual exploration, Doctor Who fan fiction, spiritual seekings of all varieties, and, of course, my labor of love
4.) the fact that my current partner gives me the time & space I need to create is an act of love from him and I let him have the time to play his cheesy games is an act of love from me
5.) the fact that I don't "have" to clean the kitchen, that I am not a "house-wife" but get to clean the kitchen and make things look nice or rather clean and organized
6.) the thought that I am going to make zucchini bread this week & that I almost referred to it as "bikini bread"
7.) my friends, all of them. the real ones. When they are happy & healthy, especially.
8.) for days off
9.) the fact that I am becoming financially independent & secure
10.) My nieces, especially. Always.
11.) My cats, Leo & Tansy. And good books
12.) For the Doctor, of course.
Friday, July 25, 2014
Awakening my Inner Bad-Girl: All About Babs
On the record of me at the local police station, it begins with:
Babs Babcock, 16, teenage runaway...
But that doesn't really explain much, does it? I mean, it really doesn't give any circumstantial details, like why I'm a 'runaway', or any of the other interesting facts about my life and why I am where I am today, the choices I have made.
To start with, my father was pretty much absent, basically took off from my mom's and my life when I was, like, 11. My mother, well, she's a bag of tricks, is she ever. An alcoholic, in her right, to beat out all other alcoholic, dead-beat parents ever. Sometimes, if she's nice, she shares her drinks with me but that's only when the night is good, she's feeling fine, the gambling was successful, the guy forked over the money. Because, you see, as we never have enough money, my mom finds other ways to keep the house and regular expenses afloat and even more so keep her expensive habits active. Basically, her own brand of legal "prostitution" of herself. No matter, I think she enjoys it, which is admirable and probably the one greatest lesson in life she has taught me. Sex, no matter what the situation, can be enjoyable and, in the end, employable. It can bring great gain, I tell you, she has shown me and I have seen from personal experience.
On a whim, because of this, I left home at 14, headed down to, what is affectionately called "Psycho Beach". In order to survive, I have learned to hustle, myself and others, in an ongoing pursuit for survival and success, mainly using my body as a means of financial gain, as it were. And, hey, I really do enjoy it. Its 'nice work if you can get it', let me tell you.
I first met Roxy after I found myself homeless when a guy I shacked with randomly kicked me out, for reasons unknown to me. The Steel Kahuna, they call him, and I was immediately enthralled and obsessed with him at first sight, so that power went to his head and he took me into his bed. Our relationship had to be secret being that I was 14 and he was, well, older. Perhaps, the fact that the police started snooping around our place had something to do with him just up and kicking me out. No matter, I found Roxy. Roxy taught me "the ways of the street". For the first couple of years, I idolized and looked up to her, mimicked her in every way; clothes, hair, ways of talking. But, recently I have been finding some form of confidence in my life-style choices and abilities and now I kind of sort of want to break away, branch off on my own. Maybe, its because I found "Lips", my little minion, someone I can lord power over, at last, and boss around. Lips isn't the smartest but she needs me, how else would she survive let alone have fun, so in that she is faithful. In a sense, she is the sister I never had, and even, not sure I ever wanted. But, there you have it.
I have known the rest of these Psycho Beach people since I was young, since middle school. We all went to the same school, well until I dropped out.
Victoria is a girl I used to make do my home-work and copy off her in tests. I think, at one point, she had a secret crush on me and in exchange for her helping me, I let her go down on me. Once. Only once.
Mary-lou is the popular girl in school and she and I used to be best friends in middle school. We both had a mad crush on Ricky and even at one point Bip, wow, can't imagine why? I started to have some trouble at home, hooked up with The Kahuna, and we just slipped apart. I'm a little jealous of her because of Ricky, my dream-guy and well, actually, my biggest quest for life. Also, he plays a huge part in my secret fantasies, you know, to dominate him and make him mine, all mine, ooh, yeah baby!
The Gerk is just this annoying local guy who thinks he's super hot and smart but isn't. Awhile ago he tried to hook up with me, basically, he kissed me but it was all slobbery tongue so I never let him go any further. I think he still wants me though, which has its benefits, I assure you.
So, that's my life, in a nutshell. You'll have to stay-tuned for more details. I do have a plan that when I die, I'm going to come back as a ghost, walk through walls, and basically scare the shit out of other people.
Babs Babcock is a character from an upcoming film written and directed by Dan McCloy, to be shot locally in Oregon.
https://www.facebook.com/beachblanketfrankenstein/info
Babs Babcock, 16, teenage runaway...
But that doesn't really explain much, does it? I mean, it really doesn't give any circumstantial details, like why I'm a 'runaway', or any of the other interesting facts about my life and why I am where I am today, the choices I have made.
To start with, my father was pretty much absent, basically took off from my mom's and my life when I was, like, 11. My mother, well, she's a bag of tricks, is she ever. An alcoholic, in her right, to beat out all other alcoholic, dead-beat parents ever. Sometimes, if she's nice, she shares her drinks with me but that's only when the night is good, she's feeling fine, the gambling was successful, the guy forked over the money. Because, you see, as we never have enough money, my mom finds other ways to keep the house and regular expenses afloat and even more so keep her expensive habits active. Basically, her own brand of legal "prostitution" of herself. No matter, I think she enjoys it, which is admirable and probably the one greatest lesson in life she has taught me. Sex, no matter what the situation, can be enjoyable and, in the end, employable. It can bring great gain, I tell you, she has shown me and I have seen from personal experience.
On a whim, because of this, I left home at 14, headed down to, what is affectionately called "Psycho Beach". In order to survive, I have learned to hustle, myself and others, in an ongoing pursuit for survival and success, mainly using my body as a means of financial gain, as it were. And, hey, I really do enjoy it. Its 'nice work if you can get it', let me tell you.
I first met Roxy after I found myself homeless when a guy I shacked with randomly kicked me out, for reasons unknown to me. The Steel Kahuna, they call him, and I was immediately enthralled and obsessed with him at first sight, so that power went to his head and he took me into his bed. Our relationship had to be secret being that I was 14 and he was, well, older. Perhaps, the fact that the police started snooping around our place had something to do with him just up and kicking me out. No matter, I found Roxy. Roxy taught me "the ways of the street". For the first couple of years, I idolized and looked up to her, mimicked her in every way; clothes, hair, ways of talking. But, recently I have been finding some form of confidence in my life-style choices and abilities and now I kind of sort of want to break away, branch off on my own. Maybe, its because I found "Lips", my little minion, someone I can lord power over, at last, and boss around. Lips isn't the smartest but she needs me, how else would she survive let alone have fun, so in that she is faithful. In a sense, she is the sister I never had, and even, not sure I ever wanted. But, there you have it.
I have known the rest of these Psycho Beach people since I was young, since middle school. We all went to the same school, well until I dropped out.
Victoria is a girl I used to make do my home-work and copy off her in tests. I think, at one point, she had a secret crush on me and in exchange for her helping me, I let her go down on me. Once. Only once.
Mary-lou is the popular girl in school and she and I used to be best friends in middle school. We both had a mad crush on Ricky and even at one point Bip, wow, can't imagine why? I started to have some trouble at home, hooked up with The Kahuna, and we just slipped apart. I'm a little jealous of her because of Ricky, my dream-guy and well, actually, my biggest quest for life. Also, he plays a huge part in my secret fantasies, you know, to dominate him and make him mine, all mine, ooh, yeah baby!
The Gerk is just this annoying local guy who thinks he's super hot and smart but isn't. Awhile ago he tried to hook up with me, basically, he kissed me but it was all slobbery tongue so I never let him go any further. I think he still wants me though, which has its benefits, I assure you.
So, that's my life, in a nutshell. You'll have to stay-tuned for more details. I do have a plan that when I die, I'm going to come back as a ghost, walk through walls, and basically scare the shit out of other people.
Babs Babcock is a character from an upcoming film written and directed by Dan McCloy, to be shot locally in Oregon.
https://www.facebook.com/beachblanketfrankenstein/info
Monday, July 14, 2014
Don't worry, I'm a "professional'
Which doesn't altogether mean I know what I am doing, right? Well, in some ways I did except for my 9 kids and actually raising them, well, I know how to get money for them and for me, more importantly, so at least I've got that, right?
Hi, I'm Leah.
I'll be 32 in one week. Had my first kid at 21, to be honest, the first AND second were "accidents", but even so, I really wanted the dads to stick around, you know, the happily ever after, white picket fences and all of that...but, like most men, all they really wanted to do was "stick me" and then leave...which really did suck, I'm not going to lie, but then when the third came along and the guy once again hit the door...I thought, why not join in on the fun and play their game, meaning, "stick them" where it hurts, if you catch my drift...
That's when I discovered the magic of child support and that I could make a business out of "popping out" kids. So, that's when I became the "professional mother" as some say. I mean, hey, all I have ever really been good at is laying flat on my back with my legs in the air and...can I help it that I'm so fertile? If you wanna play, boys, you gotta pay...
I mean, I gotta get something out of this too, right?
I mean, its like this. I always wanted to be a lawyer, like my daddy, but then the kids came along. So, all in all, I'm saying is I can be very convincing...if I'm going to pop them out, why not use my head to and find a way to get the finer things in life?
Poor woe is me single mama and all of that!
I started the professional mom gig with my second daughter, Laycee, and then it was easy to get the previous dads to comply, and, you know, being raised with wealth, I really know how to make my money work for me. Guess you can say, I know how to get the most bang for my buck!
Hi, I'm Leah.
I'll be 32 in one week. Had my first kid at 21, to be honest, the first AND second were "accidents", but even so, I really wanted the dads to stick around, you know, the happily ever after, white picket fences and all of that...but, like most men, all they really wanted to do was "stick me" and then leave...which really did suck, I'm not going to lie, but then when the third came along and the guy once again hit the door...I thought, why not join in on the fun and play their game, meaning, "stick them" where it hurts, if you catch my drift...
That's when I discovered the magic of child support and that I could make a business out of "popping out" kids. So, that's when I became the "professional mother" as some say. I mean, hey, all I have ever really been good at is laying flat on my back with my legs in the air and...can I help it that I'm so fertile? If you wanna play, boys, you gotta pay...
I mean, I gotta get something out of this too, right?
I mean, its like this. I always wanted to be a lawyer, like my daddy, but then the kids came along. So, all in all, I'm saying is I can be very convincing...if I'm going to pop them out, why not use my head to and find a way to get the finer things in life?
Poor woe is me single mama and all of that!
I started the professional mom gig with my second daughter, Laycee, and then it was easy to get the previous dads to comply, and, you know, being raised with wealth, I really know how to make my money work for me. Guess you can say, I know how to get the most bang for my buck!
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