I am Anastasia Marie Raymond, 31 and freshly divorced. Why? Well, for a number of reasons, such as he's a cheating, lying bastard ( even with my sister on our anniversary). Thus, I've been on the war-path ever since, against anyone I could find to take revenge upon. Until I saw her face...
That is Tina. Okay, so I've been working with her for awhile, yeah, and I never dreamed that I was attracted to women or anything. But, that one moment when I saw her in all her sensual beauty changed everything.
When I was first divorced, I had a rebound relationship with Anderson, which resulted in a threesome with him and Frederico. This was after I discovered my ex had hooked up with that office tramp, Janine. But, that fling with Anderson ended when I had that extreme moment of bliss when I fell for Tina.
Everything I do, everything I have done is to get her attention. I only wish I could have some of her gumption, some of her fighting spirit, but alas I'm a real shrinking violet. Just to try to pretend that I am not, I collect files and files on all the employees in the office, in the event of, well when I can have my moment, stand up, and fight. That'll show them all, and more importantly, that'll get Tina's attention. If only I knew how...
This character blog is based on a character for my upcoming film, Kitty Baby written and directed by Melanie Dahl and Dan McCloy of Wicked Pixie Productions.
Showing posts with label Dan McCloy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dan McCloy. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Sunday, April 5, 2015
Dreams They Transform
You hear a lot of talk these days about, listening to your dreams, manifesting your dreams, following your dreams, or finding out the significance of our dreams, so much in fact that a lot of people see it as a bunch of hoo-haw new age religion crap.
But, I'm here to tell you that it has weight and really does make a difference. Because, I've had dreams of significant import that have either pointed me in the direction I need to go, answered the questions needed for the next step in my life-focus, and brought an enormous amount of healing to my long-standing anxieties.
The first dream was that I was visiting my two old room-mates, Vanessa and Chloe at our old apartment. For some reason, I was carrying my kitty, Leo, with me. (See: the kitty that is afraid of anyone else but myself and my boyfriend and who never leaves the house so that right there is an oddity.) The town-house apartment we lived in had only two bedrooms, but in the dream there were three, one large and two small surrounding the bathroom. It was in this phantom third bedroom where the stage was set.
Chloe, according to Vanessa, had had a creep of a gentleman caller over awhile back and they had managed to scare him off. But then he came back! Vanessa opened the door but before she did she handed us both two "rogue credit union" pens. (For those of you who don't know, they are differently neon colored pens given out as souvenirs from a local bank.)
Here is an example:
Holding my cat, I watched as these two friends of mine tied this guy, evil though he was, to a chair and preceded to use the pens as weapons to stab him repeatedly in the neck, the jugular more like. They urged me to help and I did once but when I saw the blood trickle down, I stopped because I didn't want to be convicted of murder. All the while, this fella kept screaming obscenities at all of us. Was he deserving of this treatment? I escaped from the house, sheltering Leo, ran back to my house and anxiously reported to my boyfriend that two of my bestest friends had gone completely berserk.
What does this mean? You ask. Stay tuned!
The next night I had a nightmare, of sorts. In the dream, a female friend of both mine and my boyfriend's was trying to seduce him away from me while I sat perched on his lap. It was disturbing me so greatly that I told him so. This prompted a fight between us which brought about our breakup that was somehow all my fault. I woke up sobbing into my pillow which prompted my lovely boyfriend barely awake himself to take me in his arms until I quieted down.
In the bathroom later, I breathed deep and reflected upon this, this dream-like state reflecting my long-existing anxieties and insecurities and it dawned on me: I am not alone in these fears. Unfortunately, it is a common reality among women and girls to be anxious over loss of love and to be competitive with their sisters, as it were. This is where the catty girl-fights spring from, I believe. I released these fears upon realizing this and crawled into bed and drifted into another dream.
I was on a film set, starring in a movie directed by my good friend, Dan McCloy, who had just discovered he had a good friend at the BBC who knew Matt Smith and had called in a favor to get him to star in one of his movies. (I take it Mr. Smith did not have a choice in this matter.) Well, this is how I chose to settle this little matter in the dream when it suddenly dawned on me that Mr. McCloy, a no-budget yet brilliant film-maker, writer, and director, had no real means to cast Matt Smith in one of his films, maybe, this is a prophecy for him, of sorts. Who can tell?
Two of my oldest friends in life, MLE and Corinne (or Bikini Girl as some know her, or Rinnie as I do) were present as extras or some such. For some reason, a bunch of us were standing in a circle passing around a bowl full of liquid chocolate. My dear friend, Corinne, arranged it so that same bowl would somehow be randomly dumped all over my head, not as a prank but as she and MLE explained in shrill whispers, "so that the boys would have to lick it off of you and when it got to Matt, you could make your move!"
Thanks, girls! And, yes, eventually Matt and I did get erotic, a fantasy that has basically over-taken all of my waking moments since (I basically can't think straight).
So, what is the meaning of all this? Well, I'm glad you asked.
It's healing from my past which caused a break-up and a latent mistrust of girl-friends everywhere. I no longer have to fear that every female person I meet is an instant "frenemy." In both these dreams, both sets of girls were doing something to help me overcome these fears in either protecting me from an abusive man, albeit violently, or as in the latter dream, helping me to achieve my dreams, symbolized by my bedding Matt Smith. (Yes Please!)
Now, I can finally say I have forgiven the past friends of the female variety who have caused this rift and insecurity and embrace the new powerful force of the feminine relationships I do have.
To celebrate this, I leave you with this song:
But, I'm here to tell you that it has weight and really does make a difference. Because, I've had dreams of significant import that have either pointed me in the direction I need to go, answered the questions needed for the next step in my life-focus, and brought an enormous amount of healing to my long-standing anxieties.
The first dream was that I was visiting my two old room-mates, Vanessa and Chloe at our old apartment. For some reason, I was carrying my kitty, Leo, with me. (See: the kitty that is afraid of anyone else but myself and my boyfriend and who never leaves the house so that right there is an oddity.) The town-house apartment we lived in had only two bedrooms, but in the dream there were three, one large and two small surrounding the bathroom. It was in this phantom third bedroom where the stage was set.
Chloe, according to Vanessa, had had a creep of a gentleman caller over awhile back and they had managed to scare him off. But then he came back! Vanessa opened the door but before she did she handed us both two "rogue credit union" pens. (For those of you who don't know, they are differently neon colored pens given out as souvenirs from a local bank.)
Here is an example:
What does this mean? You ask. Stay tuned!
The next night I had a nightmare, of sorts. In the dream, a female friend of both mine and my boyfriend's was trying to seduce him away from me while I sat perched on his lap. It was disturbing me so greatly that I told him so. This prompted a fight between us which brought about our breakup that was somehow all my fault. I woke up sobbing into my pillow which prompted my lovely boyfriend barely awake himself to take me in his arms until I quieted down.
In the bathroom later, I breathed deep and reflected upon this, this dream-like state reflecting my long-existing anxieties and insecurities and it dawned on me: I am not alone in these fears. Unfortunately, it is a common reality among women and girls to be anxious over loss of love and to be competitive with their sisters, as it were. This is where the catty girl-fights spring from, I believe. I released these fears upon realizing this and crawled into bed and drifted into another dream.
I was on a film set, starring in a movie directed by my good friend, Dan McCloy, who had just discovered he had a good friend at the BBC who knew Matt Smith and had called in a favor to get him to star in one of his movies. (I take it Mr. Smith did not have a choice in this matter.) Well, this is how I chose to settle this little matter in the dream when it suddenly dawned on me that Mr. McCloy, a no-budget yet brilliant film-maker, writer, and director, had no real means to cast Matt Smith in one of his films, maybe, this is a prophecy for him, of sorts. Who can tell?
Two of my oldest friends in life, MLE and Corinne (or Bikini Girl as some know her, or Rinnie as I do) were present as extras or some such. For some reason, a bunch of us were standing in a circle passing around a bowl full of liquid chocolate. My dear friend, Corinne, arranged it so that same bowl would somehow be randomly dumped all over my head, not as a prank but as she and MLE explained in shrill whispers, "so that the boys would have to lick it off of you and when it got to Matt, you could make your move!"
Thanks, girls! And, yes, eventually Matt and I did get erotic, a fantasy that has basically over-taken all of my waking moments since (I basically can't think straight).
So, what is the meaning of all this? Well, I'm glad you asked.
It's healing from my past which caused a break-up and a latent mistrust of girl-friends everywhere. I no longer have to fear that every female person I meet is an instant "frenemy." In both these dreams, both sets of girls were doing something to help me overcome these fears in either protecting me from an abusive man, albeit violently, or as in the latter dream, helping me to achieve my dreams, symbolized by my bedding Matt Smith. (Yes Please!)
Now, I can finally say I have forgiven the past friends of the female variety who have caused this rift and insecurity and embrace the new powerful force of the feminine relationships I do have.
To celebrate this, I leave you with this song:
Friday, July 25, 2014
Awakening my Inner Bad-Girl: All About Babs
On the record of me at the local police station, it begins with:
Babs Babcock, 16, teenage runaway...
But that doesn't really explain much, does it? I mean, it really doesn't give any circumstantial details, like why I'm a 'runaway', or any of the other interesting facts about my life and why I am where I am today, the choices I have made.
To start with, my father was pretty much absent, basically took off from my mom's and my life when I was, like, 11. My mother, well, she's a bag of tricks, is she ever. An alcoholic, in her right, to beat out all other alcoholic, dead-beat parents ever. Sometimes, if she's nice, she shares her drinks with me but that's only when the night is good, she's feeling fine, the gambling was successful, the guy forked over the money. Because, you see, as we never have enough money, my mom finds other ways to keep the house and regular expenses afloat and even more so keep her expensive habits active. Basically, her own brand of legal "prostitution" of herself. No matter, I think she enjoys it, which is admirable and probably the one greatest lesson in life she has taught me. Sex, no matter what the situation, can be enjoyable and, in the end, employable. It can bring great gain, I tell you, she has shown me and I have seen from personal experience.
On a whim, because of this, I left home at 14, headed down to, what is affectionately called "Psycho Beach". In order to survive, I have learned to hustle, myself and others, in an ongoing pursuit for survival and success, mainly using my body as a means of financial gain, as it were. And, hey, I really do enjoy it. Its 'nice work if you can get it', let me tell you.
I first met Roxy after I found myself homeless when a guy I shacked with randomly kicked me out, for reasons unknown to me. The Steel Kahuna, they call him, and I was immediately enthralled and obsessed with him at first sight, so that power went to his head and he took me into his bed. Our relationship had to be secret being that I was 14 and he was, well, older. Perhaps, the fact that the police started snooping around our place had something to do with him just up and kicking me out. No matter, I found Roxy. Roxy taught me "the ways of the street". For the first couple of years, I idolized and looked up to her, mimicked her in every way; clothes, hair, ways of talking. But, recently I have been finding some form of confidence in my life-style choices and abilities and now I kind of sort of want to break away, branch off on my own. Maybe, its because I found "Lips", my little minion, someone I can lord power over, at last, and boss around. Lips isn't the smartest but she needs me, how else would she survive let alone have fun, so in that she is faithful. In a sense, she is the sister I never had, and even, not sure I ever wanted. But, there you have it.
I have known the rest of these Psycho Beach people since I was young, since middle school. We all went to the same school, well until I dropped out.
Victoria is a girl I used to make do my home-work and copy off her in tests. I think, at one point, she had a secret crush on me and in exchange for her helping me, I let her go down on me. Once. Only once.
Mary-lou is the popular girl in school and she and I used to be best friends in middle school. We both had a mad crush on Ricky and even at one point Bip, wow, can't imagine why? I started to have some trouble at home, hooked up with The Kahuna, and we just slipped apart. I'm a little jealous of her because of Ricky, my dream-guy and well, actually, my biggest quest for life. Also, he plays a huge part in my secret fantasies, you know, to dominate him and make him mine, all mine, ooh, yeah baby!
The Gerk is just this annoying local guy who thinks he's super hot and smart but isn't. Awhile ago he tried to hook up with me, basically, he kissed me but it was all slobbery tongue so I never let him go any further. I think he still wants me though, which has its benefits, I assure you.
So, that's my life, in a nutshell. You'll have to stay-tuned for more details. I do have a plan that when I die, I'm going to come back as a ghost, walk through walls, and basically scare the shit out of other people.
Babs Babcock is a character from an upcoming film written and directed by Dan McCloy, to be shot locally in Oregon.
https://www.facebook.com/beachblanketfrankenstein/info
Babs Babcock, 16, teenage runaway...
But that doesn't really explain much, does it? I mean, it really doesn't give any circumstantial details, like why I'm a 'runaway', or any of the other interesting facts about my life and why I am where I am today, the choices I have made.
To start with, my father was pretty much absent, basically took off from my mom's and my life when I was, like, 11. My mother, well, she's a bag of tricks, is she ever. An alcoholic, in her right, to beat out all other alcoholic, dead-beat parents ever. Sometimes, if she's nice, she shares her drinks with me but that's only when the night is good, she's feeling fine, the gambling was successful, the guy forked over the money. Because, you see, as we never have enough money, my mom finds other ways to keep the house and regular expenses afloat and even more so keep her expensive habits active. Basically, her own brand of legal "prostitution" of herself. No matter, I think she enjoys it, which is admirable and probably the one greatest lesson in life she has taught me. Sex, no matter what the situation, can be enjoyable and, in the end, employable. It can bring great gain, I tell you, she has shown me and I have seen from personal experience.
On a whim, because of this, I left home at 14, headed down to, what is affectionately called "Psycho Beach". In order to survive, I have learned to hustle, myself and others, in an ongoing pursuit for survival and success, mainly using my body as a means of financial gain, as it were. And, hey, I really do enjoy it. Its 'nice work if you can get it', let me tell you.
I first met Roxy after I found myself homeless when a guy I shacked with randomly kicked me out, for reasons unknown to me. The Steel Kahuna, they call him, and I was immediately enthralled and obsessed with him at first sight, so that power went to his head and he took me into his bed. Our relationship had to be secret being that I was 14 and he was, well, older. Perhaps, the fact that the police started snooping around our place had something to do with him just up and kicking me out. No matter, I found Roxy. Roxy taught me "the ways of the street". For the first couple of years, I idolized and looked up to her, mimicked her in every way; clothes, hair, ways of talking. But, recently I have been finding some form of confidence in my life-style choices and abilities and now I kind of sort of want to break away, branch off on my own. Maybe, its because I found "Lips", my little minion, someone I can lord power over, at last, and boss around. Lips isn't the smartest but she needs me, how else would she survive let alone have fun, so in that she is faithful. In a sense, she is the sister I never had, and even, not sure I ever wanted. But, there you have it.
I have known the rest of these Psycho Beach people since I was young, since middle school. We all went to the same school, well until I dropped out.
Victoria is a girl I used to make do my home-work and copy off her in tests. I think, at one point, she had a secret crush on me and in exchange for her helping me, I let her go down on me. Once. Only once.
Mary-lou is the popular girl in school and she and I used to be best friends in middle school. We both had a mad crush on Ricky and even at one point Bip, wow, can't imagine why? I started to have some trouble at home, hooked up with The Kahuna, and we just slipped apart. I'm a little jealous of her because of Ricky, my dream-guy and well, actually, my biggest quest for life. Also, he plays a huge part in my secret fantasies, you know, to dominate him and make him mine, all mine, ooh, yeah baby!
The Gerk is just this annoying local guy who thinks he's super hot and smart but isn't. Awhile ago he tried to hook up with me, basically, he kissed me but it was all slobbery tongue so I never let him go any further. I think he still wants me though, which has its benefits, I assure you.
So, that's my life, in a nutshell. You'll have to stay-tuned for more details. I do have a plan that when I die, I'm going to come back as a ghost, walk through walls, and basically scare the shit out of other people.
Babs Babcock is a character from an upcoming film written and directed by Dan McCloy, to be shot locally in Oregon.
https://www.facebook.com/beachblanketfrankenstein/info
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