Do You Validate?

 

Try

The advent of social media and the internet has its positives and negatives.  The idea of using it as a valuable resource and tool goes far beyond any previous information gathering available in the past.  Furthermore, the usage of the internet and social media sites makes it a possibility to advance your career in ways unheard of before, such as this blog, per example.  However, there are some negative side effects that perhaps have caused a major setback to human nature.

The need to seek approval, acceptance, and validation from another is not a new thing, but I believe has become increasingly more rampant in today's society due to the immediacy of response available to be found on all social media sites.  With the ability to post your feelings or thoughts and receive instantaneously responses in favor of your need, the ability to self-regulate and care for oneself has come up lacking.  

It appears as if social media sites, such as Facebook and Twitter (to name a few), have become a beacon of connectivity that reduces the amount of inward reflection needed to maintain a soul's optimal health.  

"It's not official if it isn't on Facebook," my friend and I would quip about dating relationships.  And, it seems this is an all too frequent a reality for today's social norm beyond that of romantic partnering.  

All to often, I see posts seeking congratulations on celebrated events, or asking for condolences when in a tragic mood, to be met with a plethora of response required by the one who posted.  In addition, I have often seen posts championing for causes, pro or against, that are currently viral, yet when they are not mainstream events, the posts on such causes are unseen.  I'm not saying that such posts are inherently bad, because I see the value in the new "community" found within the framework of social media.  But, I do believe that one's inner necessity for what I have coined "social media validation" has gone too far, in that, partakers of these sites are losing their abilities to go inward, to seek alternate ways of healing and validation, and are finding the quick fix for their mental and emotional ailments, yet not truly healed. 

I do not mean to offend or slander by posting this.  I admit that I have been an offender of such "social media validation" listed above.  But, I do want to wake all up to the reality that it is not the duty of an outside source to build up our confidence, nor is it possible to do just that.  In the end, reaching out without first looking within and/or seeking professional mental health help will prove insufficient for living one's best life.  Social media validation, I believe, is becoming just as much of an addiction or escape as an alcoholic or drug addict escaping into the bottle or crack pipe.

I know that it does not have to be this way and like I mentioned above, there is some inherent positive to the usage of social media sites if addressed from both the standpoint of a tool in itself, a connecting point but not the final connection between family and friends, so long as the individual partaking in social media comes at this resource with their own healthy mindset in place and the ability to seek validation on their own.  

I don't mean to brag, but this has been a focus of my life this past year.  All too often, I have witnessed my propensity to post a celebration request, a complaint, a sorrow, the nitty gritty details of my "poor me" life, or even asking for a reference for some item or product I am seeking, and instead have chosen daily to actively deter myself from such choice.  In addition to twice monthly therapy, I have begun the process of eliminating my time on social media sites, choosing to spend time in self-help books and journal writing, nature walks, gardening, and so much more.  Because of this, my inner confidence has enabled me to find the validation of which I lacked when I merely looked for it in the external. 

Confident 

I used to hold my freak back

Now I'm letting go

I make my own choice

Bitch, I run this show

So leave the lights on

No, you can't make me behave

So you say I'm complicated

That I must be outta my mind

But you had me underrated

Rated, rated

What's wrong with being, what's wrong with being

What's wrong with being confident?

What's wrong with being, what's wrong with being

What's wrong with being confident?

It's time to get the chains out

Don't take my word for it!  I would love to hear your thoughts on the above.  Comment below and I will respond.  

The Thriving Artist is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, an independent film and media company with other services as well.  Support us at: www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions

Love Your Body

Lexie Richards from Dixie Swim Club at Barnstormers Theatre

On New Years Eve, entering 2019, I held a happy and somewhat quiet little shindig at my home.  One of the activities was to design vision boards for the year to come.  On mine, I placed a magazine cut out of a woman's large breasts wearing a lacy bra. No, this wasn't because I was wanting to dabble in any sort of homosexuality leanings, not that there is anything wrong with that, I just don't swing that way.  But, no it was because I was asking the Universe, God, what have you, to bring into my life all that is needed for a breast reduction.  I was ready to do what it took to reduce the balls of flesh hanging from my thin frame.

The thing is, in order to get the procedure covered, you have to prove that its a physical health concern.  And, in some ways, it is, I think. I mean, I do have back pain issues and find it increasingly harder to wear a bra for a considerable amount of time and have to frequently look for new bras as the chest size keeps enlarging itself, although the rest of me appears to lose weight.

Then, in late February of this year, something amazing happened. I got cast in a play that will forever live in my heart, for the character I played (see above photo), the other characters, the bond I formed with the actresses whose stage I shared, the director and crew, and the story-line.  It was at my beloved Barnstormers' Theatre in Grants Pass, Oregon and to date my most beloved role on that stage yet.  The character, Lexie Richards, is a devoted friend to her college swim-mates yet can appear a bit vain, as she continually seeks to stem off the tide of aging by increasingly going under the knife; anything from plastic surgery, breast implants, and buttocks implants.  To this, I joked with my cast and crew, I, the actress, am wanting a breast reduction.  They laughed with me.

But, Lexie, among a myriad of other realities this year, helped heal and transform my views on my body in an unique and powerful way.  Lexie was proud of what she could do to improve her body, yet she was not lacking in intelligence, commonsense, or compassion.  She was a steadfast and loyal confident and companion to each of her four sisters.  She was capable enough to weather many a divorce and to hold a successful business.  In short, she was no ditz.

I took that into my being, as I do any character who truly I become one with, as I continued on in the year.  In my mind, I was still wanting that breast reduction.

But there was a shift in my understanding that affected my desire for the reduction.  I realized I, myself, was hating on my body by wanting this reduction.  I realized that there were still some hold over feelings of disgust from the years of abuse from the church, who basically preached rape culture in that if a guy looks at me lustfully, well, its my fault, and so much more. 

This, and developing feelings for an old flame, led me to a deeper and deeper appreciation of my body as it was given to me.  I have joked with friends that I got my body from my Grandma (who died this last winter).  She, too, was of the top-heavy sort, large breasts, thin every where else, the Barbie Doll Body Variety!  My mother confided in me once that Grandma always had wanted a breast reduction, like me.

But perhaps there is a deeper lesson to learn, one that my dear grandmother Margaret, never was truly able to comprehend.  My large breasts and "Barbie" doll body do not reflect anything negative about me.  My body, this skin suit, that carries all my inner organs about with me, is part of me and always has been.  I can be truly proud as the years have progressed, that I still look as healthy, perky, and, to be blunt, sexy as I do.  This doesn't mean I'm easy or stupid, its just who I am.

For that, I am grateful.  Do I want or need the breast reduction? Time will foretell, but for now, I am growing increasingly more content with who I am and how I look.

Try

You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to, give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing

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My thoughts Included

As I come to the conclusion of the series of interviews and articles based on the stories of my now sisters, I think it pertinent that I share my own story and understanding of why I choose fine art modeling and photography as a main source of revenue as well as to reflect upon the influences of what I have gleaned from the previous week's entries by the art models, dancers, and such that willingly allowed me to share their stories.

For starters, I began my life as an art model roughly in about 2012, but it was a rocky start.  I wasn't sure why I really wanted to try art modeling, other than that I needed a means of making some money.  Additionally, I had a friend in college that had done art modeling and I had always been inwardly envious that she could do such a thing.  Also, I had a husband that as well as being verbally and emotionally abusive, he manipulated me in ways that made my choices about him, whether positive or negative.  So, my choice of becoming an art model somehow reflected on his influence on me to express myself as a woman...in short, it led back to him, although while his tirades enveloped me in an increasing lack of my own self worth.  He looked good on the outside, I felt devalued on the inside.  Not a good relationship foundation, am I right?

Yes, it was a rocky start.  My first ever time way back in modeling, I felt so nervous and exposed, found sitting still for a prolonged amount of time painful and harder than I had imagined, kept having those reflective itches that I had to scratch so thus kept moving making it difficult for the artists' to focus...I wasn't asked back for the second modeling opportunity that year.  I was devastated but I told myself, despite my debilitating self worth, that I wouldn't give up.  I had found my calling and purpose in life as an actor and art modeling was an extension of that.  But it was a seemingly uphill battle during those early days with the effects of an abusive husband constantly in my life, dragging me downward both physically and emotionally.

Once I had kicked the jerk out and yet despite the heartbreak felt a renewal and strength emerging plus a clarity of thought, I decided to try again at art modeling.  Awhile back, after a clothed modeling gig of which I had walked away with 30 dollars after only sitting for an hour an a half, I said to myself, "If I could do this on a regular basis, it would be the best lucrative job ever."  (Well, one of the best I believe now!)  I have found in my life since the great awakening of my soul, reflected in kicking the ex out and so much more, that thoughts inspire action.  The very ability to get in touch with my inner desires through a spoken thought leads to the intention to pursue that and eventually make that a reality.  As the tagline of this blog reads, "What You Visualize Becomes Your Reality".

So, I was fortunate to get an ongoing gig starting in 2014 working for the local community college 3 to 4 hours a day, twice a week.  It became a substantial part of my income and a regular source of revenue that afforded me that sigh of relief to know that it was reliable.  Beyond that, I found a deeper love for and appreciation for the work, that I would never have dreamt possible.  To start with, although I model for local studios, I work primarily for the colleges.  It feels very empowering to be of service to the students' learning process.  Even more so, being nude in front of strangers has become less and less fearful but more and more comfortable.  In addition, to the years of healing and self growth awareness I have undertaken, modeling helped me develop an appreciation for myself, to learn to love myself, and, in short, to truly feel comfortable in my own skin as well.  In fact, I would go so far as to say that modeling has been a huge factor in my healing and ability to grow and love myself.

I have recently now started doing art model photography, an area that I was very leery of, however, in these early stages, I am learning that mostly photographers are not, NOT, the creepy guy just wanting to take photos of naked girls to masturbate to as well as to possibly take advantage of, but rather are the same as the artists' that I model for in the figure drawing classes.  They are, in fact, artists' with a unique vision that can be expressed through photography.  That helps me take the bold steps into this new artistic venture.

In addition, modeling has enhanced my ability as an actor and artist.  As Rosalind Russell once said,

I have come to truly believe that in my art abilities as a whole.  Being able to be fully exposed physically helps me to fully expose myself in other ways, allowing myself a full transparency, openness, and willingness in all my interactions, both onstage, on film, or throughout life, for the business of life requires an artist's mind to truly exist.  As my one of my interview guests, Burlesque Dancer, Darby McCue joked, "Art modeling is the least sexual of all of these jobs yet shows the most nudity."  And, that is an actual fact.  I have never once felt sexually objectified or taken advantage of from an artist whether figure or photography as an art model.  Furthermore, in the art classes at the colleges, I feel very safe and supported by the teachers', who after years of working with them, I can truly call more than colleagues, but friends.

Despite my own personal growth and healing coming forth from art modeling, I have experienced some backlash, mostly stemming from a misunderstanding about what it is I, in fact, do.  Most people believe art modeling to be an aspect of sex work and thus see my work as such.  Ultimately, these individuals are not truly comfortable and at peace with their own bodies and sexuality.  For this, I can relate as I was once where they are.  In my past, in addition to being dealt the diagnosis of bipolar, I struggled with a variety of body issues, such as body dysmorphia and anorexia nervosa, stemming from an overall inability to see myself as worthy of love and thus to truly love myself.  So, this misunderstanding or judgment on their part does not deter me from being proud of my career choice, working in a variety of ways as an art model, but truly inspires me to continue, not just merely for myself, but to impact change in a society that views nudity as shameful and wrong.

Now, as I conclude this subject, I take a pause to reflect on the deeper appreciation and understanding I have gained from those individuals that have shared their stories with me.  Some of them, the art models, I understood, others were mystifying to me and I admit, I had some sense of discomfort and misunderstanding of their profession.  Because of their willingness to share and openness to be honest, I no longer hold those beliefs.  Even more than a deeper love for each of those that shared, I have a new desire to understand and even to try my hand at some of these professions.  (Can you see me as a burlesque dancer?)

So, to finalize, I want to thank each of those that shared their stories and offer my heartfelt gratitude for the time they took to do so, as well as to feel honored that I have a new sense of appreciation for them and a deeper friendship with each of them.

For them and for the readers of these articles, I express the hope that our society will advance by becoming more willing to embrace body positivity as a life-style, and not feel shame for who you are and how you look.  With them, I share the belief that society can and will change to become more embracing of nudity as art, and even more so, help to enhance the freedom and healing that so many need.

That said, I dedicate this song to those that shared their stories, my dear friends, and to you, the reader:

Try by Colbie Caillat

You don't have to try so hard

You don't have to, give it all away

You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up

You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try so hard

You don't have to bend until you break

You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up

You don't have to change a single thing