Chapter Eleven: Then & Now
I met him my second year at the
community college. I had just turned twenty, he was somewhere in the
upper forties range. I had enrolled in an acting class again, as
encouraged by a close high school friend who said I was always pretty
good at that acting thing. He was the teacher.
On the first day of class, I felt a
pull towards him. But, I have always had a close relationship with
teachers, male and female, since high school so I didn't think much about it at the time. I've also always been
an affectionate person, running and jumping on friends and
acquaintances, old and new, wrapping my arms around them in huge
tight hugs. At that time, I was still, for all intents and purposes,
a virgin. I'd had some awkward attempts at sex, where at least my
hymen was broken if not previously by tampons, but nothing to show I
knew what it was all about or how it was done. I'd had orgasms but
not in the full penetration. In short, at that time, I was not all
that experienced in the art of sexuality.
That all changed with Joe. He was the
first to begin my sexual discovery, the one who put me on the path
towards my freedom of sexual exploration. For the most part, before
Joe, I was still just a happy-go-lucky kid.
I worked hard in class and when it
ended I was proud of the A+ I had earned, not even realizing what
also was coming. Joe and I kept in touch, loosely, through chatting
online and emails mostly. During finals week, I ran into him on
class and we agreed to “hook up” (his words) for lunch that
Saturday in celebration of a term well done.
I remember the weather that December
was icy and clear, not a cloud in the sky. Plenty of hugs and
cuddling were passed around in order to stay warm. Hugging Joe, I
felt eclipsed in a blanket of “yellow”, as if in that moment I
disappeared from time to another life apart.
We met that cold December outside the
theatre building and headed towards his car, making our way to his
favorite Chinese place. He described it as “All You Can &
Eat”, and I responded with, “Like me!”
(Little comprehending the sexual
context of which I was referring.)
At the restaurant, we joked over our
hot tea, miso soup, and fried rice about many things such as cheap
knock off Chinese décor to favorite TV show jokes. Blinded by my
infatuation, I was still naive enough to believe that this was just
the casual teacher-student friendship.
After lunch, we drove up to the
look-out over the town, a favorite spot I had often gone to with
friends in high school a few years back. A place to drink, smoke
pot, and, yes, make-out. We sat side by side looking out over the
windswept city. I shivered and leaned against him. He put his arm
around me, then kissed my ear and made his way down my neck. I
allowed this, succumbing to the sheer pleasure of it.
Next his hand was inside my jeans,
trailing down to my vagina and fingering my clit. We quickly made
our way back to the car and down the hill to a local motel, where we
completed the act. And, it has to be stated, I experienced my first
real act of sex. I was still naive enough to believe that it was
love-making or something akin to that. I still wanted to believe
that he really cared, that this was more than the casual romp, that
we were meant to be together. We spent the next half a year playing
with each other at various motels when we could find the time or he
could get away. We never mentioned the obvious, the family he had at
home, basically, his wife. I never wanted to admit allowed that I
was, indeed, the other woman. But I was.
I went off to Portland that following
fall. We maintained loose communication through emails and what not
again, but soon that faded away. I was heartbroken over the loss and
quickly rebounded into a bad relationship, one of emotional control
and abuse. After that, I finally fell in love with a man to troubled
to open himself to me. I explored my sexuality as well, hopping into
bed with both men and women. I was experiencing my own sexual
revolution.
Upon graduating college, I spent a year
in Portland, trying to figure out the next step, until the money ran
out or the inspiration ran dry and I came back home to the parents'
to try to figure things out. That brings me to current affairs.
Now, here I am, in a profession I never
dreamed of, but was always curious about and to be honest loving it
completely. There is now just this confusion over Joe once again. I
knew now I couldn't really play the victim card or say somehow I
wasn't guilty of playing around, not only was I a call-girl but I was
actually falling for Riley. So, what of this thing with Joe? How
could I define what we were doing together? Was it now just a mere
business partnership or was there at least some form of caring on his
part? I knew, without a doubt, I cared. I also knew that if I had
thought I had forgotten him those years previous, in fact I hadn't.
I'd never stopped remembering, never stop wondering about him, never
stopped caring. So, what was this connection we had, a sort of
fairy-tale? Were we two souls who had known each other in a past life
reuniting in this one? If then, would there be more life-times ahead
for us together or was this the last one? Would we finally achieve
and learn what our souls required of each other?
I pondered all of this as I prepared
for my evening with the Mr. Ken Payne.
I entered the Motel 6 parking lot an
hour later and parked my car. Slowly I got out and headed towards
the room I had been told to go to, trying to block out any intrusive
thoughts about either of these men.
Upon entering the room, Ken came
forward, already undressed and wearing only large white boxers. His
belly, round and soft, was the most prominent feature of not just him
but the room. He attempted to kiss me but I backed away, holding out
my hand.
“First things first,” I said,
teasingly. He handed me an envelope. Taking it, I slipped it into
my purse.
“Um, Joe allowed me a slight
discount,” he informed me. I cocked my head curiously. “Um,
800, you know, 200 off.”
“All right,” I said, hiding any
sense of regret. I set my purse down and moved towards him.
Wrapping myself around him, we began kissing passionately. After
awhile, I pulled away and walked to the TV set. I flipped through
until I found a classical music channel and let Beethoven fill the
room, not just a form of ambiance but a distraction nonetheless. I
walked over to the bag I had brought with me and pulled out a chilled
bottle of champagne. I undressed slowly, revealing under my long tan
coat, my complete nakedness. Laying down seductively on the bed, I
handed him the bottle of champagne.
“Open it,” I smiled. He took it
and let the cork pop out, the contents shooting forth and I quickly
moved to let it fall atop me. Beethoven's music began its assent to
crescendo. I pulled him down atop me and let him begin licking the
liquid off my taut breasts and nubile skin. As he continued the
course down, I stared up at the ceiling counting the various markings
above me.
Later as I rode atop him, I barely
noticed as his fat rolled quickly with every thrust as I was
distracted by thoughts of Riley, surprisingly. Last night, his
innocent tenderness as he touched and kissed me was a welcome
difference to my usual experiences. I realized with a pang of
remorse that he had no idea what my real job was, where I was
tonight, and wondered how long I could keep up this charade. Looking
down, I realized this was not only my client but Riley's teacher.
How's that for teacher-student relationship or was connection a
better word?
After I felt Ken climax, I gently
slipped off of him, kissed him, then seductively danced around him,
redressing into a velvety black dress I'd brought with me for this
very reason. Pulling on my coat back on, I picked up my purse and
bag, blew him a kiss good-bye and until we meet again, and headed out
into the inky, chilly night.
Quietly, I made my way through town,
preferring the jumble of my thoughts to the confusion of the radio
music. I got out of my car, I made my way towards my apartment
building.
Standing in the front of the entrance,
barely visible through the darkness, I saw a man. He cleared his
voice and said,
“Hi.”
It was Joe. I shivered, not from the
cold and responded,
“What are you doing here?” I was
not sure what to say.
He walked over to me and looked down at
me.
“Are you okay?”
I gulped and looked away, fighting to
hide my tears.
“Yeah, yeah, of course.” He
touched my chin gently and moved my head to face him, I lowered my
gaze.
“What's up?” he asked finally.
“I saw,” was all I could say.
“What did you see?” he asked after
a moment.
“You were with...a student,” I
said, with a pained sigh.
“So?” then he realized, “Oh,
Kimberly.”
“Yes, Kimberly,” I said looking up
at him, my eyes dull.
“Does she matter?” he asked.
“Does she to you?” I fired back.
“Well, she's my student so...anything
else would be unethical, I mean, even for me.”
I took this in for a moment and
realized the truth, nothing, as yet, had happened. Finally, I got
the courage up and said,
“We never really talk about it.”
“About what?”
“Us,” I continued. “We always
skirt around it...the truth.”
His fingers traced my cheek and I
closed my eyes with his touch. He stroked my hair.
“Oh, Anna,” he said at last.
“Princess,” he then said, sighing.
“Princess?”
“That's what you are to me,” he
said, looking down at me, his gaze meeting mine fully. “To others
a duchess, to me a princess, does anything else matter?”
“I'm not sure,” I said honestly.
“No one else is that, no one,” he
moved his hand towards my cheek again, tracing his finger over my
face. “Are you happy with me?”
I looked him over then into his eyes
and realized.
“Yes,” I said in barely an audible
whisper. “Oh yes.”
“We have each other then,” he said,
also in a whisper.
“For how long?” I questioned, my
lip quivering.
After a moment, he looked at me,
cupping my face and said,
“As long as we need too.”
That satisfied my desire. I leaned
into him and he embraced me. The cool breeze and the sounds of the
late town night faded away as we were lost in the trance of yellow,
the warmth of each other.
