In search of home

On the way over there, Justin was all jokes.  He asked first if a 'car' was all he was good for, my response, 'nearly."  Then, when we drove down the lane towards my parents' house, I noticed my mum's famous rose bushes, how proud she is of those.  Justin said,  "Ha! You said, "bushes!" Oh, such an adult he is!

But later as we were getting out of the car, I commented on how strange it is to come back here, as if coming back to another life, even.  I feel distant as if I'm not really a part of it,  do you know what I mean?

Justin tried to make me feel better by saying that I had moved to the big bad city of London, got a job in a shop, became a 'grown up', (his italics, not mine), and that was why.

But its more than that.  I never know what to say to them, my parents. I don't exactly feel as if I'm at all like them.

Justin, of course, explained that that happens to us all, as we grow up, move on from our childhood home. and that others are just not as vocal about their thoughts on their parents as I am, ie youtube vlogs and all that.

But, its not just my parents, its everything in this life I lead here, on earth, that doesn't make sense. And, do you know, these dreams I've been having, they make sense. A lot of sense. Do you know what I mean?
Maybe someone out there does. I think I found him.

When we got into my old "bedroom", I wasn't sure exactly what to look for but Justin and I started sorting through old childhood memories of Jane.  The girl I'm supposed to be, the girl I was.

I just knew when I found whatever it was I would know, knew without a doubt that it was there.

All those "artifacts" I was going through seemed strange.  Artifacts?  Of my life, supposedly.
Pictures of little Jane playing football, I didn't know I played, or rather have no real memory of that.

As we were going through the boxes, I asked Justin what his take was on all this.  He then brought up something of vast interest to me.  I noted that everything before now seems a complete blank, and then I'm filled with these new thoughts, as if my brain is being pumped with images of a certain life here on earth.

That's when Justin brought up the accident.

The accident, I was stunned.

It must be almost two years ago, March it will be two years exactly,  he said.  He explained that I was making my way home from university there was an accident of sorts on the metro.  I gather I hit my head pretty bad in the collision.  I guess I was in hospital for quite awhile. And that's how we met. Justin was working there at the time, cafeteria duty.  That I can kind of remember, just not why I was there.  I guess that's when you started having these flashbacks.

I remember meeting Justin.  I recall feeling he was safe and nice to talk to, to hang around with.  I also felt that my meeting him, his coming into my life, was somehow planned from before.


And then, there it was.  

(I took this picture, that's Justin's hand.)

 I think I found what I've been looking for.  From my dreams.