My visit to see the Doctor.

When I finally made it to his office, he greeted me as such:

"Hello Jane, I'm the doctor."

I was so taken aback, I must admit, I answered something so stupid like:  "The Doctor? I've found you...at last."

He just smiled, a knowing smile, and asked me to make myself comfortable.  We began the session as normal. I tried to record on my mobile but he quickly discovered that and made me shut it off.  I'll do my best to recount the events as best I can here.

I told him all about my dreams and how confusing they are to me, how I feel lost, unsure of who I am, really.  He just listened and nodded the best he can.  It was at that moment that I blurted out:

"So, you ARE the doctor?"

He seemed a bit taken aback by that statement but just asked me to continue. I really had to know, to confirm whether he was indeed the right man for the job, before going on.  He then confirmed in a roundabout fashion that he was, indeed, the doctor.  To which I quickly responded that I would like only to see him from now on, that I had heard so many fantastic things.  This appeared to confuse him momentarily.  I told him of the research I had found on him on the Internet, did not mention Mr. E at this time.

I told him how you have to really dig for information, about the secret documents on all his travels, in your blue box? At the mention of this blue box, he appeared to remember and smiled with fondness what he referred to 'as those times'.

I then told him how I feel at times that my dreams are my way of remembering my travels with him.  As if I too had been to all or most of those places, with him or by myself.  But how its almost as if I could not recall completely or even how or why I felt this way,  that something had blocked my memory, that secret part of myself I could somehow not access.  I then begged him to help me recall and it was just at that moment I noticed something upon his desk, something that brought all my senses and awareness to full alert.

His initials was "J. Smith".  I asked him about this, what the J stood for.  He informed me quickly that it was John.  "John Smith?" I asked.  "The Doctor? John Smith?"  He nodded and smiled, knowingly, I thought.

I then remarked quite pointedly that his moniker was quite similar to mine, only that our last names were spelled a little differently.  He remarked that he had noticed this too.  I asked him what he thought about this and he said he had some...thoughts.

When I asked him questions about his background directly, he stammered as if searching for the answers.  Such as, saying he studied at Oxford, but taking a moment as if to recall the correct name of the University.  How odd!

But when I caught him on this he pointed out yet again that all information about him could be found on the Internet.  Right, then.  Would he help me find the answers I sought?

And, this was the strangest part.  When we were deciding upon our next appointment, he nearly responded with "I'll see you then, R....Jane."  And then a sad look spread across his face.

R? Almost as if he was going to call me a name starting with R.  But more than that, as if he the name he almost mentioned was very very familiar to him, more than Jane and more than anything about him.  R? What could that be? Rose? Ruth?

Any thoughts?