Lots of Gratitude on Thanksgiving 2014

As I sit here, sipping my coffee, just waking up, my mind tries to wrap itself around just how much I have to be thankful for...

I can't help letting my mind go back to two years previous, when I was married...life was overwhelming stressful at the time, and when the holiday came, I was home with a husband who slept the day away on the couch while I (ever one to try & make holidays majorly celebratory) attempted to cook the whole meal...

Days leading up to this, I had been going from work to rehearsal to home where I would be either yelled at for something I didn't do or given the silent treatment..And now, on Thanksgiving, the only other person in the room besides me slept on the couch, without offering to help...while in California, at my parents' house, a huge family gathering was taking place and I was more alone than I had ever been....

That feeling of loneliness & despair is something I am very grateful to not have any longer. Now, I have much to be thankful for:

1.) Michael, my life partner, boyfriend, best friend who 'gets me', makes me laugh, loves me, loves being around me, enjoys the same things as me, listens to me, appreciates me....I am really glad this isn't a fling!

2.) my cats, one of which snuggled with me this morning with my arm around him, and the other of which is snuggling down on my chest at present, making it rather difficult to type...however, for that I am thankful, if I didn't have it, well life would be a little less beautiful

3.) My family, both blood-related & extended

4.) My wonderful friends, so many to name, for the past friends who are still with me, thank you for being there & believing in me throughout all these crazy years, for the present friends, thank you for your presence in my life, you encourage me to grow & follow my heart & dreams in many ways daily, make me laugh a lot, & I look forward to many many years to come

5.) I am thankful that I am living the "real life", the life I had always dreamed of, hoped for, but never really thought existed....

6.) For my freedom in so many many ways....

7.) For my ever-growing spiritual growth, that deepens & guides me no matter how diligent I am

8.) That I am finally paying off long-standing debt & moving forward with financial freedom independence

9.) That I am finally able to focus on my true calling & "career path" and I foresee fruitfulness both financially & spiritually in this area in days to come

Vision 2014

Every year, and in fact with every opening of a show, I draw an angel card.  You know the ones that have a particular spiritual based word that is supposed to show a little of your purpose for the upcoming day, month, year, etc.  This last year for 2013 I drew creativity and what a year of an abundance of creativity it was; four plays, three films (small parts but you got to start somewhere), a radio play (which we need to redo), acting lessons, personal and community voice lessons, a ton of play readings, and my debut as a vocal coach.  This past month, I drew vision, which was particularly poignant as the last show I did, Light Sensitive, was about a blind guy (played by that  Michael guy I'm in love with).  The word, vision, got me thinking of what my goals would be for 2014 and more or less what 2014 would be like, and hoping beyond hope that it would be more amazing than 2013 proved to be.

Now, I always take the idea of New Years' resolutions with a grain of salt, as I think the rest of us are prone to do, however, like all of us, I do find myself getting a little introspective about the year that has passed and thoughtful in pondering the year to come (without trying to make too many promises or overly ambitious goals for myself).  More so, I am more reflective on the intensity of 2013 for its great losses and great gains.  For what I have learned, with great loss comes even greater gain.  For starters, this year I have been blessed with finally coming into my true calling as an actress and even more reinvented myself with the new name.  A rose by any other name would smell as sweet is more true than ever imagined.

Furthermore, I think that the year 2013 can best be summed up with the song, "This is the stuff" by Carolyn Arends.  As Carolyn croons, several lines resonate within me, "love and heartache in between", "friends to keep you up all night laughing till you cry", and "dreams to dream, plans to make", those and more naturally reflect what that year became and how it will be remembered.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4q9PE8Qy8Ko

So, what is my "vision" for 2014?  Well, for starters, some are great, some are small.  Some seem more attainable than others but all at this point in the game all are dreams to be fulfilled, such as to continue in theatre & film, become a better singer, get one of my plays produced in some fashion at last, become debt free, save money, and travel more.  All attainable, hopefully yes.  Will they be? Who knows but the point is only to hope and to never give up dreaming, while still taking life one day at a time.  At the end of it all, I may not have achieved all that I set out to do but what I did will probably be even more than I can imagine, and really, isn't that how it always is?

At the most, I dream this new year will bless me with more love, more laughter, more light, a few tears, but many friends and loved ones with whom to share my days, dreams, and hopes.