2023 A Retrospective #lookingbackissteppingforward #healing #release

 

Lisa Thiel - Invocation

I call upon Powers of East and Air 

and all of the energies pure and fair 

Powers of wisdom and clarity, 

Powers of the winged ones and of Faerie 

Powers of thought and of the mind,

 ideas that inspire human kind 

Power of hope and the eternal dawn, 

Power to begin anew and continue on 

Powers of the Air, be with us this night, 

bring your blessing to this Rite

As I sit here typing in the dying embers of the year 2023, another year of life slipping away, to birth the new freshness of what comes next, I find myself meditative as I ponder the extent of all that was encapsulated in this year.  As New Year's Eve approaches, I always become less festive than the other 'winter holidays', more inward focused and self-reflective.  And, this year has been one for the books, I tell you, so much having occurred within and without, that I scarcely can believe that its been only a mere 12 months.  With all that I personally have packed in, added to that the immensity of craziness the outside world seems to constantly erupt, this year, similar to other recent years, feels as if a multitude of twelve month span happened.  

Personally, it's been a year of expansive healing, finally feeling the real fullness of release and letting go, through my artistic endeavors seeping into relationship.  Starting with the film project, I AM FINE, where I shared the story of a young man's struggle with his sexuality amidst a controlling religion, tied into my own personal demons with religious trauma.  Time connecting deeply with the actors on set and off allowed me to begin to find the strength to stand up, speak out, and be heard, for myself as well as for those unable.  This led to deepening relationship with other religious trauma survivors of my denomination's ilk and reuniting with another.  Finally, I bravely penned a letter to a religious leader whose words and actions poisoned my path towards healing. 

This was the beginnings of unraveling the toxicity of mistrust in relationships, of wanting to flee to the assumed safety of my home, living like it was still 'lockdown' somewhere.  But, the inkling of connectivity in those early days of the years coupled with the reality of now several years in therapy and my recovery, I began to open up a little, to trust, to explore relationships, specifically what pure and healthy interactions look and feel like, in contrast to what I had experienced.  It became easier and easier to walk away, to pull up the weeds of the toxic, and see the roses of healthy connections bloom.  

From a small ragtag group of friends who once again awakened in me the crazy night-time shenanigans to be had in Ashland to joining a 12 step group to at last begin my healing of my relationship addiction, my understanding of real and healthy relationship continues to deepen and awaken my self worth.

Creativity continues to be the utmost balm of healing and release, stories told as an unraveling of self-discovery, making meaning out of madness and pain, in order to fully release and step forward. I continued with my "Journaling Through The Years" vlog series, started in 2020, where I read an entry from my journals I have written in throughout every phase of my life, commenting on and sharing with as much authenticity as possible.  Diving deep within the pages of my life has afforded me the grace to understand myself, to recognize the love that was always with me even when unable to see, and has helped me further in understanding and forgiving not merely myself but those I care for deeply.

Journaling Through The Years

I have continued to deepen my view of self as an artist, branching out from 'actor' to work behind the camera as director, cinematographer, graphic artist.  Moreover, I have continued to delve into the fine arts both as painter and drawer and in my happily chosen profession as an 'art model'.  As I hungrily digest story after story of real-life art models down through the ages, listen hard to the discussions of the craft of fine art while in classes modeling, I find myself diving deeper into an appreciation for my profession, the history of it, and its value for my own life as an evolving and thriving artist. 

My understanding of the craft of acting has deepened as well with my intense study of acting teachers from Stanislavsky on up.  These studies are part of my awakening abilities as entrepreneur, with the building of the lesson plans for my courses, "Acting For Everyone" and "How To Be A Life Model", with other courses to come.  However, the gift I was unaware of as I began was that myself as an actor and artist has deepened and broadened.

Through all this, I have learned the value of mindfulness in daily life, not always having to get down on a mat in weird 'twister-like' positions, but simply to take in each moment with a child-like awareness.  Blessed experiences of life are found in the simple, need not be manufactured or planned, if only to be open oneself to all that surrounds, peering at the beauty of a piece of the inside of a tree bark, black birds perched in an empty tree, the beautiful eye contact with a dear kindred spirit, laughter, deep hugs, truly listening, deep conversations, good food.  

This is what I take with me into 2024, not the list of 'resolutions' to do better, but the simple moment of awakening each day, to try and not give up, to believe in the journey, not the destination, continuing those on my long-held intentions, those that I have achieved live within as promises that others will come to fruition, but knowing that it is not in my power to decree when, but merely to rest in the small and large steps.  After all, " The Journey Of A Thousand Miles Begins With A Single Step."

And that, dear one, is the secret to 2024, to each day, week, month, year that comes, one single step follows another.  

Always remember, as I say in my "Journal" vlog series,

You matter, Your life matters, You are loved, & You Are Worthy Of Love.  

And, my ultimate wish for you in the new year and always is, to

Love Your Thrive & Find Your Sunshine

Join us Sunday, December 31st as we look back on Cafe-Girl Thriving Artists, LLC 2023 Year: 

 Cafe-Girl Thriving Artists, LLC 2023 Memory Reel #lookingback #steppingforward #heal #thrive

Purity Culture Survivor to Life Model Thriver #exvangelical #exfundie #purityculture #artmodel

 

First, I find it important to express that the society of the United States has long been one governed by a patriarchal and even a puritanical worldview, stemming from the country's origins and history.  It is a battle continuously fought against this day by feminist and allies alike.  However, this underlying theme has influenced one of the most popular of world religions to manifest in ways, although on the surface seem positive, hold a controlling element of demeaning toxicity.  I speak that of the Fundamentalist Christian or Mainstream Christian Right's emphasis on 'purity' in all things, such as modesty in clothing and attire, guarding one's virginity towards marriage, and remaining pure in one's overall conduct so as to be 'above reproach'.  

Although a long held belief by Christian Extremists, the Purity Culture truly took root and began to flourish in the 1990s.  With the backdrop of the AIDs epidemic, Christian leaders and parents saw that as an opportunity to sharply condemn sex outside of marriage as a reasoning for the reality of sin's destruction.  As I type, I find myself wanting to share something positive about the overall Purity Culture, in order to not to seem bias.  Yet, all I can recognize is that the need to protect one's children from the horrors of disease or other outside troubles is at its core understandably noble in its own way.  But, as the years went by, the AIDs epidemic became less of a threat, yet the Purity Culture and the Christian leadership ramped up its vitriolic control, in the guise of love, the effect of which left those taught with an ample supply of body and sexual fear, shame, and guilt.  

And, thus was I.  This is my story.

I wasn't raised Christian, or of any faith, for that matter.  Although in my early years of childhood, I had some belief of 'God', like the cartoons pictured him in a long white bearded dude, in a white gown, floating around in the clouds.  Later on, in high school, I spent summers pouring through books on Buddhism and most notably Wiccan and Paganism.  My pathway towards Christianity was marked with an overall interest in being a seeker of 'something else' coupled with an increasing degree of unresolved pain from lifelong abuse and feelings of neglect.  Constantly seeking outside for some connection, a savior to rescue whether a boyfriend or something else, I found myself falling into the organized religion of Christianity in the brand of my college's town local branch of 'Calvary Chapel'.  On par with my need for outward protection and love, my not good at all college boyfriend dragged me to the church and then proudly proclaimed how he 'led me to the lord' to all we knew.  I don't want to give an overall 'testimony' of the highs and lows of my journey through Calvary's form of Christianity and its effects, I have done so in previous blog entries, but I do feel it of import for this entry to state that as much as I sought outwardly for some rescuer, I pushed all authentic connection far from me out of my own fearful insecurities of letting others into an already damaged heart.

In short, I was ripe for the teachings of the 'purity culture'  and its weaponized usage of the teachings of Jesus.  And, thus it did.  When I became a Christian at age 22, give or take, I had already committed the act of premarital sex a few times, rather, I was not a virgin.  Indeed, the not good at all college boyfriend and I continued to have a sex during the time while he professed outward purity to his Christian friends, in addition to his rampant alcohol and drug abuse, inability to hold a job, manipulation, emotional abuse and control, etc, etc, etc.  Furthermore, my dress was that of what was popular in society at the time for young ladies my age, not over all sexual or immodest, but short shirts, shorts, skirts that showed just the slightest bit of skin or even cleavage and was hitherto seen as scandalous.  I must add, that since the development of puberty my body has always been that of 'Barbie-Doll like', large breasts, no waist, nothing else.  Increasingly, I was taught that my body was a trap for men and boys, that I had to be responsible for their weakness, and that they could  not control themselves.

A few years into this, I attended a Purity Conference with a high/middle school youth group of which I was a counselor.  At one point, the boys were ushered off to another room while the girls and women were lectured by a twentysomething junior pastor about why they should dress modestly, comparing our cleavage to a boy's loose pants signifiying how his butt crack seemingly would be as distracting as our revealing shirts.  We all laughed together as much as I cringe today.  Later, back together, we all bowed in prayer, asking God for help to remain pure for ourselves but mostly for others.  As the years tumbled forth and I became deeper in my mental health woes, my body felt like a weapon against my battle to remain pure, I at fault for every time a man 'stumbled' into sexual sin or lust.  As I progressed I developed body dysmorphia and anorexia, I began dieting and exercising excessively with the attempt to stem off the pain and reduce my body to a size more like a child then a sexual object, for my protection as well as the men of whom I had become a Jezebel.

Added to that, I continuously found myself engaging in relationships with men that were controlling, thus enter my husband, he of the worst of abusive past relationships.  Breaking up with him, kicking him out of my life, was the first brick to crumble away from those that sought to minimize and control.  During my marriage and then increasingly after, I began my long held dream of 'nude modeling'.  It was a dare at first, could I do it?

In the early days of modeling, I faced a bit of a backlash, not just from the former Fundie world I had newly emerged, but from society at large.  Nudity and posing nude in our society at large is likened to 'sex-work', although being an art model is so far removed from anything related to sex that they are all barely in the same category.  The reality that a 'nude' art model whether for fine art or photography is seen as sexual or even scandalous is a mark against this country.  With the Hollywood enforced ideal 'beauty', shame is felt for those who don't measure up, whether realized outward or felt inward, and thus the inability to feel comfortable in one's skin, let alone nude in front of an artist and random assortment of strangers in an art class.  (I ask you, how do you think the women in the paintings you love to view at a museum even got there, did they just come out of the painter's imagination?)

Thus, in the early days of my modeling career alongside my deconstructing from fundamentalist Christianity and the effects of such, I doubled down against those who scandalized and sexualized art modeling.  Buying clothing that were too revealing or sexual, for no other reason, than both that I liked it and that it could be possibly used for this career, the latter having no use for such attire.  Yet, as I continued to work, I began to find joy in hearing how the art is crafted, see the similarity of a fine artist preparation and that of an actor or writer, and along the way I built some special connections and friendships between the students and the teachers.  

Re-entering therapy during the time of quarantine, I began taking the space to heal, to prioritize, and found myself diving deep into my own art therapy journey.  Purchasing all sorts of paints, crafts, brushes, markers, crayons, colored pencils, a sketch book, and canvases, I began playing around with art for my own self.  Additionally, the modeling work began to flourish as my loyalty to the job had paid off in my relationship with the teachers.  Exercising and eating right became not about striving towards some unattainable perfection but more about being able to have stamina and longtivity in holding positions, as well as a myriad of other health benefits.  In class, I began to listen intently to the ways art was taught and think about how I could apply it in my own learning.  I started thinking about past models in history, who where they, and why weren't there any art history classes about models.  This led to a web search wherein a plethora of art models from the 1800s onward came flooding into my life, followed by reading book after book about them and their lives.  

Through all of this, I have realized that in and of itself nudity is not scandalous or sexual and that art is necessary for healing and connection for us all.  My desire to try out 'nude modeling' led me into the career I was meant to occupy, which led to my deepest of healing from the damages of toxic purity culture and society's implied beauty rules to feeling healthy and secure, positive about who I am within and without.

Model I Am #lifemodel #artmodel #actor #thrivingartist

Sitting in a California café in my late twenties, a friend sitting beside me, who had a wee crush on me, made the off-hand commented, "She should be a model." I, jokingly pointed to my face, full of hard acne at the time from Lithium and other psychotropic medicines and side effects from yet undiagnosed celiac disease, "Not with this face!"

Yet, deep underneath the need to detract from the compliment, I held an inner gratitude for the friend's comment.  For throughout my whole life, I had had a desire never yet to be tried for, deeply buried with the hopes of pleasing others whose choices for my life reversed my own journey, to pursue the creative professions such as performance and modeling.  In my earlier twenties, I had tried my hand at pursuing theatre in college only to feel more beaten down by both the rejections of that profession along side the continual abuse of a toxic boyfriend among other negative inputs.  I had watched enviously as friends' modeled au natural for art classes and workshops, inwardly wishing I had the guts to do that while outwardly proclaiming the Christian rhetoric of likening it to the striptease or even pornography. 

  

Finally, in my early married life, struggling to find work with a husband who not only abused me but would disappear into his own mind of psychotic conspiracies, I finally took the stage at a local art gallery for the first time as life model.  Yet not too successfully the first time, I continued forth on that journey, at last scoring a recurring gig as a model for the local university and community college from about 2014 until present day.  This impetus to pursue this profession came on the heels of my auditioning for my first play and successfully being cast, followed by several other voyages into the theatre world.  

Eventually, this actively choosing and carving out my own path led to my freedom from my abusive husband and continual release from other toxic relations.  As I further stepped boldly into being true to myself, healing continued in full force, and the knowledge of success as a place of inner peace became  a mainstay.  

In recent years, during the pause and reset of the lockdown of Covid19, I was able to reflect upon my life, my connections therein, and realize the fullness of what I have achieved without fully acknowledging or realizing my own successful abilities.  From years of personal abuse history, I still found it necessary to downplay and degrade my successes, strengths, and self-worth.  Furthermore, the years of fundamentalist Christianity as well the left over puritanical beliefs still lingering even today upon our society, kept me from fully appreciating my career as life model, that a good portion of my income has come from such source for nearly a decade, and I have become sought after in that way.

Perhaps, all that long ago, my friend's comment was a prophecy, that which, was meant to lead me to my true calling if only I would be obedient to my inner voice and desire.  

 

Unconventional Normalcy

 Maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live

Maybe one of these days you can let the light in

Show me how big your brave is

Lately, my deepest desire is for normalcy, that is, to gather myself finished with my work day in the early evening, have a nice dinner, relax in front of the tv or with a book, and go to bed.  But, in all truth, this change in me was slowly emerging back in the Before Times (pre-covid19) of 2019, when I was gradually becoming increasingly worn out from the culture and rat-race of the local theatre scene and although not admitting it to myself was ready for a change.  I recall saying this to myself and to my friends, "don't you ever just want to be normal?" 

I desired that, partially, yet at the same time I thought there was no way I could be content with that lifestyle.  Yet, in these times post-covid19 (perhaps), I feel a sense of normalcy has descended upon my life and my desires of my heart both personally and professionally have shifted to a slower pace.

Now, when I say I desire the normal day to day, in no way am I am referring to the 9-5 job, yes, this desire comes from a girl who logs online to certain websites for discreet modeling services, works diligently as a fine art model for the local colleges and a variety of art studios as well as a simulated patient at the local nursing college, dashes about town as a dog walker and house-sitter, among a smattering of other employment duties.  

Basically, I'm a ultra busy gig worker and with the onset of the time of Covid-19, I took the time to step back from the rat-race, re-prioritize, look within, heal, became centered, found myself, and thus here I am.  Finally, the gig work is increasingly lucrative as I set and attain my intentions slowly I rise, as it were.  But, albeit the busyness, I have learned the all to valuable lesson to close up shop for the night.  

As I take a pause from the life of a theatre actress, it has opened up new avenues for my creativity to expand.  With that, an increase of my abilities, finances, and overall self worth.

I was made for such a life of 'unconventional normalcy', I see that now.  But it was a long pathway to accept this in myself. 

During the time of Covid19, I took the time of quarantine 2020 and on into 2021, to focus inward on the recovery of my traumatic issues and examine how that has affected who I am, my bipolar diagnosis, and my relationships throughout my life.  It is not super comfortable to look back in time at the ugliness, the times my broken brain believed itself to be correct when it was in error, but one thing assures me with strength is the friends and other close ones who were about me then and many still to this day, a fact that astounds me.  Why, I wonder, am I really that special, worthy of such love unconditional?  I find in myself an embarrassment for how I treated such when in these episodes.

Yes, all of my life I would have these episodes, that I now recognize stem from a dual diagnosis of Bipolar and PTSD, the emotional reactivity of the latter influenced by the mood instability of the former, be it they outbursts of anger, intense sadness bordering on suicidal ideation, or somewhere in between.  In those times, I can recall that my mind honestly believed the thoughts racing through which perpetuated the outward reaction, which now I see the thoughts were that of dysfunction.  The majority of my life I carried within an overwhelming dislike of myself, a running commentary on my unworthiness of love, and an ever diminishing self esteem.  Putting aside the conversation about why this went un-examined for so much of my life until the age of 27, when due to a mental breakdown from the stress of working as a school teacher, I was forced to stop running and face myself.  Therein, was handed to me the first diagnosis correctly given, Bipolar.

Now, I can bemoan this in that I spent a good percentage of my youth in and out of a variety of recovery, trying to conform and increasingly feeling a failure because I couldn't, as well as mournfully comment on the reality that I missed out on that time of life...or I can realize the truth of who I am.

I am unconventional and that is just fine. My purpose here on this planet, I now see, is to be a catalyst of change, to strike against the status quo of social norms, and forge my own path, one that is about increasingly finding security within mental health and wholeness as well as that for others.

And, thus I am, at last, discovering my own version of the good life, more and more, true success is found in the little moments of joy.  The purr of my kitty, Tansy, the thrill of seeing my garden grow and eating the fruits (or veggies) of my effort, the friendship of good and loyal friends who have weathered the storms with me, whose encouragement has never wavered, and are more likened to family of sorts.  

With their strength, I find my own, to step out on my journey full of love and excitement for what shall unfold.

Brave

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love
Or you can start speaking up

Local Art Model Isn't Afraid To Let It Roll!

Maggie Racich is local art model, burlesque dancer, actor, and director, having recently moved here with her partner, Jimmy.  She began her career as an art model in 2011 when, looking for a creative way to make some extra money, she joined a small art group.  As a child, Maggie's mother would chase her about trying continuously to re-dress her daughter as Maggie screamed "Take it off" while removing said items, thus Maggie has always been comfortable with her body and nudity.  As a child, she found a charcoal drawing of her mother's back and was enraptured by it.  Her mother explained that before children she modeled for the local community college.  Maggie loves the aspect of fine art and helping fine artists' improve their skill and birth their visions.  ( A side note: Maggie doesn't believe she is very photogenic, although with the above photo, I beg to differ.)

Following her venture into art modeling, Maggie, along with her partner, dove into burlesque dancing in 2014.  They became involved with a burlesque troupe in Michigan, one that helped empower them to create burlesque art with a circus twist.  She enjoys burlesque dancing because of the aspect of creating an art form that is participatory with both audience and dancer.  She loves the immediate audience connection and that she can be both campy and sincere in her performances.  She also admires the wide variety of talent and creativity involved with the art form of burlesque.  One of the most fascinating aspects, she believes, is finding creative ways through choreography to remove clothing and help the viewing audience feel comfortable with nudity as well as to learn to appreciate their being unclothed and feel empowered within themselves.

As an art model, Maggie loves the aspect of visual arts.  Although she herself is not inclined to that art form, she comes from a family of fine artists so she admires greatly that process.  The most challenging aspect of it, she says, is the physical aspect, finding both an interesting pose for the artist and one that won't injure her.  She believes art modeling enables her to be present with her body as well as to become meditative during the different poses.

Maggie was fortunate to come from a family that encouraged body positivity.  She also is aware that her body is in aligned with the social expectations for beauty, but even so has never really felt uncomfortable with her body image.  Because of this, she has never experienced much backlash from either art modeling or burlesque dancing, but has experienced some social disbelief and confusion from outside sources who see her as braver than them in that they would never be able to perform or model.  She is grateful for such a supportive family and upbringing that gave her such a comfortable sense of self.

However, there have been times of her life, like all of us, where Maggie has had insecurities towards parts of her body, ways that have brought her down and been debilitating to her emotional sense.  She says that at times she can show up to art modeling feeling 'gross and bloated' but throughout the session can become increasingly more comfortable and leave with a reset of a positive body image.
She realizes that in these times of insecurity and anxiety that these body concerns are not necessarily something she can change, so she has learned to love herself for who she is and how she shows up to be daily.

An artist once told Maggie, "Don't be afraid to let it roll" meaning that our imperfections are often the most beautiful facet of ourselves.

Art by Ann DiSalvo 

Beauty From Ashes: An Art Model's Story

"I feel like a phoenix," Beth exclaims with a soft smile.  

Last week I had the privilege to sit down with the actor and model (and many other artistic endeavors and talents), Beth Boulay.   Beth is a graduate from Southern Oregon University with a BFA in Theatre Arts, specifically the performance arts.  She is known for her acting work both on stage and on screen.  In addition to that, she started art modeling 7 years ago, as a means to pick up a couple bucks while in college as well as to express a long felt personal interest in the fine arts.  Working in a workshop for a long-time friend, colleague, and local artist, she was told by said friend that she was 'a natural'.  As she continued forward, she discovered how the modeling aspect became an extension of her work as an actor, especially helpful when not at work in theatre or film.  She found that the acting training, specifically in movement, helped her find the best positions as she collaborated with the artist's creative process.  In addition, she found the experience both meditative and creative herself, as she would often use lines from monologues as means to find the pose, which in turn helped her develop an understanding of the character within the context of the play.

She explains that she has felt minimal backlash from society based on her choice of employment.  Mostly, she faces confusion from both genders, as they aren't completely sure what figure modeling entails. She has found some discomfort trying to explain to potential romantic partners that fine art modeling is in no way a sexual experience. 

Any objectification she has felt has people in the classes do not draw her body as seen, but rather enhance parts of herself to fit social norms.  These, she explains, are usually less experienced artists.  She has felt sometimes disrespected when participants are not cognizant of her time, rather than spend it with the intended purpose of created art, they idle away the time chatting or being social only, which in turn lends itself to their running out of time on a portrait and wanting her to "go over" the allotted time of the class.

In addition, she has encouraged women friends to pursue this line of work themselves.  Women friends find this choice of work to be "something they could never ever do" and see her as "very brave".  She feels herself an advocate for women and men everywhere.  All are welcome, she says.

All are welcome, she says.

Art classes, she explains, are incredibly relaxing environments, where she feels completely at peace with herself and in connection with the artists.  She has found incredible respect, appreciation, and understanding for herself from the artists which has enhanced her overall self confidence and body image.  To explain, when she started  modeling 7 years ago, she found herself at a healthy weight.  But then, she began increasingly gaining weight, up to 25 pounds.  Unlike the outside world, the artists she worked with expressed how beautiful her belly was which helped her appreciate the beauty of herself no matter the weight, shape, or size.  Later, the weight started dropping off at an alarming rate.  As the outside world commended her on this, it was her artist friends that questioned her about this, looking more at her health rather than her body image.  In a very real sense, they saw her for who she is, not how she looks.

Modeling has become a means of healing and emotional awareness, as she can be vulnerable and open with her artist friends.  She has increasingly found the classes to be safe places for her to bring her struggles and find a community to uplift and sit with her through the pain. 

One class in particular occurred after a breakup and as the tears fell down her face, an artist was able to capture the moment in a beautiful truthful fashion.  (That image has been showcased at galleries around the area, been featured on the front page of the paper, and given as a gift from her father to her mother.)

"I feel like a phoenix," Beth exclaims with a soft smile.  

For My Protection

Vagina Diary Day Ten

Hair vs no hair?  That's the debate, rather how do you like your vagina? Why is the hair even there, some admirers of the hairless type would wonder.  Well, take it from a girl who in college had her pussy shaved, by an over-zealous experimental boyfriend, and I tell you,  I know why its there.

So, does the girl from the monologue I'm doing for the Vagina Monologues entitled "Hair."

From my experience, and this girl's, the loss of hair surrounding my nether-region caused massive irritation and discomfort during sexual intercourse and in the day to day moments as my underwear and other clothing chafed against the bare, raw skin.  It took awhile for the pain to heal and, if memory serves me well, no amount of lotions or aloe brought much comfort.  True to this, I have never done it again.

What I learned and so did the girl in the monologue whose name I will call Tiffany (for now anyway), is that the hair naturally grown on our pubic area during the onset of adolescence is there for the very reason of protection.  Sure, its a good thing to keep it clipped, trimmed, and shaved because we all know it can and will get rather bushy down there, (and some girls experiment with just how "manicured" they indeed want it) but the fact of the matter is hair is necessary.

And, more to the point, the vagina is yours.  Its not the boyfriend or partner who gets to decide how its designed.  As I go through life, I have learned that dressing myself daily is not for the approval of others but can and should be for my benefit, comfort, and confidence building.  So, too, my vagina is my vagina to do with as I want.

I happen to work as a professional art model for one of my day-jobs so keeping it trimmed is par for the course, necessary for the job, but its still mine to choose from (just like I choose to lie buck naked and still for a fixed amount of time for some extra spending cash).  That being said, I choose to keep my hair, for protection and comfort and, well, its also mine.

Still, I wouldn't mind trying the vajeweled look (is that the correct terminology?).  The only concern there being is how sturdy are the jewels when applied, or rather how long do they stay, because I don't want to spend a good deal of money only to have them "rub off in the shower" or when my boyfriend and I get "frisky".

However, it is my vagina, my choice and that is the main thing, really.