2023 A Retrospective #lookingbackissteppingforward #healing #release

 

Lisa Thiel - Invocation

I call upon Powers of East and Air 

and all of the energies pure and fair 

Powers of wisdom and clarity, 

Powers of the winged ones and of Faerie 

Powers of thought and of the mind,

 ideas that inspire human kind 

Power of hope and the eternal dawn, 

Power to begin anew and continue on 

Powers of the Air, be with us this night, 

bring your blessing to this Rite

As I sit here typing in the dying embers of the year 2023, another year of life slipping away, to birth the new freshness of what comes next, I find myself meditative as I ponder the extent of all that was encapsulated in this year.  As New Year's Eve approaches, I always become less festive than the other 'winter holidays', more inward focused and self-reflective.  And, this year has been one for the books, I tell you, so much having occurred within and without, that I scarcely can believe that its been only a mere 12 months.  With all that I personally have packed in, added to that the immensity of craziness the outside world seems to constantly erupt, this year, similar to other recent years, feels as if a multitude of twelve month span happened.  

Personally, it's been a year of expansive healing, finally feeling the real fullness of release and letting go, through my artistic endeavors seeping into relationship.  Starting with the film project, I AM FINE, where I shared the story of a young man's struggle with his sexuality amidst a controlling religion, tied into my own personal demons with religious trauma.  Time connecting deeply with the actors on set and off allowed me to begin to find the strength to stand up, speak out, and be heard, for myself as well as for those unable.  This led to deepening relationship with other religious trauma survivors of my denomination's ilk and reuniting with another.  Finally, I bravely penned a letter to a religious leader whose words and actions poisoned my path towards healing. 

This was the beginnings of unraveling the toxicity of mistrust in relationships, of wanting to flee to the assumed safety of my home, living like it was still 'lockdown' somewhere.  But, the inkling of connectivity in those early days of the years coupled with the reality of now several years in therapy and my recovery, I began to open up a little, to trust, to explore relationships, specifically what pure and healthy interactions look and feel like, in contrast to what I had experienced.  It became easier and easier to walk away, to pull up the weeds of the toxic, and see the roses of healthy connections bloom.  

From a small ragtag group of friends who once again awakened in me the crazy night-time shenanigans to be had in Ashland to joining a 12 step group to at last begin my healing of my relationship addiction, my understanding of real and healthy relationship continues to deepen and awaken my self worth.

Creativity continues to be the utmost balm of healing and release, stories told as an unraveling of self-discovery, making meaning out of madness and pain, in order to fully release and step forward. I continued with my "Journaling Through The Years" vlog series, started in 2020, where I read an entry from my journals I have written in throughout every phase of my life, commenting on and sharing with as much authenticity as possible.  Diving deep within the pages of my life has afforded me the grace to understand myself, to recognize the love that was always with me even when unable to see, and has helped me further in understanding and forgiving not merely myself but those I care for deeply.

Journaling Through The Years

I have continued to deepen my view of self as an artist, branching out from 'actor' to work behind the camera as director, cinematographer, graphic artist.  Moreover, I have continued to delve into the fine arts both as painter and drawer and in my happily chosen profession as an 'art model'.  As I hungrily digest story after story of real-life art models down through the ages, listen hard to the discussions of the craft of fine art while in classes modeling, I find myself diving deeper into an appreciation for my profession, the history of it, and its value for my own life as an evolving and thriving artist. 

My understanding of the craft of acting has deepened as well with my intense study of acting teachers from Stanislavsky on up.  These studies are part of my awakening abilities as entrepreneur, with the building of the lesson plans for my courses, "Acting For Everyone" and "How To Be A Life Model", with other courses to come.  However, the gift I was unaware of as I began was that myself as an actor and artist has deepened and broadened.

Through all this, I have learned the value of mindfulness in daily life, not always having to get down on a mat in weird 'twister-like' positions, but simply to take in each moment with a child-like awareness.  Blessed experiences of life are found in the simple, need not be manufactured or planned, if only to be open oneself to all that surrounds, peering at the beauty of a piece of the inside of a tree bark, black birds perched in an empty tree, the beautiful eye contact with a dear kindred spirit, laughter, deep hugs, truly listening, deep conversations, good food.  

This is what I take with me into 2024, not the list of 'resolutions' to do better, but the simple moment of awakening each day, to try and not give up, to believe in the journey, not the destination, continuing those on my long-held intentions, those that I have achieved live within as promises that others will come to fruition, but knowing that it is not in my power to decree when, but merely to rest in the small and large steps.  After all, " The Journey Of A Thousand Miles Begins With A Single Step."

And that, dear one, is the secret to 2024, to each day, week, month, year that comes, one single step follows another.  

Always remember, as I say in my "Journal" vlog series,

You matter, Your life matters, You are loved, & You Are Worthy Of Love.  

And, my ultimate wish for you in the new year and always is, to

Love Your Thrive & Find Your Sunshine

Join us Sunday, December 31st as we look back on Cafe-Girl Thriving Artists, LLC 2023 Year: 

 Cafe-Girl Thriving Artists, LLC 2023 Memory Reel #lookingback #steppingforward #heal #thrive

All Is Well 2021 to 2022

 

The ending of a year brings both celebration and an intense pondering, even though in recent years the idea of resolutions are seen more as a mere joke than taken seriously.  For my part, I choose each month to create vision boards with the first one of the year a bit larger than the others.  The reality of it is that the ending of the year is a death, even as I write this out my office window swirls snowflakes falling on ground floor already covered with the cold white, that which was alive is now dormant preparing for the new life to come later in the year.  And so too, within we feel this ending, but such as in all aspects of life, with every ending, a new beginning.  The seasons of nature are also reflected within that of human nature.  

Way back to 2016, many chose to curse a year, waving their fists in the air in anger, even in recent times for me, where it became dark with the pain of losing a loved one felt too intense that I wanted to cry out in anger, I was met with the truth that birth and death, beginning and ending, are a part of life.  In every ending, there is a new beginning.  With the four beloved souls I have lost this year, Charlie Robinson from Night Court, Markie Post from Night Court, my dear childhood friend, Christina, and, of course, Cafe-Girl's queen forever, Catherine "The Rani" Hansen, I feel the message they sent from beyond not to berate a year for their passing, but to celebrate the love we shared together in our season.  With every death, there is a rebirth, for those that have departed as well as for us who see life beyond their passing.  Yet, even though they be absent in body, I feel them with me still, in a stronger, more poignant way, which leaves me to truly believe that 'death is not an ending, but a shift in the relationship.'  A new season of life is starting with the passing of the old.

That being said, I also want to touch on the inner reasoning behind the anger at the pitfalls that have come, seemingly so much, in the last few years.  Yes, so many curse the years and trending on twitter is the "FU" to the year while John Oliver blows it up on TV, and again, with all the tumult both politically, socially, physically, many seek to cling to some form of knowing, yet it is in these ever changing times that we cannot ever truly know, try as we might.  Thus, the fighting emerges with one another over what is correct and what is incorrect, yet there truly is no knowing.  Embrace the blessed uncertainty, my friends, for with this we find the ability to experience life in all its fullness, through the lens of a childlike sense, not getting bogged down by the horrors, but realizing into each season, tears will fall yet joy shall return.  I admit I do fall prey to the worry and anxiety of the heart, feel myself wanting to rail against that which I cannot control, yet I believe we are all here on this planet to transform, evolve, and to help others do so.  

With that meaning, as you travel into 2022, take with you, dear heart, that truly All Is Well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dS3L2R8ugYI  

All is well that ends well
And in the end I'll be with You I know
All is well that ends well
And so all is well with my soul

TU, Not FU #2020 #2021 #happynewyear

 

Okay, I'm not gonna be like everyone else and say, "FU, 2020!"  I recognize the humor in that thinking and even more so the hardships and agony this year has revealed.  I get it, I feel ya, I really do.  

Perhaps, it's because I am coming from a darn hard life personally that any degree of external hardship is just par for the course, roll up your sleeves, and get to it.  Yeah, that's most likely a degree of it.

Because when it comes down to it, I'm damn thankful for 2020 for this year became a reset for me.  If it hadn't been for a pandemic, I would have continued onwards in ways that were not necessarily altogether negative but not overall the healthiest of life paths.  I am not saying that I was doing anything way way scandalous like 'doing lines of coke off a hooker's bum in a shady gas station bathroom" (How did I even come up with that?), no, nothing like that, honest I swear.  But rather, I was caught up in the rat race of competition and pursuing a shadowy long-off dream that I could not see what was really important, did not have the time for myself and those I truly love.  Interestingly, this reset allowed me to realize that my heart must put its focus on those who love and receive my love unconditionally, with no degree of rules or stipulation on how I should behave, act, do as they decree.  No, the haters I did not focus but let the toxic flush itself away and let the beam of truest love and loyalty have its day.   

I've quoted for years, "Home is where the heart(s) is/are", and even made that the theme of my Doctor Who Fan Fiction, Homesick.  The premise being that if I am at peace and at home with myself within, I am home without where-ever I may be.  That's a cool reality and one still I attest to, but this year I took the notion of home into a deeper level and realized that there was another layer of reasoning of why I clung to that quote as a life verse.  The answer being for many a year I felt no real grounding to a place, in a sense, the building that held my stuff was merely an address of which I received mail. 

But that all changed this year.

I feel that for all of us the theme of 2020 can be that of home, whether positive or negative.  For me, for the most part, it was positive.  It was the first year where I experienced a grounding in a place, making a plot of land my own, which affected my overall wellness journey and outlook on life in that I thoroughly took the time to self-examine, forgive, heal, and release, learning to re-parent myself as I moved forward.  In a very real sense of the word, I truly became a grown-up this year and discovered the key to adulting is in viewing it through the lens of child-like wonder.

Through the slowing down and reset, I was able to prioritize, focus, develop skills I never imagined I could have, and truly revitalize my sense of self worth.  Through this process, the primary business, Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, found its brand, its over-arching theme, that of the "Thriving Artist" upon which once it was revealed to me, it had been so clearly defined for so long it was crazy that I hadn't seen it, but such is the nature of the busyness of life to cloud out what really matters.  It is not lost on me that the theme of Cafe-Girl, the overwhelming goal to help all those who join in, is thriving artist, because that relates to my self-worth and belief in self, how many times have I been in the presence of those who degraded artists as less than, not important, as well as society's belief in that as well.  So, thus as the company found its brand, I claimed it for myself.  I realized and recognized that what my business needed was not a catchy slogan or posh advertisement, what it really and truly needed was me, in all my brokenness, authenticity, integrity, and honesty, not hiding the faults, the flaws, the darkness. showing how all of it, the good and the bad, makes up the thriving artist. 

Thriving doesn't mean fame and fortune, or even prosperity in the mere financial, it's about finding balance, wholeness, and peace in doing what you were born to do, that which makes you feel the most alive.  Even more so, it's in finding the art and the joy in the mundanity of life, such as the 9-5 jobs, the household chores like doing the dishes or cleaning the toilet bowl, or even paying the bills.  When viewed through this lens, life can be more than just a chore, but every minute of it an adventure.  That is truly what it means to thrive as an artist.

Added together, 2020 equals the number 4. In numerology, the number 4 stands for loyalty, patience, and justice.  I feel a sense of being solid, stable, and still which is perfect for this year 2020.  It is interesting that in a year with such much tumult and upheaval, we found ourselves at such a stand-still.  The lesson that could be gleaned from that is action can create distraction from the resolution, that all of our busyness in the years previous detracted us away from healing, and in having these distractions removed, we are left with the only thing that truly matters, ourselves.  Thus, we are faced with the most important task of 2020, healing within.

If you add up 2021, you get the number 5.  In numerology, the number 5 represents action and energy.  There is a curiosity to life and in that an excitement to explore and adventure.  With that as the emphasis, I think it pertinent to take the lessons learned in the stillness of 2020 to help empower 2021 to continue the thread of healing, but this time in an element of without.  That's right, after a year spent looking within and internally validating, now is the year to focus outward, to help heal, uplift, and help others thrive.  Let us remember as we healed and developed the inner, it was not done in a vacuum, there always has been a cloud of strong witnesses about to encourage, lift us when we are weakened, and keep us keeping on.

Auld Lang Syne

Happy New Year, dear ones, love your journey, love your thrive!

I want to hear your thoughts on what you learned in 2020.  Share below!

The Thriving Artist is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc.  To find out more about us, check out our website at: www.cafegirlproductionsinc.com and  offer your financial support, if you are so inclined, at: www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions

Good Night 2019, Welcome 2020

So, here we are, 2020. And, now I must take a moment to reflect and officially say good night to 2019.

2019, you were a great year. I learned and I grew so much. Earlier tonight at the labyrinth, I learned with what quiet strength and focus I walk now, each step is deliberate and my eyes look straight ahead with certainty even in the unknown. I have so much and so many to thank for that grace given to me. The times of (now) last year, both positive and negative, have richly strengthened me into a better version of myself, stronger, more capable, not afraid to fail, to lose....

Of the losses, I found gains, a deeper understanding of myself. In truth, throughout many times in 2019, I sat with a younger version of myself, 15, 23, 27, looked deep within her eyes, asked her what she needed, her answer was in some variation of, to be seen, to be heard, to be valued. And, I gave her that. It was the loss of Luke Perry that brought a deeper appreciation of myself, my love for Beverly Hills, 90210 long since a forbidden secret, something I was afraid to admit, but the heartbreak of his death, gave me the determination to reveal. As Tori Spelling said, "maybe going back is what we need to move forward" and as I looked back at that time, I found strength in an unlikely Goddess, I realized how much influence that show had given me in my life and even more so, that of Shannen Doherty. I believe spending time with her version of the Goddess gave me a new deeper appreciation of my power and ability to truly #fightlikeabrenda.

My understanding of self as spiritual deepened through the productions of which I was cast, specifically during the spring months through back to back performances in the Vagina Monologues, season two of Nate & Laura & How They Met, and Dixie Swim Club. Through each of these experiences, I began exploring the true meaning of the Goddess and came even closer to knowing and seeing her in all her variety. For those that shared the stage and screen with me, or who helped bring those stories to life, helped me explore the character's story and make it my own, I thank you from the very bottom of my heart through all of me, you are each a valuable facet of who I am, we are one in spirit forever.

To the characters I was given to live truthfully this year, to my Lexie, thank you for showing me that I do not have to hide any part of myself, or be ashamed of how I looked. Even though much of your life was spent trying to change, what you showed me was that truly what you valued was the inside, what mattered was who a person is at their core, and when it was necessary you were there for those you loved, without needing any fanfare. That was such a great lesson.

To my Laura Shelton, I am honored that you came from above these last two years, through my fingertips, and out onto the computer, then the screen...Its been a journey fulfilling your story, learning the lesson you have to offer...as always to be bold, to be of service to your friends, those you love, and live truthfully in your own power.

To my Tootles, my brave little lost boy who, in the end, wasn't afraid to grow up, you helped me understand a different viewpoint of the Goddess, she as Mother. Thank you for that healing. Toots, off you go to your studies, learn all you can, but never give up your childlike enthusiasm! For the Wendy Lady!!

For my Sick fam, my love for you is forever and eternal. As the song goes, I have loved you for a thousand years and will love you for a thousand more...you have my heart for all of time, never shal that change, and I will always be grateful to each of you for your healing strength helping me to find and fulfill my calling. I would not be where I am today without each of you, nor could I have made it through some very dark times.

For my Drunk Ex Pastors & Patron Friends---what's a little religious trauma among friends, huh? Truly my connection to you has made the pain a little more manageable, a little less existant. Thank you for continually showing me that I am not crazy, that I can laugh about my past self, and move onto a better, happier, healthier version of myself. I truly love you, your Sis Not In Christ, Lia.

For my Neverland fam, I will always be grateful for the adventure we took together, the lust to wander as it were, from those early days of Sunday evening workshops to grueling summer rehearsals stumbling through the newness of immersive theater, to the magical world we created, bringing the childlike discovery back to audiences, helping them to truly realize that they do not ever have to grow up. Nor do we, #nevergrowup.

For the cast of One Of Us, I cannot ever thank you enough for bringing this beloved truth of my life to the 'stage' for the first time. You touched my heart to an inner core and held me heart in place when it bled out the pain and healed.

To my new friends at Awake Cafe, I am so happy to be getting to know you. You never fail to bring a smile to my face. I love your enthusiasm and passion for life and your creativity. I look forward to more creative conversations and collaborations in 2020.

For my co-producers in crime, West, Erin, Michael, thank you for your patience, your graciousness, your listening and advice, encouragement, and mostly for your love...it has sustained me and given me the strength I need to persevere. I got you as you got me!

For Michael,I know this year has been transitional and difficult at times. Thank you for the patience and for being humble in your healing and grief. You will endure, your life does matter and have worth.

For my twin flame, that is how I address you because that is who you are and you know this. I am ever so grateful you returned to me this last year, walked into that library room that evening in January as I entered a cafe so long ago...I see now the whole point of our time at the cafe was you...even as we were separated all these years, we never really were, nor shall we ever be. It is a force deeper than either of us that pulls and binds us together, a magical entity that guides us again and again back to each other. Welcome home, my flame, welcome back to another facet of yourself. Do I know what the future will hold? I do not, but one thing is certain, our paths will ever be mingled and connected, of that I can rest assured. I love you as my own being and my own soul, for that you are. Love is not a fiery blast that overwhelms, but truly a slow smolder that never burns or fades. Once again, I am grateful I no longer have to live without you anymore.

Lastly, I thank Goddess and God for revealing the dimensions of themselves to me. For continually helping me to journey deeper and deeper within, to the true contentment of my heart that is my real home. New layers of this understanding keep unfolding as I heal and grow, finding more and more peace and focus.

Good Night, 2019. Welcome 2020! Together, let's focus & see our true power & purpose unfold.

You by A Great Big World

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