And I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid (don't be afraid)
To let them show your true colors
True colors are beautiful (you're beautiful, oh)
Like a rainbow
Last Saturday, I, oh so casually, came out to two friends at a local theatre event. For those familiar with my blog and my world, you know that I have written about my journey in discovering my relationship preferences, as seen in these past entries: Poly Girl Living In A Mono World and What Being Poly Means To Me. Yet even though I have blogged and vlogged about being polyamorous, (My Love Journey #relationshipaddiction #polyamory), I have yet, until last weekend, said it verbally aloud eyeball to eyeball with another human. This experience happened so casually and matter of factually that I didn't realize I had actually "come out" until a few days later. I didn't truly understand the impact of what I had just expressed, as it happened, so naturally and organically.
A few years back, when in the throes of new relationship energy, I found myself caught up in a whirlwind of romance with a past love, to the effect of hurting my beloved nesting partner, which caused him to be very expressive about his feelings and pain on facebook. This many years and a pandemic lockdown later, two mutual friends of ours, who haven't seen either of us, approached me and asked how we were doing, aren't we having some relationship strife? We had had, I began to explain, due to my actions, but I have been on a healing, exploratory journey of which I have realized I struggle with relationship addictions as well as realize that I am polyamorous, but moreover believe that the best and healthiest way to interact romantically and platonically is by being intentional. These individuals registered a bit of shock when I admitted thus, but from neither did I experience judgment. From what I am experiencing on my relationship health journey is that the nature of polyamory is still one with marked stigma and misunderstanding, as the social norms construct monogamy as right no matter the sexual preference.
In continuing my choice of 'coming out' based on sexual and relationship preferences, I must again share that I experience myself as both a sapiosexual and demisexual. A person that is sapiosexual is:
A demisexual, located on the asexual spectrum, is:
However, I believe the process of coming out is something all must do as they continue through their soul's journey, regardless of sexual preference or gender identity. Not that one has to make an announcement if they orient as straight or cis, but rather, it's the deeper realization of proclaiming one's identity and living out loud in a way that feels truly authentic. For example, in my early days of diagnosis with Bipolar, I felt shame over fear of admittance, but once I met others with similar struggles and mental health conditions, I learned the true power of 'coming out' as one with Bipolar as well as (now) C-PTSD.
As one travels through the course of life hopefully one journeys through a path of healing and soul awareness, lending the opportunity to develop a deeper appreciation and understanding of self. It is natural, then, to reveal the presence of one's truest self both verbally and non-verbally. Saying thus, I do not mean to lessen the significance of those whose identity and preferences are alternate to the status quo of society, only to insist, that coming out as one's truest self is a process for all.
I've got to show the world
All that I want to be
And all my abilities
There's so much more to me
Somehow, I'll have to make them
Just understand
I got it well in hand
And, oh, how I've planned
I'm spreadin' love
There is no need to fear
And I just feel so good
Every time I hear
I'm coming out
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