To My "Family" in the Rogue Valley Theatre Scene

To My "Family" in the Rogue Valley Theatre Scene:

Part of me wishes I could stay with you forever---

Each time I am with you I experience all of our moments in one heartbeat,

The late night rehearsals, the friendship bonds built alongside the stories and characters we created for the stage, the euphoria of the exhilarating high of a strong performance, the heart break of the last show---

Each time I step into that place we forever made sacred, each time my eyes meet yours, I long to stay here with you forever---

But even as my heart yearns for, beckons for you, my body and soul are turning, turning, turning--

I must be off to new adventures, new places to see, new faces to carve out a place in my heart alongside yours, where it will forever remain

New places, new faces

To stand on new stages becoming sacred homes, I am a rolling stone, I gather no moss

I turn to you, my fingers reaching out for your hands to cling to a memory as they slip from your grasp---

I am proud of you, proud for you, proud with you

I love you, am grateful for you, each face, each moment---

I am running to you, as you fade from me.

The Nature of Community Theatre...

...Or Why I Love It So Much...

I have spoken often about my love for acting in that of the development of character work and study.  But, today I want to reveal the "community" aspect of it, the building of family in the process of birthing the show, this camarederie and friendship that lasts long after the final show, curtain call, and applause---especially if the show is not the best material, for in the case of the a show with a great storyline, plot, character dimension, I get lost in just that and the family dynamic takes a second place, not less important but less of a focus.

But, its in the process of rehearsals where you begin not knowing not only the script and characters but the people you are performing with, (even though sometimes you have worked with a few before its always a different flavor and feeling in a new show, a new cast, etc) are foreign to you until the building of the play begins.  In that time period, an explosion of creativity takes place where cast and crew begin to meld into one and bond in a way very unique to that particular moment and time.

Long story short, community theatre puts the "common unity" back into theatre.

The Reason for Being An Actress

The other day on Facebook a dear friend and fellow collaborator in the crazy art of acting and all things community theatre posted a comment about how a past character had once again surfaced and spoken something meaningful to his heart and while I can't completely understand his relationship, I can relate because I, too,  have a character that I internalized, that not only became real, but became so because she found herself in me and I  in her, where suddenly two 'became one' as it were, married to the art of getting the message across, the message of our mutual pain, weaknesses, sorrows, and also of our hopes and joys--

Yes, she was and is me as much as I am myself and playing her helped me to become more of myself.  I found more healing in her than ever on the couch of a therapist's office; more freedom and ability to release and truly let go---

And today, in certain moments, say walking down a city-street at night (however cliche that  may seem), I can sense her, understand her feelings of "walking the street", a sense of power mingled with shame.  Yet I can know honestly why a thing like that is done, to find that momentary healing from the loneliness, to feel wanted, appreciated for something; to catch a glimpse of true love---

And yet still there is that cold, quiet ever present emptiness silenced only by the aching need of a hungry belly and fragile heart, never satisfied, and in that, I can sense her gratitude for understanding.

Some time has passed since the show ended so the ache of missing her is not as sharp, but alas it is there and for that I am grateful, for that strange form of relationship--

That, I suppose, is the pay-off for us unpaid community theatre actors/actresses (hoping someday for that paycheck), for that intense character-work and self-discovery that is the process of our art.

My friend, Peter, played the man, John Merrick, and that is his character.  My friend/theatre mama, Becky, has an 19th century distinguised actress, and me, well, I'm a hooker!

The Heirarchy of Togetherness

A few years ago, in California, I attended a small Calvary Chapel.  Looking back what I remember is how much of a hierarchy there was in what was professed to be a unity of believers.  All members of the congregation seemed to, in a sense, worship the pastor.  They'd repeat his jokes and repeat all  his commentary on spirituality as if he had the final final word on God.  There was no individual thought process, as far as I could see (and yes I admit even in myself) but all that was spoken by him was regurgitated out of the mouths of the "face-less,identity-less flock."

In comparison to this, I have found in my community theatre work out a real sense of camaredie as the title professes, a "hierarchy of togetherness".  With the exception of my lovely room-mate, no one obsesses over or worships the artistic director (see our fearless leader!).  We are all, in a word, in it together and for the long haul, producing in equal parts of effort united in reaching our goal of creative excellency.  (Or at close to that as we can achieve on a limited budget!)

This is in definite contrast to the church I attended in California.  While the church invited everyone to attend, it was with an exception, you must, in a sense, drink the kool-aid, in my humble opinion, not what Jesus meant when Heg said, "All are welcome".  Yes, you can join our church, if you think, act, and dress like us.  I've hinted at this before and in so many words I profess my firm belief that Calvary Chapel is a cult.  (I hear now express that if any readers are members of Calvary Chapels that they remove themselves immediately.  The pastors and leadership are not what they seem.  I can speak personally of psychological damage that has been caused by their influence.)

Not so at the Randall, we produce something that draws all manner of people with our efforts at creative passion hoping that it will reach in a more meaningful fashion than that of any church or religious affiliation because we allow for freedom of thought, beliefs, and individuality.  In my opinion, we offer something of real value.  While some have called us a clique, I concur that we are, in fact, the uncliqueish clique out there, because we accept all into our fold with the express desire that they only be their true selves.

Here's to the crazy ones...if you are, you are welcome!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SswMzUWOiJg

All About Carry A. Nation

 Below is the character sketch I wrote based on my part in my upcoming show, The Great American Western, which opens June 21st at the Randall Theatre:

My name is Carrie Nation, but my father named me Carry Moore, as written in the family Bible. I was born on November 25 in the year of our Lord 1846, in the back country of Kentucky. My father's name was George and he owned a plantation. He held slaves of which I was reared. For example, I wasn't allowed to eat with my family until I came of age, because “children are meant to be seen and not heard”. My mother, Mary, suffered with “mental problems” and thought at times that she was a lady-in-waiting to the queen of England and then the Queen of England.

I have taught as a teacher but was fired from the position thus experiencing financial hardship. So, I married Charles Gloyd, a doctor. My parents objected and I didn't know why, until upon living with him found that he was a severe alcoholic. I left him because he was unable to to provide for the family. Together, we have a daughter, Charlien. Even though I believe children should be seen and not heard, I have a bit more hardship with her because she has emotional difficulties, similar to that of my mother's, caused by her father's alcoholism. For this reason, I have had to commit her to the Texas State Lunatic Asylum. At that time, they also tried to commit me for reasons that are not clear. Furthermore, I have decided my mission in life is to save people from the wreckage caused by alcohol abuse both emotionally and physically. This is God's calling upon my life and I will accomplish this feat by any means necessary.

Due to financial hardship and societal pressures, I have had to remarry Dr. David A. Nation. He is 19 years my senior, but in marriage I have found financial security which affords me the luxury to fulfill God's purpose for my life. He has worked as an attorney, a minister, and a newspaper editor. Our first endeavor, based on my husband's interest, was to purchase a cotton farm. This failed due to my husband's lack of experience (and my lack of interest) in farming.

We now live in Dirtwater where my husband is the preacher in Disciples of Christ church. I have started the Women's Christian Temperance Union (WCTU). I am the president and I have helped many women, including Garmaine, Maggie, and Sioux, out of the depravity of unhealthy lifestyles focusing on men and negative substances. My hope and prayer is that the rest of Dirtwater would turn from their sinful ways. In my spare time, I also volunteer as a jail evangelist and try to reform the inmates, teach Sunday School, and attend to the poor and needy.

The truth is, I have my own demons and driving spirits to contend with, based on past familial neglect and heartaches. When I first arrived in Dirtwater, I founded the temperance union and am determined to get my point across, my point is THE WAY, the ONLY WAY to living the RIGHT LIFE. However, as I push my views around and insist, quite loudly and at times violently, on others, I know deep down my heart is not well. By the time, I am arrested and jailed (for unjustified reasons, I might add), I find deliverance from my own controlling behaviors, in fact realize that such as alcohol is a force that controls some, so do am I addicted to the power of controlling others. In reality, I discover that I lack all control, which scares me more, which increases my desire to appear more and more in control. After Dallas, I realize that by relinquishing control, I not only feel a lot more at peace, but have a better way of reaching people with a message of love, not hate, and transforming their lives to freedom through forming meaningful relationships. This is what I have found now in the place I am in eternity. Saving someone doesn't require control, but allowing yourself to love them where they are at non-judgementally. I show that love at the end by buying the child, Fester, who himself has been delivered, in a sense, a football team. In short, from my time in the outer world, I have found that love is the most valuable gift we are given and can give to others.

I, Carrie Nation, (not Lia Weston) agree to be portrayed in this play in the fashion that I am because I feel that in my life on earth I went about spreading my message with hate and therefore was unsuccessful in my endeavors. I feel that by having myself made into a caricature, the true message of transformation and journey to wholeness will be shown, not just in those I want to reach but in my life.

Beginning Again at 35!

With the life transistion of divorce and lost love, I have finally realized that there is more to this world than Ashland, Oregon, and that if I ever want to make the difference I desire in this world and to truly following my calling, my path is leading me out of Oregon.  Truly though for more reasons that I can count, Oregon, and especially Ashland, will have a dear place in my heart and will always remain my true home (even more than the place I grew up).

I realize, of course, that my time as an actress and the career I am building here is very much like candy-land compared to the world that I go after---and thus, that I need to thicken my skin while still allowing my heart to open.  This weekend's lesson was that, even in 'Candy-land', one must expect, but not hope for, rejection and learn to not take that personal.  Keep hoping, keep moving forward, to the next audition!

Furthermore, I am truly learning the benefits of always being labeled a "crazy person" because it takes a crazy person to be an actor; to put oneself through the sometimes humiliating process yet exhilarating high of auditions and callbacks, the grueling process of rehearsals, character work, tech weekends, all for that glorious, well-earned moment of the final applause at the end of the show.  The satisfaction of a job well done!  Yes, I am a little crazy.  Truly, a fact of my very bona-fide existence.

So, the days ahead for me entitle audition prep, continued work on character for the upcoming show and film, find the day-job that will help pay off bills and debt that will afford me the luxury of saving money, as well as choosing through careful prayer and wisdom from above the place I will eventually land.  And patience, that's the ticket.  Be patient in the "climb!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpTYG_Sqqdg

My next show, The Great American Western, opens June 21st at the Randall Theatre in Medford, Oregon.  I play Carry A. Nation.  See you there!

Why Community Theatre?

I sit here with a cup of tea, trying to find the words to express the power and signficance community theatre has been in my life.  

My background as an actress has been varied, mostly in short films or plays that friends' have asked me to do, whereas in college, I got pushed away by those I thought could actually help.  But, still the hunger (as presently the rumble in my stomach proves) existed, burned: to create out of the clay that is my body, soul, heart a character, work of art.  I needed something outside of myself to define myself.  Even more than that, I knew not what I truly needed, a family of friends that would encourage me to follow my dreams, my passion, believe in me, stand for me and with me, and thus even moreso shape my identity. 

And, that is what I found in my local community theatre.  While some may call it unprofessional or even go so far as to call it a dump----I don't care!  Because what I am learning in my heart, it is what lies inside that matters beyond the physical or external reality. 

My theatre, the Randall Theatre, proudly expresses itself to be a "No Ego Zone."  What strikes me is that, we, in the human race, for whatever reason have an ego and can never truly walk this world in our skin suits without our pride getting in the way.  But, the meme of the Randall really asks is that one sacrifices their ego for the good of the production and the theatre.  In short, its not about you!

This is hard and I must admit even in myself it is all too frequently a struggle to banish that from myself.  While I agree that it healthy to have confidence in oneself, I see it in myself slipping into that egotistical mind-frame.  And, in truth, I see that as the danger-zone that can greatly diminish the quality of my art as well as those in my cast and the play as a whole.

So, why community theatre?  Not just the intensive training for possible future dreams yet unachieved, not just for the familial atmosphere and lifelong friends, but for the work to destroy in self all aspects of pride and ego--and move onto the greater good of art that uplifts and transforms self and the community.

Moths to Blessings

Well, its been an awfully long time since I have transcribed words across this 'here blog' and yet I am a little unsure of what to write.

A lot has happened in my life since the last entry, as in I finished the aforementioned play, which birthed into Scrooge, A Magical Musical, which in a way solidified my calling as an actress & singer, and inspired the impulse to keep writing--as in an idea for a screenplay floated through my consciousness during that production, mainly something along the lines of "A Twisted Meg Ryan Movie".  Very shortly I will once again trespass across the boards at 'Ye Ole Randall Theatre" in the upcoming production of "The Elephant Man!"

But, what I really have been thinking of late is how finding my calling has brought such transformation and healing into my life.  In fact, the word for 2012, regardless of the "meme" for that year, for me personally, is "Redemption".  And, in a sense, because of all that transpired in that year, I find myself truly understanding that word in its fullest sense, even though I have studied the very word for many a year now.

Because of my getting back into the wonderful world of the stage, I truly found healing, more of which than ever possible on the couch of a psychotherapist!  I've learned the value of honoring your word & keeping to your commitments.  I've learned that the heart is wide & accepting of so much love, if you allow it--and even, that I am a time-lady, truly, and have the capacity to love more than one, and yet still honoring the one my heart, mind, & soul is bethrothed.

I've realized what it means to be truly, "In God's Will"--to truly "step out in faith, follow his leading, & trust".  I've seen God work, provide, move, and do miracles in many of my friends lives, from being brought back from the brink of death and the list goes on...and on...and on...

Its not all been easy, and I wouldn't want to go back and relive it, but I am grateful for each step, each moment---if only for the amazing friends that have become family in my life now, and the lessons of love that have been brought my way.

Daily I am astounded by the beauty & love that I am blessed with, by the people God surrounds me with!

I pray every day for God to continue to "push my boundaries further" so I can know more of the great love He has for me & venture into more & more places to discover more of myself & be me to my fullest potential!

He who has ears to hear, let him hear