There's a hole in my heart and I'll carry it wherever I go
Like a treasure that travels with me down every road
Having studied theatre in college due to my anxiety I never quite attained that dream, until I was cast in my first play in 2012, ten years after undergraduate graduation; "Working: The Musical". It was through that amazing experience that I finally found my home, my calling assured, and, most importantly, in this entry, where I met my good friend, Catherine. I cannot recall what our first conversation was, only that there was a time when she wasn't in my life, then there was a time when she was.
When she met me, I was only a year into an abusive marriage and through the next few unfolding years, her steady presence, non-judgmental love, and delicious humor would brighten my life and give me the strength to 'kick the bastard to the curb'. She was one of the first people I turned to and told that I had removed him from my life as well I was one of the first that she confided in about her first diagnosis with the big C.
Like me, she was long-suffering in her approach to others, offering the benefit of the doubt according the nature of humanity. She had her fair share of discomforts with certain types and shared them with me, asking for my thoughts on such with no sense of judgment and truly honoring my opinions. She shared with me tales of her love affairs and woes, and I, in turn.
In the times when I did not believe in my ability or my self worth, which was, in fact, the bulk of the entirety of our friendship, she never wavered in her belief in me, to achieve, heal, and thrive. That belief and undying love moved me from strength upon strength and remains undying in this moment, although the situation of our connection has changed. In the truest sense of love, I do not know where I would be if it weren't for Catherine.
She lost her battle with stage 4 cancer on April 23, 2021. We all celebrated 60 years of her, relishing in her glory before us, on her birthday of February 24.
What can I say, Catherine's loyalty and dedication was something I had come to rely on and only in the void of its absence due I realize the true import of it. Throughout this last month, I have been pondering my time connected to Catherine, coming up with off-color jokes at her expense, finding myself wanting to apologize, then realizing, almost hearing, her deep, hearty laughter. Because that was her, full of laughter, mirth, the warmth of love, but also tenderness, commitment, loyalty, and dedication never failing.
Never once did she complain during her years of suffering her illness, perhaps she did privately or with her family, but seemd to take all of life in stride with the gentle graceful acceptance of her good humor and wit.
In 2016, when I started into the world of film producing, she joined forces alongside me as the time lady, The Rani, a villian against my Romana and The Doctor, played by Nick Walker. Once again, the dedication and thrill of performing was true to Catherine at every turn, in every film shoot or promotional photo call, with true humility and an authentic honesty. She would also portray the ill-fated, Lady MacDuff, and would drive through Burger King after filming with her neck stab wound make-up in place, insisting to the employees that indeed she was "really in need of protein, look!"
Knowing Catherine off screen, the gentle-hearted, quick witted, honest, soulful woman was direct contrast to the evil, conniving Time Lady, but she did so divinely, effortlessly slipping into character when needed, then back to her joyous self. On set, we laughed a lot, I gave her the freedom to adapt the script to help fulfill her character to the fullest. She had more than her fair share of one-liners that are still deliciously quoted until this day, the best being, "We ain't got no God Damn live stock, Russ", from which was written, "We don't have any livestock, Russ!" She put her original twist upon it giving it more life.
A joke around set was that the spin-off sitcom series was that my character, Romana, and Susan (played by Q Gabumpa) would be the friends living in a New York apartment and The Rani would be the nosy next door neighbor that we loved to hate but never hated to love. The three male time lords, The Doctor, The Master (played by Roy Rains), and The Lackey (of our creation, played by Russell Mitchell) would be the guys we put up with for good sport.
I do not know the origin of the choosing of the title, The Rani, perhaps the original played Rani (Kate O'Mara) and the writer that created her story know such, but I do know the meaning of the Rani, "Queen". To describe The Rani, driven and determined to have power and glory, defines that of a type of royalty, however, I believe Catherine held similar traits, although more altruistic. She was driven and determined, but in the sense of fierce loyalty and dedication to those she loved and that which she loved most to do. Once more, she was tender, creative, giving of herself, easy to be with, a good listener and advice giver, the true embodiment of positive royalty. Like Lady Macduff who was more deserving of queendom than Lady Macbeth, Catherine was and is deserving of loving praises.
Thus, forever after, Catherine will remain the Queen of Cafe-Girl Productions.
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