I sit here, contemplating the words to fill this screen, drinking cheap yet tasty shiraz, and chatting online with my once upon a time (yeah, like two weeks) Italian Amore. (He looked a lot like Matthew McConnahey, but even better...)
Truly, this last year has been a year of rebirth, finding myself, and, as the word that keeps swimming through my synapses: Breaking free...
Breaking free from the overly-hyped formats of organized religion, parental controls even in adulthood (yikes), and a not so present past, that now, despite years of trying, I have finally found my healing.
It has come about in so many ways, such as the God that these religious denominations tried to force on me yet found Him in my own way, and finding my back to childhood passions that have now become real....
Like finding old friends and flames...and finding and making ones.
Theatre and acting was always a dream of mine, yet I set out for it in what I now realize was the wrong direction. I went in searching of fame, fortune, glory...and through rejection, heartache, and disenchantment, I found myself, my passion, my purpose...which led me back to the world of the stage, surprisingly, without much effort. As I said, when my darling love and I came together in the art of matrimony, we decided we would never let each other stand in the way of our dreams...(Don't let this "arthitus" stand in your way...) so, in climbing back on 'the boards', it was not just a dream, cause I had long since given up hope of fame and seek only a peaceful life with my love and two kitties (and little children...soon), it was to conquer the old fears and to prove to myself that I actually could do it....and I did. Hell, a fear years ago, when I was "bipolar", I was walking up in front of a group of people, telling them how messed up I had been and was and how I pulled myself out of it, etc etc etc....so, dressing up as a hooker, not a problem!
I didn't expect the blessings and love I got from it. The friendships, the intense healing, not just in doing the play, but in getting to know the character.
And, I realize the art of theatre is not in the applause, not in having one's name up in lights, but, as in every day life, in the personal growth and healing of the character and the actress...and its in the relationship with self, others, and the creator...in making the difference in the world so as to leave it a better place...
Isn't that how we all want to be remembered? That we left the world a better place, a little brighter, a little more love left after we have exited stage left...the knowledge that we have brought a "lite" to someone's eyes!
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