"I'm not bitter, I'm a pacifist"--says Charlie Blossom, this after he rails on and on about how he wants to "bash in his boss's face in", or meditate in the library to get even with them for firing him. So, yeah, he's not bitter!
But, really don't we all get this way, claiming to be one of peace and love yet in a moment of high stress or even low, we lapse into a spasm of anger or tension, or both.
Jesus calls us to a life of peace and promises freedom from a life of drudgery, not so much that we won't have the humdum details of life to encounter, but that we can do these mundane activities with the focus of worship and service to him, and thus to others.
Lately, I have found myself diverging down the path to bitterness, which leads to a heart of trespasses, ie, seeking pleasure from that which is not profitable. This, then is a heart of wickedness, an intent to not please my maker or those he has gifted me with, to turn away, to trespass against. What is the reason for this following away? Answer: Bitterness.
All to often, when and if people crack open the Bible, they will read it for history, proof of its validity or the existence of God, looking for contradictions and finding none push it away for it does what it has been doing for me of late: exposing my heart.
Yes, that's true, in all my reactions of late, what strikes me as I do my daily duties is how quickly my temper flares, even if it is by myself, when no one sees. God sees! So, in that, what I have discovered is bitterness of my own heart, feeling left out, pushed aside, feeling overwhelmed by the complications of life. "It isn't fair!" I complain, yet God says, "Yes, life isn't, but I am!"
In that, he reminds me of his death, the penetrated holes in his hands, feet, the scars covering his whole body; the blood of grace that was shed for that very heart of bitterness. So, I release the pain, the frustration, and try my best to trust that there is a purpose in all things, that "all things work together for good for those who love God". In short, I surrender and do it again...and again...again. Because I know, that only in surrender will I be able to hear from God and actually be of use to him and all around me.
Yes, my quiet times with God, in his word, are one of the best forms of recovery, short of prayer, which is the ultimate in humility and sacrifice, because it exposes our true intentions and hearts, the wickedness within. Once discovered, an act of true surrender is what is required to continue forth..
Drink the wormwood, it may taste bitter, but its nothing like the "corruption" within, and only with that drink, thy shall be healed!
"A heart that refuses to listen to the promptings of the Holy Spirit will not change, no matter how hard you pray." --Stormie Omartian
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