Right then, here we go. My first entry in my series on all the lessons I learned from Night Court. I have spoken profusely in the past about how this show, among others, stands the test of time as my favorite all time show because ultimately it was the first, myself finding it a tender young age, to experience quality in every facet of artistic creation. And, thus it went deeper than that. Falling into my desired hope for Harry as father, being influenced by the female characters as strong and able to stand their own aside the boys, choosing acting as my career path because of John Larroquette, the influence of the comedy on my writing, I could go on...
Today, I want to share this lesson, one that strikes my heart deeply especially in my current phase of recovery from codependency and relationship addictions. Furthermore, as an empath, I have had the propensity in the past to care more for others than myself and need to rescue as a means to distract from my own pain. This resulted in my entire being and energy force being drained from me.
After the death of Harry Anderson in 2018, I scoured Youtube for clips of him in Night Court, as well as other forms of entertainment. The above clip really spoke to me, especially at the end when Dan admits how much he admired Harry, sharing that he was "good, impartial, fair, patient, compassionate, understanding" which felt as if John Larroquette was sharing that about his beloved departed castmember and friend. Perhaps there is some nugget of truth within that for him yet I do not know for certain, but I do know that those were very words were what I wished to express to Harry Anderson.
Yet, today's focus is on this line of Dan Fielding:
"We can only do what the law will allow us to do."
Indeed, as I have mentioned, as an empath I find myself overdoing my caring and rescuing for another, at the expense of the self. In this scene, Harry represents that facet of myself, filling more of the burnt out empath role. As those working in the legal profession in this storyline, Dan tried to explain how fortunate it was that there is a boundary limiting what is allowed, something the codependent and empathic struggle with defining and maintaining. As Harry balks at this, mourning the loss of the murdered child, Dan shows his heartbreak over that loss yet stands firm in the necessity and power of the law to serve. Not all can be saved by us, he emphasizes and encourages, yet we still persevere and, in the end, do make a difference. In classic Dan Fielding, this is expressed through chiding Harry over his "Savior Complex" mentality, wounding Harry which shows Dan he's making an impact whether admitted or not.
A secondary lesson yet one that is equally of import is the value of a good friend to encourage and admonish when going through struggles, to uplift through authentic honesty. It's Dan that remains after the others leave, Dan that is not afraid to call Harry out yet underneath that is his compassion to comfort Harry. Through this, Harry heals and is strengthened, returning to his position as judge, having learned the valuable lesson of setting boundaries within giving, that all have their path to follow, and that we are not meant to be the rescuers and saviors for all.
This is easier said than done. In our personal lives, it is difficult to put into practice boundary setting without feeling that tug of guilt. For in the context of Night Court, they had the law on their side establishing that boundary, as Dan explained. Out of this context, it is our most important duty to establish our own boundaries to protect our hearts and our heart. For without true personal self care, one cannot be truly of service to another.
Without taking the time to heal within, there is no strength to heal without.
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