What's Your Definition?

 

In the year 2008, I made the most important and lasting decision of my life.  It was difficult to do as it flew in the face of acceptability in society, but I will never be sorry that I made it. 

What was this decision, you ask?  Well, I will tell you.  In 2008, I made the vital call to actively make my health my career, as it were, to not seek employment in exchange for taking the necessary time and pause of life to heal my mind from the complications and stressors of having Bipolar Disorder.  It was difficult, as you must know, this was before the dawn of the "semi-colon movement" and mental illness was still very much in the dark encased with an immensity of stigma.  I was not completely "out" to the world or most of my friends, and when I did so, I did so with much anxiety and fear of judgement or worse, loss of their friendship.

The first distinction I noticed in society was the degree of how much individuals defined themselves by their occupation, their employment.  After introducing myself, the next question to come was "So, what do you do?"  This question always left me reeling a bit, as at that time, I couldn't give a direct answer.  So, as of yet not knowing the true consequence of this action, I chose a passion of mine I'd had since I was able to hold a pencil.  I said, "I'm a writer."  In those days, I was still a decade from over-coming my crippling low self esteem and belief in myself (belonging to a conservative church at the time that preached endlessly our unworthiness wasn't doing much to help either).  

But, that one small action catapulted me forward in my recovery and the realization that the outer would never suffice in shaping my true identity.  

Since then, I have had a myriad of steady employment and often work several part-time jobs, as well as actively starting the production company, that add up to the full-time job.  All who have seen my business card are aware of the long list of occupations I am capable of, not that I am but what I do.  Notice that difference.  For just as I do not say "I am Bipolar" but rather "I have bipolar", I see now that that any reality of the external, the labels enforced upon us in society, be it employment, gender, religion, etc, will never be fully sufficient to define who we truly are within.

This reality became even more apparent to me last March when Covid-19 became the "new normal".  For my part, I realize, looking back, how free I have been with the labels of employment to not let myself get bogged down with the worry over loss of employment and income.  I am increasingly comfortable in my own skin so that I could actively choose and secure employment that, in fact, rose my income.  I have stopped seeing "the job" as a means to live, but as a means to thrive.

In so many ways, I know the fear that many are feeling due to this pandemic.  I know full well the anxiety that comes from low income and worries over finding and maintaining work.  I have been there, but even when I did, I had the awareness to realize that I was not defined by what I did but by who I truly was.  

In this time of tumult, when all seems shaky and full of peril, look within, not at the outward.  For that which is outward is fleeting and will fade, even people with whom we bond today have their seasons in our lives and will move forward when necessary.  

The truth of lasting peace comes from within, from truly finding and knowing yourself.  That is which myself or no one else can show you how, it is your journey to discover and all of the craziness of 2020, the internal shake-up you feel within is the internal wake-up needed to truly know yourself.

Who Am I

I want to start again, so I'll look within
Remember when I'd want in?
'Cause I don't know who I've become
But I will trust in it. Who am I to spend my life alone?
Forever looking for some place to call home.
Who am I, about to meet myself?
This should feel right but something don't.

Find what you read interesting? I would love to hear your comments and will respond.

The Thriving Artist is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, a film and media plus so much more.  Our mission is to help others learn to truly be the thriving artists they are meant to be.  To support us, go to: www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions