Wormwood: A Taste of Bitterness

"I'm not bitter, I'm a pacifist"--says Charlie Blossom, this after he rails on and on about how he wants to "bash in his boss's face in", or meditate in the library to get even with them for firing him.  So, yeah, he's not bitter!

But, really don't we all get this way, claiming to be one of peace and love yet in a moment of high stress or even low, we lapse into a spasm of anger or tension, or both.

Jesus calls us to a life of peace and promises freedom from a life of drudgery, not so much that we won't have the humdum details of life to encounter, but that we can do these mundane activities with the focus of worship and service to him, and thus to others.

Lately, I have found myself diverging down the path to bitterness, which leads to a heart of trespasses, ie, seeking pleasure from that which is not profitable.  This, then is a heart of wickedness, an intent to not please my maker or those he has gifted me with, to turn away, to trespass against.  What is the reason for this following away? Answer: Bitterness.

All to often, when and if people crack open the Bible, they will read it for history, proof of its validity or the existence of God, looking for contradictions and finding none push it away for it does what it has been doing for me of late: exposing my heart.

Yes, that's true, in all my reactions of late, what strikes me as I do my daily duties is how quickly my temper flares, even if it is by myself, when no one sees.  God sees!  So, in that, what I have discovered is bitterness of my own heart, feeling left out, pushed aside, feeling overwhelmed by the complications of life.  "It isn't fair!" I complain, yet God says, "Yes, life isn't, but I am!"

In that, he reminds me of his death, the penetrated holes in his hands, feet, the scars covering his whole body; the blood of grace that was shed for that very heart of bitterness.  So, I release the pain, the frustration, and try my best to trust that there is a purpose in all things, that "all things work together for good for those who love God".  In short, I surrender and do it again...and again...again.  Because I know, that only in surrender will I be able to hear from God and actually be of use to him and all around me.

Yes, my quiet times with God, in his word, are one of the best forms of recovery, short of prayer, which is the ultimate in humility and sacrifice, because it exposes our true intentions and hearts, the wickedness within.  Once discovered, an act of true surrender is what is required to continue forth..

Drink the wormwood, it may taste bitter, but its nothing like the "corruption" within, and only with that drink, thy shall be healed!

"A heart that refuses to listen to the promptings of the Holy Spirit will not change, no matter how hard you pray."  --Stormie Omartian

Let God, Let Go?

So much is happening in my life personally, both internally and externally, and yet both seem to have an effect on my own being....as I am sure much change is occuring in your lives, dear reader...from gray hairs to increasingly rising gas prices (which probably are causing the gray hairs) to new beginnings....well, it all wraps up in some kind of purpose...for all of us.

Yeah, these last so many years (6 or so, I lose count), I think I have really struggled, grown, yes, emotionally, mentally, spiritually (no, not physically)...but, in the grand scheme of things, I must admit I have been a royal b with an "itch", pardon my french (what, that's not french?)  Alon-sy, let's move on!

So, I have been praying for healing in my own heart, in those relationships I have wronged, and for those people as well...and in time going to them, making amends, offering my apology, and then just practicing the art of letting go, which can be difficult, but with God's grace all things are possible...and letting that individual decide whether they want to return or move on....all things, including relationships, have a reason, to everything there is a season, including friendships...And, I am thankful for each one, the ones that have newly come into my life, the ones that have hung on for years, and the ones who have moved on...each have made my life richer, brighter, and more meaningful.  In short, all of you have made me a 'rainbow', made me the person I am today... All of you are reflections of God's love in my life!!!

So, now my heart struggles with what to do about forgiving and moving on with two people who in the past have had primary roles in my life, my college boyfriend and high school best friend!!! Seriously, it has been years since the horribleness of high school and what happened with that girl, and I keep thinking, really, that I have forgiven and forgotten, but then it rises up again...and really it always boils down to trust.  I just don't think I CAN trust her, but I wish I could.  It causes quite an anxiety about someone I used to love, even though it has been years.  So, I keep breathing, and releasing, and saying "Let God, let go" of this particular situation that has plagued me for almost 15 years +.

The next is the boyfriend, and this one, is closer to forgiving because I am starting to see that maybe he did some good...so, I guess, that is all in the timing.

But, the question is, do I want these people back in my life?  Can I trust them?

Yeah, I guess as I learned in the play I just performed in, Our ways are not God's ways, there is a purpose for everything and a timing...but, the thing is, I am not even really thankful for the fact that these people were in my life at one point and can't even fathom the good they did...GAAA!  But, all God asks is that we give out grace, as he did, and forgive, as he did....Can I? Can you?

What are your thoughts? What do you think I should do?

Day Nineteen: God The Healer: Unity in Christ.

                                                                  Day Nineteen

"as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things to him, things in heaven and things on earth."  Ephesians 1:10


Yesterday, of course, I merely touched on this scripture but I did not get to describe its worth in the grand scheme of our relationship with God, our perfection, and ultimate healing into little versions of Christ.  For starters, the plan for the fullness of time is speaking of the time, in my most humble opinion, when the last being comes to know the living God as their redeemer, friend, and Savior.  This will bring on God's ultimate purpose for his gift of grace which is complete unity of all individuals in all the universe.  Yes, this includes the angels and every human being who has passed to the other side, but also us on the other.  God's heart is that his children would find unity and peace; not peace as the world seeks it out but true peace that reaches into the depths of our heart and sends out only love and forgiveness and, yes, grace.  And, dear pilgrims, you can find that peace in your hearts today, right now, in this very instance.

So, today as you go your way, take heart in the realization that one day all beings will be unified under God and there will be true and lasting peace, that only comes from God, and that by turning to him in whatever situation you find yourself in this morning, that peace can become part of your every being; your heart, soul, and mind.  With the openness of my heart and in all humility, I implore you to give your heart to the Father and to Christ today with the realization that the peace that you seek will be given most graciously to you.

As you turn your heart to him, dear friends, may the love, grace, and peace enter your heart and heal your brokenness.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.  All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.  Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us.  We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.  For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.  2 Corinthians 5:17-21

God The Healer: Day Four: True Peace

Day Four

Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Ephesians 1:2

One cannot have true peace without experiencing God's grace first. Otherwise said, without receiving the grace of God through faith, we cannot receive the peace from God.

When I first became a believer, I knew in my mind about God’s grace but not in my heart. And having the influence of drug-addicted boyfriend, I was secretly believing that I could sin because of God’s grace abounded; a license to sin. I never truly understood the power of His free gift of undeserved favor and the inward change it brought about. It wasn’t until I fell over and over into temptation that I began to understand God’s grace and mercy. At every heartbreak, returning brought a confession of sin and a deeper understanding of God’s grace. And with all the turmoil the distance from God cost caused by my sin, receiving God’s grace brought true peace.

As Paul writes, “Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.”

Take a moment to reflect on how God’s peace has impacted your life and then write about those experiences here.

“The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”