No Good, No Bad; Full Of Nuance: Night Court of Life Lessons Chapter Four

Now, that I got your attention with a blog post entitled" No good, No bad", and an image of John Larroquette as Dan Fielding is plastered across your screen, you are probably already expecting what's to come.   Yes, Dan Fielding, the character known as being a narcissistic sex-fiend district attorney, seems like the appropriate jumping off point for a blog about the good and bad in all people.  You may ask, can any good can be found in Dan Fielding of all people and I shall respond with a qualified YES.  I mean, just look at that face, the face of a charismatic asshole that only a mother could love and plenty of fans alike, mind you. ***

In actual fact, there is a TON more good within the character of Dan Fielding than bad.  Furthermore, if you dove deep into the choices of the other characters, you'd come up finding some bad in each of them, beloved as they all are.  As fans of Night Court, we hold up Dan Fielding as this marking of what not to be both for ourselves and for the other characters, Larroquette's character a beacon of all that is disgusting in society.  Yet, perhaps the most profound reasoning for art is to hold a mirror up to humanity, to reveal within each of us all parts both positive and negative.  Thus, the character Larroquette portrays is one that we love to hate but even more hate to love because his character opens our eyes to our own darker impulses and decisions.

Fans of Night Court, as well as others, find themselves raising up the other characters, especially Harry, in contrast vilifying Dan.  Yet, when Dan enters the scene or the show follows his storyline we cannot take our attention away, we laugh, we shriek, "oh my god, why", and, yes, we even sometimes cry.  A character who is completely saintlike is uninteresting to us equally as much as one that is purely evil.  Fortunately, none of the characters in Night Court fell into either category.  Yeah, you read that right.

The point of good storytelling, whether it be drama or comedy, is the struggle that the character must go through in order to find his or her resolution.  Along the way, antics ensue and situations unfold that may throw a snag into the character getting what they want or need.  The choices they make within the context of each instant is based not just on their sole purpose, but their inner desires and what brought them to this particular moment.  Okay, that's acting and storytelling 101, for you.

The point is, no one person is both good or bad.  Didn't Harry snap at Christine when she was trying to help Bull?  Didn't Christine mis-read Harry and judge him as insensitive? Didn't Mac mis-lead Quon-Le's affection with their marriage? These four characters are those we all look to with great admiration seeking some guidance and wisdom in their words and actions.  Yet, here we have instances when they weren't completely good, they failed another in some fashion, and had to find a way to make it right, if they could, sometimes this backfired and they were left in the lurch.  Yet, again do you recall how Dan, engaged to a rich heiress, chose to stay with her because he truly loved and needed her, instead of being bought out by her father? And, it was Dan who stayed behind in the seedy poolhouse to encourage Harry not to quit when he was ready to walk away.  So, beneath that sleezy exterior of Dan Fielding beat a heart of immense love and loyalty as much as the other characters, perhaps more so for he truly felt and expressed himself to such degree, and that is the biggest reasoning for our love for him.

The point of it all is, people aren't good or bad, but full of nuance.  The nicest person in the world can also be equally as hurtful.  In actual fact, the idea of what it is to be nice or to be mean is subjective and up to conjecture.  This is a lesson I am consistently faced with in my recovery from relationship addictions and energy vampire relationships.  Although the diagnosis of sociopath does exist (and, hell no, dan fielding is NOT one), most people behave in ways based on how their past history affected and influenced them.  Case in point, I have acted in extremely hurtful ways I feel shame for today based on my history of abuse and dyfunction yet somehow I have managed to acquire these beautiful angels of loyal, loving friends who have stayed, never ceasing to believe in me.  (That reality astounds me!)

Therein, the nuance of each person requires us not to label their actions as bad because we are not fond of their choices and ourselves or those we admire as positive.  The truth of the matter is, everyone is capable of both good and bad, including ourselves.

And, that is that. 

'Cause I've got friends in low places

Where the whiskey drowns

And the beer chases my blues away

And I'll be okay

I'm not big on social graces

Think I'll slip on down to the oasis

Oh, I've got friends in low places

Friends In Low Places

***John Larroquette as Dan Fielding is the reason I became an actor, so put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Life Is Short; Hug A Friend: Night Court of Life Lessons Chapter Three

 Life is Short; Hug A Friend

Here we go, chapter three of Night Court of Life Lessons.  Today's lesson is inspired by Night Court Season Three, Episode One, entitled, "Hello, Good-Bye".  In this episode, Christine Sullivan (Markie Post) returns and becomes a series regular, replacing Ellen Foley, but sadly another castmember is missing and that is Selma Diamond who passed in May of that year.  Thus, the crux of the show centers around having to hire a new bailiff as well as the grief over such loss, which especially affects Bull (Richard Moll). This affect is made evidence to all when Bull shows up to work late, heavily inebriated, and surrounded by some interesting circus folk.  ("Meet the gang", he slobbers with a big grin.) Harry immediately calls a recess and the rest of the cast rally Bull into Harry's chambers.  

Bull drunkenly sways around while the rest, especially Harry, attempt to figure out the root cause of Bull's lapse in judgment.  Christine, new to the court and already feeling defensive over her belief that Harry doesn't take her seriously as a woman, tries to offer her service to help Bull, which irritates Harry, furthering Christine's belief of Harry's insensitivity.  As I can understand  Christine's point of view, I can also see why Harry would react the way he was and how she had misjudged him.  I feel like saying "Geez,read the room, Christine", as the stress and anxiety over his friend, Bull's, condition is weakening his ability to be rational and, maybe, "Back off a little, newbie." ***

Eventually, though, Bull confesses his reasoning for drinking was to toast his beloved Selma over and over again, reminding the others of their loss and pain once more.  Harry attempts to encourage Bull that it's time to move on, which does not satisfy or bring any resolution.  I find it interesting that it is Bull, with his more simplistic, naive, child-like mental capacity, that reignites the conversation about death and loss and is unable to distract himself from the heartbreak.  Then, that naivete is what awakens the others to examine and feel their own feelings surrounding Selma's passing.  

After Bull rampages around the courthouse a bit more ending up once again on the rooftop ala Godzilla-style, he is eventually subdued (by Christine fainting) and returns to Harry's chambers, where he and Harry have a deep heart to heart.  Bull inquires of Harry of how to move on when the loss still feels so agonizing, why is there life to live when death is inevitable? 

Harry is silent for a moment before saying: 

"I don't know why we live, 

I don't know why we die, 

but I do know that as long as were here,

we got hold on to each other real tight."**

As Bull takes this in, he is overwhelmed and falls into Harry with a huge squeeze, taken Harry aback before he returns the hug.  As a little girl watching this in my parents' basement, no doubt a rerun on an ABC affiliate that never got the best of reception all grainy and almost black and white, it is most likely that I did not understand the fullness of this statement, however, subconsciously it probably sunk its way into my innermost being.  For I most assuredly have had my fair share of heartbreak, from beloved friends, family members, and pets passing on, to intimate partner violence, church abuse, and many other forms in between, so the lesson of Harry's words have helped comfort and encourage as I have developed the understanding that as in nature, our lives reflect seasons' and different souls people those times for certain purposes for all included, then as the season unravels itself, we depart in some fashion.  Thus, Harry's words have rung true all my life through and I seek to hold on tightly, physically and metaphorically, while our time together is consistent. 

That's What Friends Are For

Oh and then for the times when we're apart

Well, then close your eyes and know

The words are coming from my heart

And then if you can remember

Keep smiling and keep shining

Knowing you can always count on me, for sure

That's what friends are for

In good times and bad times

I'll be on your side forever more

That's what friends are for

**In a previous blog, I wrote how this line broke me, having such a deep admiration and need for Harry in my youth and forever, suddenly aware of the great loss his absence in life has brought.  Read more about that here: Wisdom From Night Court

***I deeply apologize to any of my feminist readers and especially My Markie Post fangirl friends, I mean, no respect.  I loved her too, but this was my impression.  So sue me.

****Florence Halop was hired to replace Selma Diamond as she resembled Selma's character in many ways.  Later on, after Flo passed, Marsha Warfield was hired.  With Flo, especially, I now pause to reflect what it may feel like to be hired to "replace" someone, as if anyone truly can be replaced as well as can another fully be anything but themselves and not the one they replaced.

Stand Up For What You Believe In: Night Court Of Life Lessons Chapter Two

 

Stand Up For What You Believe In: Even If You Stand Alone

Day two of my deep dive into all the lessons ever learned from Night Court and the one for today seems especially of import.  

Being that the show itself took place in a courtroom with thirtysomethings still enthusiastic about the law, doing what's right, and helping people, this was a frequent storyline for many a character, especially that of Harry and the female public defender characters.  See: Ellen Foley as Billie Young in the gif above.  But, some of the other characters had their share of a similar storyline as well, such as Mac marrying Quon-Le so that she could have her citizenship, Bull's attempts at being a father, and, yes, even Dan did the right thing in the end.   The point is, the characters' decision to go into law was heavily fueled by their altruistic desire to stand up for the downtrodden.  As we learned yesterday, this was not always easy to do or were they always successful, leading to a character burn out, ie Harry in the last entry.

Personally, I was especially impacted by these storylines when they followed Harry (well, when wasn't I affected by him) as well as those of the public defender whether it be Billie Young (Ellen Foley) or Christine Sullivan (Markie Post).  Influenced by Harry, of course, because of my great trust and admiration in him, seeing hm as the ultimate father figure, but I am happy to note that my first influence of strong female was introduced to me by Night Court in the likeness of Billie Young and Christine Sullivan.

Both characters' first storyline were marked by their nervous first days' in court coupled with their exuberant desire to do what's right, even if it was against the law and none went with them, even their own clients.  Often this would land them a stint in jail for their disobedience of the law and so they proudly went head held high.  Most of the time, Harry was in support of their stance, although his hands being tied by the requirements of the law, always he was proud of them.  

In fact, all of the characters' held pride in doing what was right even if standing alone, yes, even Dan.  For what other reason was there to follow after this career path, if not to fight for what is right.  So, even if it went against the letter of the law, all had immense pride when one of their own held their ground, even though eventually they had to relinquish.  Because as we learned yesterday from Dan, "we can only do what the law allows", eventually they had to succumb to that reality. 

However, this inner belief remained and kept the fire for justice alive, as they grew they learned how to navigate the fight in a more balanced and productive fashion.

Fight Song

Like a small boat

On the ocean

Sending big waves

Into motion

Like how a single word

Can make a heart open

I might only have one match

But I can make an explosion

Journaling Through The Years Episode 18: Roller Blade Friends Reunite!

It's episode 18! In this episode, I get pretty darn philosophical, I was a kinda a smart kid. I reflect on my tendency even then to seek outwardly for security. Then, I discover what could be called chapter two of the Roller Blade Friends, sans the roller blades this time, sorry. I wonder if we will get more chapters. What do you think happens next? Will the big oafish guy forgive the girl and her soul mate? Will they roller blade off into the sunset?

Only do what you can do: Night Court Of Life Lessons Chapter One

Dan talks to Harry

Right then, here we go.  My first entry in my series on all the lessons I learned from Night Court.  I have spoken profusely in the past about how this show, among others, stands the test of time as my favorite all time show because ultimately it was the first, myself finding it a tender young age, to experience quality in every facet of artistic creation.  And, thus it went deeper than that.  Falling into my desired hope for Harry as father, being influenced by the female characters as strong and able to stand their own aside the boys, choosing acting as my career path because of John Larroquette, the influence of the comedy on my writing, I could go on...

Today, I want to share this lesson, one that strikes my heart deeply especially in my current phase of recovery from codependency and relationship addictions.  Furthermore, as an empath, I have had the propensity in the past to care more for others than myself and need to rescue as a means to distract from my own pain.  This resulted in my entire being and energy force being drained from me.  

After the death of Harry Anderson in 2018, I scoured Youtube for clips of him in Night Court, as well as other forms of entertainment.  The above clip really spoke to me, especially at the end when Dan admits how much he admired Harry, sharing that he was "good, impartial, fair, patient, compassionate, understanding" which felt as if John Larroquette was sharing that about his beloved departed castmember and friend.  Perhaps there is some nugget of truth within that for him yet I do not know for certain, but I do know that those were very words were what I wished to express to Harry Anderson.

Yet, today's focus is on this line of Dan Fielding:

"We can only do what the law will allow us to do."

Indeed, as I have mentioned, as an empath I find myself overdoing my caring and rescuing for another, at the expense of the self.  In this scene, Harry represents that facet of myself, filling more of the burnt out empath role.  As those working in the legal profession in this storyline, Dan tried to explain how fortunate it was that there is a boundary limiting what is allowed, something the codependent and empathic struggle with defining and maintaining.  As Harry balks at this, mourning the loss of the murdered child, Dan shows his heartbreak over that loss yet stands firm in the necessity and power of the law to serve.  Not all can be saved by us, he emphasizes and encourages, yet we still persevere and, in the end, do make a difference.  In classic Dan Fielding, this is expressed through chiding Harry over his "Savior Complex" mentality, wounding Harry which shows Dan he's making an impact whether admitted or not.  

A secondary lesson yet one that is equally of import is the value of a good friend to encourage and admonish when going through struggles, to uplift through authentic honesty.  It's Dan that remains after the others leave, Dan that is not afraid to call Harry out yet underneath that is his compassion to comfort Harry.  Through this, Harry heals and is strengthened, returning to his position as judge, having learned the valuable lesson of setting boundaries within giving, that all have their path to follow, and that we are not meant to be the rescuers and saviors for all.

This is easier said than done.  In our personal lives, it is difficult to put into practice boundary setting without feeling that tug of guilt.  For in the context of Night Court, they had the law on their side establishing that boundary, as Dan explained.  Out of this context, it is our most important duty to establish our own boundaries to protect our hearts and our heart.  For without true personal self care, one cannot be truly of service to another.  

Without taking the time to  heal within, there is no strength to heal without.  

 

Funda-MENTAL-ist: Not Just For Religion Anymore

 "Words, words, words," William Shakespeare proclaimed through his character, Hamlet.  And, indeed, words have such power and such nuance as the definition of such are not always exact, but often based on the world view and experiences of the speaker.  Merely, examining the specific definitions of words in a dictionary shapes our perspective on self, others', and the circumstances we find ourselves therein.  

A Fundamentalist is described as "a person who believes in the strict, literal interpretation of scripture in a religion" whereas an evangelist is defined as "zealous advocacy of a cause."  Because of the behavior and vocal presence of contemporary conservative Christianity, the two are often inter-mixed and mis-used.  However, I would venture to insist that both these words need not be utilized singularly in the realm of religion but can be recognized in other arenas, such as political whether one may profess to be on the side of red or on the side of blue.  

From what I see whether one portrays themselves as an overly zealous progressive left or a hyper-infused conservative right, all religious or spiritual practice aside, their political and social beliefs can find themselves careening into the negative when the dysfuntions of their mind, the undealt with darkness of their souls, takes the reign.

If the word "evangelism" taken by itself with no religious or idealism imposed means to express something positive with the message of bringing hope, ie those who loved a political leader such as Barack Obama or Donald Trump were such evangelists for their cause, the word's meaning alone does not impact the end result caused by the one importing the message.  Someone with the expressed intent of evangelizing can become fundamentalist, nay possibly militant, in their cause when the root of anger and control, the dysfunctional soul, takes ahold.  

In my life, I have friends and acquaintances, those I love and cherish, on both sides of the spectrum of fundamentalism.  Friends that consider themselves evangelistic Christians whose method is increasingly becoming fundamentalist in approach as they are infused more with fearful rhetoric of the world's supposed hatred towards them.  Then, on the left, I have friends who proclaim freedom in opposition towards what those on the right project, yet underneath a marked degree of hatred for what is opposite takes root and spurs on a fundamentalist mindset. Neither side is aware of this, however, as the lack of critical thinking and an over-saturation with media images and an inundation of readily available news has inspired an emotional outcry leaving the masses unable to slow down, ponder, before spewing out a reaction that results in a backlash of anger further and further deepening the divide, plunging each side harder into their own rigid mindsets.

On both sides, whether you be a political progressive, a conservative, a fundamentalist Christian or Muslim, the wordings used are seemingly more important that the intention.  Taking a view at the recent release of Dave Chapelle's latest special, he is found guilty of bigotry towards the transgender community yet without listening to his intentions rather only hearing the incorrect wordings he is vilified.  

Furthermore, during my time of FundaMENTALism, one aspect that led me to leave and reject that chosen path of spirituality, was the emphasis on using the right wordings to express one's faith, mostly led by the wordings the male senior pastor was using at the time, and if one's wordings strayed from that one's walk with God was called into question.  

Neither worldview is aware truly of this lack, getting lost in the outcry of their own voices rather than silencing themselves long enough to truly listen.  The result causes a separation, not just politically, socially, or idealogically, but from each other.  Isolation becomes the norm as each individual presses their face further into the screen, not grasping the nuance of the speaker on the other side, feeling depressed but unable to express and receive adequate help, anger ensues and continues unabatedly.

This lack of true connection leads to always needing to be right and moreover to be better than the other.  Yet perfection for any whatever the belief of such can never be attained.  A person with a left mindset will never fully reach their true perfection if that is what they are seeking rather than allowing themselves to revel in the highs and lows of the journey of their soul's purpose and evolution.  Thus, on the side of the right religious, the same occurs with a rampant fear of expressing one's failures and such deepens the separation.  

Recently, in my local region, a well-to-do church was besought with a scandal that I believe was caused by this needing to be perfect, to fall in line, and consequential division.  The Senior Pastor faced a result of his isolation and lack of authenticity with self by his extramaritial dalliances being exposed forcing his position within the framework of the church to be changed.  In my past, during my deconstruction, I would be angered by this hypocricy and want to use it as fodder to fuel others to leave said church.  However, as I read the article, I found myself feeling an expressed degree of sadness for those attending the church, the pastor's wife and children, the other woman involved if that be the case, and, moreover, for the pastor himself.  For each involved were never allowed to truly discover, choose, and express the fullness of who they are rather had to fall in line with that which was imposed on them by a fundamentalist system.

This illness is not something subject only to the Conservative Christian with the other side immune in their supposed enlightenment.  No, indeed, rather any belief structure that becomes rigid in its enforcement and wordings loses its freedoms and causes those that believe such to lose their ability to discover their true selves and pathways. 

Journaling Through The Years Episode 17: Remain Unlocked During Business...

In this episode, I reveal how reading these journals has given me fresh insight into just the ways that I have used distractions and busyness to fend off love & how I am working to change that. I read a funny story based on some real life friendships I had in high school imagining our lives when we would be all grown up in our twenties. Two words: "Roller Blades."