Journaling Through The Years, Episode 39: Everything, Everything Night ...

In this episode, I share some journal entries reflecting on my longtime love and heart need for what I know to be the BEST TV SHOW EVER, Night Court, of course. I share an interesting dream about kinda sorta meeting Harry Anderson, see: it didn't go that well & then share a funny cast list I wrote as a kid. I discuss why I felt the need to hide this love and need as a child. Dedicated to Night Court and my Night Court Twitter Fam, the Night Courtiers. Current Gofundmes: DJ Michael J. Hearne https://www.gofundme.com/.../please-help-michael-and-meme... All funds will go towards securing regular housing for Michael so he can concentrate on job security. Elizabeth Suzanne: https://www.gofundme.com/.../help-return-elizabeth-to-her... A devastating heartbreak has set Elizabeth back in life. Please help her regain her footing and acquire the medical coverage needed to help her recover her thrive.

Mistakes Life's Greatest Teachers: Night Court Of Life Lessons Chapter Fourteen

 

Mistakes Life's Greatest Teachers

If your friends are meant to be there for you no matter what, through thick and thin, then the myriad of faces that tread across the courtroom floor of the original Night Court are just that, friends to the end throughout the good and the bad.  The choices of each character brought about amusing storylines but also went deeper than that to reveal the true power of unconditional and nonjugmental acceptance of another and the support that involves in developing one's personal confidence and self worth.  Of this, I can attest to as I continue forward in my soul's evolution recognizing the value of healthy relation and that that isn't.  

These characters had their fair share of honest and not so fair choices that led to mistakes, however, this helped further the growth of their development into a truly better soul.  These include Bull's rapid decision to quit his job as bailiff to take up work as a professional wrestler, a myriad of Dan's quick get ahead decisions or one night stands, Harry's reaction to being called a "Pig" which led him to walk away from the bench, and Christina or Billie's naive decision to stand up for what they believed was right for the clients even if it flew in the face of the law.  In each decision made, they were led down the winding pathway until the destruction, leading them to face themselves and own their mistakes.  With each step, their friends and colleagues followed them throughout, finding themselves both amused by the antics that were caused by the choices made while also expressing concern towards their loved one.  In the end, it was these loved ones that gently (or sometimes not so) helped their friend dust themselves, return to their feet, and continue forward, albeit a bit abashed but not worse for the wear, in fact, better because of the circumstances. 

In a very real sense, the mistakes made were the greatest of teachers that taught the lessons needed to shape the soul into its truest and highest self.  Such is the same with us, as we stumble through this life, sometimes faltering with our choices and finding a door slamming in our faces, we need not bemoan ourselves for our mistakes or hearing that resounding "No" echoing within our soul weakening our self worth, but rather see these deadends as not our demise but an opportunity to turn, reflecting within, and begin again.  

Stephanie Powers, the host of the podcast, "Lightworkers Lounge" famously shares that 'failures are not endings, but opportunities for new beginnings' (paraphrase). 

You take me to another space in time
You take me to a higher place
So I'm, I'm about to get out of the race
I don't mind
You ought to know that everything's nothing if I don't have you

A Higher Place

Find out more about Stephanie Powers & L ightworkers Lounger at: Lightworkers Lounge

Life Is Short; Hug A Friend: Night Court of Life Lessons Chapter Three

 Life is Short; Hug A Friend

Here we go, chapter three of Night Court of Life Lessons.  Today's lesson is inspired by Night Court Season Three, Episode One, entitled, "Hello, Good-Bye".  In this episode, Christine Sullivan (Markie Post) returns and becomes a series regular, replacing Ellen Foley, but sadly another castmember is missing and that is Selma Diamond who passed in May of that year.  Thus, the crux of the show centers around having to hire a new bailiff as well as the grief over such loss, which especially affects Bull (Richard Moll). This affect is made evidence to all when Bull shows up to work late, heavily inebriated, and surrounded by some interesting circus folk.  ("Meet the gang", he slobbers with a big grin.) Harry immediately calls a recess and the rest of the cast rally Bull into Harry's chambers.  

Bull drunkenly sways around while the rest, especially Harry, attempt to figure out the root cause of Bull's lapse in judgment.  Christine, new to the court and already feeling defensive over her belief that Harry doesn't take her seriously as a woman, tries to offer her service to help Bull, which irritates Harry, furthering Christine's belief of Harry's insensitivity.  As I can understand  Christine's point of view, I can also see why Harry would react the way he was and how she had misjudged him.  I feel like saying "Geez,read the room, Christine", as the stress and anxiety over his friend, Bull's, condition is weakening his ability to be rational and, maybe, "Back off a little, newbie." ***

Eventually, though, Bull confesses his reasoning for drinking was to toast his beloved Selma over and over again, reminding the others of their loss and pain once more.  Harry attempts to encourage Bull that it's time to move on, which does not satisfy or bring any resolution.  I find it interesting that it is Bull, with his more simplistic, naive, child-like mental capacity, that reignites the conversation about death and loss and is unable to distract himself from the heartbreak.  Then, that naivete is what awakens the others to examine and feel their own feelings surrounding Selma's passing.  

After Bull rampages around the courthouse a bit more ending up once again on the rooftop ala Godzilla-style, he is eventually subdued (by Christine fainting) and returns to Harry's chambers, where he and Harry have a deep heart to heart.  Bull inquires of Harry of how to move on when the loss still feels so agonizing, why is there life to live when death is inevitable? 

Harry is silent for a moment before saying: 

"I don't know why we live, 

I don't know why we die, 

but I do know that as long as were here,

we got hold on to each other real tight."**

As Bull takes this in, he is overwhelmed and falls into Harry with a huge squeeze, taken Harry aback before he returns the hug.  As a little girl watching this in my parents' basement, no doubt a rerun on an ABC affiliate that never got the best of reception all grainy and almost black and white, it is most likely that I did not understand the fullness of this statement, however, subconsciously it probably sunk its way into my innermost being.  For I most assuredly have had my fair share of heartbreak, from beloved friends, family members, and pets passing on, to intimate partner violence, church abuse, and many other forms in between, so the lesson of Harry's words have helped comfort and encourage as I have developed the understanding that as in nature, our lives reflect seasons' and different souls people those times for certain purposes for all included, then as the season unravels itself, we depart in some fashion.  Thus, Harry's words have rung true all my life through and I seek to hold on tightly, physically and metaphorically, while our time together is consistent. 

That's What Friends Are For

Oh and then for the times when we're apart

Well, then close your eyes and know

The words are coming from my heart

And then if you can remember

Keep smiling and keep shining

Knowing you can always count on me, for sure

That's what friends are for

In good times and bad times

I'll be on your side forever more

That's what friends are for

**In a previous blog, I wrote how this line broke me, having such a deep admiration and need for Harry in my youth and forever, suddenly aware of the great loss his absence in life has brought.  Read more about that here: Wisdom From Night Court

***I deeply apologize to any of my feminist readers and especially My Markie Post fangirl friends, I mean, no respect.  I loved her too, but this was my impression.  So sue me.

****Florence Halop was hired to replace Selma Diamond as she resembled Selma's character in many ways.  Later on, after Flo passed, Marsha Warfield was hired.  With Flo, especially, I now pause to reflect what it may feel like to be hired to "replace" someone, as if anyone truly can be replaced as well as can another fully be anything but themselves and not the one they replaced.

Stand Up For What You Believe In: Night Court Of Life Lessons Chapter Two

 

Stand Up For What You Believe In: Even If You Stand Alone

Day two of my deep dive into all the lessons ever learned from Night Court and the one for today seems especially of import.  

Being that the show itself took place in a courtroom with thirtysomethings still enthusiastic about the law, doing what's right, and helping people, this was a frequent storyline for many a character, especially that of Harry and the female public defender characters.  See: Ellen Foley as Billie Young in the gif above.  But, some of the other characters had their share of a similar storyline as well, such as Mac marrying Quon-Le so that she could have her citizenship, Bull's attempts at being a father, and, yes, even Dan did the right thing in the end.   The point is, the characters' decision to go into law was heavily fueled by their altruistic desire to stand up for the downtrodden.  As we learned yesterday, this was not always easy to do or were they always successful, leading to a character burn out, ie Harry in the last entry.

Personally, I was especially impacted by these storylines when they followed Harry (well, when wasn't I affected by him) as well as those of the public defender whether it be Billie Young (Ellen Foley) or Christine Sullivan (Markie Post).  Influenced by Harry, of course, because of my great trust and admiration in him, seeing hm as the ultimate father figure, but I am happy to note that my first influence of strong female was introduced to me by Night Court in the likeness of Billie Young and Christine Sullivan.

Both characters' first storyline were marked by their nervous first days' in court coupled with their exuberant desire to do what's right, even if it was against the law and none went with them, even their own clients.  Often this would land them a stint in jail for their disobedience of the law and so they proudly went head held high.  Most of the time, Harry was in support of their stance, although his hands being tied by the requirements of the law, always he was proud of them.  

In fact, all of the characters' held pride in doing what was right even if standing alone, yes, even Dan.  For what other reason was there to follow after this career path, if not to fight for what is right.  So, even if it went against the letter of the law, all had immense pride when one of their own held their ground, even though eventually they had to relinquish.  Because as we learned yesterday from Dan, "we can only do what the law allows", eventually they had to succumb to that reality. 

However, this inner belief remained and kept the fire for justice alive, as they grew they learned how to navigate the fight in a more balanced and productive fashion.

Fight Song

Like a small boat

On the ocean

Sending big waves

Into motion

Like how a single word

Can make a heart open

I might only have one match

But I can make an explosion

No FU!

           

September sad and softly
Leaves are starting to fall
I recall, last time you were here
Your laughter a melody that lingers still

There's a hole in my heart and I'll carry it wherever I go
Like a treasure that travels with me down every road
There's this longing lonesome ending kind of bitter, kind of sweet
There's a hole in my heart in the shape of you

It has become an all too frequent reality that whenever someone or the collective have a particularly hard year, as we all have been through many in the last several years, it is the thing to proclaim "FU" to the year itself.  And, as it were, this year I could proclaim thus.  

On April 23 of this year, I lost one of best friends, Catherine Hansen, due to cancer.  Also, this year I lost Charles Robinson, who played Mac Robinson on my all time favorite TV show, Night Court, on July 12th.  Then, only a few weeks later, another beloved from the aforementioned TV show, Markie Post, last her battle with cancer on August 7th, 2021.  

It was August 8th, 2021, the day that it was reported of Markie's death, that I found on my mind quickly passing to my lips, "Well FU 2021".  But I quickly stopped myself, before falling into that trap of a mindset, as I have been able to do in years recently past.

Markie, Catherine, and Charles were deeply loved by beloved family, close friends, and doting fans alike.  They were able in their lives to thrive creatively and bring much light and love to the world.  They will surely be missed and the absence is already felt.  

In the wake of this loss, do I have the right to bemoan the year as the worst yet?  Some might say I could.  However, I choose not to, but instead to learn and evolve through the pain, heart-ache, and struggle.  I can remember fondly the beautiful memories created alongside Catherine and the lessons of strength and endurance she passed onto myself and to so many.  By looking at Markie and Charles, as well as Harry Anderson's demise in 2018, I can reflect on, although I did not know that personally, their presence in my life through the TV screen was necessary for me in my early days of life, during which the traumatic experience was newly beginning and fresh.  With that, I can understand that in their deaths coinciding with my intense dive into healing from PTSD is a rebirth for their souls as it is for mine.  Their leaving this plane of existence unto whatever comes next relates to my healing and evolving forward past the pain of my childhood.  Thus, each of these beloved souls are now healers and teachers in their leaving much as they were when they stood with me in the flesh of this life.

The life we lead is built on the joys and the heart-ache, the highs and the lows.  It is not normal or healthy to want to be, always strive to be comfortable, for you never shall and so desiring that will only lead to more discomfort.  I often sarcastically quip that the nickname for my fellow citizens should be "WAB" short for "Whiny American Babies".  Yes, the whiny baby mentality may not be merely only an American thing, but despite my learned background and travels about the world I still only really know myself and my culture as a frame of reference.  

A podcaster I listen to frequently, Stephanie Powers, of the Lightworkers Lounge often says that 'Rejection is just projection in another direction'.  Taken this further, we can begin to view our struggles not as reason to whine, bemoan, nor should we stay locked in an eternal place of suffering for thus we shall never truly escape, but we can begin to realize that in the struggles and heart-ache growth will arrive, true evolution of the soul will continue forward, out of the ashes arrives beauty.

Even though my heart aches
There's a smile on my face
Just like a window to heaven
There's a light shining through

Hear more about these self discoveries of mine in my podcast, the FanGirl Hour, https://anchor.fm/fangirling/episodes/The-bearing-of-my-soul-e15l8nh

                                          

 

Dear Markie Post: Journaling Through The Years Episode Two

My Favorite TV Show Ever!

I just wish there was some book, something to explain and help navigate. I just wish it didn't hurt so bad. Endings.

I look at the faces in the photo above and my heart swells with joy.  I grew up in a smaller Northern Californian city, in the outskirts of the back of beyond on five acres in a rural neighborhood. I spent my childhood rambling through the hills, the woods, the streams, freely.  I never claimed to be a tomboy, that's absurd, but I do define myself proudly and always as a country girl.

My imagination was my closet friend and my best escape.  It was then and is still today.

As I ventured into pre-teen and adolescence, my need to disappear from reality as the hormones began to rage within me grew to an increasing wave inside.  After school, I would come home, grab my oreos, and head to the basement to distract myself with the likes of TV shows such as Animaniacs, Abbot & Costello (when I said I studied comedy from an early age, I meant it) and somewhere along the way I discovered Night Court.  And, my world went from the dull sepia to the vibrancy of color.  

One can talk about the greatness of the show, although at the time under appreciated, the talent both onscreen and off, the writing, but for me it went to a deeper level. I was hooked, although most of the jokes went above my head, it mattered not to me.  Something in the story-line, the characters' connection, was very vivid and real to me.  As much as I have affection and admiration for the five other actors, the main focus of the connection was the lead, Harry Anderson.  His presence onscreen was delightfully humorous (even though I did not get all the jokes at that young age), but he also had this sweet sensitivity and warmth within his comedy that resonated with me.  (Also, his last name was the same as my family surname,  keep that relevancy in your mind.)

I was a lonely, sad child despite my many friends and rambling imagination.  My small school did not have a drama department or much to offer in the arena of the arts.  I had to go three cities over to take drama classes and voice lessons.  Worth it it was, but it did leave a big chasm in my social connections close at home.  My friends would marvel and laugh at me over my love of this show, but I cared not.  A friend and I came up with a special swim for this show.  That's right.  It was a version of the breast stroke whereas we pop our heads above water and say "Night", then under the water, up again with "Court" and onwards to the end and back.  I told you I was a comedy geek.  

Also, this was before the onset the Internet, I had to really hunt for information on Night Court.  These actors would not be found in the pages of Teenbeat or the like.  Imagine, Richard Moll, aka Bull Shannon, doing a sexy spread with screaming girls' drooling...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0y-7lcuFHDo

I think not.

Ultimately, I was a lonely, sad child, despite my many friends and siblings.  I didn't feel there was anyone that I could connect to, that could truly understand my creative and weird sense of humor.  And, that's a very lonely place to be.  With Night Court, I found six individuals who demonstrated characters who were unabashedly real in their wacky and weird lives.  I wanted Christine's hair-style.  Wait, let me clarify, you remember the shoulder length one with the bangs, yeah, that one.  That was so stylish and cute.  And, she was strong, sassy, smart, and beautiful.  She was exactly who I wanted to be then and when I grew up.  I watched in awe of the talents of John Larroquette and Harry Anderson.  I wanted to do what they were doing.  Well, I didn't want to lust over bimbo girls or make wacky practical jokes (well maybe the latter) but what I wanted was to act.  They inspired me to pursue my dream of acting.  And, during the close-up end scenes of Night Court, when Harry made a touching monologue of import, I listened and looked deeply at his caring, sympathetic eyes and longed for him to look at me with those eyes and to listen to me.  I was looking for a sympathetic, warm father figure.  I just wanted someone to listen.

As the years went by, I ventured into adulthood and the busyness of life, never truly forgetting Night Court.  In 2006, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 which set me on a journey to soul-searching recovery and healing.  I realize now that I have sought for years to fill the hole of caring "daddy" in various ways from my favorite high school teacher to a brief stint in a conservative Christian worldview.  Yes, I now see that whole experience in the mad mad church years was to fill that vacancy.  But, in truth, there was only one that filled that spot in my heart, that of Harry Anderson.  

The Shape Of You

As I got older, I always hoped to tell him just what he had meant to me.  How he helped, without knowing, a scared little girl feel safe and loved, if only for a half an hour each week.  

Then this week, I received a crushing blow.  He was gone.

Perhaps there is some lesson to be learned in his loss before the others.  Daddy's passed on, Lia, time to grow up.  Never forget the joy he brought, the magic he infused into your heart, carry it with you, but move forward.  So, this week as I read the twitter posts and such from his cast-members, those oh so familiar faces, as I scan photo after photo, religiously watch video after video on YouTube of Night Court and his other works all with a desire to connect with others feeling this lack, to find some solace as we all collectively unite in our grief and healing.  

Our Parting Words To Harry Anderson

These last three days I've taken long walks and spent some time in deep pondering.  I've let tears flow from a broken heart.  I've indulged in oreos as I fondly remembered my child-like self.  And, I've felt a message from Harry as I watched the videos left behind:

"Take Life Less Seriously."

I will.  We all will. Thank you, Harry, for sharing your magic, your light, and your love with us.  You were truly one of a kind.  

And, from my heart, thank you to Papa Harry and the entire cast of Night Court for filling a scared, little girl's heart with hope of a better life.  I am alive today, pursuing my art and acting career because of each of you.

The Story Of My Life

I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

Anywhere, I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride

You're the one that I love

And I'm saying goodbye

(excerpt from "Say Something(I'm giving up on you)" by A Great Big World)