Lexie Richards from Dixie Swim Club at Barnstormers Theatre
On New Years Eve, entering 2019, I held a happy and somewhat quiet little shindig at my home. One of the activities was to design vision boards for the year to come. On mine, I placed a magazine cut out of a woman's large breasts wearing a lacy bra. No, this wasn't because I was wanting to dabble in any sort of homosexuality leanings, not that there is anything wrong with that, I just don't swing that way. But, no it was because I was asking the Universe, God, what have you, to bring into my life all that is needed for a breast reduction. I was ready to do what it took to reduce the balls of flesh hanging from my thin frame.
The thing is, in order to get the procedure covered, you have to prove that its a physical health concern. And, in some ways, it is, I think. I mean, I do have back pain issues and find it increasingly harder to wear a bra for a considerable amount of time and have to frequently look for new bras as the chest size keeps enlarging itself, although the rest of me appears to lose weight.
Then, in late February of this year, something amazing happened. I got cast in a play that will forever live in my heart, for the character I played (see above photo), the other characters, the bond I formed with the actresses whose stage I shared, the director and crew, and the story-line. It was at my beloved Barnstormers' Theatre in Grants Pass, Oregon and to date my most beloved role on that stage yet. The character, Lexie Richards, is a devoted friend to her college swim-mates yet can appear a bit vain, as she continually seeks to stem off the tide of aging by increasingly going under the knife; anything from plastic surgery, breast implants, and buttocks implants. To this, I joked with my cast and crew, I, the actress, am wanting a breast reduction. They laughed with me.
But, Lexie, among a myriad of other realities this year, helped heal and transform my views on my body in an unique and powerful way. Lexie was proud of what she could do to improve her body, yet she was not lacking in intelligence, commonsense, or compassion. She was a steadfast and loyal confident and companion to each of her four sisters. She was capable enough to weather many a divorce and to hold a successful business. In short, she was no ditz.
I took that into my being, as I do any character who truly I become one with, as I continued on in the year. In my mind, I was still wanting that breast reduction.
But there was a shift in my understanding that affected my desire for the reduction. I realized I, myself, was hating on my body by wanting this reduction. I realized that there were still some hold over feelings of disgust from the years of abuse from the church, who basically preached rape culture in that if a guy looks at me lustfully, well, its my fault, and so much more.
This, and developing feelings for an old flame, led me to a deeper and deeper appreciation of my body as it was given to me. I have joked with friends that I got my body from my Grandma (who died this last winter). She, too, was of the top-heavy sort, large breasts, thin every where else, the Barbie Doll Body Variety! My mother confided in me once that Grandma always had wanted a breast reduction, like me.
But perhaps there is a deeper lesson to learn, one that my dear grandmother Margaret, never was truly able to comprehend. My large breasts and "Barbie" doll body do not reflect anything negative about me. My body, this skin suit, that carries all my inner organs about with me, is part of me and always has been. I can be truly proud as the years have progressed, that I still look as healthy, perky, and, to be blunt, sexy as I do. This doesn't mean I'm easy or stupid, its just who I am.
For that, I am grateful. Do I want or need the breast reduction? Time will foretell, but for now, I am growing increasingly more content with who I am and how I look.
I took that into my being, as I do any character who truly I become one with, as I continued on in the year. In my mind, I was still wanting that breast reduction.
But there was a shift in my understanding that affected my desire for the reduction. I realized I, myself, was hating on my body by wanting this reduction. I realized that there were still some hold over feelings of disgust from the years of abuse from the church, who basically preached rape culture in that if a guy looks at me lustfully, well, its my fault, and so much more.
This, and developing feelings for an old flame, led me to a deeper and deeper appreciation of my body as it was given to me. I have joked with friends that I got my body from my Grandma (who died this last winter). She, too, was of the top-heavy sort, large breasts, thin every where else, the Barbie Doll Body Variety! My mother confided in me once that Grandma always had wanted a breast reduction, like me.
But perhaps there is a deeper lesson to learn, one that my dear grandmother Margaret, never was truly able to comprehend. My large breasts and "Barbie" doll body do not reflect anything negative about me. My body, this skin suit, that carries all my inner organs about with me, is part of me and always has been. I can be truly proud as the years have progressed, that I still look as healthy, perky, and, to be blunt, sexy as I do. This doesn't mean I'm easy or stupid, its just who I am.
For that, I am grateful. Do I want or need the breast reduction? Time will foretell, but for now, I am growing increasingly more content with who I am and how I look.
You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to, give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing
www.cafegirlproductions.com
www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions
You don't have to, give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing
www.cafegirlproductions.com
www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions
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