Once More, We Meet.

Last summer while on set filming, Mind-Sick, I asked the set photographer to snap a shot of the three of us, the two individuals in this photo that will be known only as "Theresa" and "Doctor", respectively.  Later, when the photographer sent it to me, as I took the image in, a realization dawned on  me.

The three of us had danced around each other for years, not truly knowing or spending much time with each other, having a loose connection yet deep within feeling drawn to one another.  Then, in 2016, we happily joined forces to birth our little Doctor Who fan fiction web-series. The years rolled forward and the little series grew into so much more, more faces joining alongside to continue the beautiful tapestry of our creativity into a reality. 

But, its these two that have remained an ever present closeness in the depths of my heart, a kinship and understanding that, despite not always seeing the whites of our eyeballs on the regular, has always been an ever present truth.  Ten years my junior, I watched as they battled against the late twenties struggles, their faces at times a turmoil of reflected inner emotional growth, confused, searching, grasping at some semblance of stability.  I stood present with open arms and an open heart, trying to be patient yet fighting the urge to race over, to rescue, to hold, to promise, "its gonna be okay, you'll survive, I promise, I'm here, little brother, little sister, I'm here."  I couldn't do that, I knew.  They did not want or need that.  I was there, to support, to uplift, to send waves of healing energy and strength as they persevered.  To stand firm in myself, reflecting my journey through the highs and lows of life,  honestly, purely, without fear of reprisal.  And, they persevered.  They made it!  The early thirties rolled around and the struggles on their faces diminished.  Imagine my pleasure as I saw the glow of light and love reflected from within them, finally at peace, safe in their own skin.  Joy, rapture, gratitude!

Studying the photo once again and the others that follow, the truth came flying up into my face, hitting my mind, reaching downwards into my heart.  This isn't our first go around.  Truly, truly, like the song says, its been A Thousand Years.  (Hint: that's a connection to our time-lord selves found in the TimeKeys story.  Watch it on Facebook or YouTube.  Ha, ha, yeah, Theresa, Doctor, I know I'm always marketing.  Didn't we say my gravestone would read, "Watch Timekeys?"  So there.)

Truth be told, I now realize that this is not the first time our souls have met, we three have traveled through this universe in many ages before, most likely centuries, in a variety of different forms and relationships.  (Yes, Theresa, most likely there was a romantic element, perhaps you with Doctor, then happily you and I, so get over it!  We were possibly siblings, maybe.  Lessons learned, connections made, relationships for all of time formed.  Get it?)

 Good.  Let's move on, shall we?

So, here three are, beautiful souls entwined for all eternity, learning together, helping one another heal, conquer the pains of our heart to overcome and be truly free.  Perhaps this is the final time and we'll ascend to the heights above, dancing amongst the stars.  Won't that be grand? Or perhaps we will come back, finding each other in the midst of the chaos of this world, bringing hope, light, healing not only to each other but to others.  Now, that's pretty grand indeed.  Are you down? I am.

Gentle reader, whatever the spiritual practice you profess, I do not mean to convert, condemn, or proselytize you to my way of thinking, to my own spiritual discoveries.  I've had enough of that in my past to suit just nicely.  This is not only to overwhelm my Doctor, my Theresa, with the necessary dosages of love that needs to be bestowed on them on the regular, but for the purpose of sharing my journey deeper within the confines of my own spiritual understandings.  

Since I left the confinement of conservative Christianity nine years ago, I've traveled a bumpy road of confusion of self, spirituality, and the divine as I break free from the manipulations of those abusing their religious power.  I've delved deep into a variety of spiritual texts and practises, gleaning truths from all.  I've come not only to the realization of this truth, the existence of past lives, but more importantly my spirituality is mine alone, mostly to bring my peace, well being, and evolution.  This journey has brought me to the revelation that I no longer need or value a structured organizational religious system to instruct my spiritual understandings, but can find connection through so many varieties, most assuredly my artistic endeavors, for in that I feel the world is brought to a higher vibration of love.  Moreover, I need not attempt to convince, control, condemn, but merely be a witness of the peace within, to share light, healing, love, and acceptance to those brought into my path.  Simply that.

These blessed souls I have introduced in this blog are two that have helped shape my new understandings, have helped bring healing and strength to my soul, sometimes weary itself.  By the very nature of their gentle, loving faithfulness, they have lifted me up and beyond all setbacks.  For that, I stand as a witness for them and with them.  Dear friends, truly I would walk 500 miles.  

And, well, I already did.  So, 500 more?  And, then 500 more? You Got It.  Its done.  

Onwards. 

One Final Time

Ruby left the vault of the subway terminal and ascended slowly amidst the crowds to the upper level of the city. She silently made her way through the streets, alive with the sounds of taxi-cab drivers honking, the bustle of the Christmas season flowing through those passing by, the hurried feel of the city, and quickly she made her way to her apartment complex.

In the elevator, she crossed her fingers, hoping for a message on her machine when she got home. When the light dinged on her floor, she hurriedly exited and made her way to her apartment door.

Gingerly setting her guitar case down on the sofa, she moved over to her kitchen. There on the answering machine was the blinking red light signaling that “someone” had called. She sucked in her breath, silently praying to hear the familiar voice of him, Rob, that is. Closing her eyes, she pressed the play button.

“Hi, its me,” came the voice of Tera. “I can't wait to see you. Just to remind you my flight comes in at 11 am tomorrow at LaGuardia, can't wait to see you!! Love you, bye!”

The answering machine came to a halt. Silence filled the apartment. He had not called. It had been two weeks since she'd even heard from him, she felt her heart crumble and her stomach form in knots. It was hard even to get excited to see her best friend. She moved over to her refrigerator and opened it, scanning for god knows what. Cold mac-n-cheese seemed the best solution at this moment.

Without bothering to heat it in the microwave, she grabbed a clean fork from the drawer and moved into the couch, digging into the tupperware that held the food. She huddled down, grabbed the remote, and let her mind roam as the channels surfed before her eyes.

Outside in the city, snow started to descend, leaving a white residue of cold memory in its wake. She was taken back, back to her first meeting with Rob. Outside class at the coffee shop, they had run into each other, joking about the weather and the inexpensive décor of their surroundings before ending up romping together in the bed of a hotel-room. Thus began the nature of their relationship, but Ruby always hoped, longed for, wanted it to be something more. She sighed as she turned her attention back to the TV, a mindless sitcom opening began in the background and her eyes dulled as she watched it, staring before her. She fell asleep.

The phone was ringing. She sat up, suddenly. The tv was blaring some infomerical and everything else was dark. She got up and stumbled towards the noise of the phone. Picking it up, she rasped into the phone,

“Yeah?”

“Well, hello there, you,” came the familiar voice which brought a thrill to Ruby all the way down to her core. “Did I call to late?”

“No, no,” she said quickly and without thinking, her guard down with her excitement that he had finally called. “What time is it anyway?”

“Just past ten,” he said. “So, how the hell are you?”

“Doing all right,” she lied. “What have you been doing?”

“Um, busy with work, you know,” he stated and a little too quickly. She wondered how much of this statement was true. “You want to hang out?”

“Yeah, come on by,” she answered and a little too quickly. Her insides were already throbbing with excitement and desire.

“See you soon,” he said and they both hung up. She moved around her apartment, quickly cleaning up all that she saw, lighting candles to heighten the sensuality of the room, before heading off to shower and freshen up.

About a half hour later, she heard a knock at the door. She answered, her robe falling open to reveal her newly bought red lingerie, inviting him inside.

He left the next morning, crawling out of her bed after kissing her softly on the lips, seemingly before the sun had risen. She wondered when or if she would see him again.

Pulling herself together, she got up, started the coffee, and began her day. Changing the sheets on the bed was the first priority before she shared it with Tera for the four days she was here. Ruby gulped. Four days without sharing a bed with Rob.

At a little before 2, she made her way through LaGuardia, standing at the gate watching for her friend to appear running towards her full of excitement.   

A Thousand Miles

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