All Laid Bare

Recently, on my social media, I began sharing the darker side of my soul. It came to me that many may think this is me bragging or not taking responsibility. Nothing could be further from the truth. I take full responsibility for my past actions, abuses, and behaviors, and know fully the harm they caused for myself personally and others.

The reality of it all is that we, humans, are a people of nuance, not just light or dark, but a mixture of both. In society, and increasingly with the advent of social media, we seek to hide our not so nice moments in the dark, hoping that they shall never reach the light of day. We then plaster our social media pages with pictures of the happiness of our life, perhaps hoping to prove to ourselves as well as to others.

Now, I am very pro-being thankful and having a gratitude list, as it is valuable, but what when the positive is all we care to reveal, all we care ourselves to look at. We are hiding truths from ourselves, a dis-service to ourselves as well as to others, as we are not living in full authenticity.

What if we shared all of ourselves? What then? What if we lived in full authenticity, our thoughts, behaviors, actions from past and the present shared for all to see...

During the 2000s, I had my first real breakdown which led to my initial diagnosis. It was during this time that I spun out of control with my anger and hurt a lot of people I truly care about with my words and actions.

I can never take back what I did to those individuals as well as to others I hurt throughout my lives. I am constantly in awe of the friendships that have remained throughout my life, holding those so dear with such gratitude. I wonder why so many have stayed who have seen such of my darkness...

All I can do for those whose presence in my life has long since ended because of my behavior is to send love backwards to all of them, thank them profusely for the purpose they proved in my life, and realize the greatness of what purpose it caused in me.

It led to my recovery, my healing, to where I am today. Finally, on the other side, whole, complete, centered, positive relationships only, little to no drama. I made it.

And, as I sit here on the other side of yesterday, I see now another purpose lighting my vision. I am one who has forayed into the utmost darkness of my own soul as well as others, who has come out the other side, into the light, with gratitude, and become more whole.

My purpose then is to be fully & truthfully authentic, to bear the light of healing for others, so as they may fully & truthfully live in their authentic selves.

Thank you for all of those who came across my path. I cherish our times together & the love you gave.