Camp
ended and the early days of September descended upon the earth, with
it came the beginning of another school year. Also, another new
beginning for Ruby, a first of so many. With it, came the entrance
of Matt, her first kiss, first date, first boyfriend. Hoping to
drown out any thought of Les and even that of his relationship with
Jess proved unsuccessful to Ruby. He remained an ever constant
thought, a memory inspiring love, in her life. Wherever she went,
albeit apart from him and with no connection to Crowshaven, she felt
him with her, felt a longing for him that could not be described or
equaled with anyone else on this earth that she knew.
Matt's
allure to her was his ability to be mysterious and set apart from the
rest of the world. And, he smoked cigarettes and was the grand old
age of 18 years to her 16. This age difference seemed vast and so
grown up to her, she who felt a constant need to escape from her life
and her surroundings. Also, these facts of Matt's life choices were
a obvious deterrent to her father's liking him, thus made him more
desirable.
But,
three months into their relationship, Matt ran off with her high
school chum, Holly, who claimed it just “happened” and Ruby found
herself once again, alone, confiding in a carton of Ben & Jerry's
Phish food, tearfully watching chick flicks and Wayne's World on
repeat with Tera. Secretly, the urge to harm herself, to end it all,
began re-emerging with herself. The only solace became her journal
and her song writing which began to put forth songs of emotional
despondency and longing.
“Where
have you gone? My heart is broken, an unending loneliness resides
inside,” she wrote and crooned accordingly.
So,
many times her hand reached for her portable phone, willing herself
to dial the numbers of Les, and then placing the receiver back on its
holder. He'd call if he really wanted to, besides he's probably
madly in love with Jess and half way to the altar by now.
The
voices in her head of depression grew to a fevered pitch and she ran
off into the woods with a bottle of Tylenol and water, ready to leave
this mortal coil. And, for some odd reason, that was the time that
Les decided to call, for the reason of inviting her to his birthday
shindig that following weekend. For some reason, she found herself
moodily entering her bedroom, despondent that she couldn't even
attempt suicide, just as the phone was ringing.
“Hello?”
she croaked into the phone, placing her tear stained face against the
cool receiver.
“Hi,”
the male voice on the other end of the phone began. “Are you
okay?”
“Um,”
was all she could say and then, “Who is this?”
“Its
Trip, I mean, Les, oh you know.”
“Oh,
hi,” she gulped. “How are you?”
“I'm
doing well, you?” he asked and she breathed a very long, heavy
sigh. She found herself able to open up to him then, the only person
who had ever really listened and helped her begin again.
“I
don't want to live anymore,” was all she could say.
“Did
you do anything?”
“I
tried to, I want to,” she admitted. He sighed heavily and then
said,
“You
need to tell your parents and your parents, okay?”
“Yeah,
yeah, all right,” she agreed.
“And
then, call me, okay?” He basically demanded. “And you have to
live, I'm having a birthday party this weekend and I want to see you
there, no excuses.”
“All
right,” she said and despite of the situation she laughed a little.
Then,
she found herself in her doctor's office, her parents on either side
of her, and her very unapproachable psychiatrist telling her that he
was going to “raise her anti-depressants” once more to curb off
the suicidal ideation. But, within her heart, she already felt a
sense of healing, Les was back somewhat in her life as a comrade in
arms, a faithful companion in her fight to live, and that in itself
gave her a will to continue, to persevere, that in itself felt right.
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